Losing it All

(by anonymous6, 06 January 2004)


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Losing it all

I was sitting on the couch watching TV, when it all happened.  I don't know
how I had forgotten about having them in my pocket, but the damage was done.
My wife Jennie stormed into the room holding the pack. She would have
eventually found out, but I wasn't quite ready for the coming storm.  I had
only had one, but it was the mere presence of them that infuriated her.

I offered no excuse as she waived it in the air.  She wanted to know how I
could even consider such a thing.  She seemed worried most on the bad example
for the children and their friends.  Her emotions went from pure anger to
sorrow and back again. In twelve years of marriage I had never seen her so
angry.  After nearly an hour of this, I knew I would be sleeping on the couch
in the den for the night.

I couldn't sleep and thought of the many wonderful years I had with Jennie.
We had met in the 8th grade, and instantly hit it off.  We spent every moment
of our young lives together.  Our parents seemed to love each of us, and were
part of each others families for holidays and vacations. I became the son her
parents never had, and she was like a daughter to my parents. We were allowed
to have parties with our friends (keggers and all) at our homes.  We were
inseparable and deeply in love.

After grade school we both attended the same college.  We were able to afford
a small apartment together off campus.  I majored in finance, while Jennie's
was Juvenile Psychology.  Our lives then were a pleasant mixture of studying
and going out, but always doing both together. We both did well in school, and
were married soon after graduation.    

We struggled along for our first year after college.  Jennie was working for
the local Juvenile Authority, while I interned at a local investment firm.
Things got tougher when Jennie got pregnant, and decided to stay home.  Living
off of one salary really put a crunch on our budget, but we managed and were
still deeply in love.  Through it all we still had never had a fight.

I moved up quickly in the firm, and things were getting better.  We soon had
our second child, and purchased a new house.  Our families were still very
close, and all of our relatives were present for everything from birthdays to
holidays. It was nice to have such close families, and our parents often took
the kids on weekends to give us some relief.  Still at nearly three years of
marriage we were yet to have a fight.  It seemed like things couldn't get any
better, but good fortune was on our side.

After over four years with the firm, I received a major promotion. I knew I
owed the majority of my success to having a loving wife and family.  That year
I purchase the family a two million dollar home, in an upscale neighborhood.
This soon led to two Mercedes, a boat, Hummer, and a vacation home.  I know
they say that money can't buy happiness, but since we were already happy it
just made things better.  It seemed my story book life would never end.

I awoke in the morning to anything but a story book life.  Jennie had
apparently told the children, as they all refused to speak to me that morning.
I guess I shouldn't have expected any better of a response at work, since
several of Jennie's closest friends worked there.  Everyone from my boss to my
best friend shunned me.  I hoped that a phone call to my parents might bring
someone to my side, but it wasn't to be so.  My wife had already spoken to
them, so I got a long lecture from my mother about morals and parenting.  The
world around me was beginning  to crumble down.

Upon arriving home I was confronted by Jennie outside the front door.  I
immediately confessed to my mistake, and tried to ensure her that it would
never happen again.  My wife would have nothing of it, and wanted me out of
the house.  She didn't want anyone with the slightest thought of my
indiscretions around her children.  I attempted to plead with her, but she was
determined to file for divorce.  She handed me a bag of clothes and I made my
way to a nearby hotel.

The following weeks were a living hell.  All that I had grown to know as a
normal life was toppling around me.  I lost all of my friends, family, and
soon my beloved job.  I knew I had been wrong and that Jennie's mind was made
up, so I didn't contest the divorce.  She got the house, cars, boat, and
vacation home (not to mention my children).  My parents had disowned me and I
didn't have a person in the world to turn to.  I had really hit rock bottom.

So here I sit in this run down hotel room, paying for my mistake.  The place
smells of urine and the rats and cockroaches fight me for space.  I often just
sit and stare at my smoldering cigarette (I can't deny who I am), and dream of
the happy days.  It really was a dream life and family until the day my wife
found that packet of nicorette, in an insane attempt to quit.  That's when I
lost it all.


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