Innocence and Guilt, Part 2

Innocence and Guilt, Part II
an4@anon.lelnet.com

   Daphnie had never felt so awake at twenty past six. Just a few puffs from
one cigarette had opened up a whole new world for her, and she now understood
why people started smoking when they went to college. Coffee and cigarettes
had to equate to better grades. She'd read a New England Journal of Medicine
author's article last spring for health class which linked smoking to better
retention and mental awareness. Of course, the effects were short lived-
which meant that you needed to smoke more than one cigarette to feel the
benefits.
   Even though the clouds were rolling in and the day promised to be horridly
bleak for early September, she felt bright.
   She pulled into the parking lot of the Perfect Donut and killed the engine.
She then paused while considering lighting the other cigarette she would need
to smoke to trick Josie. Should she do it now, or wait until she had her
coffee and croissant ? Would anyone she knew be in the Donut this early ? 
   Would that be an encouragement or a discouragement ?
   That was an hard question to answer.
   She wasn't a smoker. After last night, she understood that being a smoker
was a little more complicated than successfully tweaking a lighter or holding
a lit cigarette. And she wasn't sure she wanted to be a smoker, but-
   It was a cop out. If someone she knew saw her smoking, they would identify
her as a smoker, and the sooner people started associating her with smoking,
the better off she would be in the desire to become a smoker. Yes, once she
let other people think she had crossed over that line-
   She saw Gretchen's car and her heart leapt. Gretchen, who'd put her college
career on hold to come in and play her mother's right hand, was a smoker
herself. And if she saw Daphnie smoking, she was sure to tell Mom.
   It was a plan. Daphnie had somehow come to the conclusion that she did want
to be a smoker, to be able to light a cigarette in front of her mother and
not be mocked for her lack of ability. And there was another consideration. A
smart girl, she knew why her mother had quit smoking, even though she often
asked the question in a way which suggested that she didn't.
   After all, she'd seen the videos.
   Last month, her mother had attended the Mac Expo in Boston, and like most
curious teenagers, she'd decided to pay a surreptitious visit to her mother's
closet. There was a regular treasure trove of pictures in there, Mom and Dad
in albums from adolescence and high school, college and the earliest years of
their marriage. Priceless captures of bad hair, bad clothes, and good
memories. They really had been happy.
   But there had also been a baker's dozen of videos, VCR tapes buried in the
farthest corner of the closet under college sweatshirts.
   Seventy eight hours of tape filmed over three years, each one carefully
labelled. Home videos. Vacation videos. How they'd shot all of them without
ever tipping her off was beyond Daphnie.
   Ninety percent of it was Mom smoking- clothed, naked, smoking while they had
sex (which had been a very jarring image- parents having sex was never
something palatable). The other ten percent was Dad smoking cigars in the
same variety of activities.
   The audio on the tapes was almost professional quality, no surprise
considering what Mom did for a living.
   The things Dad had been saying left no doubt about the reason behind the
filming.
   He'd been quite turned on by Mom's smoking, which was, to say the very
least, images that were as sexy as your own mother could get.
   Mom had no idea these lovingly filmed videos with their write-protect tabs
punched out had been viewed by her offspring.
   It was a shame that she was making herself miserable over Dad's fetish.
   Strangely, the best argument Daphnie could concoct for talking her Mom into
smoking again was that if she could recover that sensual form, she might just
meet somebody- which might just be exactly what she was afraid of.
   Daphnie lit that second cigarette and hoped she would be able to find
Gretchen quickly.
   The place was almost empty, so it was somewhat inexplicable that there was
no sign of Gretchen anywhere. Daphnie felt a surge of disappointment as she
walked up to the counter to order breakfast. 
   But that faded as she saw that Stephanie Burns-Telemann was working behind
the counter. If there was one senior in the whole school who would trumpet
loud and clear to the entire student body that she'd seen the junior class
valedictorian in waiting smoking a cigarette, it was Steph.
   "Hi, Daphnie."
   Daphnie put the cigarette between her lips and inhaled as deeply as she
dared. The rush was so full and satisfy that she almost forget to exhale
before repeating the process.
   "Hi Steph. Can I have a Vanilla Nut Grande and an egg 'n cheese croissant ?"
   "Sure. Hey, when did you start smoking ?"
   	What was the right answer ? Last night ?
   No, that hadn't been smoking. Daphnie inhaled again, as deep as sensual her
mother's video exhibition. Stephanie clearly appreciated the show, which was
to be expected.
   "This morning."
   "I guess all that studying requires a little pick me up, eh ?"
   "There's nothing like it."
   "Tell me about it. I don't get off for an hour, and the first thing I'll do
is light a Winston 100 and relax. But I didn't know that valedictorians
smoked."
   "I haven't locked it down yet. And you're a certainty to be second in the
class, right ?"
   "Unless Dave gets straight A's this semester. But I'll never catch Elisa.
And she'd die before she lit a cigarette. Too bad, she's so hot already-"
   A tired-looking trucker strolled in and Steph went off to fill Daphnie's
order. She got the impression Steph was trying to avoid the grimy looking
road warrior, who was openly leering at her perfect behind. Boy, was he
shopping the wrong item, Daphnie thought to herself. The black lapel button
with the pink triangle should have been a dead giveaway, but he didn't look
like someone up on current events or the icons of sexual expression.
   He switched his attention to Daphnie, who suddenly took a serious interest
in her sneakers.
   Just as Stephanie handed over breakfast, Gretchen emerged from the bathroom.
She was holding a just lit Marlboro Lights 100 and when she saw Daphnie she
smiled. The smile turned into a broad, excited grin when Daphnie sat down and
it became clear she was holding a still-long cigarette in her smallish hand.
   She sat down uninvited.
   "When did you start smoking, girl ?"
   "I'm not really smoking," Daphnie answered.
   "The lit cigarette would have fooled me. Don't look now, but that greasy
trucker is watching us."
   Daphnie inhaled, exhaled, inhaled again, trying to capture as much smoke as
possible. Gretchen brought her own cigarette to her lips, inhaled much more
deeply than Daphnie was capable of, and blew smoke over both of them.
   The girl exhaled, her own cloud smallish and inadequate next to the older
woman's.
   "You're learning how to inhale. I'd sure as hell say you were smoking."
   "What I'm really doing is disposing of two cigarettes so that I can-"
   She explained the whole story from the night before, how her mother had
found the cigarettes and tried to make her tell whose they were, how she'd
later smoked some of them herself. As she talked, she drank coffee and smoked
and found the mix unbelievably compelling.
   "I wish I had friends like that. If someone had talked me into holding their
cigarettes, I would have started smoking sooner. I'll never forget the day my
mother found out and asked why I'd waited so long. I was so freaking pissed
off." She watched her boss's daughter pull on the cigarette and smiled. "But
if you don't think you're smoking you're fooling yourself. It's a good look,
Daphnie. You should keep at it."
   Inside, Daphnie smiled. Two encounters, two encouraging responses to her
smoking. It was a nice start.
   She finished the cigarette and found herself wishing that Josie had given
her a pack with fewer cigarettes in it.
   As if reading her mind, Gretchen, who'd just finished her own, pulled two
from the pack and lit them both. She handed one to Daphnie.
   "This one's on the house."
   Daphnie took it happily. As Gretchen tossed her beautiful reddish hair,
Daphnie asked for a favour.
   "Sure thing. I won't say a word-"
   "No. I want you to tell my mother that you saw me smoking. Tell her I was
just making up for Josie's pack, but-"
   "You could have thrown the two cigarettes away. That's only a quarter. I
mean, your frugality is admirable, but-"
   "I didn't want to. I wanted to have an excuse to smoke. I've always wanted
to try it."
   "Smart girl. But why on earth would you want me to tell your mother ? It
sounds like she was pissed just finding the cigarettes in your purse."
   "She still smokes, you know."
   "Yeah, you said she had a couple of your friend's. But that's not smoking."
   Daphnie shook her head. "No. She sneaks off with Joella Davis two or three
times a month. They have lunch or dinner and she smokes the whole time."
   "Really ?" Gretchen asked, thinking of a perfect way to use this info. "How
can you be sure ?"
   "Joella and I are kind of friends. We talk about mom sometimes and she told
me how she's always looking for an excuse to be alone with her so they can
smoke."
   "Fascinating."
   "So anyway, can you promise to tell Mom that you saw me smoking this morning
?"
   "Sure. But are you really certain-"
   Daphnie nodded that she was and exhaled a mouthful of smoke which was almost
like that of a smoker. Gretchen smiled and then excused herself. After
hearing about Anne's not so secret smoking, she had an idea-

   The shower was over. Anne's hair was still too wet to blow dry. She usually
dressed during this stretch of the morning, selecting an outfit and
finalising it in the mirror while she waited for the hair to reach blow-dryer
state.
   But this was no one of those days.
   In fact, she was standing by her bedroom window, the third cigarette of the
morning burning slowly in her hand.
   This was, plainly put, out of hand. One or two cigarettes would have been
fine, but the third one suggested that she neither could nor wanted take a
step back. Smoking this third cigarette- alone at 6:45 in the morning-  was a
clear indication that once again, the urge had become overwhelming.
   Then of course, there was guilt because she was enjoying every last puff.
Since there was no way to deny that guilt, Anne was working on accepting it.
That was actually not so difficult. Although she'd invested a lot of energy
into not being smoker, Joella was right. She'd never quit. She'd just
abstained a lot over a long period of time, and as she blew smoke out the
window into the increasingly heavy air, she understood that struggle was
winding down.
   Fifteen minutes later she was in her car- and despite the imminent threat of
rain, she had the windows rolled down. It was almost second nature to thumb
the cigarette lighter and the anticipation of it popping back out was
entirely expected.
   
   It was no surprise to Daphnie when Josie strolled into the library. It
probably shocked Mr. Head, the scottish-born librarian, but Daphnie had left
a sticky on her locker which indicated she was here. It was mildly intriguing
that she knew where the library actually was-
   "Do you have them ?" Josie asked, not wasting valuable smoking time on
chit-chat.
   "Of course," Daphnie said carelessly, not bothering to look up from
Dreiser's American Tragedy.
   "I love you," Josie said, and closed for the sort of hug only Josie could
pull off without annoying Daphnie.
   "Hey, you smell smoky. What gives ?"
   Daphnie thought about telling her that she'd had three cigarettes this
morning. But the whole point of smoking the first two had been to avoid
letting her friend know she'd gotten snagged-
   Still-
   "I ran into Gretchen in the Donut this morning. She offered me a cigarette
and I accepted-"
   "No way !"
   "Way, Josie. Are you going to stand here and talk to me or are you going to
use the half-hour you have to your advantage ?"
   "Want to join me ?"
   Daphnie shook her head. "I have a lot of reading to do. And it looks like it
could start pouring any minute now-"
   "Come on- you can finish that in math class. It's not like you don't sit
there every day reading while Ms. Thompson is putting the rest of us to
sleep- when she can even bother to teach."
   "It is kind of weird how she writes the problem set on the board and then
just sits there while we do them. I thought Calc would be harder."
   "It's not hard ?" Josie asked.
   "Not for me," Daphnie said, honestly enough.
   "Can I borrow your brain for that test next week, then ? These derivatives
are driving me crazy."
   "I guess you're not going to leave unless I come with you, huh ?"
   Josie smiled and tossed her jet black hair over her shoulders. "Well, now
that you've opened the door, you have to expect that I'm going to make a
smoker out of you."
   Daphnie gathered all her stuff together and threw it into her backpack. For
the first time she noticed that the small pocket in the front of the
undersized leather pack was perfectly shaped to hold a pack of cigarettes. In
fact, that appeared to be what it had been designed for. Interesting in that
it had been a gift from Mom last christmas.
   "So when did you decide that you wanted to start smoking ?" Josie asked,
pitching her voice louder than usual for Mr. Head's benefit. He looked up,
met Daphnie's eyes, and instead of garnering a scowl from the stiff Scot, she
was treated to a semi-warm smile.
   She returned the smile.
   "I've been thinking about it for a long time- and just because I had one
cigarette, that doesn't mean I'm a smoker."
   "No, but it should."
   Although it had continued to darken outside it was not yet raining. As soon
as they were a few dozen yards from the building, Daphnie pulled the
cigarettes and the lighter from her purse, careful not to let the other pack
show. She handed them to Josie, who shook her head, refusing to take them.
   "You first-"
   "I don't really know that I want another one," Daphnie lied. Suddenly,
Josie's easy acceptance that her friend would smoke was making Daphnie
annoyed. Josie wasn't as smart as she was- it was a rude thought, but
entirely true- yet the girl was one of those people who always seemed to get
exactly what she wanted, when she wanted.
   Which was exactly what Daphnie was planning to do to her mom.
   She pulled a cigarette from the pack and lit it easily. Once she'd taken a
long pull, she handed pack and lighter over to Josie, who was much less
casual about lighting her own. It was obvious that seventeen hours without a
cigarette had taken its toll on her friend. her inhale was even deeper than
Gretchen's and the exhale fogged half the air in the county with
sweet-smelling second hand smoke.
   "Why don't your parents let you smoke ?" Daphnie asked, gently tapping ash
from the end of her cigarette with her index finger before taking another
puff. "They let Marissa start when she was sixteen-"
   "Don't tell anyone this, but that cost Dad the Chief of Staff position. They
really don't like the fact that he smokes cigars right in his office-"
   "Your mom is head of Gynecology and she smokes-"
   "They didn't know that when they hired her. Word got out that Marissa was
smoking with Mom and Dad's blessing and Dr. Michaels used that to get the job
for himself."
   "And now he's leaving for a job in New York, right ? They must regret that
decision."
   Josie inhaled deeply again, once then twice, making up for lost time with a
lung bursting double pump followed by a long, patient nose exhale.
   Daphnie copied the nose exhale, which she rather enjoyed. Judging from the
video evidence, Dad had been particularly fond of mom's nose exhales.
   "Dad thinks he's a lock for the job this time, but he can't afford a repeat
of two years ago. I have a feeling that once he gets the position he and mom
will lighten up, but if they knew I was smoking, they'd slap the patch on me
and place me under house arrest. Let's take the cross-country trail. The corn
field is a great place to smoke-"
   Daphnie looked up at the forbidding sky and thought that getting any farther
away from the school right now was probably a bad idea. Then she imagined
Josie sharing another cigarette with her and suddenly it didn't matter if she
got a little bit wet. She re-enforced this notion by taking another longer,
more satisfying drag on the cigarette and found herself willing the rain to
hold off until seven-thirty.
   	They walked up the hill together, trailing smoke.
   "Your mom doesn't smoke anymore, does she ?"
   "That could change," Daphnie said. "She's been miserable ever since she
quit, and she sneaks cigarettes with Joella Davis all the time."
   "Really ? I don't suppose I could come and live with you for the next
month-"
   	She stopped in mid-sentence. At the top of the hill, walking down towards
them, was a shady and indefinable figure.
   "Shit-" Josie said, getting ready to put her cigarette out. But Daphnie
recognised who it was immediately, and stifled a laugh. It was Roger Corbin,
the hottest junior in school history, and the only boy Daphnie had ever known
her friend to have a crush- albeit an eight-year crush- on.
   "It's just Roger, for christ's sake. Don't wig."
   Josie still looked as though she had half a mind to put her cigarette out,
until she saw that Roger was lazily working a long cigar.
   "I didn't know that Roger smoked-"
   "I saw him at a party this summer smoking a cigar. Turn you on ?"
   It was a viscous question, in a way, but Daphnie just couldn't get those
videos out of her mind, and while she was mildly ashamed of herself, she had
to admit that her father had a nice way with a cigar- although she much
preferred it when he was clothed.
   "Yes," Josie said enthusiastically, and already Daphnie could see the wheels
in Josie's head turning. Her eight year crush on Roger had been fruitless in
one sense because the two seemed to have nothing in common.
   "Hi Roger," Josie fairly shouted up the long hill.
   He was puffing on the cigar, seemingly lost in thought. But he looked up,
and even from here on a cloudy, sunless day, his blue-diamond chip eyes
reminded Daphnie why her friend had such a crush on him. He was little too
greek-godly for Daphnie's tastes- although as she took one last draw on her
shrunken cigarette, she admitted that her tastes had changed in the last day
or so.
   But not that much.
   "Josie ? Daphnie ?"
   Daphnie noticed he wasn't wearing his glasses. He was horribly near-sighted-
the only reason he hadn't made the football team, according to the gossip.
   They struggled up the steep hill, and as soon as they reached him, Josie
whipped out another cigarette and lit it quickly. It wasn't until Daphnie
nudged her that she got the notion to share again. Suddenly, turning Daphnie
into a proper smoker was no longer at the top of her list of priorities.
   Daphnie was on that plan now without assistance. 
   "I didn't know you smoked, Roger," Josie said.
   "I didn't know Daphnie smoked. I guess you've been having a positive
influence on her."
   All three of them smiled. In the far-off distance, thunder rolled.
   "I just have one cigar in the morning. Then another two or three after I get
home. I picked the habit up from my father."
   "He lets you smoke at home ?" Josie asked, and Daphnie could understand her
frustration.
   "Oh yeah. He tried for about a year to get me to start before I finally gave
in. He says he doesn't trust a man who doesn't understand the pleasures of a
good cigar."
   "You look like you enjoy it."
   Daphnie decided to help her friend out. "I'm going to head back in. I need
to get some more reading done by fourth period. Takes for the cigarettes,
Josie."
   She walked down the hill without so much as looking back a single time. It
took all her self-control, until she decided to concentrate on her smoking.
She experimented with different ways of holding the cigarette, finally
deciding that down by the waist with her wrist cocked upwards worked the
best. She mixed nose and mouth exhales and tried a double-pump, but that was
too much given her meager experience.
   Still, by the time the cigarette was gone  and she walked inside she'd put
Roger and Josie out of mind. And just in time, as the rain started to fall in
earnest.
   
   Gretchen looked up as Anne walked in. She was the first person in besides
Gretchen, but she was still half an hour late. For her, anyway.
   "Late start ?"
   "You want to come in my office ?" Anne asked, so brusquely that Gretchen had
more than half a fear she was about to be fired.
   "I was just going to go out and have a smoke-"
   "In that rain ?" Anne asked. She was surprisingly wet looking for a woman
who parked under an awning right in front of the main door.
   "Unless you have a better suggestion."
   "Grab that ashtray you keep in your desk for the days I'm on the road and
bring it into my office. I won't have my best employee standing out in the
rain."
   Well, that alleviated the fear of being fired. But Anne had spent a thousand
dollars on that awning precisely so that her entire staff of smokers wouldn't
have to stand in the rain or snow. Gretchen was excited. If she was going to
be allowed to smoke in Anne's office- well, that was certainly a good sign,
especially this morning.
   "Close the door."
   Again, her tone was almost hostile.
   "What's wrong, Anne ?" Gretchen asked as she sat down. She put the ashtray
on the left hand corner of the desk and waited for Anne to give her the
signal to light up, which she did quickly, a slight nod of her head. Gretchen
wasted no time lighting her long cigarette, and as soon as she'd inhaled, she
felt herself relax.
   "Well, today's the big day you guys have been waiting for."
   "You're going to nix the idea of turning the spare conference room into a
smoking lounge, aren't you ?"
   "Well, according to state law, some time in the next six months I'd have to
add an to-the-exterior ventilation system, and I lose that five percent
subsidy on our health insurance premiums. You know how much that would cost
me."
   Rather than answer that question- there was no good way to ask someone else
to spend their money, after all- Gretchen simply took her best shot.
   "I saw Daphnie this morning at the Donut."
   Considering that she'd asked a 'yes-no-dollar amount' sort of question, this
didn't seem like the right answer somehow. But intuition, always Anne's
strong point, compelled her to ask a question she hoped to hell she knew the
answer to.
   "And that relates to this how ?"
   "Two ways," Gretchen said, deciding not to mince words. She given up a lot
to take this job, and while Anne had been very good to her, there was a point
where you had to get selfish. Besides, it was what Daphnie had wanted.
"First, she mentioned that you'd been smoking. Second- are you sure that you
want to hear this ?"
   "If it has something to do with whether or not to put a smoking lounge in
for u- for the rest of you, yes I do." Her heart was racing. She was about to
be told that Daphnie had been smoking- and all she felt was a great rush of
anticipation. She should be angry, and disappointed both in her daughter and
herself, but there was none of that.
   She realised that the woman hiding in the closet on VCR tapes was
re-emerging, taking control again.
   As it should be. John or no John, she was still the person who'd gladly
posed on all those tapes, the one whose husband used to get rock-hard not
just because he liked watching women smoke but because she was very- very-
good at it.
   "Daphnie was smoking. Just two cigarettes, to make up for the ones that
wouldn't have been in the pack you took from her last night."
   "You mean this pack right here ?" Anne asked, taking the pack from her
purse. She left the lighter there for the moment because she wanted- she
desperately wanted- to hear more.
   "Yeah."
   "And when she finished those two, did you offer her another one ?'
   Gretchen was taken aback both by the question and its tone, which more
excited than stern.
   "As a matter of fact I did. And she did smoke one more. She doesn't quite
know what she's doing yet, but she did seem to be enjoying it."
   "Of course she did. She's a smart girl. I knew sooner or later she'd try it,
and that when she did she'd like it. Like mother, like daughter. Were you
hoping that all this would help me to decide to put the smoking lounge in ?"
   "Well-"
   Anne smiled. It was not a cold smile, but it did lack warmth.
   "Sorry. See, the problem with doing that, aside from the costs, the fact is
that all three of those conference rooms are at one end of the building and
if we use three for a smoking lounge, the clients we bring into one and two
are exposed to o- your smoke."
   Gretchen tried to contain herself, but she couldn't. "This is really going
to piss everyone off, Anne. They were counting on this."
   All Anne did was smile. Then she reached into her purse and took out the
lighter. Without explaining herself, she lit a cigarette and settled back
into her plush leather chair. Blew smoke across the space between them.
   "Relax, Gretchen. Sometimes I think your enthusiasm is wasted on the working
world. There is a door between the conference rooms and the office proper.
I'm going to make the office off limits to clients and allow smoking in the
office area. That means you can smoke right at your desk, ten hours a day.
Just like it used to be when I was a kid. But it means when it comes time to
hire again- and Andrea is leaving next month, remember- you and I have to
find a way to screen the applicants-"
   "We can't hire a non-smoker."
   "Exactly. But we can't come out and ask, either."
   "I'll figure out something, Anne. I can't believe this. Everyone is going to
be so happy. But what happened ? I mean-"
   Anne stood up and began pacing across her spacious office. "I- it's a lot of
things. One, I'm tired of not smoking. Two, part of the reason I decided to
quit- aside from the personal ones I don't care to discuss- was that I didn't
want Daphnie to start just because I was doing it. Then came last night.
Those really weren't her cigarettes- I made her smoke one and she didn't know
what the hell she was doing. I realised that I was making the decision for
her instead of letting her decide, which is as selfish as forcing her to
smoke by association would have been. She's a smart girl and she should be
able to make up her own mind."
   "I guess she is," Gretchen quipped, "because she learned how to smoke in an
hurry this morning. The one I gave her- well, she's already inhaling."
   "I started inhaling on my second one. It comes quickly to some lucky people,
that's all."
   "I can't believe you're doing this. It's so cool."
   The two women exhaled together. Anne felt the bond between them tighten.
   "Make a list of what everyone smokes. Take the company credit card and get
them each a carton of cigarettes. I want those on their desks by
eight-thirty. Understand ?"
   Gretchen nodded and was off immediately. The broad smile on her face erased
any hesitation Anne had felt about her decision.

   Daphnie and Josie didn't have either of their first two period together, so
Daphnie was shocked when she saw her friend, who looked like a drowned rat .
   "What the hell happened to you ?" Daphnie asked as she dropped her books
into her locker and tried to decide what to do with her free period. 
   "Roger asked me to the Fall Festival dance Friday night !"
   "And what ? You sweat yourself into a frenzy ?"
   "No. We got caught in the rain, silly. I-"
   Just then Josie's beeper went off. She checked the number.
   "Shit. It's Dad. I wonder what he wants ?"
   She took her cell phone out of her purse, which appeared to have stayed
amasingly dry.
   "Now ? Yes, I have a free period but-"
   Josie put her hand over the phone. "You have third free, right ? Can you
drive me home ?"
   "I guess. I don't have anything better to do, but-"
   "I'll be there in ten minutes."
   Just as she flipped the cover back on the phone her beeper went off again.
   "786-5309 ? Who the hell is that ?"
   "My mom."
   "You gave your mother my beeper number ?"
   "Well, since I don't have any drug-dealer friends, you're the only person I
know with a beeper and cell phone."
   "You can call from your car. Let's go."
   	
   "Come on in, Daphnie."
   Mrs. Lawrence was a hugger, and Daphnie would have shied away but she'd had
gym second period, which gave her a chance to wash the smell of smoke out of
her hair. She didn't think the woman, who was holding a Virginia Slims in her
right hand, would notice the smell on her clothes.
   So she accepted the hug and then watched as Josie, who was rainwater clean,
got one of her own.
   "What happened to you, young lady ?"
   "I got caught in the rain, Mom."
   The day had turned nice again as quickly as it had gone sour, and Mrs.
Lawrence, who spent endless hours buried in the bowels of the hospital- some
idiot had thought the basement was the best place for Gynecological Services-
seemed surprised by the notion that there had been any rain on such a bright
and muggy day.
   "Your dad has some news for you. He's waiting in the dining room."
   "I'll wait out here in the hallway, Mrs. L."
   "Nonsense. You're Josie's best friend- hell, you've had dinner over here so
many times you're practically family. Come on."
   That the mood was festive was unmistakable. There was an open bottle of
champagne on the table in a fine silver holder and four glasses, all poured
full of bubbly.
   "Hello, Daphnie-" Mr. Lawrence said. He waved a long, wide cigar in the air
and beckoned them to have some champagne.
   "I don't usually drink on my free period," Daphnie said with a smile, "but-"
   "How's your mother ?"
   "Well, you know-"
   That was always the answer that Daphnie gave. Everyone asked, because as a
widow, her mother had been granted some sort of special fragile status in the
town. It was hard question to answer. Say she was great- and lots of things,
like the business, were just that- and you ran the risk of suggesting that
she didn't really miss Dad.
   Say anything else, and you got that sympathetic 'well, she IS a widow' look.
   "I think that the hospital may have some business to send her way."
   Josie looked at her mother and asked an unspoken question. She got a nod.
The urge to blurt something out was very strong, but Dad loved his surprises,
even when they weren't, like know. He was like a small child with a shiny new
toy.
   Everyone sat down, and once he had a captive audience, he blurted out his
news. "You're looking at the new Chief of Staff at Regional Hospital."
   "I though the announcement was at least a month away, dad."
   "Well, somehow- and I won't say how- the board discovered that Dr. Michaels,
who had an eighteen month no-negotiation clause in his contract, started
talking to Saint John's about six months after he was named Chief of Staff.
They let him go this morning, which is a bit of an embarrassment for him. I
hear that Saint John's is rethinking their decision."
   "That's evil, Dad. I love it."
   "Well, I never said I was the one who told them."
   "I was," Mrs. L said, her words carried on plumes of VS smoke.
   "This is especially good news for you, Josie. I called the school. You and
Daphnie have the rest of the day off. Since I'm getting an hefty raise, I can
now actually afford to send you to college and  buy you a car. I thought you
might want to bring your best friend along. We have an appointment at the
Saab dealership at two-thirty. If you're free, Daphnie."
   "Well, my Mom told me she has some news for me. We're having lunch at noon,
but I think I can shake myself free."
   "Would you ask her to call me ? We need a new set of television ads and your
mom is the best in the business."
   "I'll tell her you said that."
   "Please do. Now, Josie, I just need you to do one thing for me. Open your
purse."
   Josie and Daphnie exchanged sick looks.
   "Dad-"
   "This isn't what you think. Trust me, it's for your own good."
   "Dad-"
   Mr. L was, by Daphnie's standards, a nice guy, but he did not like being
thwarted, as Dr. Michaels had discovered. He visited his sternest doctor's
look on his daughter, who opened the purse slowly. The pack of cigarettes, as
amasingly dry as the purse, fell right out onto the table.
   "Well, that was easy enough. Now, while your mother and I aren't happy about
the fact that you continued smoking even though you knew why we preferred you
didn't, we-" He paused, held his cigar out and gave it a long, fond look.
"-we'd be the two biggest hypocrites on the planet if we said we didn't
understand." He looked at Daphnie. "Do you smoke, Daphnie ?"
   Daphnie swallowed hard. Wondered what the right answer was. 
   "Yes. I just started. I know that it's-"
   "It's not as bad for you as people would like you to think. I find that
nothing relieves stress like a good cigar. I highly recommend you try it
yourself some time."
   "My father smoked cigars."
   "Yes," Mr. Lawrence said. Of course, he knew that. Josie and Daphnie had
become friends because their fathers were old golfing partners, and Dad never
went to the links without a few cigars in hand. "John loved a good cigar
better than any man I've known."
   There was a short, awkward silence.
   Mrs. L stepped into the breach. "Josie, the point is that your father
discussed this very issue with the board this morning. The fact is, he told
them point blank that if they were more concerned with how he raised his own
daughters than what he had to offer the hospital, he wasn't interested in
taking the position."
   "You did that for me, Dad ?"
   Mr. L took a long draw on the cigar and his smile was thoroughly warm and
utterly shark-like in the same expression. "I did it for all of us. I don't
want to take direction from a board that's more interested in appearances
than results. And I did it for you, because I know that you've been smoking
for almost a year and it's time you got what you deserved."
   "Which is ?"
   "From now on, you smoke where you want, when you want."
   Josie drained the champagne in one nervous gulp. "How about now ?"
   "Please. Both of you feel free-"
   They did.

   When Daphnie pulled into the parking lot, Mom was standing outside with
Gretchen. They were laughing about something and-
   Was that a cigarette in her mother's hand ?
   It was, unquestionably.
   Daphnie piled out of the car just as Joella pulled in.
   "Mom ?"
   She didn't try to hide the cigarette. Instead, she inhaled deeply, and then
waved with the hand holding the just lit cigarette. The way she smiled
through her nose exhale lifted a virtual ton from Daphnie's shoulders. She
reached into her purse and pulled out the unopened pack of cigarettes.
   "I bought these for you this morning, Mom."
   "How did you know I was going to start smoking again ?"
   "I didn't. I bought these to encourage you."
   It was strange thing to say, but her mother smiled. "Thanks for the thought.
But I am old enough to buy my own, you know. You keep those. I think it's
past time I started encouraging you. Go ahead and have one. Quick. I want
Joella to see both of us smoking. It will really  make her day."
   Daphnie did as she was asked. It took her a moment to get the cellophane off
the pack, so she accepted a light from her mother, forming a bond neither had
hoped would reach fruition so soon.
   Joella smiled at both of them and invited Gretchen to join them for lunch. 
   Daphnie found the three older women especially supportive of her smoking,
and by the time she pulled into Josie's driveway, any questions about whether
or not she was a smoker had been answered with a finality which was very-
   Pleasant was the word Daphnie decided on. As she lit a cigarette in the
driveway, she thought about how far she'd come in one day, and how happy she
was about it.
   She might be smoking a Marlboro Lights 100, but they were on to something in
those Virginia Slims ads. She had come a long way.

   Daphnie and her mom were sitting in front of their Mac, having fun.
   And smoking, of course. They were on Cyberline, in Millerford's very own
town hall chat area. Millerford had its own virtual environment, and one of
those chat areas just happened to be called the Smoking Lounge. 
   It had been Joella's idea. After some difficult moments, she'd managed to
convince mother, daughter- and Gretchen- that the Smoking Lounge was not one
of those places were geeks hung out to discuss the relative merits of Captain
Kirk and Captain Picard. Not that Daphnie thought there was necessarily
anything wrong with that sort of discussion, but-
   This was a lot more fun.
   They were talking to Mike and Bob. Mike was Mike Olmsford, who owned the
Millerford Microbrewery, and Bob was his son, who was a junior like Daphnie.
   They were both smokers, of course. Anne had just finished telling the story
of how she and Daphnie had come around in the same day, how they'd shared
Daphnie's very first cigarette and-
   Daphnie, who was still a little taken aback by the videotapes, had thought
this was going to be weird, but she found out that it was fun instead. Bob
was telling his own story, about the first time his father had caught him
smoking a cigar out in the garage at three in the morning, how it had lead to
a long talk about the relative merits of smoking. And how in the end, his dad
had been just as cool about it all as Anne had been with Daphnie.
   About an hour later, Mom asked if she and Mike could be alone for a while,
and Daphnie agreed. They had two phones, after all, and as she lit the last
cigarette from the pack she'd bought for her mother this morning, she went
upstairs to call Bob.
   With a very large smile on her face.

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