Cigarettes are a Girl's Best Friend

(by slimv2001@yahoo.com, 28 August 2004)


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CIGARETTES ARE A GIRL'S BEST FRIEND 

By: slimv 

Synopsis: 13-year-old Jimmy gets caught dressing in his mother's clothes 
and smoking her cigarettes. Is he a big girl now? 


Jimmy dangled his legs off the edge of his mother's bed as he watched her 
get ready for her date with Bob. She was sitting at her vanity, brushing 
her blonde hair. A long white cigarette dangled from her lips. He squinted 
to see the telltale ring of lipstick around the filter as she placed it to 
rest in the ashtray. 

At 13, he was short and small for his age. His size, along with his 
shoulder length blonde hair had made him a target for the bullies in his 
school. His frame was slight, but his hormones raged- a symptom of his 
puberty, according to his mother. 

Girls, women in particular, fascinated him. He admired and envied them. 
Perhaps things would have been different if his father hadn't died when he 
was so young. But things were as they were and he and his mother made the 
best of their situation. They had been well off while his father was alive, 
but a sizable life insurance policy and some good investments had created a 
comfortable financial climate. With no male influence in his life, Carol, 
his mother, had become his role model. 

The smoke from his mother's cigarette drifted hypnotically toward the 
ceiling. She made it look so feminine and glamorous. Some of the girls in 
his school smoked and he was drawn to him, but he wasn't their type. They 
went for the big guys- the bullies that made his life miserable. 

Things would change some day. His mother told him that. She knew all to 
well the troubles her son was experiencing. She told him that when he was 
older the playing field would level. The girls that had nothing to do with 
him today would vie for his attention when they saw how intelligent and 
resourceful he was. Until then, he would need to be patient. If he couldn't 
have the girls of his dreams, he could at least dream about them. 

While most boys his age were thinking of sex with girls as they pulled 
themselves to orgasm, Jimmy busied his mind with thoughts of becoming one 
with them. He fantasized about how they felt and what they thought. How did 
they feel when they put on their frilly dresses and slept in their silky 
nightgowns? Did they want to smoke? What about the ones that did? Did their 
parents know? Had they asked for permission? 

Dana was a smoker and her parents were well aware of it. She even had their 
permission. Dana was Dana St. James. She was a girl in Jimmy's class and 
the subject of many of his fantasies. She was beautiful and dressed the 
part. He was in awe of her. 

He remembered the thrill he felt on the first day of school when he saw the 
pack of cigarettes in her purse. A week after that, he saw her at a 
restaurant with her parents. They were sitting in the smoking section and 
she was having a cigarette with her mom. She looked so grown-up and 
elegant. He remembered the look of pride on her parent's face, especially 
her mother's, as she watched her young daughter smoke like a woman. He 
didn't know if it was true, but it was rumored that she started smoking 
when she was 9 and her parents gave her their permission when she was 11. 
He'd heard one girl say Dana smoked almost two packs a day! 

Jimmy couldn't help but notice a double standard when it came to the female 
sex. Girls did things guys could never do. It was perfectly acceptable for 
a young girl to smoke. It was a way of expressing her femininity. Guys were 
expected to stay in shape by playing sports. Girls didn't have athletics 
hanging over their heads. They could smoke and it even helped them keep 
their weight down. His mother was a prime example. She ate what she wanted 
and thanks to the three packs of cigarettes she smoked each day, she looked 
fabulous! And what about the clothes girls wore? They were pretty- not like 
the plain pants and shirts guys were forced to wear. He wondered about 
that. Why was it good for girls to wear pretty clothes and bad for guys to 
do it? Something about it seemed unfair. 

His mind wandered back to smoking as his mother applied her lipstick and 
took a deep drag from her Virginia Slim. Obviously men smoke too, but guys 
looked strange to Jimmy when he saw them smoking. Something about it didn't 
look right. He knew of only two guys in his middle school that smoked. They 
weren't cool like the girls. They were trash. And nobody liked them. 

"Are you sure you're going to be OK tonight? I should be back by midnight. 
Don't wait up for me. Do you understand?" 

"Huh? Oh yeah. Sure Mom. I'll be OK. Have a good time tonight. Take your 
time. Don't worry about me." 

Carol Higgins smiled and approached her son with her made-up and face and 
cigarette in hand. Jimmy wondered if she could sense his hard-on as she 
bent down and kissed him on the cheek. The smell of her smoky breath drove 
him wild. She giggled as she wiped away the remnant of her lipstick from 
his cheek. 

****************** 

He flipped channels as he sat in the chair once occupied by his father. 
Nothing on TV kept his interest. Situations like this were rare and he felt 
the need to make the most of his time alone in the house. He should at 
least jack-off if nothing else, but he could do that anytime. Thoughts of 
Dana and his mom crept through his mind. He couldn't get past the images of 
them smoking as if it was the most normal thing in the world for them to 
do. He wondered what it would be like to smoke in front of his mother. 
Would she smile at him the way he'd seen Dana's parents smile at her? He'd 
give anything to know that feeling of acceptance. 

He laid the remote control on the coffee table and got up from the chair. 
He started for the stairs but made a detour at the kitchen and tried to 
take his mind off his desires by opening a Coke and taking a big swig. He 
put the can down beside one of his mother's many ashtrays that littered the 
house like diamonds. The sight of lipstick stained filters made him hard. 
He picked one up and did his best to wipe away the ashes before sticking it 
between his lips. He was excited by the idea of putting his lips where his 
mother's had been. He was beyond reason, but he told him self he would not 
succumb as he walked up the stairs toward his mother's room. 

As he entered his mother's room, all he could think about was what a sick 
son of a bitch he was. He had felt these urges before but had always pushed 
them aside without acting on them. In his heart, he knew it was wrong, and 
the guilt plagued him as he pulled out his mother's dresser drawer. 

He opened the drawer and allowed his fingers to navigate the silkiness of 
her gowns. This wasn't the first time he had looked upon his mother's bras, 
panties and slips. But time had never been on his side the way it was now. 
He wanted more than to just touch. 

The temptation was immense and so was his fear. He cocked his ear and 
listened for any sign of danger. All he heard was the sound of the TV 
coming from downstairs. He took a deep breath and steadied his nerves as he 
removed his mother's long red silk gown from the confines of the drawer. He 
held it by the shoulder strap. The gown's hem fell to the carpet. It was 
gorgeous and he loved the way his mother looked in it. He wondered how he 
would look and feel if he put it on. 

The urge to strip and put it on was strong, but he held off. If he were 
going to do something so ludicrous and wrong, he would do it right. He laid 
the gown across his mother's bed and pulled out another dresser drawer. The 
feel of his mother's panties was heaven to his fingers and he withdrew a 
pair for further study. He laid it on the bed beside the gown and went back 
for more. 

He examined the clasps on his mother's bra as well as the large cups. He 
wondered how he would ever get it hooked. He wasn't very coordinated. The 
idea came to him that could connect the clasps and then shimmy into the bra 
feet first. 

After removing his clothes and leaving them in a pile beside the bed, Jimmy 
worked himself into the bra and pulled it up against his small flat chest. 
He opened his mother's underwear drawer again and picked out more of her 
panties, not to wear, but to fill the bra's deep cups. Satisfied with the 
results, he slipped on his mother's panties and pulled the gown over his 
head. 

The reflection of his false femininity in the full-length mirror astounded 
him. The stiffness of his erection against the silk gown ruined the effect 
but felt so good. He was powerless to leave well enough alone as he took a 
seat at his mother's vanity and tried to make-him self up the he'd seen his 
mother do. 

So many things to play with! What to do first? He began with the foundation 
and applied it sparingly and followed with blush and a little eye shadow. 
He applied the lipstick awkwardly. It would be obvious to anyone watching 
that he had never done this before. None of this mattered to Jimmy. It was 
the tingle in his groin that mattered as he put the cap back on the 
lipstick and returned it to the vanity. He brushed out his long blonde hair 
giving it some body. He put the brush down, being careful not to disturb 
the full ashtray that sat beside his mother's pack of Virginia Slims. He 
got up and walked to the full-length mirror. He tilted his hips and smiled 
at his reflection. He liked what he saw even though it pained him. WRONG! 
This is wrong, but he couldn't stop now. Maybe these urges would leave if 
he gave into them all the way- at least just this once. 

He returned with his mother's pack of Virginia Slims and lighter in hand as 
he modeled in front of the mirror. He removed one of the slim cigarettes 
from the pack and held it at an angle the way he'd seen Dana and his mother 
do. He moved it between his fingers so that the filter was between his 
fingers. This made the cigarette appear longer and more elegant. 

He knew better than to light it. His mother would have a fit if she found 
out. Just last week she had given him a long lecture about the dangers of 
smoking. She told him how important it was to avoid and learn from her 
mistakes. If smoking was so bad then why didn't she quit? Why did anyone 
smoke if it was so bad? She had told him about addiction. He had grown up 
hearing that word, but in his mind "addiction" was just a word. So what? 
His mother was addicted to something she obviously enjoyed and looked good 
doing. 

Jimmy put the cigarette between his lips and fumbled with the lighter. His 
thumb pressed against the steel wheel but nothing happened. He tried again 
and was surprised to see a flame appear. He nervously touched the tip of 
the cigarette to the flame and sucked on the filter the way he would suck 
on a straw if he were drinking a milkshake. 

His mouth filled with smoke. The flavor was not as he expected. It was 
harsh and hot. He realized his error in judgment but was powerless to 
prevent him self from seeing it through. He looked in the mirror as his red 
lips opened and exposed a thick ball of creamy white smoke. He inhaled the 
way he'd seen Dana and his mother do. The smoke slid down his throat. It 
was the last thing he saw as his eyes slammed shut and his body reeled in 
pain. How do people do this he wondered as he clutched his chest and 
coughed uncontrollably? 

He looked at his hunched over reflection in the mirror. His eyes watered. 
His chest felt as it were on fire. Yes, he should stop. He should walk over 
to his mother's vanity and put the foul cigarette out in the ashtray. This 
woman stuff was beyond him. He wasn't cut out for it. But somewhere within 
him, his determination swelled and he tried again. The smoke was still 
harsh, but this time he fought the urge to cough. Maybe this was how people 
really felt when they smoked. Maybe they just pretended to enjoy it, but 
Jimmy didn't think so. Dana and his mother had mastered this thing, and so 
would he. 

He stood in front of the mirror and continued practicing, walking away now 
and then to ash the cigarette at his mother's vanity. He had to finish the 
cigarette any way. If he didn't smoke it down to the filter it would look 
out of place among the other butts. 

As the cigarette burned down between his fingers, his confidence grew, and 
he began to move around the room, prancing with the cigarette, pausing to 
take puffs from it. He was proud of the way he was smoking. He may not like 
the way it felt, but he was in love with the way it made him look while 
wearing his mother's lingerie. 

The alarm clock radio on his mother's nightstand said it was only 8:00. He 
had until midnight to enjoy his mother's clothes and cigarettes. The pack 
was almost empty and he knew better than to take it downstairs. It made 
more sense to get a fresh pack from his mother's carton. He knew she would 
never miss it. 

************************* 

Jimmy was in heaven as he lounged on the couch, watching TV, wearing his 
mother's nightgown and smoking her cigarettes. He had never felt so relaxed 
or more at peace. At ten o'clock he decided enough was enough and he didn't 
want to press his luck. He removed the make-up, put his mother's clothes 
back where he had found them and went to bed. 

Carol let her self in a little past midnight. She scowled when she saw the 
TV on and the mess her son had left for her. But all in all, she had a good 
time on her date, and decided not to let a little extra housework bother 
her. After all, she should be pleased to see the house in one piece. She 
had heard stories of kids Jimmy's age inviting friends over and having 
parties while their parents were away. Her son was not that kind of boy- 
thank God! She locked the door and turned off the lights. The mess looked 
better in the dark. 

Her son's light was still on so she looked in and saw him sleeping. She 
couldn't help but feel a burst of love in her bosom as she watched him 
sleep. She went in and turned off the light before kissing him goodnight. 

If she had kissed him first, while the lights were still on, maybe she 
would have seen the bit of shadow that remained on his lids. But the clue 
eluded her. As she kissed his forehead, she couldn't help but notice the 
slight aroma of smoke in his hair. 

Poor boy she thought. That's what he has to suffer through, living with a 
mother that smokes. She wondered if the kids at school made fun of him for 
smelling this way. 

She closed his door behind her and turned off the hall light before 
entering her own room. She sat down at her vanity and lit a cigarette as 
she took off her make-up. She undressed and changed into a nightgown. The 
drawer of lingerie seemed disturbed. She noticed it but didn't give it much 
thought as she pulled the red gown over her head. She ran her fingers 
across the smooth fabric. She looked down and lifted the gown. She had felt 
something stiff. She wrinkled her nose in disgust. The stiffness she felt 
was dry semen. She must not have washed it after her last time with Bobby, 
her date from tonight. Oh well, she thought, at least it's a good memory, 
and with that she climbed in bed and fell asleep. 

********************** 

That first night of sweet temptation and satisfaction would repeat it self 
many times over the next three months. For Jimmy, each time was as 
wonderful as the first. Practice makes perfect and he had begun to master 
both the art of smoking and applying make-up. 

Things didn't seem right to Carol. She began to suspect Jimmy was up to 
something. She was neat by nature but her closets and drawers had become 
increasingly disorganized over the last couple months. This disturbed her 
but she tried not to think about it. She wasn't an expert on teenage boys. 
Perhaps his behavior was normal. Why wouldn't her son be curious about 
females? He was probably satisfying his curiosity by searching through her 
things. But still, she should probably have a talk with him, but it seemed 
so weird. 

She watched Jimmy in the mirror as she applied her make-up. He seemed eager 
for her to finish and leave. She kissed him on the cheek and told him not 
to wait up for her. 

*********************** 

Bobby reached across the table and lit Carol's cigarette. "What's wrong," 
he asked? "You haven't said a word all night and you hardly touched your 
dinner." 

Carol smiled weakly as she exhaled a lungful of smoke. "I don't know. I 
just can't get over the feeling that something isn't right." 

"Is it Jimmy? Has he been giving you problems?" 

Carol took a puff from her cigarette and pondered her answer. "I can't put 
my finger on it Bobby. Call it mother's intuition or whatever, but 
something isn't right. I hate to say this, but I don't know how to relate 
to him. I'm raising a boy, but I know nothing about boys. It would have 
been so much easier if he had been born a girl. What am I saying? Do you 
hear me?" 

"Yes, I do Carol. And I think you're telling me you need to go home early. 
Am I right?" 

She cocked her head ever so slightly and smiled at Bobby in a flirting 
manner. "Would you hate me if I did?" 

*********************** 

Bobby was the best thing that ever happened to him and his mom thought 
Jimmy as he floated around the living room waiving a cigarette in his hand. 
He believed he was gliding, but in truth he was stomping around the room 
like a Clydesdale. His mother's high heels were tight and difficult to 
balance in. He was wearing the cocktail dress that his mother had worn on 
her last date with Bobby. He knew he didn't fill it the way she did, but in 
his mind he did, and that was what mattered. 

It all happened so fast. He had been caught completely off guard. It was 
only 9:00. His mother shouldn't be home for hours. But the sound of a key 
turning in the door was unmistakable. He stood there in his mother's dress, 
holding a lit cigarette, like a deer caught in the headlights of an 
oncoming car as the door opened and his mother stepped inside. Her heart 
fluttered. He dropped his cigarette to the ground and scurried to pick it 
up before it burned the carpet. 

"Mom! What are you doing home"! 

"I didn't feel well," she said, "so I came home. What are you doing Jimmy? 
Why are you wearing my clothes? You're smoking!" 

"I can explain Mom," he said as he put the cigarette out. It's not what you 
think. I know what it must look like. I should have told you but I wanted 
to keep it a secret until I knew for sure." 

Carol took a deep breath and tried to compose her self as she sat down and 
opened her purse. She needed a cigarette. "What are you talking about," she 
asked? 

Jimmy turned bright red as he struggled for an explanation that would 
somehow make sense. He was caught. He was dead. He had ruined his life 
forever. 

"I was trying to come up with a costume I could wear for Halloween." 

Carol nervously lit her cigarette and inhaled a calming puff of smoke. 
"You're too old for trick or treat Jimmy. We agreed. Last year was supposed 
to be the end of it. You said you would stay home with me and give out 
candy." 

"I know. I know," said Jimmy. "I wasn't talking about going around the 
neighborhood. Some kids from school are having a party and I was thinking 
about going." 

"So why are you smoking? Is that a part of your costume too?" 

Jimmy's face contorted, but he was on a roll and the lie kept building. "I 
was thinking about going as Cruella DeVille. You know, that woman from '101 
Dalmatians'- the one that smokes and uses the holder. You know who I'm 
talking about, don't you?" 

"Yes, I remember. It's one of your favorite movies. You weren't inhaling I 
hope." 

His face reddened. "Of course not Mom. You know I don't smoke. It's just a 
part of the costume. I looked around your room to see if you had a 
cigarette holder, but I couldn't find one." 

Carol took a deep puff from her cigarette. "Apparently that wasn't all you 
were looking for." 

She got up off the couch and approached her son who took a step back. "It's 
OK," she said. "I'm not mad. I just want to get a closer look." 

She put a finger on his chin and scrunched her face as she examined her 
son's clumsy make-up job. 

Jimmy took a deep breath and relaxed. His lie was working. She believed 
him. Maybe he wouldn't die after all. 

"You could probably pull it off with a little help. What do you say? It's 
still early and I'm starting to feel better. You want to come up stair? I 
could help you with your make-up and you could get a better idea of how 
you'd look in your costume." 

"Naw, that's OK. I got a pretty good idea. I look pretty stupid. I don't 
think I'll go to that party anyway. If I'm embarrassed now, just think of 
how I'd feel if I really went. I'm going to take this off now." 

"OK Honey. Maybe we'll talk about it again tomorrow. Just put my clothes in 
the dirty hamper and don't forget to wash your face. Use my baby oil." 

While Jimmy took off his make-up, Carol called Bobby on the phone to let 
him know everything was OK. She told him there had been a situation at home 
but it wasn't life threatening. She asked him about his friend the 
psychiatrist. He gave her his friend's number. 

Jimmy scrubbed hard at his face. He was boiling over with adrenalin and 
relief. He had dodged a big bullet tonight. 

********************** 

He woke up to the smell of his mom's cigarette. She was sitting on his bed, 
prodding his chest, and telling him to wake up. He asked what was wrong as 
he rubbed his eyes. "It's Saturday isn't it? I don't have school today." 

He remembered the night before and scanned her face for any sign of anger 
but saw none. 

"No silly. But we've got a big day. You don't want to spend the day in bed, 
do you? Go get a shower and I'll have breakfast waiting for you when you're 
finished." 

********************** 

Jimmy's hair was still wet as he walked in the kitchen. Carol had her back 
to him as she flipped some bacon over the stove. She turned to face him 
with a spatula in one hand a cigarette in the other. She told him that 
breakfast was almost ready and to pour him self a cup of coffee and have a 
seat. 

She turned off the stove and set a plate of bacon and eggs in front of him 
and joined him at the table. 

"So what's the big thing we have to do?" asked Jimmy as he nibbled a piece 
of bacon. 

Carol inhaled deeply from her cigarette and tapped an ash. "I thought we'd 
work on your costume today. You know, Cruella DeVille." 

Jimmy blushed. "I don't think so Mom." 

"Oh come on Honey! It will be fun." 

"Look Mom. I tried it last night and I know what I'd look like. There's no 
reason to do it again. I already told you I wasn't going to the party." 

"Forget the party Jimmy. I want you to do this for me. And if you like it 
you can change your mind about the party." 

"I don't get it," said Jimmy. "Why are you saying I should do this for 
you?" 

Carol smiled shyly and took a deep drag from her cigarette. "When I saw you 
last night dressed in my clothes, it made me realize that I'll never have a 
daughter. Don't get the wrong idea about this. I love you and I'm very 
proud of you. It's just I've always wished you had a sister. That's why I 
want you to do this. It's selfish I know. But will you do this for me?" 

"It means that much to you," asked Jimmy? 

"It does Honey. Will you do this for Mommy?" 

Jimmy nodded his head and tried not to appear eager. This was too good to 
be true and he couldn't believe his good fortune. 

*********************** 

Carol stood back from the vanity, lit a cigarette and admired her creation. 
"You look beautiful Honey. Come over here and look at your self in the 
mirror. You won't believe it!" 

Jimmy got up from vanity. He'd seen his face in the mirror. He'd seen the 
way his mother had styled his hair. But as good as that was, he didn't put 
it all together until he saw himself in the full-length mirror. His mom had 
picked out the blue dress he was wearing as well as the sandals. They fit 
his feet and were much easier to walk in than the high heels. 

His head spun. The feel of the slip and the pantyhose against his skin was 
absolutely incredible. Not only did he look like a girl, he looked years 
older than 13. With make-up, he could easily pass for a 17 year old or 
maybe even a girl in college. He tried to conceal his joy but a smile 
erupted across his face. 

"So tell me Honey. What do you think? Do you see a boy or a girl when you 
look in the mirror?" 

"This is so weird Mom. It's like there's no way to tell I'm really a boy." 

"Almost but not quite," said Carol. "I forgot to do your nails. You'd be 
amazed at the difference a little polish can make. Of course I'll need to 
get your toes too. Sit back down. This will only take a minute." 

Jimmy sat back down and watched his mom as she went to work on his fingers 
and toes. She was right. It did make a difference. 

Carol was excited. Not only was it fun to play with Jimmy as if he was her 
daughter but she was also enjoying her son's happiness. It had been years 
since she'd seen her son so relaxed and happy. 

She didn't stop with the make-up. It was one thing to make her son look 
like a girl. It was another to get him to loosen up and talk and walk as a 
girl. "Do it like this," she said. "Now walk like this." It went on for 
hours. Jimmy found himself wishing it could go on forever. He'd never felt 
this much at ease with his mom before. He loved her and he knew she loved 
him back, but they had never shared a moment like this. He had never felt 
as close to her as he did now. 

His sense of joy and security disintegrated when his mother picked out a 
spare purse, handed it to him and told him they were going to the mall. 

"What for?" he asked. "I thought we were just going to do this here. I 
can't go out looking like this. What if someone sees me?" 

"Give me a break Jimmy. I'm your mother and I don't recognize you. As far 
as anyone will know, you're just another very pretty teenage girl. I'll 
tell you what. If we see anyone we know, I'll tell them you're my niece. 
I'll call you Katie. How's that sound? Do you like that name? That's the 
name I chose for you when I was pregnant. I would have named you Katie if 
you had been born a girl." 

"Yeah, I guess that's OK. Do I look like a Katie?" 

"To me you do. Do you feel like a Katie?" 

Jimmy looked in the mirror and smiled. "Yeah, I guess I do." 

********************** 

Somewhere between the house and the mall, Jimmy lost his nerve. He had been 
blinded by the excitement of wearing his mother's clothes. But fear had 
awakened his reason. And the smell of his mother's cigarette smoke reminded 
him that he hadn't smoked in over a day. 

He told his mother that he had changed his mind. She would have none of it. 
They parked at the front entrance. Jimmy spotted three boys he knew from 
school. He tried to look away as they walked past the boys. He felt the 
boys' eyes but no one shouted his name. He breathed a deep breath sigh of 
relief as the door closed behind him and his mother. Maybe this would work 
out after all. 

Their first stop was at a lingerie store called Sylvia's. He'd seen it many 
times before but never from the inside. He followed his mom to the far 
corner of the store where the breast forms were on display. She looked at 
him and back at the forms before choosing a set that would give him a 'C' 
cup. He was thankful that his mom carried them and didn't ask him to do it. 
She then went about picking out panties, bras and slips. She had a handful 
of under garments when she let out a gasp. 

He followed her eyes thinking she'd seen someone they knew. She wasn't 
looking at a person. Her eyes were fixed on the sexiest nightgown he'd ever 
seen. It was long like the red one his mother wore but this one was powder 
blue. His heart raced as she took it off the hanger and draped it over her 
arm. He didn't say a word as she went to the sales desk and paid for the 
purchases with a credit card. She didn't say she had bought the things for 
him but he could only assume. 

After leaving the store, Carol said she needed a cigarette, so they took a 
seat on a bench. She told him they had another stop to make. She wanted to 
get him some different to wear. After all, he wasn't anyone's mother. He 
needed something younger looking. 

He tried to talk her out of it as they approached the department store. He 
told her it wasn't necessary. It was just a Halloween party and he probably 
wouldn't even go. 

She told him not to worry about it. She impressed upon him that he was 
doing her a favor by letting her pretend to have a daughter. He followed 
her into the store. 

They went straight to the junior department. Jimmy watched as his mother 
stalked the racks picking skirts, belts, blouses and dresses. He spent the 
next hour trying them on along with breast forms she purchased at Sylvia's. 
When it was all said, done and paid for, Jimmy walked out wearing some of 
the purchases and carrying the rest in bags along with his mother's old 
clothes. He was dressed as if had just walked off the set a Mandy Moore 
video. 

As he carried the bags through the mall, he complained that she had spent 
too much. She told him not to worry about it and to quit trying to spoil 
her fun. 

She noticed the jiggle in his chest as he walked and asked how the breast 
forms felt. Jimmy blushed and told her that they were neat and felt real. 
They were so different than the socks he'd stuffed her bra with. 

He was so busy talking and enjoying him self that he didn't notice when his 
mother turned and walked into another shop. They were inside the "Tinder 
Box". It was a tobacco shop that specialized in cigars, pipe tobacco, 
cigarettes, and all kinds of smoking accessories. 

A man who appeared to be in his early fifties approached them and asked if 
he could be of assistance. 

"I hope so," said Carol. "This is my daughter Katie. She's recently taken 
up smoking. As much as her decision pains me, I respect and understand her 
feelings. I was her age once and I remember what a milestone it was when my 
mother gave me permission to smoke." 

The man looked at Carol and then at Katie and nodded as he scratched his 
beard. "So what did you have in mind," he asked? 

"Well, what do you have in the way of cigarette holders?" asked Carol. 

The man gestured to the display the case as he walked around the counter. 
He took out a black holder that was medium in length and accented with 
pearl. 

"It's beautiful," said Carol as she admired it and then handed it to Jimmy. 

The man also placed a gold lady's lighter on the counter. Jimmy squeezed 
his thighs together as he tried to hide his erection. 

"These are wonderful," said Carol. "They'll do quite nicely. Also, may we 
trouble you for a carton of cigarettes?" 

She turned to Jimmy and asked, "You still smoke Virginia Slims, don't you 
Katie?" 

Jimmy smiled weakly as she squeaked out a "Yes Mom." 

The man behind the counter reached behind him and pulled a carton of 
Virginia Slims. Carol handed him her credit card and opened the carton of 
cigarettes while the man rang up her purchases. 

She handed Jimmy a pack. "Here Katie. Put these and the lighter in your 
purse. I'm starved. How about you?" 

********************** 

They ordered salads and Carol removed her cigarettes from her purse and lit 
one. She reached in a shopping bag and pulled out the cigarette holder. "Go 
ahead Honey. Show me your best Cruela DeVille imitation." 

Jimmy blushed as he took the cigarette holder from his mom and loaded a 
cigarette in the holder's barrel. He was dieing for a smoke. He knew his 
mother had bought the holder as prop for his costume. She had no idea he 
was really addicted. As far as she was concerned this was just a little 
joke, but it felt like a matter of life and death as he scrambled to light 
the cigarette. He couldn't help but feel he was getting away with something 
right under her nose. 

Carol watched as Jimmy lit the cigarette and inhaled a deep puff. He didn't 
cough- quite the opposite as a matter of fact. Relief flooded his face as 
the smoke entered his lungs. 

"Do I look like Cruella DeVille," asked Jimmy? 

Carol scrunched her face as she studied him. "Not really. You look to 
pretty to be Cruella. And the holder doesn't go with your clothes. Lose the 
holder and try it with just the cigarette." 

"But Cruella always uses a holder," argued Jimmy. 

"I know," said Carol. "I just want to see what you'd look like without the 
holder. OK?" 

Jimmy took a deep breath and sighed as he twisted the cigarette loose from 
the barrel and placed the holder on the table. He realized his mom had put 
him in an awkward position. The only reason she was letting him smoke was 
because he was trying to look like Cruella DeVille. What was he supposed to 
do now- smoke it? 

Carol looked at her son holding the cigarette and smiled. "Aren't you going 
to take another puff," she asked? 

Paranoia overtook him. As much as he needed to smoke, he couldn't risk 
getting caught. He felt as if his mother was setting him up. "I don't 
really smoke. You know that." 

She looked at him knowingly and said, "Jimmy doesn't smoke, but I think 
Katie does." 

Jimmy reached across the table and tapped his cigarette over the ashtray. 
"What do you mean," he asked? 

"What I mean," said Carol, "is that I think my lovely young daughter is 
addicted to cigarettes. I saw the way you inhaled when you lit up. You've 
been doing this for quite a while, haven't you Katie?" 

Jimmy knew the game was up or at least he thought it was. He put the 
cigarette to his coated lips and took a deep drag. He inhaled and felt some 
relief although he was scared to death of what his mother would do to him. 

"Why are you doing this," he asked? "If you knew I smoked, why did you make 
me get all dressed up in these clothes and go through this?" 

Carol put her cigarette out and lit another one. "I did it so I would know 
for sure. This is about a lot more than smoking Honey and you know that." 

"I don't know what you're talking about. You're right. I've been smoking. 
I'm sorry and I'll quit. I'll never do it again. I promise." 

"It's not that easy Katie. If it were I would have quit a long time ago. 
Believe me. I know. I started smoking when I was your age too. And I 
started for the same reason you did- to attract boys, and then I got 
addicted. The same thing happened to you. You can't quit any more than I 
can. It's nothing to be ashamed of Honey. A lot of girls start smoking when 
they're your age. Why should you be any different? You look very feminine 
and grown-up with your cigarette. See how the boys are looking at you?" 

Jimmy scanned the restaurant. His mom was right. They were looking at him, 
and he liked the way it made him feel. He put out his cigarette and lit 
another one. 

"What are you trying to say Mom? Are you telling me I'm gay? 

"Not at all Honey. You're not a guy that likes guys. You're a woman in a 
boy's body that likes guys. You should have been born a girl, but you 
weren't. But that doesn't mean we can't make it right. I'm going to make an 
appointment for you to see a doctor on Monday. And I want you to be 
completely honest with him and with your self. Will you do that for me 
Katie? Will you?" 

"Yes mom." 


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