Farmer's Wife, Part 4

(by Gray Haze, 08 December 2007)


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Farmer's Wife
By Gray Haze

Part 4

Megan threw her bag into the trunk of her friend Sue's car as she got ready
to leave.  Sue lived on the same floor as Megan and she also lived in
Connecticut.  It was now Christmas break, and Megan was heading home for the
holidays.  

During the drive back, she smoked heavily.  She spent the whole trip trying
to think of what to say to her parents.  She knew that they were going to
flip about her smoking.  But what if she didn't tell them?  That certainly
was an option that, as the trip went on, seemed to make the most sense.
Megan didn't see any reason why she had to smoke.  So by the time the car
crossed the Connecticut boarder, she had decided.  She just wouldn't smoke
during the week.

Megan arrived home at five that Saturday evening.  She was immediately
greeted by both her parents, who missed her very much.  They both noticed a
change in Megan.  The way she dressed and conducted herself was much
different than what they remembered of the shy little girl they left at
college three months earlier.  

Megan headed to her bedroom and started to unpack.  The first thing she did
was hide the two cartons of cigarettes that she packed.  "Don't worry my
friends, I'll smoke you after this break," she thought as she placed them in
the back of her closet.  

Megan then went down and joined her mother in the kitchen.  It didn't take
long for her mother to bring up the one issue that Megan didn't want to hear.

"So Megan, have you had any luck finding a new room at college?" 

"To be honest with you mom, I haven't really been looking."

"Well, I don't know if you realize it anymore, but your clothes stink of
cigarette smoke.  Doesn't it bother you?"

"No, I got used to it, mom," Megan said, knowing full well how much she
really got used to it.  "I really like Sherry and the rest of the girls on my
floor.  Another girl Terry has become my best friend.  Yes they smoke, mom,
but they really are nice."

Megan then spent the next hour telling her mom all about her friends and her
college life.  She even told her all about growing relationship with Mike.
At seven they all sat down and ate dinner.  Her younger sisters Jennifer and
Amy were there and everyone talked all through dinner.  Megan was real close
with her sisters before she left for college, and seeing them again was
great.  After dinner, Megan felt a sudden, strong urge for a cigarette. She
had grown to like smoking after eating, and now that she was done with the
meal, she really wanted one.  But she refrained for obvious reasons.  

As the evening wore on, the urge didn't dissipate.  Quite the contrary, it
intensified.  Megan had never felt this bad before.  Since Thanksgiving
break, she never went very long at all without smoking.  So, by the time she
went to bed she was absolutely frantic.

Megan waited until everyone went to bed before she headed up to her room.
She was now desperate, and knew what she wanted.  Once in her room, she
quietly opened her window.  She then grabbed her purse and pulled out a
Salem.  Lighting up, she immediately felt that wonderful rush of nicotine hit
her brain.  As she quietly smoked, she thought about what Terry had told her
about not being able to quit.  For the first time, Megan was now starting to
understand.

The next morning, Megan got up and immediately felt that strong urge for a
cigarette.  She got out of bed and put on her sweats.  She then grabbed her
Salem's and sat back down on her bed.  She thought about what to do next.
"Why am I hiding this? I am 18," she said to herself, finally starting to
admit defeat in her fight against her new addiction.  Megan then placed the
pack in her sweats pocket and headed downstairs to the kitchen for breakfast.

"Good morning Megan, would you like some coffee?" her mother said as Megan
walked in.  

Megan nodded and thanked her mom as she was handed a cup.  "Mom, we have
always been close and I really missed you while I was away."

"Yes dear, we have always been close, and I can't describe to you how badly I
missed you."  Megan sat quietly sipping on her coffee as her mother looked
on.  "Is something bothering you, Megan?  You seemed awful quiet all last
night."

"Mom, I need to tell you something, and I hope you won't be mad."

"Oh Megan, I could never be mad at you, I love you to much.  You know that
you can always confide in me if you need to."

Megan paused for a second while she thought about what to say.  She then
reached under the table and touched her pack of Salem's in her pocket.  God,
did she want one!

"Mom I have been doing something that I know that you won't approve of, but
before you say anything, just let me say what I need to say."  Megan saw the
concerned look on her mother's face.  She took a deep breath then continued.
"Mom, I've started smoking.  I know all the risks and I made this decision
all on my own.  I really enjoy it and I plan on continuing.  I'm not asking
you for permission.  All I am asking is that you understand and accept it.
So, please don't think any less of me, but I just thought you should know."

"Oh Megan, I was afraid that this would happen, being on the floor with all
those smokers.  God honey, this is terrible.  I just don't understand why you
would want to do this to yourself."

"It's hard to explain mom, but I really love my cigarettes.  I guess you have
to smoke to understand."

Megan's mom sat there motionless, not quite knowing what to say.  The silence
between the two of them was deafening.  Finally, Megan's mom spoke up.

"I love you Megan, and I guess there is not much I can say to change your
mind.  You are an adult, and if this is the worst decision you ever make in
your life, I guess that won't be so bad.  But I'm glad that you told me.  I
don't want to ever have any secrets between us."

"Oh, thank you mom!" Megan said as she got up to hug her.  "This means so
much to me.  Don't worry, though, I will only smoke outside and in my
bedroom."  Megan then pulled her pack of Salem's out.  "That said, I could
really use one right now."

"Wait, honey," her mother spoke up as she watched Megan head for the door.
"This is your home also, so you're welcome to smoke in here."

Megan stopped and looked at her mother.  "Are you sure?"  Her mom nodded yes,
so she then sat back down at the table.  She pulled a cigarette out and
placed it between her lips.  She then lit up while her mother stared at her.
Megan drew heavily on the filter as smoke rushed into her mouth.  She then
pulled the cigarette away and inhaled deeply.  

"Wow, I guess you do smoke," her mother said as she watched her daughter
exhale a huge plume toward the kitchen ceiling.  "You know what? I have an
ashtray in the cupboard.  I'll get it for you."

The two talked while Megan smoked.  At first, she felt a little weird smoking
in front of her mom, but her mom didn't say another word about it.  Megan
finished her cigarette, then had a bowl of cereal while they continued to
talk.  Once done, Megan felt like another cigarette.  Now comfortable smoking
with her mom, she lit up again.  

The two continued to talk for the next hour.  Megan smoked three more
cigarettes during this time, quickly filling the kitchen up with smoke.  Just
after she lit her fourth one up, her sister Jennifer came in.

"Megan, oh my god, when did you start smoking?" Jen asked in shocked
disbelief.  

Megan told the whole story while her other sister came down and joined them.
Shortly thereafter her father came down.  Although quite shocked at the
sight, he really didn't say anything.  Megan just calmly explained herself,
now quite confident in her new image as a smoker.  

Over the course of the rest of Christmas break, Megan felt much better about
being a smoker.  Her mother even went out and bought ashtrays to place
throughout the house.  It didn't take long for Megan to get back up to her
normal smoking level.  She was now lighting up two to three time per hour.
It wasn't the excessive amount that she did with Joan, but it was now a two
pack a day habit, just like Mike's.  

A few days before Christmas, she got a surprise visit in her room from her
sister Jen.  

"Hey sis, what's up?" Megan said as she watched her sister walk in.

"Not much, I just need to talk to you," Jen said as she sat next to Megan on
her bed.

Megan reached for a cigarette, then lit up.  She noticed Jen watching her
closely while she exhaled toward the ceiling.  "So what do you need to talk
about?"

"I don't know, I guess it's just weird seeing you smoke and everything," Jen
said while looking away from Megan.  "Do you really like it?"

"Yes, I really like it.  No - I really *love* smoking," Megan said while
exhaling a puff.  "Why the sudden interest?  Have you ever tried smoking?"

"Well, I have once or twice," Jen said as her face started turning red.  "A
couple of my friends smoke, so I tried it."

"So, did you like it?"

"I don't know, I only had a few puffs.  It tasted kind of funny.  I don't
understand what you see in it."

Megan took another big puff, inhaled deeply, and then released a cloud toward
the ceiling.  "I guess the best part about smoking is inhaling the smoke into
my lungs.  Did you inhale?"  Jen shook her head no.  "Well, that's why you
probably didn't like it.  Inhaling is the best part."

"Could you show me, Meg?" Jen asked, figuring that she would say no.

"Well, mom would probably kill me if she knew.  But why not? I think you will
like it," Megan said with a smile.  "Just don't tell mom, promise?"

Megan instructed Jen on proper smoking technique.  The first puff didn't go
well, but the second did.  After the lesson was over, Megan pulled a fresh
pack of Salem's out of her carton and gave it to Jen.  "Here, you can have
these to practice," Megan said as Jen smiled broadly at her.  "You'll get the
hang of it in no time."

Later that day, Megan and her mom went Christmas shopping.  After shopping at
the mall, they went to the grocery store.  Once at the store, Megan decided
it was time to stock up on cigarettes.  Her two cartons at home were empty
and she only had a half of pack left in her purse.  After her mom made her
purchase and the groceries were bagged, Megan asked the cashier for two
cartons of Salem 100's.  Her mother then insisted on purchasing them, much to
Megan's surprise.  

About a week later, Jen joined Megan for another cigarette.  Megan watched
with pride as Jen smoking was much more advanced.  "Wait until your friends
see you, Jen, they will be quite impressed."

 "Yeah they may be, but mom certainly won't.  She would kill me if she could
see me now."

"You know, I thought the same thing when I started smoking.  But mom really
surprised me.  She was much more accepting of my smoking then I thought she
would be.  It was weird.  All these years she lectured us on the evils of
smoking, and yet when the chips were down, she went out and bought ashtrays
for the house."

Jen took a puff off of her cigarette while she watched Megan put hers out in
the ashtray.  "But you have the luxury of being of legal age.  Me, I'm only
sixteen.  I don't think mom would be quite so understanding of me smoking."

"True, but at least I paved the way for you.  That said, do you like smoking,
Jen?"

"You know something?  I do.  It seems to get better with each cigarette I
smoke," Jen answered as she put out her cigarette.  "You were right about
inhaling.  It really is the best part of smoking."

"If you would like, I could show you how to make inhaling even better," Megan
said as she pulled two Salem's out of her pack.  "Here, let's have another
one and I will show you."

Both girls lit up as Megan began her lesson.  "The key to really good smoking
is getting as much as possible from each puff.  Here, let me show you," Megan
said as she lifted the cigarette toward her mouth.  "What I do is drag hard
on the filter for as long as I can, while at the same time I breathe out of
my nose.  This drains my lungs of air while filling my mouth with as much
smoke as possible.  The drag will last four or five seconds.  Once done, I
breathe as deeply as I can, hold the smoke for a few seconds, then slowly
exhale."  Megan then demonstrated the technique, while Jen looked on
intently.  "Did you notice how much smoke I was able to exhale?  It really
makes a difference.  Go ahead, why don't you try it."

Jen lifted the cigarette to her mouth and did as instructed.  Her eyes really
lit up as she felt the extra kick in her chest as the huge volume of smoke
entered her lungs.  "Wow Megan, what a difference.  That was incredibly
awesome.  Do you smoke like that all the time?"

"Absolutely, it's the only way to smoke.  You keep practicing taking long
drags and deep inhales and soon it will become second nature to you.  I don't
even think about it anymore."  The two girls continued to smoke their
cigarettes.  Jen kept up with her new way of smoking while Megan encouraged
its development.  "So what do you think, Jen, are you going keep smoking?"

"I don't know, Megan.  I am learning to really like it and everything, but I
don't know if I want to become a true smoker."

"I know what you mean, Jen.  I don't really want to spend the rest of my life
smoking either.  But as long as I am seeing Mike, I'm going to smoke.
Unfortunately, I've become hooked.  So when the time comes to quit, it's
going to be real hard.  I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.
Until then, I'm going to just enjoy it."

"What do you mean by being hooked, Megan?"

"Cigarette smoke contains nicotine, which your body becomes addicted to.  It
becomes real hard to go without smoking once you become addicted.  I
originally planned not to smoke at all this week.  But it didn't take long
before I couldn't take not smoking.  It's hard to explain, but I just
couldn't take the withdrawal.  That's when I knew that I had to tell Mom.  I
had to smoke, and I didn't want to spend the month sneaking around.  I only
have myself to blame, though.  My friend Terry warned me that I would become
hooked if I kept on smoking.  I just didn't think that it would happen to me
so fast."

"So what you're saying is if I keep on smoking, I will become hooked like
you?" Jen asked as she trimmed her cigarette in the ashtray.

"I can almost guarantee it.  You need to keep that in mind.  Smoking is a big
commitment, and although it is incredibly enjoyable to smoke, there are some
real downsides to it."

"I guess I'll keep that in mind, Meg.  Maybe I should just put an end to this
little experiment right now.  I really don't want to become hooked."

"That's a good decision Jen.  Why don't we make this our last cigarette
together?  Hopefully, I will be joining you as a non-smoker sometime in the
future."

After a month break, Megan was ready to go back to school.  It was the third
Sunday in January and classes started the next day.  Megan packed her bags
and headed down to the living room.  Sue was scheduled to arrive in about a
half hour or so.  Megan's mom came in and sat down next to Megan on the couch
while Megan lit a cigarette.

"You all packed, honey?" her mom said as Megan exhaled a cloud of smoke
across the room.

"Yeah, I think I have everything."

"It was so good to have you here for the month.  I don't think you realize
how much I missed you while you're away."

"I do, mom," Megan said, looking at her mother with her cigarette propped up
next to her face.  "It's always good to be home."

The two chatted for the next few minutes while Megan finished her cigarette.
"Mom, I want to thank you again for being so understanding about these,"
Megan said while pointing at the cigarette just before crushing it out in the
astray.  "You really surprised me.  I thought that you wouldn't understand at
all."

"Well I do," her mother answered.  "I never told any of you or your sisters
this, but believe it or not, I used to smoke myself."

"You're kidding, when did you smoke?"

"I quit just after I became pregnant with you.  It wasn't easy but both your
father and I agreed that it would be best for our first baby if I didn't
smoke.  Once you were born, I was going to start back up.  I really did enjoy
smoking.  But I decided that I would be a better influence on you if I didn't
smoke.  So I haven't touched a cigarette since."

Megan pulled out another cigarette, lit up, and then started laughing.  "I
guess you should have kept smoking mom."

"To be honest with you, I haven't even thought about smoking for years.  But
seeing you smoke brought back some good memories.  I'll admit, smelling the
smoke from your cigarette has tempted me some.  There have been several times
I was going to break down and share one with you."

"Wow mom, how neat would that be?  One of the things I like most about
smoking is enjoying a cigarette with someone else."  Megan then paused to
take another puff.  "You know mom, if you would like, you could have one
right now before I leave."

"Gee Megan, I don't know.  It's been so long."

"Hey, it's like riding a bike.  Once you learn, you never forget."

"Oh, why not," Megan's mom said as she reached for the pack of Salem's on the
coffee table.  "How about a light?" she asked as she pulled a cigarette out
from the pack.

Megan clicked the lighter then extended it toward her mother's awaiting
cigarette.  She watched in amazement as her mother's cheeks collapsed as she
pulled the flame into the cigarette.  

"See mom, what did I tell you?  It comes back quickly, doesn't it," Megan
said as her mother exhaled a huge cloud toward the ceiling.  

Megan's mom smiled as she lifted the cigarette up to take another puff.  "I
had almost forgotten how good these were," her mother finally said while
smoke billowed out of her nose and mouth.

The two talked while they both finished their cigarettes.  "Thanks Megan,
that was good," her mother said as she put her cigarette out.

"Anytime, mom," Megan replied.  "Who knows, maybe we will be sharing more
cigarettes the next time I come home."

"No Megan, we won't.  I really don't want to become a smoker again.  Besides,
I still have a chance with your younger sisters, and I need to be a good
influence on them.  So why don't we just keep this shared experience our
little secret, OK?"

"I promise mom, my lips are sealed," Megan said as she extracted yet another
Salem from her pack. "I know what you mean by not wanting to be a smoker.  I
don't really want to spend the rest of my life sucking on these things as
well."  Megan paused to light her cigarette then continued through a talking
exhale.  "So I have promised myself that I will quit once Mike and I are no
longer going out.  But until then, I might as well enjoy myself."

"I'm glad to hear that, Megan.  I just hope that you don't enjoy yourself to
much.  You keep smoking as heavily as you have been this month, you may find
it much harder to quit then you realize now."

On her trip back to college, Megan was much happier than on the trip home.
She no longer had to hide her smoking from anybody, including her family.
She also no longer had to be worried about becoming hooked.  She already was.
So after only four months, Megan went from a non-smoker to thoroughly hooked
heavy smoker.  It was an incredible transformation that usually takes much
longer.  


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