Adult Education, Part 2

Article 1537 of alt.smokers.glamour:
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From: an4@anon.lelnet.com
Newsgroups: alt.smokers.glamour
Subject: Adult Education, part 2 of 2
Date: Wed, 26 Mar 1997 14:21:32 -0500 (EST)
Organization: Alt.smokers.glamour society
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Message-ID: <5hbv2h$91k@tofu.alt.net>

   Marcia had never taken up the ashtrays.
   She was smart enough to understand that the internal excuse- that most of
friends still smoked- was a cop-out. No, she'd left ashtrays all over the
house for the simple reason that she'd never stopped wanting to smoke. After
all, she rarely had her friends into her bedroom, but there was still an
expensive crystal ashtray on her night stand.
   For the last hour, she'd been wasting time. Just sitting on the couch and
staring at the unopened pack of Benson and Hedges lying on the table. There
was work to be done. Three contracts to draw up, paperwork to be filed.
Emails to answer.
   Right now, none of that mattered. There was just this endless rushing in her
head. 
   She was profoundly disappointed in herself. She'd been sure that when she
took that cigarette from Helena Duncan that one puff would prove that she was
now a non-smoker. It had taken just two to prove that she'd never stopped
being a smoker. That she'd just stopped smoking. She'd been as sure that
she'd be unable to drop that pack of B&Hs on the belt at the supermarket.
Instead, she'd quickly dropped a second one down and then considered just
buying a whole carton.
   It just wasn't how she saw herself. Oh, half the PTA board members smoked,
but they all managed to look appropriately embarrassed about it.
   In fact, the main order of business at the meeting this Thursday night was a
proposition the student body had put before the PTA for a student smoking
lounge. Marcia had been prepared to fight that tooth and nail, but now-
   The truth of it was that Marcia now saw the person she'd become since she'd
quit. Overbearing, pompous, self-righteous. She was deeply embarrassed about
the way she'd treated Helena this morning. And the woman had repaid her with
an odd sort of kindness, doing for her what she herself had been fighting
against the last four years. She made her see herself as a smoker.
   Thoughts cascaded in rapid fire. How short she was with girls sometimes. How
she never seemed relaxed or calm anymore. Could all that be a result of one
hasty decision which had seemed so right at the time ?
   Dating. She'd stopped dating around the same time. All the eligible men her
men she knew were old friends from high school. They all smoked, they all
went out to dinners and bars and thought nothing of lighting up. She'd cut
herself off from that because it had made this one thing, which suddenly
seemed so unimportant, that much easier.
   There was a way to find out, of course.
   She tore the cellophane away from the box with ease.
   Flipped the top back.
   Felt the rush of excitement. It was a familiar feeling, like waking up in
the morning, anticipating the first cigarette of the day.
   She was clumsy at first. Three cigarettes came out of the pack instead of
one. She put the other two on the table and put the third one in her mouth.
Her hands were shaking so furiously that she had to hold the lighter in both
hands to steady it. She felt like a schoolgirl again, trying to light her
first cigarette. It was a wonderful feeling.
   It caught easily and she inhaled so deeply she had visions of her lungs
bursting.
   By the time she exhaled, any doubts in her mind about what she doing had
faded. She felt like she'd taken a leap off the high board at the school
pool. The sensation of falling was so real, in fact, that she had to steady
herself with her free hand.
   Part of that hour had been spent doing exactly what Helena had suggested.
She had thought long and hard about Giselle and Cassandra, about perhaps
learning to trust them. About sharing something new with them. About- about
wasted time and wasted ideas.
   She was just taking a second pull on the cigarette when the front door
opened.
   "Can you guys come in here ?" she yelled out, wondering what their reaction
would be.
   They walked into the living room, laughing about something their friend
Brenda had said to them.
   The girls slung their packs off opposite shoulders and looked at their
mother with twin looks of surprise. She saw none of the things she was afraid
of in their eyes- no scorn, no disappointment. Just confusion- and something
that looked a little bit like relief.
   "Can you two have a seat ?" she asked, hearing the nervousness in her voice.
   Each of them sat in what had become 'their' chairs, and now they were
smiling openly, stunning grins. They were attractive girls, with her long,
naturally wavy blonde hair and their father's gentle facial features.
Fortunately, they hadn't inherited his portly- well, Marcia thought, slovenly
was more honest- build.
   "I wanted to tell you that I've decided to start smoking again. I had a
long-"
   "We saw you with Ms. Duncan, Mom," Cass said. "It was kind of strange. At
first you looked like you were chewing her out-"
   "I was," Marcia said, pausing to inhale on the B&H. "But then we got talking
and-"
   "She made you understand that you should never have quit smoking, right ?"
Gissy asked, her voice bright and excited.
   Marcia's nervousness was not fading away with the girl's positive reaction
to her smoking. In fact, it was growing more acute by the second. Had she
made a mistake ?
   "Is that what the two of you think ?"
   They traded looks. Marcia had never bought any of that crap about twins
being psychic, but they were very close and she had a feeling Gissy had hit
on something the pair had discussed at length. They hesitated and Marcia knew
what they were trying to avoid. Offending her.
   "Gissy ? Cass ?"
   They started a little at the use of their nicknames, something their mother
had never done.
   "Come on, girls. Be honest."
   Cass's smile was so forced that Marcia began to worry that she was opening
an terrible can of worms. "You haven't been happy since you quit. Don't take
this the wrong way, but we always knew you quit smoking because of us, and
recently we've been talking about asking you start again. Sometimes you
seem-"
   They shared another look, and their long faces told Marcia what she already
knew.
   "Miserable, right ?"
   "Exactly," Gissy said, looking immediately embarrassed.
   "So you don't have a problem with this ?"
   Both girls got up and came over to her, smiles on their faces. The first
smiles she could remember being directed at her in days. They hugged her
tightly and told her that of course they didn't have a problem with her
enjoying herself.
   She asked them to sit down again. The first hurdle, the low one, had been
cleared with more ease than she'd expected. Now came the difficult one.
   "There's more."
   "You're not dating someone, are you ?" Gissy asked, quickly adding "Not that
there would be anything  wrong with that."
   "No. This is about the two of you."
   Again, the twins shared glances and this time Marcia read them easily. Here
comes the do as I say, not as I do speech. Marcia smiled. It was a day for
surprises.
   "I want the two of you to try smoking."
   "What ?" they said together in unison.
   "I've thought long and hard about this. I really enjoy smoking. Apparently,
you two have always known that. Now it's your turn to try it. Just to find
out whether you like it or not. You're sixteen now, I think it's time."
   Now their expressions were unreadable. 
   "Unless you already have, of course. If you have, I want you to be honest
about it."
   Both shook their heads. "Are you serious ?" Cass asked, sounding excited
about the prospect.
   "Yes. I want you both to know what it's like."
   "Do you want us to smoke ?" Gissy asked, and her voice also carried only
positive sounds.
   "To be honest, yes," Marcia said. Listening to herself was a source of
amasement for Marcia. That her thinking had done such an about-face in such a
short time was incredible, but she knew the truth was that she'd simply
finally gotten around to being perfectly honest with her own feelings. 
   "You know," Gissy continued, "we used to pretend. We stole two cigarettes
from your pack one time. We had them for about a year. When you weren't home
we'd sit in our room and pretend we were smoking just like you. But when you
quit-"
   "I know about that. I caught you one day."
   "Why didn't you say anything ?" Cass asked, and then added "That's why you
quit, isn't it ?"
   It was like falling through the ice and finding out the water underneath was
sauna hot. All the secrets- all the lies- melted away.
   "Yes. I was embarrassed that I was setting that sort of an example."
   "Don't take this the wrong way, Mom, but that's pretty stupid."
   The remark should have made her angry, but it didn't. The two girls stood
up, Cass first, and walked over to the table. They each picked up one of the
extra cigarettes and Marcia took the lighter and lit them. It was so simple
to do and it felt so- right was the only word for it.
   "Don't inhale right away. Just pull the smoke into your mouths and get used
to the taste."
   Marcia watched the girls try this, saw the way they took the cigarettes from
their mouths and held them by their waists, imitating her perfectly. They
were tall and slim and they looked terribly attractive together, smoke
drifting up lasily from the cigarettes. They held the smoke in their mouths
for about two seconds and then exhaled. Too hurriedly, but that was something
they could work on.

   Cass and Gissy were lying on Cass's bed, the pack of cigarettes their mother
had given them between them, next to the ashtray. They were smoking their
eighth cigarettes of the night. It was about one in the morning and they knew
they'd have to get to sleep soon if they didn't want to be late for school
tomorrow.
   It was getting easier for both of them. At first the smoke had burned their
throats a little, and Cass had suffered some nausea when she pulled a
mouthful of smoke into her stomach. But it was definitely getting easier and
they found this new thing they shared to be a lot of fun. Gissy had figured
out how to blow amateurish smoke-rings already and Cass had developed a
perfect nose exhale.
   There was no question in either of their minds that this beat the hell out
of pretending with unlit cigarettes.
   "I can't believe this," Gissy said.
   Cass smiled at her sister and blew a thick cloud of smoke in her direction,
obscuring her briefly. The whole room was thick with smoke but neither of
them were of a mind to open the window. The smell was something both of them
wanted to get used to. "I had given up hope with Mom, you know. Did you see
her at dinner tonight ?"
   Gissy nodded. "She hasn't talked that much in the last week. I just wish- I
wish she had never caught us that day. Remember how she pretended to have
lost her key. I was sure we were going to get reamed out. Funny. I'd
forgotten all about it."
   "So, now that you smoke do you think Lance will go out with you ?"
   They both laughed. Lance had told Gissy that was the reason he'd said no.
What Cass didn't know was that Gissy had already talked him into a movie
Friday night.
   "Yeah. Maybe."
   Marcia popped her head in the doorway and smiled. She watched them smoking
for about thirty seconds. They were already inhaling, and not the shallow
ones she'd spent about a year doing when she'd started. There was an
occasional petite cough, but they were doing quite well for their first day.
   There was no longer any regret in her mind about what she had done. Seeing
them together enjoying smoking wiped away any lingering doubt about the
rightness of her decision.
   She cleared her throat and saw the two girls jump, somewhat guiltily.
Hopefully about being up so late.
   "I'm going to call you two in sick tomorrow. Let's take a day off and go up
to Westmill Park. We can have a picnic- if that's okay with you guys."
   They smiled together. It had been almost a year since Marcia had taken a
work day off to spend with the twins, and they looked pleased enough that she
didn't have to ask twice.

   Helena walked towards the entrance to the school slowly, savouring her
cigarette. This was the first PTA meeting she'd ever been to, and she'd heard
they went on for hours, so she wanted to get one last one in.	
   When she saw Marcia standing by the doorway, she hesitated going any
further. The twins had been in today after missing school on Wednesday, but
she hadn't talked to them. The truth was they had taken their sweet time
getting their stuff together after fourth period, but she hadn't felt like
saying anything because she had no idea what to say.
   'So, has your mom started smoking again ?' didn't seem appropriate.
   She didn't want to get the woman started again.
   It was already dark, so she hung back, out of sight.
   She saw the twins and regretted feeling uncomfortable about approaching
them.
   That discomfort changed to shock when she saw first Marcia and then each of
the girls smoking cigarettes.
   A slow smile spread across Helena's face. She had done some good after all.
   She almost ran over to them.
   Gissy was holding a box of Marlboro Lights 100s and a lighter in one hand
and a cigarette in the other. Cass was puffing away at a B&H, as was her
mother. It was a still night, slightly cold and very moist. Helena personally
loved smoking on a cold, moist evening. The smoke would hang around you, and
there was something unique about the way it smelled. Something indescribably
sweet.
   "Helena," Marcia said, her voice now sounding natural. "The three of us have
a lot to thank you for."
   "I can see that," Helena replied. The four women inhaled as one, attracting
the attention of passerbys, some of who seemed to have more than a passing
interest in the display, including Lance Walters, who appeared to be hanging
off to the side, waiting for one of the twins.
   Marcia was smiling broadly. "I can safely say that the PTA will be
recommending to the school board that they open the old library space up for
use as a smoking lounge. For both teachers and students. How does that sound
?"
   "It's a start."
   "You know, Mom, we should have Ms. Duncan over for dinner," Cass said.
"Without her, we wouldn't be standing here right now."
   Marcia nodded. "I know. Considering what an ass I was to you, I owe you a
few dinners. You have any plans Saturday night ?"
   Helena hesitated. It wasn't necessarily a good thing for teachers and
parents to get too close- although parents who were PTA presidents might be
an exception to that rule.
   "Please," Gissy begged, exhaling a thick, milky stream of smoke as she
spoke. "Come on, Ms. Duncan-"
   "If you have me over for dinner, you'll have to call me Helena."
   "Good," Marcia said. "We talk more about it when we take our break halfway
through the meeting."
   "I'd heard you didn't allow breaks during the meeting," Helena said.
   Marcia blew a cloud of smoke into the circle and laughed. "Sometimes, things
change."

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