All He Ever Wanted, Part 2

    This story contains adult language and sexual themes. If such language and
themes offend you, please do not read further. Copyright 1996 by SSTORYMAN.
All rights reserved. Permission is hereby granted to reproduce this story in
any fashion and for any purpose as long as no financial remuneration is
received by the person reproducing the same.


    ALL HE EVER WANTED


    2. The Relationship.

    As he walked toward Julie's apartment, Roger knew this Monday night would
be fun. He and Theresa were getting together with Julie and her roommate Pam
to drink beer and eat pizza. Except Pam, all of them were under 21. Pam was a
senior and could buy beer. Roger sighed. Beer, three women who smoke - and me.
It was too good to be true.

    Since the first date, Roger'd seen Julie constantly the last three weeks.
The relationship was in full bloom. Roger was happy. Oh, they fought about
things from time to time. Little things. All couples do. No relationship was
perfect. But Theresa was a gorgeous blond who smoked, and Roger liked spending
time with her and with her friends. This evening with Julie and Pam would be
no exception.

    By now Theresa was out of the closet as a smoker. Completely. She no
longer tried to hide it. At first Theresa seemed nervous about her friends'
reaction when she lit up. But that passed quickly. Roger guessed she was
smoking a pack a day, sometimes more. Whenever the two of them were together,
they both smoked more. Because they were together all the time, on many days
they exceeded a pack of cigarettes each.

    At Roger's urging, Theresa had talked with Alison. She told her sister she
smoked now. Alison was surprisingly accepting. "Go ahead and kill yourself,
stupid," she apparently told Theresa. "I don't care."

    After the discussion, Alison assured Theresa she wouldn't tell their
father. Theresa casually mentioned that she knew some things about Alison,
too. Like her relationship with Bill, her boyfriend. Alison understood. Many
things were better left unsaid. Alison didn't want her father to know she was
living with Bill. Theresa felt she had nothing to fear from her sister. So
Theresa could smoke without fear around campus, and she did.

    Being with Theresa meant spending time with her friends. Roger
particularly enjoyed Julie and Pam. They lived off campus in an apartment.
They quickly accepted him into their circle. Something was always going on at
their apartment; it was much easier to party off-campus than in the dorms.
Roger'd never been much of a partier, but he enjoyed this new crowd. Sitting
in a room having a few beers with these women, all of them smoking, was more
pleasure than he could stand.

    Julie was tall, redheaded, and stunningly beautiful. She was easily the
best looking female smoker Roger'd ever watched up close. When he and Theresa
first went over to Julie's, Julie said she remembered Roger from their
freshman dorm. She remembered he frequented the smoking lounge at the union.
Roger hoped she wouldn't ask why he spent so much time there when he wasn't
smoking himself. Thankfully, she didn't ask.

    Julie's roommate, Pam, was good looking, too. She was almost 22. Although
a bit overweight, her long auburn hair and great figure more than compensated
in Roger's opinion. He thought Pam looked voluptuous. She smoked Virginia
Slims 120's. Roger liked the way the long cigarettes looked between Pam's
fingers, and in her mouth, when she smoked.

    Roger sighed. As great as Pam and Theresa looked, he had to admit to
himself that Julie was the one he really liked to watch smoke. Whenever Julie
lit a cigarette and took a drag, she smoked with passion. Theresa told him
Julie believed in smoking with style. She certainly did! He never said so to
Theresa, but Roger felt Julie was better looking than Theresa. And Theresa was
no slouch!

    As he crossed the campus and headed into town, he lit a cigarette. Roger
was smoking more now that he spent his social time with smokers. Except that
his cock was frequently bulging in his pants, embarrassing if anyone would
notice, it was a perfect life.

    Roger reached the apartment, knocked on the door, and waited. Julie opened
it. She wore stretch pants and a tight fitting blouse. Her red hair was, as
always, perfectly arranged on her head. She wore just enough makeup and long,
dangling earrings. And she had a cigarette in her hand. "Hi, Roger," Julie
said teasingly, "I'm glad you're here. C'mon in." She saw Roger's cigarette.
"God, Rog," she chided, "we've been a bad influence on you. Look at that!
Smoking while you walk across campus!" She laughed and took a drag. "Pretty
soon you'll be as bad as I am!"

    Pam sat on the couch when he entered the apartment. She was holding a beer
in one hand and a VS 120 in the other. "Hi, Rog," she smiled, "you're the
first to arrive." Pam pointed to her can in her hand. "But Julie and I
couldn't wait." As if to demonstrate, she took a swig.

    "Let me get you a beer, Roger," Julie offered. As Roger watched, she put
the cigarette in her mouth so she could use both hands to get it. "Regular or
Light?" she asked, with her cigarette bouncing.

    "Light, please," Roger answered. He was careful about drinking. He didn't
want too many calories going to his gut. Surprisingly, Julie and Pam didn't
watch calories. And when they drank, they put away lots of beer. None of it
adversely impacted their figures. Theresa said it was because they smoked all
the time. Smoking kept them too busy to eat too much.

    Julie handed Roger a beer. As she did, her cheeks hollowed and she took a
big drag on her cigarette. As soon as he'd taken the can, Julie's fingers
grasped the cigarette, but she took another hit before removing it from her
mouth. "Go ahead, Roger," she said as she sucked the smoke in. "Sit down.
Theresa will be here soon. She's got a surprise tonight!" Julie released the
smoke in a continuous stream.

    Roger was intrigued. Theresa'd said nothing to him. "What is it?" he
asked. He sat on the couch, opened his can of beer and grabbed some pretzels
from the coffee table.

    Julie smiled as she sat next to Pam across from him. "You won't believe
this, Roger," she laughed. "But you know the guy Alison's living with? Bill?"

    "Yeah?" Roger responded. He'd never met Bill, but had seen him around
campus. Bill was a big guy, not very friendly toward underclassmen.

    "Well," Julie continued, "Apparently Bill smokes cigars. Today a friend of
Bill's told Theresa that after Theresa told Alison she's smoking now, Alison's
softened her attitude toward Bill's smoking. Now she occasionally smokes a
cigar with Bill. And likes it." She smiled triumphantly. "Isn't that cool?
That should eliminate any chance Alison will rat to their dad."

    Roger nodded. "Alison smoking cigars? God, that's great," he agreed. "Has
to be a load off Theresa's mind. " He looked at his watch. "Hey, isn't Theresa
coming?" he asked.

    "Oh, yeah," Julie said. "She called. Said she might be late. Dawn was out
of town this weekend. She got back this afternoon and Theresa told me she
didn't know when she'd get here."

    At that moment, the door opened and in walked Theresa. She didn't look
happy. She greeted Julie and Pam and gave Roger a little kiss. "Hey babe," she
said to him. "How's it goin'?"

    "I'm okay," he answered. "But what's wrong with you?" Roger asked. "You
look upset. Sit down, have a beer." And a cigarette, Roger thought.

    Theresa didn't answer. She shed her jacket, grabbed a beer, and sat down
next to Roger. Silently she pulled out her cigarettes and placed one in her
mouth. Before she got her lighter out, Roger flicked his and lit her up.
"Thanks, babe," Theresa said absent-mindedly, taking a drag on her cigarette
while it rested in her mouth.

    Theresa offered nothing, so Roger tried to be cheerful. "Hey, Theresa,
Julie told me your sister is smoking cigars with her honey." He watched
Theresa exhale a cloud of smoke into the air. "Now you've got another smoker
in the family. That's great."

    "Yeah, I guess so," Theresa replied without enthusiasm.

    "You should be thrilled," Roger continued. He looked at Julie and Pam.
Both were lighting up again. "We are."

    Theresa took another long drag and sucked the smoke deep into her lungs.
She held it inside for several moments before beginning an exhale. "Yeah,
that's great," she said without conviction. "I'm sorry. I'm upset about Dawn,
that's all."

    "Why?" Julie asked "What's going on?"

    Theresa manicured the end of her cigarette in the ashtray. "Dawn visited
her best friend from high school, Robin, this weekend. She's at the state
university campus. Dawn had a great time. But she found out Robin smokes now.
Dawn told me she couldn't believe it. So Dawn said she decided it was fate.
Since I'm smoking, and since her best friend from high school smokes, too,
Dawn decided she'd better start." Theresa frowned. "Dawn came back today
smoking! She had a pack of Marlboro 100's in her purse. We smoked a cigarette
together before I came over."

    "Wow!" Julie exclaimed. "That's way cool! So, no more shit about smoking
in your dorm room, huh? You can smoke all you want, Theresa, if Dawn's
smoking, too. That's great!"

    "I guess," Theresa replied. "But I feel bad." She took another drag,
inhaled, and then kept talking while she exhaled. "I mean, if I weren't
smoking, Dawn probably wouldn't have started. It's my fault she's smoking. I
feel responsible."

    A look of amazement appeared on Julie's face. "Bullshit! What're you
talkin' about, Theresa?" she asked incredulously. "Dawn's a big girl. She
didn't have to start smoking. It sounds like she wanted to because her best
friend and her roommate are both smoking. So what?" Julie smiled. "That's not
your fault. Personally, I think Dawn made a logical decision." She grinned at
Pam. "God, another non-smoker bites the dust! I think it's fabulous!"

    Without taking a final drag, Theresa crushed her cigarette in the ashtray.
She hadn't finished it. "You don't get it, do you?" Theresa asked harshly. "I
mean, Dawn's going to be hooked before she knows it. And it'll be my fault.
Don't you see?"

    Julie raised her cigarette to her lips to take a big drag before
answering. Roger loved to see Julie inhale the smoke deep into her lungs, and
she didn't disappoint Roger watched as Julie sucked the smoke in, shook her
head, and answered Theresa's question.

    "No, Theresa, I don't! Nothing's wrong," Julie replied sharply. "Except
you've got your head up your ass!" Smoke began to escape from her mouth. "You
should be happy." Julie finished her exhale and took another quick drag. "I'm
always glad when a non-smoker starts smoking. You should be, too, you asshole.
Especially because this simplifies your life. Now you can smoke in your room
to your heart's content. You aren't going to quit, are you?"

    Theresa looked hurt. "No," she answered. "I like smoking. But I didn't
mean to get Dawn started. That's all." She looked at Roger. "And did you hear
about Alison?"

    Roger nodded. "Yeah," he replied. "About Bill and the cigars? Julie told
me. I think it's great." Roger'd never seen a woman smoke a cigar, but he
thought it would be interesting.

    Theresa looked frustrated by Roger's reply. "Look, all this makes me think
differently about things, that's all," she sighed. "Smoking's not good for
you. Shit, it's hell on your lungs. Everyone knows that, whether or not they
want to admit it. If it weren't for me smoking, Alison wouldn't be smoking
cigars with Bill, and Dawn wouldn't have started smoking."

    Julie took one last drag, crushed out her cigarette, and immediately
reached for another. Lighting it quickly, she took a hard, first hit, and
inhaled once again. Julie was upset.

    "Look, Theresa, whether you like it or not, you're a smoker now. Look
around the room. Your boyfriend smokes. Your best friends are smokers. Shit,
now even your roommate smokes. It's a little late to think smoking's bad. Damn
it, am I supposed to feel guilty because you decided to start smoking while
living here with me last summer?" Julie's eyes were blazing.

    "No," Theresa said simply. "I made that decision." Absent-mindedly,
Theresa reached for another cigarette and put it between her lips.

    "And I know you enjoy smoking, Theresa," Julie went on. "You've said so."
She watched Theresa light her cigarette and take a first hit. "Don't tell me
you don't love the feeling of pulling smoke down into your lungs, kid. I know
you do. It feels good, doesn't it?"

    "Yeah," Theresa admitted as she started to exhale. "It does." She finished
her exhale and turned toward Julie and Pam. "But you two smoked before I did.
I wasn't responsible for you guys smoking. Or for Roger." She paused. "I
decided to smoke for myself. I like it. I'm willing to take the risks. I'm
just not sure I'm comfortable being one of the reasons for other people, like
Alison and Dawn, to start." She took another drag. "That's all."

    Roger pondered the situation. Almost without thinking, he too lit another
cigarette, enjoying the relief which nicotine provided in difficult moments
like this. In a perverse way, he particularly enjoyed doing it with someone
else who needed it. He watched Theresa take another puff on her Marlboro.
Despite her rhetoric, the smoking seemed to be calming her.

    "Theresa," he said softly, taking her hand. "Each of us decides how to
live. For those of us who decide to smoke, we have lots of reasons." And mine
are different from yours, he thought to himself. He went on. "If you want to
smoke, you should smoke. You're a big girl. You know the pros and cons, the
propaganda, all that stuff. But if other people who respect you see how much
you enjoy smoking, and if they decide to start smoking, too, that's okay.
You're just being yourself. There's nothing wrong with that. Let Dawn and
Alison make their own decisions. Don't try to do it for them. Or blame
yourself."

    Theresa still looked upset. She took another long puff on her cigarette.
"Maybe you're right," she sighed. "But I'm uncomfortable influencing other
people to make a decision that may not be smart for them. In the long run, I
mean."

    Pam interrupted. She'd just lit another VS 120. Roger couldn't help
staring as she held the cigarette high in the air. "Look, Theresa," she said,
"I've been smoking these for six years." She nodded at the cigarette in her
hand. "I love these things. Some people may think I'm stupid, but fuck them!
I'm going to keep smoking. I can tolerate those self-righteous sons of bitches
and their anti-smoking rhetoric. But I can't tolerate another smoker whining."
Pam looked at Theresa. She continued to speak sternly. "There's a cigarette in
your hand, girl. If you're going to smoke, then shut up and enjoy the
nicotine! But if you're going to whine and second-guess yourself and all your
smoking friends, then just quit and join the fuckin' anti's."

    It didn't take long for Theresa to react to Pam's challenge. She crushed
her half-smoked cigarette in the ashtray and stood up. "I don't need this
shit," Theresa exclaimed. "I'm leaving." She walked to the closet to get her
jacket.

    "Theresa," Julie urged. "Don't pay any attention to Pam. She's just pissed
off. But you can't blame her. Look, either you're a smoker or you're not.
Don't talk like the enemy. Honey, you smoke. You love nicotine! Don't talk
like you're thinking of quitting unless you're damn sure you want to. I know
you don't."

    Meanwhile, Roger tried to stop Theresa. She pushed him aside. "Get out of
my way," she mumbled. When she reached the door, she turned around. "Maybe Dad
is right," she droned. "Maybe I should never have started smoking!" With that,
she dramatically opened the door.

    "Theresa, you're just upset," Pam pleaded. "I'm sorry if I pissed you off.
C'mon back in here. Sit down. Have another cigarette. You'll feel better if
you just calm down."

    Without responding, Theresa walked into the hallway and slammed the door.
All three of them heard Theresa's footsteps pound down the stairs to the first
floor of the apartment building.

    For several moments Roger, Julie and Pam stared at each other. None of
them knew what to say. Cigarette smoke hung in the air. "Well, shit," Pam
said. "I guess I did it this time. Anyone want another beer?"

    Julie looked philosophical. "No, you didn't, Pam. Life is a series of
trade-offs," she went on, to no one in particular. "Every decision we make has
potential pluses and minuses. Growing up means learning to make those
decisions for yourself, based on the information available."

    Julie looked at Roger. "Theresa grew up with a father who's an
anti-smoking advocate. Her whole life she's listened to the anti-smoking
bullshit, propaganda they shove down our throats. You know what I mean. The
statistics prove that every smoker in the United States will die at least
twice from some smoking-related illness before the age of forty."

    Roger chuckled and nodded. He knew anti-smoking propaganda was notorious
for attributing high numbers of deaths to smoking related diseases. If you
smoked, whatever the cause of your death, smoking was attributed as the cause
for statistical purposes.

    Julie leaned forward in her chair. "Listen, guys," she said earnestly.
"Here's what I'm saying. Theresa enjoys smoking. She's heard the statistics,
the propaganda, the reasons why everybody should quit tomorrow. But like 50
million other Americans, Theresa doesn't want to. Why? Because she's done the
investigation that those guys haven't or have forgotten. She likes it. And
she's unwilling to give up the pleasure of smoking just because of supposed,
long-term, bullshit risks they're peddling." Julie looked at Roger. "Am I
right?"

    "I hope so," he answered. "Because one thing's sure. If Theresa quits, our
relationship is over. I'll never go out with a non-smoker!"

    Pam raised her can of beer. "Here, here," she agreed. "A man after my own
heart."

    Julie grinned. "Theresa'll get over it. She'll come around." Suddenly, she
stood up. "Hey, I've got an idea," she added. She walked to the phone and
started dialing. "Theresa won't get to her room for 15 minutes," Julie went
on. "I'm going to see if I can get hold of Dawn."


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Dawn sat across from Julie, Pam and Roger. A cigarette in one hand, and a
can of beer in the other. She sat thinking.

    "I don't get it," Dawn admitted. "I thought Theresa'd be delighted when I
told her I started smoking from visiting Robin." She took a drag on a Marlboro
100. "I mainly started because of Robin," she went on to respond to Julie's
inquiry. "I don't want Theresa to feel bad."

    Dawn took a drag and inhaled. She smoked like a pro, Roger decided
approvingly. She looked great. Her long, dark hair and her fair skin were
attractive. But not nearly as attractive, in Roger's opinion, as the smoke
which began to escape from her lips while she talked.

    "Look, guys, I'm smoking now," Dawn went on. She took another drag and
inhaled once again. "Theresa's feelings won't impact me one way or the other.
I've thought about this for a long time," she continued, "and I'm a smoker.
Like Robin, like you guys, like Theresa."

    "You made your own decision, and that's the way it should be," Julie
quickly agreed. "But you need to assure Theresa of that."

    "Don't worry," Dawn smiled. "I will. Shit, she'll get over it. She's just
stressed out. She's dealing with this thing relating to her father." Dawn
looked at Roger. "She won't do anything which will screw up your relationship.
That is, if she's smart." She smiled at him.

    Roger smiled in return. "We'll all help her, Dawn," he replied. "She's
confused, that's all. We'll all support Theresa."

    Suddenly the door opened. Theresa walked in. She saw Dawn, cigarette in
hand, sitting with her friends. "Dawn," she exclaimed, "what are _you_ doing
here?"

    "Oh, Julie called me," Dawn answered softly. "Because she was worried
about you."

    For a moment Theresa looked pleased. But the look on her face quickly
changed to agitation. "Were you guys afraid I was bailing out on you?" she
asked. "Trying to get Dawn on your side, too?"

    "No," Roger answered. "We want to help you work through this. Feelings are
okay, Theresa. But you need to work it through." He smiled bravely. "You can't
run away."

    Theresa sighed and sat down. "I know," she said with resignation. "That's
why I came back. Look, I apologize. I don't know what's wrong with me." She
looked at Dawn, still smoking on the couch. "I suppose they've told you what
an ass I made of myself?"

    Dawn blew a cloud of smoke into the air. "Theresa," she began, "Listen.
I'm smoking because of the weekend I spent with Robin. Like I told you this
afternoon, Robin and I shared everything in high school. Instead of coming
here to college, I almost went to the state university, just because Robin was
there. We've been close for a long time. Her smoking made me look at it
through different eyes. That's all. My decision had nothing to do with you,
Theresa." She smiled and puffed on her cigarette. "Except I thought you'd be
happy, not pissed," Dawn laughed as she exhaled.

    Theresa looked at the floor. "I know," she admitted. "I should be happy.
But I'm ambivalent. Maybe it's because of my dad, knowing what he'd say. Not
what he'd say to you, but to me. I imagine I'm helping you on the road to
ruin."

    Julie interrupted. "Hey, Dawn," she asked, "you've been smoking now for a
few days. Give us your honest evaluation of it. Are you still glad you
started?"

    Dawn finished her cigarette and crushed it out. "That's a tough question,"
she began. "Yeah, I like it. Apart from the stuff about smoking being bad for
you, I'd say yes absolutely, no question. I like smoking, if that's what you
mean. Like Theresa, I still worry about the health consequences a little bit.
But Robin told me she decided not to worry about what might happen 40 years
from now." She smiled. "Hell, in 40 years they'll probably be selling
anti-cancer pills at K-Mart." Dawn reached into her purse and pulled out her
pack of Marlboro 100's. "I've decided not to worry about what might happen
that far in the future. I'm going to smoke now because I like it."

    Dawn put a cigarette in her mouth and flicked her lighter. Roger watched
her take a drag, inhale the smoke, and then slowly blow it out in a thick
stream. "I still get a kick out of doing this," she admitted as she watched
the smoke escape from her mouth. "It seems so cool!"

    Julie turned toward Theresa. "Can you accept what Dawn says, Theresa?" she
asked.

    Theresa nodded. "Yeah, I think so," she replied. "I mean, I feel the same
way. I know smoking's not good for you, but I enjoy it. Maybe I shouldn't feel
guilty, but I still do, a little bit" She smiled at Dawn. "But I can't
criticize Dawn for making the same decision I did, can I?"

    "No," Julie agreed. She looked around the room. "Well, I don't know about
you guys," she said, "but I'm joining Dawn. I'm having another cigarette.
Anyone want to join me?"

    "I do," Theresa sighed. "Let me have one of yours, Julie."

    "That's the ticket!" Julie exclaimed. "I was hoping you'd say that." After
taking one for herself, she handed Theresa her half-empty pack of Marlboro
Light 100's. "Smoke 'em if you've got 'em, guys."

    Roger, Pam, Theresa and Julie all lit up. Dawn was already working on her
second cigarette. Roger smiled. He loved being with them. With Dawn in the
fold, Roger had more smokers to hang out with. Hopefully, this discussion
solidified his relationship with Theresa. He didn't want her to quit. She had
him worried for a minute there. He sighed. Yeah, he thought as he looked
around the room, this was all he ever wanted!

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