The Hunger, Part 2

The Hunger Part 2

   The next morning, Laura was awake early.  She had slept fitfully and felt
really bad.  Instinctively she reached for the nightstand, but her hand came
away empty.  "Oooooh!!" she moaned pitifully, remembering their predicament.
Her head was pounding and she could feel the pounding of her heart.  Her head
seemed to pulsate with every beat.  Her chest felt like it was squeezing the
breath from her.  "I'll never run out of cigarettes again, if I can just
survive this time," she said.  She sat up and, with the movement, her head
pounded worse.  She sat there with her eyes squeezed tightly shut until the
pain subsided, then opened them and looked around.  In frustration she shot a
look of irritation at the nightstand, then her eyes widened and a huge grin
spread excitedly across her face.  She had forgotten to empty the ashtray.
It held a treasure of 7 butts!!  Unable to contain her happiness, she leaped
out of bed and began desperately rummaging through the pockets of her jeans.
Finally, she retrieved her lighter and fell laughing onto the bed.  She
gingerly fished a butt from the ashtray, being careful to choose the longest
one.  She cursed herself for being in the habit of smoking each cigarette
almost down to the filter, then smiled again, just happy to have some to
smoke.  She could have emptied the ashtray!!  She straightened the butt as
much as possible, then placed it between her lips.  Joyously, she flicked the
lighter and applied it to the cigarette.  The first smoke to reach her tongue
had a slightly charcoal taste, coming from the already burnt tobacco, but she
didn't mind.  She pulled the delicious smoke into her mouth, but the smoke
and the filter against her lips quickly became too hot and she had to stop.
She regretfully removed the cigarette from her lips and inhaled, putting out
the hot filter.  She held the smoke in her lungs while she chose another butt
from the ashtray and straightened it.  As she exhaled, she placed the new
butt between her lips and flicked the lighter again. She lit the short butt
and again pulled with all her might until the smoke got too hot.  She removed
the cigarette and inhaled, again finding a new one before exhaling the smoke
from the last.  This time she did not exhale the smoke from the last before
placing the new one between her lips.  Now she lit the new butt, exhaling
through  her nose and beginning a new drag immediately.  When this drag was
finished, she repeated the process, but by this time she was getting down to
the shortest of the remaining butts. The heat from the short butt was now so
intense that her lips stung.  Ignoring the pain in her need for nicotine, she
got what smoke she could from that butt and she realized that there was room
left in her lungs.  From here on out, there would be no need at all to
exhale.  She held the smoke in her lungs while she lit the next butt and
inhaled, adding it to the smoke already in her lungs.  She did the same with
the remaining butts, exhaling only as she put out the last butt.  It wasn't
much, but her headache was now just a dull ache and she could breathe.  As
she put out the last butt and replaced the ashtray, Beth came through the
doorway rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

   "What's that smell?" she asked sleepily.  "Maybe it's just the withdrawal,
but I could swear I smelled cigarette smoke.  It smelled heavenly!!"

   Laura thought about lying, then figured it wouldn't work, so she told the
truth.  "It was cigarette smoke," she said matter-of-factly.

   Beth was instantly awake.  Excitedly, she said, "It was?  Oh Laura, you
found more!!  Where are they?  I need one so BAD!!"

   "I didn't find more," Laura replied.

   "But you said...."  A surprised look came across Beth's face, quickly
replaced by anger.  "Laura, I don't believe you!!  YOU CHEATED!!  And after
this whole rationing thing was your idea!!"

   "I didn't cheat," Laura said calmly.  "Check the cigarettes downstairs.
Count them and measure the short one.  They're all there."

   "But you said that you didn't find anymore and admitted that you had been
smoking.  Where did you get anything to smoke?" she demanded.

   "I smoked the butts that I had left in my ashtray," she explained.  "They
were wonderful, but, alas, now they're gone."

   "That's still cheating!!" Beth stormed.

   "No, it isn't," said Laura.  "We can still be fair about it.  Each of us
will just be entitled to the butts left in our ashtray."

   Beth burst into tears.  "It still isn't fair, Laura.  I ran out of
cigarettes before we got here, remember?  I don't have any butts in my
ashtray!!"

   Suddenly Laura felt guilty.  "I-I'm sorry, Beth.  I forgot about that.
Well, it isn't exactly accurate to say that I forgot it.  I woke up feeling
lousy and when I saw that ashtray, I couldn't think of anything but my
overwhelming need for nicotine.  I was totally selfish and I'm sorry.  If I
could bring them back, I'd let you smoke them all.  I feel terrible.  If it
were just me, I'd let you have all that we have left downstairs.  We have to
think of Leanne, though.  And besides," she added with a sad smile, "if you
smoked them all we'd both be sorry soon enough."

   "True," sniffled Beth, "but what about Leanne?  What do we do about her
butts?"

   "Well," sighed Laura, "I know you aren't going to like this, but the only
fair thing is to let her have them all.  I smoked all of mine.  To make her
split them now wouldn't be fair.  Even if you two split them, that would just
mean that I had wronged you both.  Besides, remember how desperate she was
last night?  I doubt she'd be in much of a bargaining mood."

   Laura was surprised to hear Beth agree.  "You're right.  I'd give my right
arm for a cigarette right now, but you're right.  It's only fair."

   "I guess we'd better go tell her," said Laura.  "She'll be wanting to get
right to them, I'm sure."

   As Beth and Laura entered Leanne's room, she was again seated in the
middle of her bed listening to her headset.  "Hi, guys!!" she said cheerily.
"What's up?"

   Laura looked guiltily at Beth and said, "You want to tell her?"  Beth,
still trying to stop the flow of tears, sobbed out the story of Laura's
smoking.

   "I thought I smelled smoke," said Leanne, then she hesitated.  "But why
are you crying, Beth?"

   "Well," said Laura sheepishly.  "I decided that the only fair thing would
be to let each of us be entitled to the butts in our ashtray.  Beth agreed,
but unfortunately Beth ran out of cigarettes before we got here.  There
aren't any butts left in her ashtray."

   Leanne looked at Beth's tear streaked face, then at the ashtray on her
nightstand.  It held only 3 butts, but they were long ones, long enough for 2
or 3 drags each.  At the thought of her lucky find from the night before,
Leanne felt a pang of guilt.  She almost told the others about them, but then
she remembered her nicotine fit from the night before.  Although she felt
okay now, the memory of the craving was intense.  Afraid that the others
would see her guilt on her face, she blurted out, "Beth, you can have mine!!"

   Beth's eyes darted to the long butts in the ashtray and hopefully said,
"Really?  Are you sure?"

   "I'm sure," she replied, handing her the ashtray.  "Here, take them."

   "Wait a minute," said Laura.  "Don't be hasty, Leanne.  Think about it.
You were desperate last night.  What happened?"

   Again Leanne felt the pang of guilt.  "Nothing!!  I guess a good night's
sleep just helped," she stammered.  "Go ahead, Beth.  You can have them."

   Beth was smiling now as she chose the longest butt and straightened it,
placing it between her lips.  She reached for Laura's lighter, which she
still clutched tightly in her hand.

   "Just a minute, Beth," said Laura.  "We don't want a repeat performance of
last night.  I'll ask you again, Leanne.  ARE YOU SURE?  We don't want to
have to wrestle you again.  As testy as we're all getting, somebody could get
hurt."

   "I'm sure," said Leanne.  "Go ahead, Beth.  Light up!!"  She took the
lighter from Laura's hand and handed it to Beth.

   Beth quickly lit the flame and touched it to the end of the cigarette,
puffing furiously.  As the tip of the cigarette glowed bright red, she pulled
hard on it,  opened her lips and inhaled, then began pulling again until
there was nothing left of the tobacco.  As she exhaled, she lit the second
one and quickly consumed it.  She retrieved the last one from the ashtray,
lit it and took a long drag.  She removed the cigarette and looked at it.
There was one good drag left.  She started to place it to her lips, then
again looked at it.  She stretched her arm toward Leanne.  "Here, Leanne, you
take the last one."

   "No, Beth!!" protested Leanne.  "I said you could have it.  I don't mind."

   "I know you did, Leanne, but I'd feel better about it if we shared it.
Please take it and don't argue.  The precious tobacco is burning away," said
Beth.

   With a smile of resignation, Leanne leaned down and wrapped her lips
tightly around the filter of the cigarette in Beth's hand and inhaled the
rest of the smoke.  She exhaled a long plume as Beth put out the filter.

   "Well, that should hold us all for a while," said Laura brightly.  "Now
that our basic needs are met, how about some breakfast?  I'm starving!!"

   "Me, too!!" said Beth.  "They say that quitting smoking can make you
hungry!!  Now I know it's true!!"

   "Yeah, but you're always hungry," kidded Leanne, as they ran laughing to
the kitchen.

   As the morning wore on, things went relatively smoothly for the stranded
girls.  Both Beth and Laura were uncomfortable, but they hid it well and
actually spent the morning laughing and giggling with Leanne.  Smoking was
never far from their minds, but the morning's nicotine was enough to keep it
from being unbearable.  Leanne wanted a cigarette occasionally, but the
nicotine from the night before combined with the drag earlier in the day to
keep the cravings relatively minor.  After lunch, the trio adjourned to the
living room to keep up with their afternoon soaps.  Seeing the cigarettes
lying on the coffee table prompted Beth to ask, "Isn't it about time for
today's drag?"

   "I don't know," said Laura.  "We had those earlier.  I was thinking that
maybe we should wait until tonight.  Are you desperate yet, Beth?"

   Beth thought for a moment, then replied, "Not really, I guess.  I mean,
I'd dearly love to have several cigarettes, but things being what they are, I
guess I could wait.  You're asking the wrong person, though.  Leanne has only
had one short puff since yesterday morning and she was pretty desperate last
night.  Aren't you going crazy by now, Leanne?"

   "I'm sorry, Leanne," Laura apologized.  "I guess you would really need a
cigarette by now.  You want to go ahead and light up now?"

   "No, that's okay.  We can wait," said Leanne.

   Beth and Laura stared at Leanne in amazement.  "You've got to be kidding
me," said Beth.  "That one puff you had was nothing.  The cravings must be
eating you alive by this time."

   "Yeah," chimed in Laura.  "One very small puff in over 24 hours.  I'd be
literally climbing the walls by now.  What gives?"

   Suddenly afraid that her secret would be revealed, Leanne said, "Well,
maybe you were right, Laura.  Maybe I'm not really addicted after all.  I
love to smoke, but maybe I don't really NEED to.  Maybe it really is just a
habit for me."  She looked expectantly at her friends, hoping they would buy
into her lie.

   "But that doesn't make sense," said Beth, puzzled.  "You were wild last
night.  Insane.  We practically had to tackle you to keep you from lighting
that cigarette."

   "Well," Leanne stammered, "maybe I was really just suffering from cabin
fever and not a true nicotine fit.  Yeah, that must have been it.  I just
thought I needed a cigarette.  Besides," she continued nervously, "the puff I
had this morning was the very last one left in that butt.  They say that the
farther down you smoke a cigarette, the more nicotine it contains.  Even if I
am SLIGHTLY addicted, maybe there was enough there to satisfy me.  You saw
how long my butts are.  I'm not used to getting that much nicotine in one
puff.  It almost made my head spin," she lied again, remembering the effect
the More had on her the night before.

   "That's true," said Laura.  "The drags I had were pretty strong, although
I'M certainly not complaining.  Maybe that's what has kept us going today,
too, Beth."

   "I guess that's possible," Beth said thoughtfully.  "Well, we'll wait
then, I suppose.  As long as you aren't hurting too bad, Leanne."

   With a sigh of relief, Leanne said, "I'm not.  If I do get to hurting too
bad, I'll tell you and we can go ahead and light up, okay?  Now let's pay
attention.  We're missing General Hospital!!"

   The two girls shrugged at each other and returned to watching television.
Before dinner Beth asked if they should go ahead and light up, but Laura said
that since they had waited, why not wait until after dinner and enjoy the
pleasure of smoking after eating, even if it was just one puff.  The others
agreed and dinner was served.  After the meal, Leanne went to the living room
and retrieved the half-smoked cigarette and her lighter.  After all, an after
dinner cigarette is best enjoyed while still seated at the table without
having to get up.  At least this way only one of them had to get up.  As she
sat back down, Leanne laid the cigarette and lighter on the table.  The sight
of them was too much for Beth.  She snatched the cigarette, placed it between
her lips and lit it.

   "Care to go first, Beth?" Laura asked irritably.

   Beth didn't notice.  She took a long drag, parted her full lips slightly
and inhaled, then pulled on the cigarette again.

   "Hey!!" shouted Leanne.  "That's not fair!!  She took two drags!!"

   A look of total contentment on her face, Beth sat there for several
minutes, absorbing the smoke into her lungs, then exhaled and said, "No, I
didn't.  The cigarette never left my mouth." She smiled at her cleverness.

   "That doesn't matter," argued Leanne.  "You inhaled twice.  The drag ends
when you inhale, not when you remove the cigarette from your lips!!"

   "Well, Laura,"  Beth smirked, handing her the cigarette, "this rationing
thing was your idea.  You make the call.  When does the drag end?"

   Laura ignored the question while she concentrated on the cigarette.  She
took a long, chest expanding pull, held it, then exhaled a long stream into
the air.  "She's right, Beth.  We can't allow double drags.  I guarantee you
that I could smoke a whole cigarette without removing it from my lips.  I do
it all the time.  I just exhale through my nose and inhale again, one right
after the other.  You have to watch the ash, but it can be done.  My car
doesn't have power steering, so I need both hands on the wheel.  I need to
get all the nicotine I can before classes, so I smoke constantly on the way
to school every morning.  I can finish 6 or 7 during the 25 minute drive."

   Dejectedly, Beth agreed.  Laura put out the smouldering butt.  "Looks like
you'll have to go get another cigarette if you want your drag, Leanne."

   "No problem," Leanne grinned widely.  "I'll be right back."

   "No, that won't be necessary," said Beth.

   "Sure it will," said Leanne.  "That one's gone.  I'll be right back!"

   "Stop, Leanne," Beth commanded.  "We don't need another cigarette.  You
don't get a drag."

   "WHAT?!!" exclaimed Leanne.  By now the nicotine from the More had worn
off and she was again feeling the panic of nicotine withdrawal.  "Why not,
pray tell?  It IS my turn."

   "You don't get a turn anymore," explained Beth.  "You said it yourself,
today.  You're not addicted, remember?  You don't NEED to smoke."

   Suddenly Leanne realized that she had been caught by her own lie.  The
craving intensified at the prospect of not getting any nicotine.  "But I like
to smoke, and it's my turn!!"

   "Like I said, you don't have a turn unless you really need it.  If you
aren't addicted, you don't need it.  I can assure you that Laura and I need
it," Beth argued.  She looked to Laura for support.

   "She's right, Leanne.  If you aren't addicted, we can't spare the nicotine
just for a cute pastime.  We'll save the rest for Beth and I," reasoned
Laura.

   "But....I...I do need...or at least I want....,"  Leanne didn't know what
to say.  She desperately needed to smoke, but she couldn't admit it without
admitting that she really was addicted, then the others would wonder why she
could go so long without smoking earlier.  They would find out about the
Mores.  The thought of the hidden cigarettes suddenly calmed her.  She could
survive until they went to bed, then she could smoke all she wanted.  "All
right, I'll just skip my turn.  For now."

   "Great," said Beth.  "Now let's go see what's on TV."

   "Sounds good to me," said Laura, "although I've already watched more TV
this week than I have in the last six months.  By the time we get out of
here, I'll probably be ready to sell my set!!  Coming, Leanne?"

   "No, I think I'll go on to bed.  I'm pretty tired," she lied.

   Alone in her room, Leanne threw herself on the bed and hugged her pillow
tightly to her chest.  All she could think about was smoking and she wanted a
cigarette desperately.  "If I can just hold out until they go to bed," she
thought, "I'll be okay."  The ticking of the clock beside her bed sounded
like it was echoing in her head.  She picked it up angrily and shoved it
under the blanket.  Her nerves were so edgy that she nearly jumped out of her
skin when a knock came at the door.  "What?!!" she said irritably.

   Beth poked her head in and started to speak, then noticed how white
Leanne's face was.  "Are you okay, Leanne?"

   "I'm fine!!" Leanne shot back.  "What do you want?"

   "I'm sorry if I'm bothering you," Beth apologized.  "I saw the light
shining under your door and figured you were still up.  There's nothing on
TV, so I thought I'd work on your paper.  I need your book."  Then she added,
"Are you sure you're okay?"

   Leanne dug the book out of her backpack and handed it to her.  "I told you
I'm fine, Beth.  I'm just not feeling well, that's all.  I'm sorry if I
snapped at you."

   "That's okay," Beth replied.  "I hope you aren't getting sick.  That's all
we need, with no way to get you help."

   "I'll be fine.  I'm just a little queasy," said Leanne.

   "Well, you let us know if you get to feeling too bad.  At least Laura's a
nurse.  Maybe she can do something.  Do you want me to go get her now?"

   "No, thanks.  I just need to rest," said Leanne.  Beth left, closing the
door behind her.  Leanne curled up on the bed once more and waited.  She
cursed herself for not coming up with an excuse for not finding her book.
She wanted Beth to do the paper, but not now.  That would just give her an
excuse for staying up later.  After about an hour and a half, she noticed
that things downstairs had gotten quiet.  She retrieved her lighter, a broad
smile playing across her pretty, young face.  With a sigh of relief, she
tiptoed out into the hallway and toward the stairs.  She noticed a light
still shining in the living room.  "I guess they forgot to turn all the
lights out," she thought.  When she was far enough from the bedrooms, she
traipsed joyfully down the stairs with a bound and found herself face to face
with Beth, who was lying on the floor with Leanne's History book and several
encyclopedias open on the floor around her.  Her surprise was quickly
replaced by disappointment.

   "You must be feeling better, huh?"  Beth asked.

   "Uhhhh, no, not really," said Leanne.  "My stomach is still upset.  I
thought I'd....  I'd..get something to drink.  Something to settle it."

   Beth noticed her sudden change in mood, but she decided to let it lie.
"That may help.  Uhhhh, Leanne, can I ask a stupid question?"

   "Sure," Leanne hesitated.

   "Why do you need your lighter to get something to drink?"  she asked.
"You weren't thinking of stealing a puff again, were you?"

   "No!!  Of course not!!" she said defensively.  She looked at the lighter
in her hand as if she had not known it was there.

   "Good," Beth laughed with relief.  "You'd never get away with it.  Laura
is doing that measurement thing she came up with and you wouldn't get away
with it now especially, since none of the rest have been lit.  I'm glad
that's not what's going on.  I'd hate to have to wrestle you by myself!!  You
almost bested me last time!!"

   Laughing, Leanne said, "I'm really sorry about that, Beth."

   "No problem," Beth replied.  "But you didn't answer my question.  If you
aren't going to smoke, why do you have your lighter?"

   "Well, uh, just habit, I guess," she said.  "Call it my security blanket.
Now I have a question.  Why are you still up?  You're usually the first to
turn in.  Laura's the nightowl of the bunch."

   "I was on a roll with your paper and didn't want to stop," she replied,
then with a yawn she added, "but I am getting pretty sleepy.  I guess I might
as well go to bed.  If I keep working on it this late, I'll just have to redo
it.  You did say it had better be an A, remember?"

   "I remember," laughed Leanne, "but don't worry about that.  Just do the
best you can.  It's bound to be better than the other ones I've turned in."

   "I will," said Beth.  Leanne made her way to the kitchen, opened the
refrigerator door and stood there pretending to study the contents until she
heard Beth's bedroom door close, then she closed the refrigerator and sat at
the table for a while longer.  When she felt sure that everyone was asleep,
she made her way out into the garage and climbed into the backseat of the
car, her heart racing with excitement and anticipation of that wonderful
nicotine rush.  She fished the pack of Mores out from under the seat and
quickly pulled one out.  "Two left after this," she thought.  She placed the
filter of the long brown cigarette between her lips and quickly lit it.  She
took a long, intense drag and inhaled.  She held the smoke in her lungs for
as long as she could before exhaling, then took another long drag.  As the
nicotine took effect, she couldn't help but laugh with glee.  She felt her
whole body start to relax and she found it interesting how quickly she had
adjusted to the stronger cigarettes.  Tonight, she could take much longer
drags without coughing.  Although her head was spinning again, she found that
she actually liked the feeling, like she was floating on a cloud.  "This sort
of thing could turn me into a heavy smoker before long," she thought.  She
laid her head back and closed her eyes, savoring the moment.  Before she knew
it, the smoke was getting hot and she looked to find that she had smoked it
to the filter.  As she put it out, she thought about lighting another one,
then quickly thought better of it.  "Guess I'll have to make these two last,
if they're not going to let me have any of the other ones.  Besides, after I
smoke both of these, I'll just tell them the truth.  What can they do, once
these are gone?  That's what they get for taking mine," she thought.

Previous part | Next part