Sarah's Winstons, Part 7

(by, 29 August 2008)

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Sarah's Winstons
by slimv

******** SEVEN ********

Sarah couldn't make up her mind about what felt better- the top or the
bottom.  The only thing she could say for sure was that sex felt best while
she was smoking.

"I feel like a freak for saying this," she said, "but I always want to smoke
while we have sex from now on, if its okay with you."

Needless to say, I told her I was thrilled that she wanted to keep smoking
while we did it.

"I guess we should probably talk about yesterday.  I prayed about it.  Did
you change your mind or do you still think you want to start smoking?"

The moment of truth had come, and judging from the tone of her voice, it
didn't sound like she was going to give me the answer I wanted, but I gave
her mine.

"I still want to start smoking," I said.

She took a deep breath and shook her head no.  "Then I'm sorry Michael.  I
can't give you what you want.  I prayed about it and I can't give you my
permission to start.  I'm your wife and I love you more than life itself and
I know what's best for you and these aren't it honey," she said as she held
out the red pack of Winstons in her hand.  

Her hands shook as she removed a cigarette from the pack and lit it.  "I
don't want to see you get hooked on these damned things the way I am," she
said as she exhaled.  "I think about my dad and I see what he's going through
and I don't want that for me and I sure as heck don't want that for you."

Maybe I should have said something but I didn't.  I was too disappointed to

"I'm sure you probably think I'm a hypocrite because you know how much I
enjoy smoking and I'm sitting here telling you not to do it.  But its not the
same thing.  I didn't have a choice when I started, but you do."

She swirled the end of her cigarette around the lip of the ashtray and took a
puff.  "I know you want us both to be smokers like our parents, and I'd be
lying if I said a big part of me didn't want that too.  I think its romantic
when married couples smoke.  If you had asked me for a cigarette when you
were 16 and I was 14, I would have given you one.  I'm ashamed to say this
but I wanted you to smoke when we were little.  I just wish you had asked
your mother for permission to smoke when you were sixteen instead of waiting
until we were married to ask me."

She put out her cigarette and threw her hair back.  "Can you imagine what
your mother would think of me if I let you start smoking?  She raised you for
22 years and did one heck of a job and then I turn around a make you into a
smoker like me after just a couple days of marriage.  She'd say I was
unworthy to be your wife and she'd be right.  Don't you see, honey?  This is
about you, but its about me too.  Please don't hate me or hold this against
me.  I love you so much, but I'd give you permission to divorce me before I
gave you permission to start smoking."

It was quite a speech and she had made some very valid points.  I was still
disappointed but I needed to say something.  "I'm sorry Sarah.  You're right.
You did the right thing but I never should have asked you.  That was wrong of

"No it wasn't.  I'm glad you did.  We need to be honest with each other.  If
you hadn't said the things you did in the way you did, I'd still be walking
around hating myself every time I needed a cigarette.  But that doesn't mean
I won't try to quit if you want me to.  I can't make any promises, but I love
you enough to try."

"I don't want you to quit.  I probably like you smoking even more than you
like it yourself.  And now that we've had this talk, I guess I'm going to
need you to smoke for both of us."

Sarah put her arms around me.  I pulled her tight and we rocked each other
back forth.  She told me she loved me.  I told her I loved her too.

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