Alvin and the Smoking Chipmunks, Part 2

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Alvin and the Smoking Chipmunks-by Jason Thirus
Part 2
   "Suck on the filters as we light your new friends, fools!" Brittany shouts 
out to the boys.  As the boys suck, the tobacco end glows as orange as the 
actual orange fruit.  The boys attempt to inhale, but all three cough up a 
storm.
   "I HATE THIS!" yells Alvin.  "THIS THING TASTES LIKE CHOCOLATE!"
   "SHOVE IT!" all three girls yell back.  "CIGARETTES BELONG IN THE MOUTH!"
   The boys put their cigarettes back into their mouths, and the ashes fall 
directly into the three ashtrays.
   Brittany talks to the boys as if she is a smoking teacher.  "Now, suck on 
the filters, pull them out, and exhale the smoke in the mouth.  Smoke the 
rest of the cigarette that same way.  That's to help get your mouth used to 
the creamy smoke."
   After all six of them take their last drags and put the butts out in the 
tray, Theodore asks, "Can we get a snack?"
   Eleanor shakes her head.  "No, we have another smoking lesson for you boys. 
  This time, you new smokers are going to learn to-"
   "INHALE!" the girls chant.  The girls start singing a song to the "Jingle 
Bells" tune.
   Inhale the smoke
   Inhale the smoke
   Inhale it all the way
   Oh how fun it is to have a smoke
        	And ride on a one-horse nicotine sleigh!

   Simon asks, "Well, if we're going to inhale the smoke and nicotine, isn't 
that going to make us addicted?"
   Jeanette responds as if she is Simon's mother.  "That's right, silly.  
After smoking the whole pack, your body will crave for more smoke and more 
nicotine.  At that point, you're addicted, and that's when smoking becomes a 
habit."
   "A NICE, WONDERFUL, and PLEASURABLE HABIT!" Brittany adds.  "Now, you boys 
watch what we do, and you all repeat our actions."  The girls pull out a 
cigarette from their packs, put it in their mouths, flick the lighters, put 
the flames on the tobacco end, they suck, causing the tobacco to glow 
orange.  They also inhale.  The boys are having problems with their 
lighters.
   "FLICK THE LIGHTER BALLS AND THE RED BUTTON AT THE SAME TIME, PIP-SQUEAKS!" 
Brittany screams at the boys as if she is a basketball head coach.
   The boys follow Brittany's advice, and they get the flame to appear 
successfully.  They continue with the procedure, and they attempt to get the 
cigarettes to burn by inhaling the first drags.  All three boys cough up a 
storm.
   "STOP THE COUGHING!" Eleanor shouts.  "Now, just take the cigarettes, suck 
on the filter for three seconds, breathe in the smoke, hold it for at least 
five seconds, and exhale through the mouth as if you are breathing air.  
That's inhaling."  All three girls demonstrate their inhaling.  The boys 
follow the demonstration.  The Chipmunks are starting to get used to 
inhaling, but they still get dizzy.  Everytime when the boys inhale, they 
fall down as if they died and went to heaven.  Everytime the girls inhale, 
they exhale through the noses and mouths simultaneously.  For the sexy 
Chipettes, inhaling cigarette smoke is like breathing in fresh air.
   When everyone finished smoking, the Chipmunks are groaning in pain.  "I've 
fallen, and I can't get up!" Alvin moans out, with his hands over his 
stomach.
   Brittany picks him up by grabbing his neck and choking him.  "Listen up, 
complainer!  For homework, I want all of you boys to smoke the rest of these 
packs, and keep track of how long it takes all of you to smoke each one."
   "Let go of my neck, Mrs. Bobby Knight!" Alvin demands, while spitting out 
in an attempt to talk.
   Brittany releases Alvin's neck, and she continues talking.  "Tomorrow, 
we're coming back with three cartons of Marlboro Reds 100's, Newport 100's, 
and Benson and Hedges 100's.  And we'll teach you boys more about smoking, 
but with full-flavors.  Lights are for wimps.  Full flavors are for strong 
boys and girls.  I know the Chipmunks are a strong musical group, right?"
   All three boys nod their heads.
   "Well then, smoke on, brothers!" All three girls light up new cigarettes 
and leave while giving each other high-fives.
   "What do you boys want for a dinner?" Theodore asks.
   Alvin's mind is still affected by the smoking and nicotine.  "I'll have a 
Marlboro Red shrimp with a Newport and Winston sandwich.  I'll drink a 
refreshing cup of Salem with that."  He passes out on the floor and lays 
unconscious for one minute.

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