Physician, Heal Thyself

(by, 15 December 2009)

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My name is Wendy.  I am thirty three years old, and I'm probably the last
person you'd expect to be posting a story of how I became a smoker.  You see,
I'm a physician.  I am very well aware of all of the dangers associated with
smoking, but I do it anyway.  Here is how it happened.

I'd had the most stereotypical childhood you can imagine.  My mom is a
pediatrician, and my dad is an attorney.  I was, in retrospect, that spoiled
little rich girl who was either loved or hated by everyone.  I was popular in
high school.  I was my voted Prom Queen, Homecoming Queen, and I was captain
of the girls' varsity volleyball team.  Of course, I wouldn't have dreamed of
letting my parents down, so of course I spent all of my free time studying,
and I graduated as the valedictorian of my class.  I was the epitome of
straight edge.  Sure, I dated.  I had several boyfriends throughout high
school.  I'd even slept with a few of them.  But something was always
missing, and we'd always end up breaking up.  

In college, I picked up right where I left off.  Even though my parents could
have absolutely afforded it, I couldn't have let my grades drop and risk
losing the full scholarship I had been awarded.  So to most of my new college
friends, I came across as this stuck-up bitch with wavy dirty blonde hair.  I
went to parties once in a while, and sometimes I'd have a beer or two, but I
was hardly the wild child.

Four years and a few more failed relationships later, I graduated.  I was
disappointed to have graduated third in my class, but that was primarily
because I spent most of my time during my senior year researching medical
schools.  I guess I was addicted to learning.

At 21, I graduated with a Bachelor's Degree in Molecular Biology, and
returned home for the summer.  My family went to Belize every summer, and
this was no exception.  The vacation was short-lived, though, and soon I
found myself back at school, pursuing my MD.  

At 25, I graduated medical school and entered residency.  For the sake of
anonymity, I'm not going to elaborate on where I trained or what my specialty
is.  Suffice it to say, after three grueling years as a resident physician, I
completed the residency program and quickly found work as an attending
physician at a local hospital.

During my residency, I had no time to date.  The thing about residency is
that you have no time for anything other than working and learning.  I loved
it.  Afterwards, though, all of your pent up relationship deprivation sort of
comes slamming back to you all at once.  I wasn't prepared for that, and I
think that's part of the reason I ended up where I am today.

Now 28, I started working shifts at the hospital.  I was lucky that my hard
work had paid off, and I had very little college debt.  Most of my colleagues
had to work their asses off just to be able to make rent.

I had befriended one of our nurses, Kayla.  Kayla is a fantastic nurse, and a
terrific friend.  She and I just clicked on our first shift together, and
we've been more or less inseparable ever since.  

One afternoon, during our first slow shift together, Kayla brought up the
topic of relationships.

"So tell me," she said.  "How's the newest doc doing in the man department?"

I hated admitting it to her.

"Well," I started.  "To be honest, not very good.  I don't know what it is
about guys around here, but most of them seem intimidated by me.  It's

"They just don't appreciate your intelligence," she sarcastically quipped.
"What are you up to tonight?"

I was embarrassed to admit that I had no plans.  Kayla laughed at me.

"Well I was going to sit around and eat pizza and watch DVD's all night," she
said.  "You're more than welcomed to join me."

"That sounds great," I said, hoping to not sound too lonely.  The truth was,
it was the first time I'd been included in the social plans of anyone I
worked with.  I just hoped it wouldn't be weird.

We spent the rest of the shift working together like any other shift.  I had
no idea that in just a few hours my whole world would change.

I arrived at Kayla's house at about 8.  I thought I'd be cordial and bring a
bottle of wine.  I don't know why, but there's something about a nice bottle
of wine with pizza that makes me laugh.  It could be the contrast between
elegance and the mundane, who knows.

Usually when I have wine, I'll have a glass or two at most.  But by 9:30, the
entire bottle of wine and most of the pizza was gone.  It was probably the
most drunk I'd ever been in my life.  

Kayla looked incredibly bothered, but I didn't know why.

"You okay?" I asked, my natural tendency to nurture taking over.

"Would you mind if I went outside and smoked a cigarette?" Kayla nervously

"You smoke?  Since when?" I asked.  In all of the shifts I'd worked with
Kayla, I'd never seen her smoke.  I had no idea.

"Not really," she said.  "Usually only when I drink.  Or after sex.  Or
during..." she said, trailing off at the end.

"Wow, I had no idea," I said.  "But it's your house, you don't have to ask

"Care to join me?" Kayla asked.

"I'll go out with you, but I don't smoke," I said.  

We went out on the deck and she took out her pack of Newport 100s.  I didn't
know anything about cigarettes at this point, but that's what the box said.

There was something so striking about Kayla, sitting out at her patio table,
lit only by the soft yellow flame of a Citronella candle, smoking her
cigarette and getting waves of menthol pleasure from each drag.  It was
intoxicating.  At that point, I couldn't have explained what I was feeling
other than to describe it as odd, but fortunately Kayla didn't bring it up.

She finished her cigarette and we went back inside.  We both just crashed on
the sofa.  

"You can have my bed," she said.

I was confused.


"You can't possibly drive home.  And I can't make you take the couch, so you
take my bed."

"I can't take your bed, Kayla.  Don't be stupid," I replied.

"Stupid?  I thought I was being sweet!" she laughed.

"Shut up," I joked.  "You know what I mean."

This is where things started to change rapidly.

"Did you tell me to shut up?" Kayla asked, pretending to be insulted.  "I've
got your shut up right here."

With that, Kayla playfully punched me on the shoulder. It wasn't a hard punch
at all.  In fact it was probably more of a shove than anything else.

I laughed and shoved her back.  We were drunk.  Hey, it was funny at the
time!  She tried to hit back, and I dodged her slap.  When I tried to get
her, she grabbed my hand.  I felt an electricity in the skin to skin contact
that I'd never felt before as she held my hand and looked at me. 

I can't be blushing, I thought to myself.

"What's the matter?" asked Kayla.

I was speechless.  I stammered, searching for words, but found none.

"Relax," Kayla said.  She broke our gaze and slowly, delicately leaned down
and kissed the back of my hand.  

"Wait," I said, gasping for breath.

"Too fast?" Kayla asked, embarrassed.

I didn't know what to say.  

"I don't," was all I could muster.

"Wendy, I've liked you since the day you walked into the unit," Kayla
confidently explained.  "Tell me you don't feel it."

The truth was, I couldn't deny it.  I had felt a connection to Kayla from the
minute we'd met, I just didn't ever think it could have been a romantic

"I don't know," I said.

"You've never looked at a woman that way, have you?" Kayla asked.

She seemed wise for her 26 years.  

"If you don't want to, that's fine," she said.  She was visibly disappointed.

"Can we just take a minute to think about this?" I asked.

I was so pissed at myself.  I've always over-analyzed everything.  "Sure,"
she said.  "I'm going to go out for another cigarette anyway."

She picked up her pack of Newport 100s and headed back out onto the deck.  I
went out with her, almost as though I were in a trance.

"Sorry if I freaked you out," she said as she lit the tip of her cigarette
from the candle.

"I'm not freaked out," I said, completely lying.

"Well you're obviously something, and if it's not freaked out then it's
horny, and we need to get inside and fix that!" Kayla said, taking another
drag.  "Is it because I smoke?" she asked, holding the smoke inside her.

"What? No!" I replied.  "Besides, you don't smoke," I reminded her.

"Oh, I smoke alright!" she said.  "I'll bet that's it, isn't it?  You don't
want to date a smoker."

"Will you stop it?" I said.  "Am I that bad?  Have I said anything to you
about it?"

"I saw how you were looking at me, you think it's disgusting don't you?"
Kayla asked.

"Not at all, I don't care if you smoke," I said, trying my best to sound

"Good," she said, taking another drag and then placing it in the ashtray.

She stood up.  She stared me right in the eyes as she walked around the table
and stood in front of me.  She leaned forward, placed a hand on each of the
arms of my chair, and got right in my face.

"Let's go back inside," she whispered before turning her attention back to
her cigarette, taking a long drag, inhaling, and blowing it toward my face.
I was so entranced by this that I slowly breathed in, inhaling the remnants
of the smoke she was exhaling.  It tickled the back of my throat, but it was
the sexiest thing I'd ever seen.

All I could do was nod.

We went back inside and Kayla led me to her bedroom.  

"Lay down," she gently instructed.  "I know this is your first time, so I
want to do it right."

I nervously sat on the bed and positioned myself onto my back.  Kayla leaned
over me and ran her fingers through my hair.  

"Are you sure you want to do this?" she asked.

I could still only nod.

She leaned forward slowly, never breaking her eye contact with me, and began
to kiss me.  It was almost too much to bear.  Like I've said - I've been with
guys, I've always enjoyed guys.  But in an instant, I found that one thing
that had always been missing in my previous relationships.  I instinctively
parted my lips and let Kayla slip her tongue into my mouth.  I could taste
the burnt tobacco on her breath, and surprisingly, it didn't turn my stomach.

I felt one of her hands massage my left breast, and the other slide between
my legs.  After some seriously intense rubbing of my clitoris through my
scrub pants, I felt her hand slide up and untie them.  I threw all caution to
the wind.

"Are you going to fuck me?" I asked, using the dreaded F-word for the first
time in my life.  I told you I was an angel!

"Do you want me to fuck you?" she coyly asked.

"Yes, please," I begged.

Kayla slid my pants down and began to lick me.  It was ecstasy.  I probably
could have climaxed on the spot, but I wanted to enjoy it, so I tried to
fight off the urge. Just as I was about to let the waves of ecstasy run
through my entire body, she stopped.

"Your turn," she said, as though she knew just when to stop.  

"For what?" I naively asked.  

"To eat me," she said, taking her own scrub pants off in an amazingly smooth
single movement.

"Take your time," she said.  

I leaned slowly forward and carefully began to lick her clitoris.  The
excitement was amazing.  I felt so naughty.  I nervously nibbled and licked
her wetness, wondering if I was satisfying her at all.

Apparently I'd done something right, because she came on my face instantly.

"Quick, let me finish you," she said, sitting up as she still quivered.

As Kayla repositioned herself in front of my waiting pussy, I knew it
wouldn't be long before I'd had my first woman-induced orgasm.  I was right.
It was only a matter of seconds of her eating me that I came all over her.
It was magical.

Kayla looked up and smiled, her lips still glistening with my juices, and she
crawled up my body and cuddled next to me. 

"Wendy?" she asked.

"Uh-huh?" was all I could articulate.

"Will you get my cigarettes out of my night stand?" she asked.

At that point, I would have done anything for this beautiful woman just to
repay her for the experience she had just introduced me to.  I leaned over,
got her Newport 100s and lighter, and handed them to her.  She put one in her
mouth.  I flicked the lighter for her and held the flame toward the tip of
her cigarette until I saw it glow red in the darkness.

"That was amazing," I said, still struggling to catch my breath.  

"I agree," she said, taking another deep drag and inhaling every last bit of
the smoke. "Do you want some?" She handed the cigarette in my direction.

"No thanks," I said.  "I don't smoke."

"Not even after sex?" she asked.  "Wow."

"I've never smoked," I explained.

"Okay," she said as she continued to smoke the rest of the cigarette herself.

After she finished her cigarette, we fell asleep together.  It was the most
beautiful evening of my entire life up to that point.

The next morning, we woke up and went to work.  To my surprise, there was no
awkwardness between us at all.  As the end of our shift approached, I was
sitting at the physician's desk, dictating notes on one of my visits from
earlier in the day. 

"So," Kayla said as she approached.  "You wanna hang out tonight?"

For the first time in a very long time, I didn't have to think about and
analyze my answer.

"I can be over at seven," I said with a smile, hoping the entire department
didn't see my giddiness.

"Cool," she said.

We made love again on our second night together.  After we finished, I again
flicked Kayla's lighter and lit her cigarette for her.  It became part of our
ritual.  Kayla was something that I immediately knew I could get used to.
Being with her felt natural to me.  It wasn't long before I started to fall
in love with her.  I never felt the need to question my sexuality.  I didn't
feel straight, I didn't feel like a lesbian.  All I wanted was Kayla.

After a few weeks of this, things took a turn.  As we finished making love, I
lit her cigarette for her as I usually do.

"Take a puff," she said as she extended her cigarette toward my mouth.

"Kayla," I said.  "You know I've never smoked."

"Which is why I think you should try it after sex," she said.  "Go ahead."

As much as I didn't really want to smoke, I was in love with this woman.  I
would do anything for her.

Without saying a word, I slowly and nervously lifted my head off the pillow
and gingerly wrapped my lips around the cork filter.  I sucked gently and
felt the traces of mentholated smoke fill my mouth for the first time ever.
It was so much different than I would have expected.

Without inhaling, I exhaled my first stream of smoke.

"What do you think?" Kayla asked as I handed the cigarette back to her, still
sort of shocked at what I'd just done.

"It's nice," I said.

The act of smoking wasn't something I would have described as "nice". I was
indifferent to the actual smoking.  But after sharing my body with this
beautiful, young, blonde woman for whom I had so much respect, sharing the
experience of smoking was quite nice.

She passed the cigarette back to me.

Without saying a word, I took it from her and brought it to my lips.  They
parted, and I felt the paper of the filter make contact once again.  I closed
my eyes and took a small drag.  Opening my eyes, I saw the smoke clumsily
wisp out of my mouth as I passed it back to the new object of my affection.

"See?" Kayla said.  "It's not so bad."

"No," I admitted.  "It isn't."

From that point on, whenever Kayla and I finished making love, I would take a
few drags on her post-coital cigarette.  A few weeks of intense passion
passed.  One night, as I flicked the lighter for Kayla, she spoke up.

"Why don't you light your own?" she asked.

Fucking and being fucked by Kayla was addicting.  I would do anything for
her, as I knew she would for me.  Plus, being with her was so exhilarating
and "dangerous".  I couldn't say no.  I loved being intimate with her, and to
me, smoking a cigarette afterward seemed like a way to continue our intimacy.  

I nervously reached into the pack and slid a long, corked tip Newport 100 out
of the pack.  I placed it in my mouth and fumbled for the lighter.

"Let me," Kayla said, flicking the lighter to life and holding the flame out.

It felt strange to be lighting a cigarette.  Until a few weeks earlier, I had
never smoked before, and I'd still not yet smoked a full cigarette myself.

I leaned forward and placed the tip of my cigarette into the flame.  I sucked
and felt the menthol smoke fill my mouth.  Kayla extinguished the lighter and
I removed the cigarette from my lips before exhaling as best I could.

"Thanks," I said with a smile and a kiss.

I took a second drag and exhaled.

"Inhale," Kayla whispered seductively.  

I was embarrassed to admit I didn't know how.

"Take a drag like this," Kayla said as she demonstrated.  Then she opened her
mouth and I could see the white, creamy smoke circling in her mouth before
she breathed in.

"Then hold it in," she said as she let the smoke coat her lungs.

"Then exhale," she instructed before blowing a tight stream of diluted smoke
toward the ceiling.

Nervously I brought the filter to my lips and took a small puff.  I did my
best to open my mouth like Kayla had done and inhale the smoke, but I was new
to smoking, and I coughed like a schoolgirl.

"Keep trying," Kayla laughed.  "You'll get it."

After a few nights of fucking, smoking, and attempting to inhale, I did get
it.  The smoke in my chest tingled.  It didn't burn at all.  I immediately
loved the dizzy, light-headed sensation that I knew from my medical training
were the effects of nicotine on my body.

"Wow," I said.  

"Told ya," replied Kayla with a sly grin.

Being so naughty with Kayla was a thrill for me.  Knowing that at work I was
the responsible, mature, saint of a doctor and then when I went home I could
smoke cigarettes and eat pussy like a porn star was such a turn on for me.

I leaned over and gave Kayla a deep tongue kiss.  Of course this kiss led to
some more manual exploration, increased arousal, and another good fuck.  As I
rolled over onto my back to let Kayla eat me, I noticed our cigarettes were
still lit.

"Let me put this out," I said.

"Leave it," said Kayla.  "Let's use it."

Kayla reached into her night stand and took a strap-on dildo out of its
hiding place. She dangled her cigarette as she strapped it onto herself and
climbed on top of me.

With her left hand holding her cigarette and her right hand guiding the
artificial cock into my cunt, Kayla began to fuck me again.  It had been a
long time since I'd had a dick inside me, real or otherwise.  

Kayla took her cigarette and placed it to my lips.  I eagerly took a drag and
inhaled the smoke before blowing out a tight stream of my own.

"Fuck me!" I exclaimed. 

Kayla responded by thrusting the dildo into my pussy harder than ever.  I
immediately began to cum.

"Oh my God," I shouted.  "I fucking love you so much!"

As my body began to relax from the second incredible orgasm that night, Kayla
took a drag and stared into my eyes.

I was nervous.  I'd let slip that I was in love with her.  I took a moderate
drag on my own cigarette.

"Did you mean that?" she asked.

I paused.

"It's cool if you were just saying it," she said.  

"No," I answered.  "I did mean it.  Kayla, I've fallen in love with you."

She smiled and took another puff.

"I love you too, Wendy," she said.  "More than anything."

The next morning, we woke up in bed together again.  I'd been spending
several nights at Kayla's house.

"Let's move in together," she blurted out.

"Okay," I said.  

And that was that.  Kayla sold her house and moved into mine.  It was larger,
and much more of a "couple's house" than hers.

I was helping her move her things into the house one day when I came across a
small box tucked under the seat of her car.  As I took it off the shelf, the
lid fell off, revealing the contents inside.  I couldn't believe what I was
seeing.  I grabbed it and went into the house.  She was out on the deck
having a cigarette.

I said nothing as I set the box down on the picnic table.  She just looked at

"Wendy," she said.  "I haven't done it in years."

"Weed, Kayla?"  I said, furious.  "You fucking smoke weed?"

"I used to," she said.  "But I don't anymore.  There's not even any in there.
And you're my new drug now."

"Good," I said, relenting from my rage.  "Don't let me find out you're still
doing this!"

That was the end of our discussion on the subject.  I don't know why I didn't
make Kayla throw out her drug paraphernalia, but I didn't.  Months later, I
would find out that Kayla's curiosity got the best of her, and two days later
she had taken her bowl out onto the porch and smoked the little bit of
residue that remained in the screen, getting just high enough to make her
want more.  That decision would forever change our relationship.

One night we were fooling around, passing cigarette smoke between us like
we'd come to do since our first night with the dildo, which we'd
affectionately named Pete. All of our toys had names, and it was always an
adventure to move from toy to toy. 

In the middle of our moment, Kayla stopped.

"Wendy," she started.

"What's wrong?" I asked.  

"I want you to experience something with me," she said nervously.

"If you fuck me, I'll do anything," I said, hoping to return to ecstasy as
soon as possible.

"I hope so," Kayla said, reaching under our bed.

She returned with the box I'd found a few weeks earlier.

"What the fuck?" I asked, furious once again.

"Wendy," she said.  "Listen to me.  When we met, you'd never been with a
woman.  You'd never smoked a cigarette.  Look at you now."

It was hard to argue with her logic.  She was straddling me nude, with a
plastic penis in my vagina, and a half smoked Newport 100 was in my hand.  I
took a drag.

"Kayla," I said, exhaling the drag I'd just taken.  

"Wendy," she said, looking into my eyes.  Her glance was addicting.

I took another puff on my cigarette but said nothing.  Still, she looked down
toward me.

I exhaled the smoke in my lungs.  Kayla applied just a little bit of pressure
with her hips and the dildo slid deeper into my pussy.  I did the only thing
I could at that point.  I said nothing, but slowly nodded my head.

With that, Kayla put the end of the small glass bowl in her mouth and lit her
lighter.  She held the flame over the open end of the bowl and I watched as
the dried, green weed ignited.

She pulled the bowl from her lips and inhaled before taking a second, then a
third, quick hit as she rocked her hips back and forth.  Waves of pleasure
overcame my body.

Without saying a word, Kayla turned the bowl around and held it out toward my
mouth.  I was about to do something completely new to me, but the entire
relationship had been new to me, so I just went with it.

I lifted my head up and placed my lips to the cold glass pipe.  I could feel
Kayla's saliva still on the tip.  I closed my eyes and drew the smoke into my
mouth.  It tasted more herbal than the cigarettes I'd gotten used to.
Breaking the seal of my mouth, I laid my head back on the pillow and inhaled
the smoke deeply.  It was noticeably easier to inhale than the tobacco smoke.
I slowly exhaled as Kayla slid the cock out of my cunt and laid down next to

"You're not going to finish?" I said as I exhaled my first ever hit.

"We need to finish this first," Kayla said, lighting the bowl and taking
another hit and passing it to me.

I took another deeper hit.  I couldn't believe what we were doing.

It wasn't long before we were both amazingly stoned.  Kayla suggested a
cigarette after, and she was right - the high was completely intensified.

"Ready?" Kayla asked, climbing back on top of me.  

She slowly re-inserted Pete into my pussy and fucked me.  It wasn't long at
all before I could feel myself cum, and I felt it in every cell of my body.
When I was done, Kayla rolled off me and laid on her back.  I removed the
dildo from her hips and attached it to mine.  I inserted the tip into her
pussy and fucked her hard.

Between being stoned and so blind with passion, I didn't notice Kayla as she
reached behind me and grabbed one of our smaller vibrators.  While I fucked
her I felt the tip press against my asshole.  

"Do it!" I excitedly ordered.  "Fuck me in the ass!"

While I fucked Kayla with the strap-on, each of us smoking a cigarette, Kayla
fucked my ass with the second vibrator.

It was too much. I came again, and Kayla's body tensed and convulsed in a
blissful moment of omnipotent ecstasy.

I collapsed into my lover's arms as she used her cigarette to light a fresh
one for each of us.

As we laid there, stoned as fuck, smoking cigarettes, I realized that my life
had been changed, and I had Kayla to thank for it.

"Can we do that again sometime soon?" I asked, still regaining to catch my

"Tomorrow is another day," she said.  "And we can do anything you want."

"Anything, huh?" I teased.

"Anything," Kayla smiled.

Tomorrow was indeed another day.  In fact, we spent the remainder of the
weekend getting high and fucking like rabid bunnies.  It wasn't long before
Kayla and I both became full time smokers, though neither of us smoke at
work.  Rather than deal with the lectures from our colleagues, we use
nicotine patches to get through our shifts.  We never get high before work,
but we do sometimes make love to get the day started.

To fast forward to the present day, no one at work knows any of our secrets.
They think Kayla and I are friends, and that's why she lives with me.  We're
usually high on any given weekend, but we know that we have to keep our hobby
in check to avoid suspicion in the hospital.  

Kayla has opened my eyes to an entirely new world.  I can't thank her enough
for that.  I wouldn't even know how.  What I do know is that I love
everything about her, and I'm going to be with her for the rest of my life. 

Kayla turns 31 in a few weeks, and she is still as sexy as the day I met her.
To try to show her my gratitude, I've bought a few surprises for her.  First,
and most importantly, I found the hottest, biggest double-ended dildo I could
find.  You wouldn't believe it.  It's all I can do to not fuck my cunt with
one end and my asshole with the other before I give it to her!  Also, I
bought a half pound bag of the finest, most intense weed money can buy, and
something called Salvia Divinorum.  And what birthday celebration would be
complete without a new bong?  I found one online and ordered it.  It's about
3 feet tall, incredibly elaborate, and it hits like a motherfucker.  Last
weekend Kayla was out of town at a nursing conference and I smoked it.  I've
never been so high in my life!  (And for those of you wondering, yes.  This
was the first time I'd gotten stoned by myself.)

I think it's time I'm the one introducing her to new substances and

I think she'll approve, don't you?

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