Lanny, Part 1

(by (now, 18 May 2000)

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Part 1 of 2

She didn't mean to kill him.  She really didn't.  Dad was just such a
bastard.  I can't remember a time that he didn't just come and go as he
pleased.  We'd never know.  No way could mom count on him for a paycheck - so
that's why she started waitressing - a diner by day and often a lounge at
night.  That meant that I spent a lot of time alone but it really wasn't so
bad though.  While I had a few friends I could call on when I needed them,
more often than not I was just as happy home alone with a book.

Mom wasn't so comfortable about it though.  She was always worried about me
being alone.  The apartment we lived in was in a pretty dumpy neighborhood
and she was always afraid of break-ins.  She'd change the locks more often
than some people change underwear.  We also kept a couple of 45's near at
hand - one in the entry hall desk and one in the single bedroom that we

Around ten one Tuesday night there was this fierce pounding on the door.  I
was in bed reading and knew mom wasn't due home for an hour.  I crept quietly
to the door and looked through the peephole.  There he was.  We hadn't seen
him in three months and the last time mom told him that he was his welcome
was shot.  Since then he'd missed my fourteenth birthday without a word and
she was even more pissed.  I know that she felt worse for me than I did.  I'd
already come to peace with the fact that he was a bastard.

So now here he was at the door and I had a decision to make.  Should I let
him in or just pretend that no one was home.  He'd probably seen the bedroom
light on from the street so I decided to acquiesce.  But from the moment I
turned the knob I knew it wasn't one of my better decision.  The door moved
forcefully toward me as his breath overpowered me.  My feeble attempt to
reclose it was fruitless against his strength as he barged in to our modest
living room.  He pushed me aside with the time honored salutation of "Where's
your mother fucking mother?"

"In the bedroom" I quickly lied looking to get a hand up.  He stormed in
there screaming more obscenities as I dashed for the gun in entry table.  I
tossed it on to the sofa and sat down quickly upon it.  I was just in time.
He came back out of the bedroom, belligerently crossing the room with his
obscenities now aimed at me.  I aimed back - two hands pointing the 45 in his
face.  A look of disbelief gripped him as he grasped the situation.  Not one
more step I screamed at him.

He took me seriously stopping dead in his tracks.  "Don't come near me" I
repeated as if the gun wasn't already delivering the message.  "You can sit
here and wait until mom comes home if you want but stay away from me."  And
so for the next two hours he sat in the chair, occasionally cursing or
belching, and I never took my eyes off of him.

A little after midnight I heard the sound of mom's keys rattling.  I moved
toward the door keeping the gun still pointed at him but as I turned to let
mom in he jumped me.  The gun went flying across the room as mom tried to
size up this unexpected situation.  He was going for the gun and I had to
react.  As he tried to move past me I kicked him in the balls.  He doubled up
like a jack knife while mom scrambled for the gun.  

Now the profanity really streamed and there was plenty of it for me, mom, and
the female species in general.  Being called a cunt, bitch, and whore by your
own father is really special.  With his new disability mom was able to
scramble across the room two steps ahead of him and scoop up the pistol.  The
rest is a little jumbled but basically he lunged at her and a resulting
bullet cleaned out his sinus passages en route to his brain.  Good that it
was spring for the house would now require a thorough cleaning. 

You might think me a tad chilly given my indifference but I really had no
remaining feelings for the man.  He'd provided a little sperm once upon a
time in what was very unlikely intended as an act of filial love.  His
absence wasn't about to cause me any undue disturbance.  To the contrary, now
we could get on with our lives without this perpetual threat.  Or at least so
I thought.  

The court system was less gracious than we would have hoped with mom.  It
seems that there were a few untidy details.  She'd been heard by several
colleagues to say that she'd kill her prick husband given the least
provocation; the guns not only weren't registered - the guy that gave them to
her stole them; and she already had a minor record.  Mom was planning for my
college education by turning an occasional trick after work.  She's the kind
of cocktail waitress that gets hit on a lot and every once in a while she
apparently obliged.  A couple months back the John was a cop.

Fourteen and a half years old and I was getting a quick course in life.  I
was less dismayed than you might think however.  Mom had hardly raised me in
a nunnery.  I knew the facts at an early age and she always treated me pretty
much as an adult.  She never brought a guy to the apartment - at least not
when I was there - but I kind of figured that she had some kind of sex life.
It just seemed like it should be her business.  My only concern was making
sure she didn't go to prison.  I'd have nowhere to go.

It was pretty nip and tuck but the judge did go kind of easy on her.  She was
let off with 500 hours of community service and a two year probation.  And
boy what a probation it was.  Jimmy was her probation officer.  We were
introduced to him the day the sentence was read.  He was a young guy -
younger than mom for sure - and he looked like he lived in a gym.  As we
drove back home that afternoon mom joked about getting a hunk for a probation
officer and I had to agree.  He was pretty cute.  He'd be coming over to the
house on Wednesdays because that was one of mom's days off at the diner.   

That next Wednesday afternoon when I returned from school sure enough Jimmy
was there.  He and mom were sitting at the kitchen table and he was going
over the rules of her probation with her.  She was not to leave the state
without first seeking permission, she had to relinquish the weapons that we
had, and she absolutely couldn't get caught with any new legal transgression.
No more tricks in other words.  Or I guess murders.

She was cool with the rules and even repeated them in my presence.  I think
that he was a bit shocked when she winked at me and said that she'd need to
find a new approach to securing my college fund.  When I laughed, his
surprise was palpable.  I looked him in the eye and said "Mom and I don't
have many secrets.  Does that shock you?"  

"A little" he responded with a very warm grin.  And with that he gulped down
the remains of a cup of coffee, stubbed out a cigarette, and bade us good

"So tell me about him" I said to mom.  "What do you think?"

Deadpan she responded "Knock when you come home next week.  I just might be
doing him."  And then the smile enveloped her.

This exchange went to mom because I'd never heard her talk like that before.
My jaw must have dropped three inches.  "Mom" I intoned "really."  That's all
I could say.

"Sorry Lanny, I'm not really trying to shock you but a nearly thirty five
year old woman has needs and this boy has the stuff to serve them.  If I
can't earn a little cash, the least I can have is a little fun.  It won't be
all that long before you begin to understand.  I think this guy is a straight
shooter" then hesitating and grinning "or at least that his shooter is
straight."  She got me completely.  I could only blush.  She started to laugh
and came over and gave me a big hug.  "I love you honey" she said and the
conversation was now closed.

While I gave an occasional thought to the following Wednesday I think it's
safe to say that mom gave many.  When I arrived home I made certain to be
pretty noisy but as it turns out that wasn't necessary.  They were again
sitting at the kitchen table having an animated conversation.  I tried to
slip directly into the bedroom but they insisted that I join them.  Like the
previous week he soon departed leaving an empty coffee cup and a full

"Well, did you do him" I asked?  Half mockingly, half self-consciously.  

"Nope" she replied "but I'm taking notes.  Seeing my inquisitiveness, she
continued.  "I'm just trying to get a feel for what turns him on.  It's no
accident that I'm wearing heels today.  Not my spikes but nice pumps.  I
watched him watching me in the mirror as I'd go for more coffee.  He clearly
took notice.  I also played a hunch and bummed a cigarette from him.  That
really drew his attention.  It's been a dozen years since I quit but I still
have the moves.  He couldn't take his eyes off of me.  It did make me so
dizzy though I thought I'd pass out."

"What the hell are you talking about?" I responded.  "What's the attraction
with smoking - and please don't tell me you're going to start again?  It so
stinks up the place."

"More than a few guys find attractive women smoking to be a turn-on.  Your
father did.  I think I quit half to piss him off.  Don't worry.  I'm not
going to start again.  An occasional cigarette to elicit a desired response
won't be a problem.  The place might be a bit smoky around here though on

And sure enough the next Wednesday the place was smoky.  Jimmy was still
there again when I got home from school and mom was clearly turning up the
heat.  She had one of her leather skirts on.  Not the really short one - but
face it, leather is leather - and men notice when it's covering an ass as
tight as hers.  I also spied the ashtray and thought I could detect lipstick
traces on at least three butts.  And soon enough it was four as she joined
him in a final cigarette.  

I'd never seen her smoke before and I was kind of shocked.  She really did
know how to smoke.  Smoking wasn't something I'd ever paid a lot of attention
to but now in Middle School of course some of my friends had started.  Mom
could sure give them lessons.  I watched her kind of pose and taunt with her
cigarette. One moment it was a wand and the next something hot between her
lips.  Jimmy was mesmerized.  Mom's instincts were right on with this one.  I
would never have guessed.  Never!

Mom and Jimmy sat opposite each other while I was now situated between them -
and then I happened to look down.  Jimmy's pants were sticking straight up.
I'd seen a few guys with obvious hards on at school but this was a man with a
man's hard on.  I looked away and I must have been crimson. 

Fortunately their attention was on each other as I took quick flight
undetected to the bathroom where I dropped my pants - and not because I
needed to pee.  I suddenly couldn't breathe and had to escape.  Masturbating
was a relatively new pastime at thirteen but was becoming a good friend.
Something cosmic in what I'd just witnessed had made this suddenly seem like
an absolute necessity.  Quietly, diligently, but with sufficient urgency that
my absence not be too pregnant I came to a satisfactory climax.  I wondered
if mom might too.

If she did it was without a partner because Jimmy was looking for his coat as
I emerged - hopefully not noticeably satiated.  Good-byes were said and the
look in Jimmy's eye spoke that his relationship with mom would not remain
platonic much longer.  Now it was time for girl talk.  

"So when? I inquired.  "Soon" she replied.  "He's ripe" I retorted.  "How's
that?" she queried.  "His pants couldn't contain him" I stated.  "Shame on
you" she giggled.  "Shame on you" I said back.  "For what?" she smiled.  "For
smoking his joint" I answer.  "I'll be in the bathroom" she panted aloud.
"I've been there already" I said rather proudly.  Only her urgency overcame
her surprise.

I could tell that the next week was going to be a long one.  I sort of
wondered if their hormones might alter the calendar with an unscheduled visit
but it appeared not to be the case.  I started to ask a couple of times but
then thought better of it.  I'd rather have her volunteer information than
appear too nosy.  Of course I was insanely nosy.  

Sunday was the one day of the week that mom had completely off.  No diner -
no lounge.  Sometimes we'd go out to breakfast together - any place but her
diner.  This Sunday morning she'd slept in a little late so I was about to
fix something when I heard her stirring.  I stuck my head back in the bedroom
and shrugged my shoulders.  "Let's go" she said with a great deal of

The Cabo Cafe is a cool little Mexican restaurant with a mean fritata and I
talked her into going there.  As we headed for the table that we normally sit
at she surprised me by shifting directions.  Following without immediate
comment I found us now in the smoking section.  My raised eyebrows set off a
stream of consciousness dialogue.  "Look, I'm really not going to start again
but frankly if I don't smoke occasionally when I'm not around Jimmy, then
smoking with him is more difficult.  I get light headed."

I just looked at her and smiled a knowing, actually rather parental smile.
"Ya, right mom.  That sounds like bunk to me.  I think you're about to become
a smoker again.  I thought that maybe you smelled a little smoky when you cam
home from the lounge last night."  With a light blush and no denial she
pulled a pack of Marlboro Light 100's out of her purse - a pack that was
obviously already fairly depleted.  "Can you cut me some slack?" she asked
and we both just started to laugh.  

There wasn't much of a charade here.  Mom was smoking again and not very
apologetically either.  I didn't particularly care.  I just wanted her to be
happy.  If that meant smoking I could tolerate a smoky house.  It also looked
like part of the bait for trapping Jimmy.  I still found that somewhere
between curious and weird but what the hell.  

More evidence however was about to be gathered.  We'd just finished breakfast
and were having coffee - something that I only did on Sundays - as mom lit up
a second cigarette.  A family of four dressed in the church clothes had just
been seated at the next table which was on the other side of the smoking
partition.  The wife looked perturbed as smoke wafted their way but church
going daddy didn't seem to mind in the least.  He had to be a good bit more
furtive than Jimmy, but nonetheless he watched mom with no less enthusiasm.
There was unquestionably something to this smoking fetish thing.

I wasn't certain that mom was aware of this newfound attention so I whispered
to her.  She nodded affirmatively and then suggested that I look over my
shoulder at the two boys at the corner table - not much older than me - that
were attempting to watch unobtrusively as well.  I shook my head and laughed.
"Maybe this is what I need too" I joked.  Her sudden stern look told me that
she didn't find that thought funny.  Knowing my limits I dropped it like a
hot potato - but like a potato the idea had been planted.

Wednesday came and so did mom.  But let's not jump too far ahead.  By
Wednesday I think mom was for all practical purposes again a smoker.  I know
that she'd gone through at least two packs since Sunday.  I could have called
her on it but saw no need.  She was up before I left for school already
preparing her probation officer wardrobe.  She debated a lot but decided to
go for it with a really provocative, okay trampy, outfit - the one that had
helped build my college fund.  It was a shorter leather skirt with a tight
red sweater and CFM pumps.  I don't frequently shock my mother but when I
asked if she wasn't concerned that he might come in his pants, she gave me a
look of mock horror.  All she could say was "You're growing up a bit too

When I walked in the door after school it was clear that the deed had already
been done.  A look of post coital bliss emanated from both.  (That look being
based upon what I see in the mirror after a good fifteen minutes in the
bathroom with mom's vibrator.)  And of course the post coital cigarettes were
in full bloom.  My presence was a little more awkward perhaps than other days
and Jimmy quickly excused himself.  "More appointments you know."

"Not like this one, I hope" I heard mom whisper into his ear as he left and I
could see him smile."  There was one little problem however.  By violating
her parole officer mom had violated parole.  He wasn't about to tell but they
were going to have to be careful.  "So are you going to tell me or do I have
to ask?" I asked.  "I'll tell you" she responded "but I'm still catching my

"He's fucking amazing and he's an amazing fucker" she finally blurted out.
My turn to be shocked.  Not only had I never heard such language from my own
mother I was a little uncertain as to what it meant - never at that point
having personally been fucked.  "Yes?" I responded.  "Lanny there are some
limits as to what I'm going to share with a fourteen year old.  He's young
strong and has endurance.  He's also got some unique moves and lighting a
cigarette moves him.  I'm a little embarrassed to volunteer much more.  Let's
just say you have a happy mom who for the first time in ages isn't horny and
I'd jump his bones again right now if he walked back in that door."

Suffice it to say that mom now lived for Wednesday.  Sundays were
increasingly more animated as she leaked out little bits and pieces of the
developing relationship over brunch.  She was past looking to get laid - she
was falling for the guy.  This could be dangerous.  And it hardly need be
mentioned she was again a pack a day smoker.

We hadn't been home more than a few minutes when the doorbell rang.  I went
to open it and found Jimmy there grinning ear to ear.  "Come on in" I said.
"Guess who's here" I yelled at mom.  She emerged from the bedroom and the ear
to ear was reciprocated.  "Have I been a bad girl?  Are you here to punish me
again?" she teased.  Not quite knowing what to say in my presence he just
kept grinning.

"Lanny knows what's going on Jimmy.  Don't be embarrassed.  I'm sooooo glad
to see you" she said draping herself all over him.  "Another three days
sounded like eternity.  Are you going to spend the afternoon?  I was planning
a light girlie dinner but I can throw together a manly one if you'll stay.
Lanny can run down to the store for us can't you Lanny?  Get a Pot Roast.
You do like Pot Roast?  And some potatoes and carrots.  What do you say?"

"Great.  But Lanny doesn't have to go to all that trouble.  Whatever you were
going to have is fine by me."

"Oh yes she does" mom responded the hint as subtle as a truck.  I was out of
the house within five minutes and made certain that the shopping trip lasted
a good hour.  The two of them sitting there smoking upon my return told me
that my timing was appropriate.  Jimmy stayed for dinner and stayed and
stayed and stayed.  While they had to be extremely careful about this
assignation, it was now clearly a hot item.  Jimmy was soon becoming a
full-time resident.  With but a single bedroom I was now relegated to the
living room couch but I really didn't mind.  For the first time in my life I
was beginning to feel like a member of a happy home.  And I liked Jimmy a lot

The one thing that we couldn't do was be seen in public together.  Jimmy now
had a drawer in the dresser and a spot in the closet, but he couldn't go out
to brunch with us.  That was still our private reserve.  A couple of months
into this new arrangement mom and I were back at the Cabo Cafe at our new
table - the one in the smoking section.  She was happier than I've ever seen
her.  Already on her third cigarette and breakfast still hadn't come, she
started to tell me about sex with Jimmy.  I knew enough to shut up and

It seems that smoking was the ultimate turn on for him.  They would each
undress and he would sit on the edge of the chair.  She would simply light a
cigarette while he watched.  As she devoured open mouth inhales and then
encased his genitals in cloudy exhales his penis would do a Jack in the
Beanstalk trick - growing until it nearly burst.  Sometimes she said that she
would swallow him whole and suck him mercilessly.  Other times she would
quietly slip onto his appendage, cigarette dangling from her lips, and ride
him until they'd both scream.  My intrigue more than outweighed my
embarrassment and so I listened intently.  I was sitting at the foot of a

And something else now became crystal clear on that October morning.  I now
knew for certain that I wanted to learn to smoke.  And not because I would
like it or it would make me cool, oh no, but because this was a weapon in the
sex arsenal that I simply would need to have.  How to approach it however was
the real question.  I thought about coming right out and asking as she lit a
cigarette with her post breakfast coffee but something advised me otherwise.
I decided to wait for a while.  Mom wasn't a sure thing and I didn't want to
have to be openly disobedient.  I kind of knew however who would be the sure

Jimmy didn't usually show up at the apartment until around the time that mom
arrived.  When she worked the lounge that could be anywhere from ten until
two.  Tuesday nights however he did sometimes show up around nine even when
mom wasn't due before midnight.  Usually when this happened he'd watch TV and
I'd be studying.  This evening however the plan changed.  I ditched my books
in the kitchen and joined him in the living room for NYPD Blue.  That is
after making myself more presentable than usual.  No leather yet but a
sweater that confirmed my pubescence and a light dusting of lipstick.   

"Want a beer?" I asked knowing full well that he did.  To his affirmative
response I poured one.  He'd already lit a cigarette and was reclining on the
sofa.  As I handed him the glass I took a quick sip knowing that my lipstick
would leave a slight stain.  That's what I wanted.  He looked startled but I
quickly stated that I always take a sip of mom's drinks.  He took the glass
and again reclined.

I then sat down opposite him on the sofa and kind of curled up paying far
more attention to him than to the television.  I watched him smoke and I know
that he could tell.  Fifteen minutes later when he was about to light another
one I grabbed the opportunity.  "Would you mind teaching me to smoke?" I
asked in a matter-of-fact yet serious tone.  To say that he was flabbergasted
would be understatement.  "Would I what?" he muttered. 

"Hard of hearing at your age?" I responded as he continued to stammer.
Finally regaining some composure he answered.  "You want me to teach you how
to smoke, is that right?  Why the hell ask me?  Why not just start yourself
or ask your mother?  If I teach you what the hell do I tell her - oh by the
way I taught Lanny to smoke today?"

"Don't be silly.  When I know how to smoke I'll tell her myself.  I just
decided that I'd rather have you teach me and kind of surprise her."

"And this is the kind of surprise that she looking for?  Doesn't sound like
it to me.  This looks like a no win situation for me.  Thanks but no thanks."

I heard the words but not the conviction.  He was visibly excited by the
prospect of corrupting a teenager - and not a bad looking teenager at that.
I knew it and he knew that I knew it.  There was little point in debating the
situation further.  I just said matter of factly "Let's get started" and
reached for his pack of Marlboro Reds.  I took one out and tapped it the way
I'd frequently watched them both do.  I wasn't sure why - I just did it.  As
I raised it to my lips kind of tentatively I looked at him again and said
"We'll are you going to light this for me or do I have to do that too?"

Now fully recognizing the trap he had little choice but to oblige.  He
flipped open his Zippo and suddenly this big flame was hot in my face.  As I
move toward it, my fingers holding the cigarette trembling a little, I could
see his hand also a bit shaky.  Patterning after mom I placed my other hand
on his as the lighter moved ever closer.  "Take this real easy", he said.  
"Have you ever smoked before?"  Seeing my negative nod he continued "Suck
very gently.  Just enough to ignite the cigarette.  Pull the smoke into your
mouth but no further.  If you try to inhale immediately you're near certain
to choke."

Being the A student that I was, I followed these instructions faithfully.  I
sucked just enough to see the tip glow and to feel a strange warmth in my
mouth.  As I closed my mouth and just held it smoke began to rise from the
tip.  Jimmy said now just blow it out and so that's what I did.  A little
cloud puffed out into the room and left me with a strangely bitter taste in
my mouth.  I didn't hate it but it wasn't chocolate covered strawberries
either.  Not very much like the way a cigarette smells.

So now I'm sitting next to Jimmy on the sofa lit cigarette in hand awaiting
the next set of instructions.  "Do exactly the same thing a couple more
times" he instructed and of course I did.  The taste intensifying with each
puff.  eNow you need to tap off a little ash", he pointed out which did seem
rather apparent.  I tapped the cigarette against the ashtray edge and then
rounded it a little as I'd seen mom do against the side then returned it to
mom's limp wrist upright position.  Jimmy smiled just a bit at that activity.

I commented that this wasn't so hard but that obviously my poofy little
clouds didn't look much like his or mom's exhales.  "Well" he laughed
"exhales do require inhales and I'm not sure that you're ready for that."

"Why not" I retorted.  "I've got to start sometime.  What do I do?"

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