The Crusader, Part 3

The Crusader (Part 3)


Jenny's new acceptance of herself as a smoker led her to smoke more freely
over the course of the summer. She still liked to pretend that she had some
control over it at first, but in reality that melted away in the warmth of
the summer as she continued to smoke more and more. By August she had
finally progressed to a pack a day and the cravings had finally gotten to
her. She slowly began to understand that she too had become hooked as her
appetite for cigarettes continued undiminished. Smoking now seemed as normal
to her as breathing and it had insinuated itself into her daily routine to
the point where she seldom even thought about it these days. Almost
everything Jenny did now had to accommodate her need to smoke or else she
would avoid the activity, not wanting to repeat the experience she had at
camp ever again. She eventually recognized the hold it had taken on her one
morning when she awoke and got out of bed. Stumbling sleepily to the
bathroom she glimpsed her gold pack on the dresser in her room and
immediately but subconsciously felt a desire for a cigarette, even though
she had not customarily smoked until after breakfast. She stopped and
reversed direction. Almost unconsciously she shook one loose and extracted
it from the pack. She lit up while still half-asleep and inhaled a long puff
before setting course again for the bathroom. The smoke seemed to invigorate
her and as she puffed luxuriously on it in the bathroom she realized it felt
good to smoke first thing in the morning before doing anything else. Soon it
became part of her routine and a cigarette immediately upon awakening each
morning became a necessity, not an indulgence.  

Joanne still didn't like the idea that Jenny smoked but was growing
increasingly curious about her habit as she watched her daughter go into her
bedroom, the only place she allowed Jenny to smoke in the house, to have
another cigarette every 40 minutes or so when she was at home. She still
hated to see Jenny smoke but at the same time was fascinated by the
enjoyment her daughter seemed to take from her habit. For the first time in
her life she actually began to think about the reasons why people smoked and
was no longer so easily able to dismiss them as weak, stupid, or thoughtless
beings. She knew her daughter was none of those things, but nevertheless was
a smoker. Joanne struggled with the thought process behind Jenny's decision
to smoke and eventually concluded that there must be some physical reason
behind it. She began to wonder what pleasures Jenny felt every time she smoked.

Joanne and Jenny were shopping one Saturday when Jenny announced that she
needed cigarettes. Joanne waited outside in the mall while Jenny went into a
pharmacy superstore to buy a carton. She soon was rejoined by her daughter
who was emptyhanded and had a dismayed look on her face. "They carded me in
there," Jenny said disgustedly. "When I couldn't show ID they wouldn't sell
to me. Would you go get them for me? Please, mom?," she pleaded. 

This had never happened previously and Joanne had taken the ease with which
Jenny had been able to buy cigarettes as proof that the laws regarding
underage smoking were little more than a joke. At least this store, it
seemed, was living up to the law. She wasn't at all comfortable with Jenny's
request, though she knew that her daughter probably wouldn't ask if she
wasn't desperate. "Are you completely out?," she asked. 

Jenny nodded affirmatively. "Yeah... I had my last one before we left home.
I was hoping we'd go here first so I could buy myself some and have one in
the restaurant after lunch. That's why I didn't have one there earlier. I'm
dying for one, mom. If we don't get them here, then I'll have to make a trip
to the Walgreen's where I normally buy them after we get home." She made a
face. It was a wet, windy day and Jenny would have to walk several blocks to
the other store. 

Joanne felt a little sympathy for her daughter, having come to better
understand her need to smoke recently, and finally said "OK, I'll do it for
you. Wait here. Marlboro Light 100s, right?"

"No, mom, Marlboro 100s. The gold ones. Here, let me give you the money,"
Jenny said, reaching for her wallet.

Joanne waved her off. "Not here. I want to get this over with as soon as
possible," she said, heading towards the entrance. Making her way to the
counter, Joanne scanned the store carefully for familiar faces. She was as
nervous as a schoolgirl on her first date, she realized, anxious that no one
who knew her from work would see her doing this. She recognized no one and
finally reached the counter. "Yes... I'd like a carton of Marlboro 100s,
please," she said. The girl behind the counter wandered over to the wall of
cigarettes and turned back to face her. 

"Soft pack or box?," she called, loudly.

Joanne started. She just wanted to get out of there without drawing
attention to herself, and the last thing she needed was to have a
conversation about her purchase from halfway across the store where everyone
could hear. She glanced at Jenny outside in the mall who was watching the
whole thing with a broad grin on her face. She had heard the question and
mouthed the word "box" at her mom. "Box, please," Joanne said. 

The salesgirl returned to the register and placed the gold carton on the
counter in front of Joanne. "C'mom, hurry up and put them in a bag,
please..." Joanne thought, not wanting to be seen with her illicit purchase
for longer than necessary. 

"Anything else?," the clerk asked by rote. Joanne shook her head no. "Would
you like some free coupons for photo finishing?," the clerk now asked. Geez,
Joanne thought, what does it take to get out of here? She replied negatively
once again. "Then that'll be $17.49, please," the clerk finally said,
ringing in the sale. Still the cigarettes sat on the counter in front of her
as Joanne handed the salesgirl a fifty. The clerk started to make change,
then paused. She lifted out the cash tray and looked underneath. Replacing
it, she said to Joanne, "I'm sorry, I'm all out of dollar bills. Just a
minute, I'll be right back." She removed a twenty-dollar bill from the cash
drawer, pushed it closed, and walked over to the office. Joanne was growing
more exasperated and anxious each minute as the carton of Marlboros sat
exposed on the counter in front of her. People had lined up behind her and
she felt all eyes were on her. Finally after what seemed like an eternity
the girl returned with a stack of singles. She made change for Joanne, and
gave her the $32.51. Finally, she placed the cigarettes in a plastic bag
along with the receipt and Joanne fled, purchase in hand, her anxiety level
dropping only slightly as she now noticed that the contents of the bag could
clearly be seen through the thin plastic.

Joanne flew out of the store, down the mall to collect Jenny and handed her
the bag without stopping. "Here, take them," she hissed, as Jenny ran after
her to catch up. "Don't ever ask me to do that for you again!" Jenny found
her mom's discomfort hilarious and despite trying to repress it, she
couldn't help breaking out into a bout of laughter. Joanne was in overdrive
as she headed for the parking lot. 

They reached the car and headed out of the lot. When they hit the
Interstate, a violent thunderstorm had slowed traffic to a crawl before it
stopped altogether. "Oh, great," Joanne said as they came upon the block of
traffic. She turned on the radio and after a few minutes heard that an
accident had traffic tied up for miles. It inched ahead slowly for a time
before stopping totally. They sat for about 5 minutes before Joanne shut off
the engine. The rain quickly made the windshield impossible to see through
except for some blurry, distorted images. After about 15 minutes they still
hadn't moved, and Joanne looked over at Jenny sitting in the passenger seat.
She was taking deep breaths and blowing them out through pursed lips. Joanne
was baffled by this and asked, "Jen... are you OK?"

"Oh... yeah, mom, I'm fine," Jenny said. 

"What's with the breathing exercises?," Joanne asked.

"Ummm... I just remembered reading that deep breathing helps when you want
to try and get rid of an urge to smoke," Jenny said, feeling a little
embarrassed. "I'm sorry... it's just that I haven't had one since this
morning and I'm overdue, I guess," she finally admitted.

Joanne looked at her daughter as she continued to do the breathing
exercises. She realized that Jenny was probably suffering right now and
would like nothing better than to be able to smoke a cigarette. She had
never allowed smoking in her car before, but suddenly she decided that it
wouldn't be a disaster if she did. "It's OK, honey," she said. "If you want
one, go ahead. Just crack the window a little bit." 

Jenny immediately spun around, first in surprise, then in urgency before
Joanne changed her mind. She reached into the back seat and found the bag
from the drugstore. Placing it on her lap, she tore open the end of the
carton and removed a pack. She expertly stripped off the cellophane, flipped
open the box top and removed the foil. Extracting a cigarette, she held it
between the fingers of her left hand while she opened her purse with her
right and found her Bic. In a sudden series of motions she placed the
cigarette to her lips, brought her lighter to life and lit up. She puffed
out the first smoke that reached her mouth around the cigarette between her
lips while she replaced everything where it had been and lowered the window
an inch or so. Then she began a long, hard drag on her Marlboro as she
reached with her right hand towards her mouth. Grasping the cigarette, she
finally withdrew it and inhaled deeply, some of the smoke escaping from her
mouth but being captured again as it passed her nostrils. She gratefully
held it in for a few seconds, feeling a familiar sense of relief, before
turning her head slightly and blowing a stream out the window. "Thanks,
mom," Jenny said. "I'll try to keep it away from you." She thrust the
cellophane and foil out the window as she began another puff. 

Jenny enjoyed her first cigarette in nearly three hours by taking a rapid
series of long, deep puffs to try and satisfy her cravings. In virtually no
time at all it was finished and she carefully flicked the butt out the
cracked window after taking one last drag which she exhaled out the window
before closing it once more. "That was good.... thanks, mom," Jenny said. "I
know you don't like anyone to smoke in the car."

"It wasn't so bad. Actually, I could hardly smell it," Joanne replied. "As
long as you don't use the ashtray and blow it out the window like that I
guess you can smoke here if you want. Just be careful, OK?," she said. In
truth, Joanne had come to almost like the smell of Jenny's Marlboros. She
would never admit that to Jenny, but the odor reminded her of when she was
growing up and the smell that she associated with her father when he smoked.
It was a comforting scent, and one that she really hadn't recalled until
Jenny took up the habit.

After about 20 minutes they had barely moved and traffic showed no sign of
clearing. Jenny let out a couple of long sighs before she finally said "Mom,
would you mind if I had another cigarette?" Joanne looked at her for a
second before nodding and Jenny began to reach into her purse. She opened
the car window, then pulled the pack of Marlboros out part of the way and
extracted another of her long cigarettes. She lit up as Joanne watched
closely, again puffing out a little smoke before beginning her now-customary
long puff. As she withdrew it from her lips finally, she relaxed comfortably
back into the seat and Joanne could hear her breathe in as she sucked the
smoke down into her lungs. She held the cigarette close to the open window
in her right hand and allowed the smoke from the tip to draft out while she
blew a long stream out the window. Joanne felt totally alone with Jenny
under these conditions, and she began to think about her daughter's habit
while watching her smoke. Over the last hour or so she had allowed herself
to actually become a part of Jenny's smoking for the first time since she
began, other than to criticize her for it. She suddenly wanted to really
talk to Jenny about smoking rather than to just harp on her as she had done
before.

She watched as Jenny absently  took another deep draw on her cigarette and
then stuck the glowing end through the cracked window to flick away some
ash. She looked so content whenever she smoked, Joanne observed. She needed
to understand this better, and she asked, "Jen, honey, I'm curious about
something."

"What, mom?," Jenny said before quickly turning her head towards the window
and exhaling a stream out of the car.

"Your smoking... it just looks as though you like it so much. What does it
do for you? Is it relaxing, or what?"

Jenny was surprised by the question. The only time the subject of her
smoking had ever come up between them before was in a negative way, but this
question was delivered in a reasoned tone, almost friendly, not
confrontational at all. She wasn't used to that whenever this particular
subject was being discussed, though it was the usual way they communicated
otherwise. She thought about it for a few seconds and decided to answer
honestly rather than defensively. "Relaxing? Yeah, it really is, mom. It's
kind of hard to describe. Sometimes it's relaxing, like now, and at other
times, like when I first get up in the morning, it's a pickup. I can't
really explain it to you. I know it's bad for me, but I just really like it."

"Yes, honey, it *is* bad for you. I'm glad you recognize that. And that's
why I've been so hard on you for it. It's just because I love you, that's
all. I don't want to see you harm yourself with it, and it scared me that
you would. I hope you understand, Jen, that the reason I've been on your
back about it is that alone, not because I don't love you anymore. I do.
Nothing will ever change that. I've just found it hard to get used to the
idea that you're a smoker now. I guess I was really disappointed and took
that out on you. I'm still having a hard time with it, honey, especially
because of the work I do and all, but I'm trying. I just hope you'll decide
on your own to give it up someday soon," Joanne explained.

Jenny was touched by her mom's words. She understood Joanne's concerns and
felt a little guilty for a moment. "Oh, mom, I know how you feel," she said.
"I don't know... I guess I might quit someday," she said wistfully, knowing
that it was the last thing she really wanted to do. "Maybe in a few years. I
just like it right now. It feels good to me. I don't know how I can make you
understand that... since, like, you've never smoked, right? I think only
people who smoke themselves can really understand what it's like. And I
don't think it'll hurt me, at least not right now. I hope you understand if
I keep smoking for a while yet."  

It was too much to ask, Joanne figured, to think that Jenny would give it up
completely. She tried to appreciate her daughter's words but still couldn't
totally understand the attraction she felt. She decided she could live with
the smoking, as long as it didn't cause her any embarassment at the office,
but she was still greatly bothered by the extent to which Jenny's habit had
grown. "I know you like smoking, Jen," she finally replied. "That much is
obvious. I just wish you didn't do it quite so much. It seems like you're
smoking an awful lot lately. Do you think you could try and cut down a little?"

Jenny thought for a moment. She knew she was smoking about a pack a day
lately and she really liked it, but even to her it did seem like quite a
bit. "OK, I'll try, mom," she answered, knowing that she didn't really
believe her words. She wasn't quite sure how she'd do it, because if
anything she was already holding herself back from smoking even more. But
she thought if it made her mom a little more reasonable, like she had been
today, then it was worth a try.

Over the next week or so Jenny tried to keep her smoking under closer
control. By consciously thinking about it before lighting up, rather than
doing it automatically as she had, she was able to reduce her consumption
slightly. But after only a couple of days, she noticed that she seemed to be
feeling the urge all the time, and was feeling a little edgy. She didn't
want to revert back to her old ways just yet, and so she found herself
trying to make the most of each cigarette she smoked. Almost without
realizing it she had started to puff harder and more often every time, and
she was inhaling more deeply than ever. Jenny even discovered how to perform
a double-pump inhale in response to her intense urge to smoke. The first
time she did it without even consciously thinking about it, after she had
gone several hours without smoking. She had taken a long first drag on a
fresh Marlboro 100 and inhaled deeply, then somehow felt that it just wasn't
enough. Even though she had never done this before, Jenny immediately thrust
the filter, smoke still drafting from it, back between her lips. She took a
second puff, pulling hard for another 5 or 6 seconds until a little smoke
from the first puff began to trickle out of her nostrils. Having both her
mouth and nasal cavities filled with smoke simultaneously gave it a
different but enjoyable taste, she discovered. She then inhaled even more
deeply this time, forcing the second puff in on top of the first to
completely fill her lungs with the dense smoke, and she held it in for a few
seconds. "Omigod...," Jenny murmured breathlessly to herself, her heart
jumping as she understood what she had just done, and a satisfied smile
began to appear on her face as she suddenly realized it felt wonderful.
Jenny finally exhaled an unusually thick stream through her mouth and nose,
and required several more breaths before all of the smoke had been expelled
from her lungs. She found this technique gave her a thrill like she hadn't
felt since the days when she had first started smoking, and allowed herself
to try it a few more times over the next couple of days. By the end of the
week it had become a regular feature of her habit.

Despite her best intentions, Jenny was unable to successfully reduce her
cigarette consumption. After a few weeks she was back at her pack a day
level, and if anything her intake had increased as she now took more
aggressive pulls on her Marlboros and always performed a few double pumps
each day when the desire to smoke was particularly acute. She and Joanne had
talked about her attempt to scale back the first week or so, and Joanne
tried to encourage her. But as the novelty wore off and Jenny continued to
backslide, the subject seemed never to come up any longer. Joanne could see
shortly after Jenny's 16th birthday that nothing had changed, and eventually
accepted her daughter's addiction as something she could do little about.
Jenny was now allowed to smoke in the basement family room as well as her
bedroom, and would even be permitted to have one occasionally in the dining
room after a meal. Joanne decided that stigmatizing her daughter for smoking
might do more harm than the habit itself, and finally conceded a few points
in deference to Jenny's otherwise exemplary behaviour.

The next year, just before Labor Day, Jenny and Tammy were enrolled at a
two-week music camp at a university campus about an hour from home. The camp
was held at the same time as Frank and Barbara Sommers were travelling to
Europe on a second honeymoon of sorts, and Tammy had spent a couple of days
with Jenny beforehand after her parents had departed. Joanne allowed her the
same freedom to smoke as Jenny once she learned from Barbara that she
permitted Tammy to smoke. The girls kept the family room filled with a smoky
haze the two nights they were together, and Joanne watched them smoke
together constantly. While Barbara normally still limited Tammy to a pack a
day, she had given her enough money to let her buy what she needed while
they were gone and Tammy had bought a couple of cartons of Virginia Slims to
take with her to the camp. She took advantage of her situation and smoked
well over a pack on each of the two days she spent at Jenny's house.

On Saturday, Joanne drove the girls to the college and after seeing that
they were settled in she returned home. She was looking forward to having
two weeks all to herself for the first time she could remember since before
her marriage, and was hoping to both enjoy herself a little as well as to
get some things done around the house in her free time. As she did some
tidying up she discovered that Tammy had left an open pack of Virginia Slims
in the family room. She picked them up and was about to toss them out along
with some trash, before she reconsidered, thinking that Tammy could pick
them up on her return, and put them in a drawer in the kitchen. She gave it
little thought and went about her business, which included preparing herself
to attend a fund-raising dinner that evening for Congressman Samuel Morris,
an outspoken critic of smoking and a leading advocate of anti-smoking
legislation. Congressman Morris was a longtime supporter of the group Joanne
acted as spokesperson for, the Congressional Action Team (CAT). 

Around 8:00PM Joanne arrived at the hotel and was greeted by a number of her
coworkers including the Chairman of CAT, Philip LaRue; Megan King, a young
but talented writer who had produced the evening's speech for Rep. Morris
and was the main source of most of the group's written material; and Carolyn
Harris, a lobbyist and fundraiser for the group. They were seated at a table
with several other supporters of the Congressman and enjoyed a fine dinner
with plenty of wine. Sam Morris gave his usual stem-winder of a speech and
at the end the room burst out in a standing ovation. Everyone congratulated
Megan on her fine job and they toasted her with another round of drinks. By
the time the festivities were wrapping up everyone was feeling a little
tipsy and Joanne was considering whether she shouldn't take a cab home
rather than risk driving. Just then they were joined by Dan Sherman, one of
the Congressman's assistants, who quietly invited them to join the
Congressman and his wife along with several other people upstairs in a
hospitality suite reserved for the evening. Joanne really didn't want
anything more to drink but everyone else seemed enthused by the idea and
eventually they convinced her to join them.  

Joanne was struck when she entered the suite by the odor of tobacco smoke
that filled the room. She quickly saw the source: Sam Morris himself,
working the room with a politician's usual glad-handing and ebullient
personality, puffing on a huge cigar, and his wife Shirley, inhaling lustily
on a long white cigarette. But they weren't the only ones, she noticed; it
seemed that about half of the many people filling the room were smoking.
Joanne was amazed that people who were so vehemently associated with the
fight against smoking would actually smoke themselves, and wondered how they
could justify their public positions with their private behaviour. She had a
soft drink and decided just to hang in the shadows and watch things for a
while. Sam Morris continued to work the room and Joanne watched in amazement
as he spoke with Phil Larue and eventually offered him a cigar, which Phil
gladly accepted and puffed to life as Sam offered him a light. Meanwhile
Megan continued to down a few too many drinks as she flirted with several of
the men in the room, while Carolyn was quickly engaged in conversation with
Shirley Harris. After a few minutes she saw Shirley reach for her pack of
cigarettes and Carolyn took one as well, while a very tipsy Megan eventually
also accepted a cigarette from a man she was seriously flirting with in a
dark corner of the room. Joanne watched incredulously as all three of her
anti-smoking co-workers made hypocrites of themselves in an alcohol fog, and
after a few more minutes her feelings became too much for her to handle. She
made excuses and left quickly.

Driving home all Joanne could think about was the hypocrisy of the people
she worked with, and her anger began to build. When she entered the house
she was quite worked up and decided to have a glass of wine as she thought
about the evening's events. She grabbed a bottle of red from the rack in the
dining room and took it into the kitchen to open it. Rummaging around in a
drawer looking for a corkscrew, she finally found it, along with the pack of
VS 100s left behind by Tammy. She looked at them for a moment, thinking of
the evening's events. She redirected her thoughts to opening the wine and
poured herself a glass. She returned to the living room and sipped her wine,
still feeling upset at the events of the evening. As the effects of the wine
made themselves felt as she neared the bottom of the glass, her thoughts
suddenly returned to the pack of cigarettes lurking in the kitchen drawer.

Joanne finished her wine and decided a refill was in order. She poured
herself another glass and then paused. Impulsively and out of both curiosity
and defiance, she opened the drawer and picked up the pack of cigarettes.
Carrying them and her glass back into the living room, she stopped at the
fireplace to retrieve a book of matches and returned to the sofa. Sitting
down, she studied the pack closely. She read the Surgeon General's warning
before shaking the pack to expose a few cigarettes. She selected one and
withdrew it slowly. Looking at it, she smelled the tobacco aroma and found
it rather pleasant. She examined it for a few moments before she suddenly
decided that she needed to try this herself, to see finally what her
daughter, her friends, and her co-workers found so appealing about it
despite all the knowledge of the consequences of the habit.

Striking a match, Joanne thought she knew what she needed to do from
watching Jenny smoke over the last while. She placed it between her lips
with her right hand and moved the flame towards the end with her left. She
applied some suction and immediately felt a bitter taste in her mouth. She
withdrew the cigarette and blew out a cloud of smoke to extinguish the
match. She held the cigarette gingerly between the tips of her fingers like
she had seen Jenny do, and arose quickly to retrieve an ashtray from the
dining room  - the one she reserved for Jenny on special occasions and kept
hidden at other times - and returned to her perch. Joanne realized as she
walked back to the sofa with the glass ashtray in one hand and the burning
cigarette in the other, a trail of smoke marking her travels, that her heart
was pounding in nervousness, just like a schoolgirl's, as she struggled
subconsciously with her behaviour. She reached for her glass and took a sip
to wash away the strange taste. She smelled the scent of the smoke and was
again reminded both of her father and her daughter. She decided to try a puff.

She moved the filter to her lips and sipped gently on it, letting a little
smoke into her mouth. She immediately blew it out as her mouth watered in
response. She decided she didn't particularly care for the taste but that it
wasn't intolerable either. Another small sip of wine eliminated the remains
and she thought about Jenny. A sudden determination came upon her and she
again sipped a little smoke from the cigarette, then breathed it in like her
daughter always did. She felt it as it entered her lungs and her heart
jumped. She began to blow it out and felt a tickle at the back of her
throat, but the amount of smoke she inhaled was so small that it didn't make
her cough. She saw a thin plume exit her lips and was fascinated
immediately. It didn't feel all that bad, though it was certainly unusual.
It wasn't at all like she had imagined, somehow... it wasn't irresistible,
nor was it disgusting. It was just different somehow, but not all that
unpleasant. 

Joanne paused to tap an ash from the end of her cigarette, and looked at the
orange crescent at the end that glowed softly. She thought about what she
had experienced so far and decided she needed to learn more. Again she
sipped gently on the filter, drawing a little more smoke into her mouth this
time, and inhaled again. The sensations she felt as the smoke found her
lungs were more intense this time, yet somehow less intimidating. She slowly
exhaled after a moment and saw a long thin stream exit her lips. Her system
seemed to be racing nervously now, and she took another sip of wine to try
and reverse the effects. After another few moments she seemed to settle
down, and she decided to try it once more. 

The filter of the VS 100 was again carefully placed between her lips and she
drew on it, first gently, then with increasing force. She saw the end of the
cigarette jump to life, and after a few seconds she withdrew it and inhaled.
Her lungs filled with the smoke that had been in her mouth, and she felt a
strange, airless sensation in her chest as she drew it in. A sudden rush of
sensations began to move through her body, and as she exhaled she saw a
long, much thicker stream of smoke leave her body. She felt suddenly
light-headed, and was unsure whether it was the cigarette, the wine, or both
that was the cause. Joanne smiled silently as she enjoyed the effect and
closed her eyes for a moment to savor it.

After a few moments she returned to reality and again ashed the cigarette.
She thought about her daughter's habit and tried relating it to what she
herself had felt tonight. She could see why Jenny liked to smoke, she
thought. It was different, and rather pleasant, at least so far. She knew
her daughter found it more than just enjoyable, and in fact was addicted to
the nicotine, but she finally understood how it had happened. The insight
was satisfying to her, and she decided to try one last puff. 

Joanne was still thinking of Jenny as she replaced the filter between her
lips. She began to draw on the cigarette and continued to do so just as
Jenny now did until she could draw no more into her mouth. She opened her
lips and took a deep breath in. The smoke again filled her lungs and she
closed her eyes once more as she felt the same strange, intense but now
enjoyable sensation deep in her chest. She flushed with pleasure and slowly,
almost reluctantly, blew out a stream from her nose and mouth. She took a
deep breath and again saw some smoke leave her body as she breathed out. The
light-headedness was unmistakable now and there was no question as to the
cause. Joanne sighed and crushed out the cigarette in the ashtray. She sat
motionless for a few moments before finally reaching for her glass and
finishing her wine. She no longer cared about the hypocrites she worked
with, nor did she feel at all bad about what she had done. Regardless of
what she may have felt about the habit before this evening, she now saw it
in a different light and thought that maybe she now had an appreciation for
why people smoked, if nothing else. The fact that she had actually enjoyed
it was an unexpected surprise.

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