The 2008 Smoke Olympics

(by anonymous6, 05 May 2008)

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The 2008 Smoke Olympics

"Hello again and welcome to the IYSO 2008 Smoke Olympics.  It is once again a
challenge of the world's best and most talented smokers.  This has proved to
be a very challenging year for those who have struggled through regional and
national competitions to make it this far. This year features 6,000
competitors from over 100 countries. The week ahead will take many youngsters
to the test as they compete for national and world glory.

"Once again I would like to invite the head of the IYSO, Ann Coburn, to fill
us in on this year's competition."

"Welcome once again, Ann."

"Thank you for having me again Bill."

"It's always a pleasure.  Please tell us what has changed in the world of
smoking competition since we last met."

"Jim it has been an exciting year - not only in the realm of competitive
smoking, but also in the world of our children's happiness, and pleasure.
The IYSO has used its member donations to create many great results world

"For those who don't know, Ann, could you please inform our viewers of what
the IYSO is, and what it stands for?"

"Certainly, Jim, IYSO stands for the International Youth Smoking
Organization.  We stand for the rights of smoking youths thoughout the world.
Our organization not only supports those countries where youth smoking is
legal, but opposes those where it is not so.  Our over 1.5 million members
have supported our cause not only locally but world wide."

"Ann, I must say that this year, as in the past, has brought controversy to
the IYSO.  First we had Great Britain change its legal smoking age, and then
the admission to the IYSO of North Korea.  What is the IYSO's position on
these matters?" 

"Well, Jim, the changing of laws was a great setback for our organization in
Great Britain.  We worked hard to reverse it, but we know a lost cause when
we see one.  We can't fight for a few years in age when our overall cause is
no age limits.  It would have been a waste of our contributors' money to
fight that battle.  Deep down we know those youths will still find a way to
smoke and that is what we truly support."

"I'm sure that many of your members will understand that position, but what
about the addition of North Korea to the Olympics?"

"This is something our board of directors looked at very thoroughly.   The
Dear Leader was gracious enough to allow our humanitarian aid to his country.
We carefully monitored that the tobacco was distributed to the youths of his
country.  They then started a competitive organization.  You must understand
that smoking in this society for any female has always been a taboo.  I am
not in a position to question the Dear Leader and his decisions, and I
advocate only one thing.  It is up to those in the nuclear, human rights, and
economic sectors to promote their own case.  All I can say is that the IYSO
feels this is a great victory for the DPRK, and all of its youths.  I must
say I am an American, but I fight for my own cause and cherish the victory.
My hope is that this program continues in the DPRK.  They are new to the
competition, and I haven't seen their skills as of yet.  I only wish that
they will take their wins and losses in stride and only improve for the next

"Before we get on to the competition, Ann, I do have one more issue of
dispute.  Many wonder why this is a females only event.  Why isn't there a
male Smoking Olympics?"

"That is a very good question Jim, and one I must direct back to you.  The
IYSO has always held regional and national competitions for our smoking young
men, but you as broadcasters never seem to support it.  We would love to see
boys compete with or separate from the girls.  The base support for this does
not seem to be there.  I am ashamed to say that something has tarnished our
competition.  Many seem to have taken the view that it is for the viewer, and
not the competitor.  Much like the world of NASCAR has taken to the wrecks;
most don't admire the race itself.  I'm not sure if this is a fault of the
media or the viewer.  The one thing I can say is that there are youths of
every gender, race, and ethnicity who want to compete.  The IYSO supports all
forms of youth competitive smoking."

"I'm sure most of our viewers understand that, and hopefully we will have
more diverse competitions on our network in the future.  Now if you could
please tell us what this year's competition has to offer."

"I can't begin to tell you the excitement I have for this year's competition.
First off we have a great new competitor in Moldova.  This is one place where
I can say the supporters of the IYSO can be proud.  Moldova is a rather poor
country and one where smoking is the norm.  Parents there are more than happy
to accept the humanitarian gift of cigarettes for their children.  Smoking in
Moldova is not considered a luxury, as much as a necessity.  Kids who did not
smoke were often ridiculed.  If your family couldn't afford cigarettes, then
you were an outcast.  The IYSO felt it was our moral obligation to help these
children.  We helped their society as a whole, and created one of our newest
competitors.  I have great respect for the people and culture of Moldova."

"That was great to hear Ann.  I hope that helps your members understand what
their contributions can really do."

"That's so true, Jim.  But once again I must say that their support starts
locally.  Whenever a person sees someone denied tobacco because of age; I
would hope they would intervene and provide help.   The Smoking Olympics is a
global show of what we can achieve, but it starts locally."

"So, I am wondering who else you see as the main competitors this year.  I
know there are a lot of moral issues involved, and the IYSO's involvement in
promoting them.  But who are the major competitors in this year's event?"

"I'm so sorry Jim.  I occasionally get carried away preaching of my beliefs
and practices.  It's just something I am so proud of.  I must first say I am
so happy, and excited about my own American girls.  We have a great range of
skills in all ages.  I am especially proud of the work of our former
competitors.  We have great coaches who have learned from their mistakes and
conquests to teach a new generation.   The Americans truly have the best
coaches in the world.  It's even said there may be a Cinderella in a woman
known as Smoking Mom from Alabama; she claims to have the `Dark Horse' among
our younger smokers."

"What about the medal chances of the rest of the world, Ann?"

"I must admit despite my own bias, the rest of the world has excellent
chances.  The Australians once again are favorites to capture the smoke rings
medals in all age groups.  I am surprised to finally see the French Canadians
and the French neck and neck in the French inhales competition.  The Spanish
may again capture many of the young smoking awards.  But I am most surprised
by the applicants from Iceland; they may be the underdog winner."

"Well, it has once again been great talking to you, Ann.  We at the network
are grateful for your effort and devotion when it comes to this cause and

"We now see Ann at the podium preparing to light her cigarette from the
ceremonial torch.  Once lit, last years top medal winner will light her
cigarette from Ann's, and this process will continue as each Olympian lights
their cigarette from the person next to them.  The tip to tip transfer of the
flame; while each puffing, symbolizing the global unity that smoking brings."

"Ok Jim, she is bringing the ceremonial flame to her cigarette-and. it's lit!
Let the games begin!"

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