Hell Weekend

(by anonymous, 11 November 2006)

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Hell Weekend

"I don't know," she said, glaring at me while mulling over my request.  "This
whole thing has been a disaster from the very get go. You know how I feel
about smoking and I was very disappointed when you told me that you planned
to quit.  Then you asked ME, of all people, for help with your plan to quit
as a New Years Resolution.  If you'll remember, I didn't want to get
involved," she reminded me with some noticeable tension in her voice.

She lit a cigarette and drew deeply on it before exhaling a thick cloud of
smoke toward my face.  "How long has it been since your first indiscretion?"
she asked rhetorically. Meanwhile, the cloud of smoke engulfed my face,
before dissipating into the air.  "It was only two months into your
resolution when I caught you with a pack of cigarettes," she said.  "My
cigarettes," she emphasized.  

"You know me better than that," she said sternly. "I don't take
responsibilities or promises I make lightly.  When you convinced me to help
you with your plan to quit, I reluctantly accepted, knowing that if I made
the promise to you that I'd have to carry through.  Look where that got us.
Me having to treat you like a school aged child for smoking without
permission.  I feel like I'm raising my daughters all over again."  I knew
what she meant by that comment.  When I took the pack she reminded me about
punishing her daughters for smoking when they were 12 and 13 respectively.
The reason the girls got into trouble wasn't so much for smoking, but for
smoking without permission.  Michelle had told them from an early age that
they could smoke whenever they were ready, but that they must ask permission.  

So rather than reinvent the wheel, she used the same tactic on me that her
two daughters experienced, making me smoke the whole pack of cigarettes in
front of her in one sitting.  While this wasn't pleasant, it didn't kill me
but it did get my attention.  What really got my attention was the stern
warning when I finished.  "This had better not ever happen again.  If I have
to punish you again it will be the worst experience of your life."

Incidentally, both daughters became smokers three years later at ages 15 and
16 with their mother's blessing, after getting up the courage to ask

She took another cheek hollowing drag and held the smoke in, almost as though
she drew wisdom from the smoke in her lungs, and then she took a long exhale.

"Alright, I've given it some thought.  Here's my offer, take it or leave it."
I listened intently as she revealed her decision.  "I have fulfilled my
promise to help you and then some," she said.  "You are now asking me to
forget about your request for help.  If you'd like to start smoking again,
you must prove it to me.  The way you're going to prove it to me is by doing
exactly as I tell you to all weekend.  If you follow my directions and
complete what I tell you to do, then I will be satisfied that I've done
everything in my power to discourage you from starting again.  If you wish to
smoke after that, I would be glad to have you back as a fellow smoker." I was
dying to ask what the weekend was all about, but before I could she lit
another cigarette and spoke.  "If you accept my terms, on Friday before you
come home from work you will stop and buy a carton, not a pack, a carton of
Tareyton 100's.  The rest you will find out then.  Tareyton's are not my
brand of choice, but have always been Michelle's since I first met her.  She
once explained that her mother started her on the Tareyton's at age twelve
and she has never changed brands.  She has of course smoked the occasional
other brand of cigarette when without her brand.  This is a rare occurrence
though; Michelle is a smoker and always thinks ahead.  With her
two-pack-a-day habit on weekdays and three-a-day habit on weekends, she
always has at least two unopened packs in her purse before she leaves home.
She always has a spare carton at home when she opens her current carton.  At
forty-four years old she is still a beautiful woman.  A confessed addicted
smoker, apparently the cigarettes and diet Coke have been her recipe for
success for her absolutely gorgeous body.

I had two days to think about it.  I didn't really have a lot of choices, I
rationalized.  I had already been in trouble with her once for taking a pack
of cigarettes and smoking them.  I had smoked without her knowledge on other
occasions.  I already had an enormous amount of guilt about that. Plus, if
she caught me again she would have a fit and I would feel the wrath.  I knew
from being with Michelle for so long that Tareyton's were sometimes difficult
to find and that she counted on the cigarette store for her supply.  On
Friday afternoon I stopped at the cigarette shop and asked for a carton of
Tareyton 100's.  The young lady at the counter gave me an unusual look and
said, "Not the brand I would have guessed for you."  "Uh, kind of a long
story," I mumbled.  "I don't close for another hour," the young lady said in
what I deemed an inquiring manner. 

I gave her a quick rundown about how I thought quitting smoking was a good
New Year's Resolution and how I was now trying to get out of it.

"What is the whole carton for" she asked.

"I'm not sure, just following instructions."

"Hmmm, I'd bet that you have a long weekend ahead of you."

After she collected my money and returned my change, she looked at me and
winked and said, "Happy smoking, maybe I'll see you next time when you're not
in trouble."

Michelle was already at home when I arrived. She noticed the carton in my
hand and I saw a little devious smile on her face.

"Planning on smoking this weekend?" she inquired. I didn't know what to say,
so I said, "Maybe, depends what my girlfriend says."

"Good answer," she said while laughing.  "Dinner is ready," she said, "Put
those cigarettes down on the counter and let's eat."

After the dinner dishes were cleaned up she and I retired to the living room
where we turned on television and watched Jeopardy.  I was on pins and
needles since she hadn't mentioned anything about the cigarettes.  At about
five until seven she finally spoke about the cigarettes.  "At 7 o'clock you
will begin part one.  Get a pack of cigarettes from the carton, an ashtray,
grab one of my spare lighters out of the miscellaneous drawer and a glass of
water would be recommended."

I had gathered all of the items and sat down again on the couch.  She said,
"You will have two hours and forty minutes to smoke the entire pack of
cigarettes," as the clock turned to 7 o'clock, she said, "Starting right

I smoked and smoked and smoked and smoked for the next two hours and thirty
minutes, finishing the final one at 9:31.  I was feeling very queasy from the
smoking.  I was relieved I finished in time, not wanting to mess this up.
She didn't waste any time after I finished, before she got up and returned to
the living room with another pack and the trash can.  She opened the pack
with expert precision like she does several times daily with her own packs.
She pulled five cigarettes from the pack and held them by the filters in her
hand.  She handed me the first one and said, "Eat it.  Not the filter though,
just the tobacco."  I placed it into my mouth and started to eat it. I just
about got it down before I got sick into the trashcan.  The taste was
disgusting.  I cannot compare it to anything I've ever tasted before or
after.  As soon as I had a moment to recover she handed me the second one and
said, "Eat it".  I managed to get this one down and the next two as well.
The fifth one caused me to get sick again.  "You're done for tonight," she
said.  Not feeling well I went to bed and slept.

She woke me at six o'clock and told me breakfast was ready.  We ate and then
she said, "Part two begins at seven o'clock, be at the kitchen table with an
unopened pack."  We repeated the process from the night before, only this
time I had ten less minutes.  I had to smoke faster than last night.  Smoking
faster took its toll; I got sick to my stomach at number 18.  I did manage to
finish in time and then got the same ending as the night before, eating five
cigarettes.  I was starting to have doubts about my desire to annul the
agreement as I was feeling like death warmed over.

I ended up taking a nap for about three hours and was woken up by her at one
o'clock.  "Part three begins at two o'clock," she mentioned.  "Better get
some lunch in you so that you'll have something in your stomach."  I ate a
real light lunch.  At about 1:45 the doorbell rang, it was her youngest
daughter Lindsey.  Lindsey came in and her mom asked if she'd eaten, saying
there was some extra if she wanted lunch.  Lindsey declined, saying she'd
just stopped by to visit.  Lindsey was twenty-five and not unlike her older
sister Stephanie, looked just like her mother.  Lindsey lit up one of her
Marlboro Light 100's and sat down and talked with her mom.  I was overjoyed
at the moment - a little reprieve, I thought to myself, hopefully Lindsey
will stay for awhile.

"What are you guys up to?" Lindsey asked her mother and me.  I almost died
when Michelle, my girlfriend, nonchalantly told her daughter.

"Chris decided he wants to start smoking again, so I am making him prove it
and earn it."

Lindsey laughed for a moment and then realized her mother was serious.  "In
fact, he starts part three in about five minutes."  I was more than a little
bit embarrassed, but what could I do, I wasn't going to give up now, I'd
invested too much time and lung power.  

"Get ready," Michelle ordered, "Another pack, ashtray, lighter, water."  I
did as I was told and sat down.  "Two hours and twenty minutes to finish them
this time, starting now."

"Oh my god," Lindsey said out loud.  "You're making him smoke a whole pack of
your nasty Tareyton cigarettes in two hours and twenty minutes?"  Michelle

"No, he wants to do this and they're his cigarettes, he bought the carton, I
just told him what to buy."

Lindsey continued talking with her mother, but couldn't help staring at me

"This is his third pack since Friday night," Michelle added.

"Mom, you're going to kill him."

"No, he just wishes he was dead," Michelle replied.

"He probably already thinks he's in hell," Lindsey retorted.

"You're probably right," Michelle said to her daughter, "This is his 'hell
weekend'."  Then the two laughed and lit up fresh cigarettes.

I was smoking away, trying to go faster, but this of course just made me get
queasy quicker.  Then I noticed Lindsey dialing her cell phone.  I could only
hear her side of the conversation.

"Hey Sis, remember when we were kids and mom caught us smoking?  You have to
come see this; Mom is making Chris do the same thing so he can get his New
Years Quit Smoking Resolution annulled.  Cool, see you soon."  Great I
thought, now both daughters have to see this.  If I ever make another dumb
resolution, I thought to myself.

Fifteen minutes later Stephanie arrived.  I'm sure she wanted to believe her
sister, but had to see it with her own eyes to believe it.  There I was,
chain smoking one after another.  Stephanie heard the whole story from her
mom and her sister and sat there in disbelief watching me smoke.  This didn't
stop her from pulling her cigarettes out.  She joined her mother and sister
in a cigarette and watched me smoke while talking with her mom and sister.  I
had known these girls for the nearly fourteen years I had been dating their
mother.  In fact, I was there when they both started smoking.  Lindsey has
smoked the Marlboro Lights 100's for several years now; Stephanie on the
other hand, tends to switch brands.  It's not uncommon to see her smoking
Tareyton 100's like her mother and the next time see her smoking Virginia
Slims 100's or Marlboro 100's.  I think in the time I've been with her mother
I've seen her with ten different brands.  Today it just so happened that she
was smoking Tareyton 100's again.  I looked up and realized time was running
out.  I had slowed down trying to appease my lungs.  Realizing that I had to
get them done I lit the last three and finished with just barely a minute
left.  I then returned to my position over the trashcan and found myself sick
to my stomach.  The girls and their mother were laughing as I vomited.  They
were also laughing at themselves, remembering how they got sick several times
when they were caught smoking thirteen years ago.  Unfortunately, I also knew
what was coming next and right on cue Michelle was standing there pulling
five cigarettes from the open pack.  Now both girls were wide eyed watching
me eat the five cigarettes.  Apparently neither had ever seen that before.
Once again the garbage can and I were hugging each other.  

Stephanie then asked her mother, "How much more before he gets out of his

"I haven't decided quite yet," Michelle answered.  Both girls asked me how I
was feeling.  I forced a fake smile and said, "I'm doing the best I can."

"Hang in there, it'll be nice to have you back as a smoker," Stephanie said.

"I agree," Lindsey added.

"I couldn't agree more," Michelle said as she kissed my forehead.  "You need
a shower, you're pretty smoky."  I headed off to our bedroom and took a
shower to try to get clean.  I also brushed my teeth twice, once before the
shower and once after.  After freshening up I returned to the living room and
joined Michelle and the girls.  The smoke was still pretty thick in the house
and hit me like running into a wall.  I opened some windows and turned on the
fan to air out the house.

"While you were in the shower the girls and I were talking about how your
quitting smoking has affected all of us.  They said I've even taken it out on
them a few times.  I decided they deserve a piece of your hide also, so
they've come up with part three and half."  I was not happy at this point,
but I didn't have a lot of choice.  If I quit now, I don't get the resolution
annulled and the events of the weekend were all for not

"Here's the deal.  We are going to have smoking races.  At the command of go,
you will light a cigarette and begin smoking it.  Lindsey is going to go
first from our team.  If she finishes her cigarette first you lose, if you
finish your cigarette first you will have earned one win.  The game will
continue until you've won five times or we think you've smoked enough."  This
didn't sound too bad, I remember thinking.  Then Lindsey spoke up.  

"However, here's the catch.  Each time you lose a race you have to eat a
cigarette, and we will be alternating team members.  Your second race will be
against Stephanie and your third against our mom.  You are the only member of
your team, so you have to compete in all of the races."  My expression went
from thinking this wasn't too bad to "oh crap!".  

So I was instructed to grab a pack of my cigarettes and lighter and the game
began.  As promised, my first race was against Lindsey.  She lit a Marlboro
Light 100 and me a Tareyton 100.  Knowing that she was possibly the weakest
smoker in the group I set out to win the first race.   I took long drags and
continued puffing.  Lindsey smoked confidently, but didn't even try and keep
up.  I won easily and Lindsey crushed out her cigarette without even
finishing it.  On a small piece of scrap paper Michelle wrote the results.
My lungs were burning and before I could even catch my breath Stephanie had a
Tareyton 100 in her mouth and said go.  I scrambled to get one and light up.
With Stephanie's lungs not burning she carefully and masterfully took deep
drags.  I was trying my best but my lungs were already burning.  She finished
her cigarette and stubbed it out in the ashtray.  I started to do the same
conceding defeat but she quickly said no, finish it. While finishing it,
Stephanie fished into her purse, retrieving an unopened pack of Virginia
Slims 100's.  She opened the pack and after extracting a cigarette she handed
it to me.  "You lose. bon appetite!"  I ate the cigarette and no sooner took
a drink of water to swallow it down when Michelle said go.  Here I was at a
disadvantage again.  I grabbed another cigarette and started going.  My
girlfriend Michelle knows no other smoking technique except to pull deeply on
her cigarette and savor the smoke.  Her normal drags are equivalent to what
some smokers would consider a deep drag.

I got beat again.  Two losses with only one win in the first three races.
Michelle pulled another cigarette from her pack, and said "Yummy, yummy,
right into your tummy."  I ate it and this time got my next cigarette ready.
When Lindsey said go I was ready.  This time Lindsey decided to employ a new
tactic.  With each inhale she did a double pump and then exhaled directly
into my face.  Having smoke around my face or blown in my face is not
unusual, but she timed it just right and kept breaking my concentration.  In
what was the closest race so far, Lindsey beat me by about ten seconds.  A
grin came across her face, as though she was proud that like her older sister
and mother she had beaten me.  She quickly fished an extra Marlboro Light 100
from her pack and said, "Open your mouth and close your eyes, now you get to
eat the prize."  I was getting really woozy about now.  I had smoked four and
eaten three cigarettes at a blistering pace.  Unfortunately, I only had one
win under my belt.  One of five that I needed to end this torture.

Race five was about to begin, Stephanie decided she was going to smoke a
Virginia Slim this time instead of her Tareyton's.  She decided that I was
going to smoke a Virginia Slim also.  She lit them both in her mouth and
handed me mine and said go.  I began and decided to give it my best, so I
began rapidly inhaling.  I looked up and noticed Stephanie was holding her
lit cigarette casually.  She was barely smoking from it, but maybe once every
45 seconds.  I was over half way through mine.  Then she announced, "Oops, I
gave you the wrong cigarette, that one was mine, here is yours."  She reached
toward me taking my half smoked one and handed me her barely smoked one.  I
could have just died.  These smoking races were turning into devious ways to
torture me.  Stephanie easily won the race, finishing my half smoked
cigarette.  I of course was forced to finish the entire cigarette she handed
me.   I barely stubbed it out when I was handed another Virginia Slim.  She
decided on a clever poem for my torment.  "Roses are red and violets are
blue, eat this quickly or I'll make you eat two."  This cigarette was the
turning point.  As it went down, it all came right back up.  I managed to get
it in the trash can thankfully.  Once I caught my breath and wiped my face
off with a washcloth I actually felt better.    

Race six was against Michelle.  I decided that I was going to win this race.
I needed to get another win so I sucked it up and I smoked the whole
cigarette in three minutes, easily topping Michelle's five minute pace.  

Race seven, back against Lindsey and I again set my focus to winning.  She
smoked her Marlboro Light 100 and me a Tareyton 100.  I gave it everything I
had and beat her this time.  I was starting to feel some burning again, but I
was happy to have win number three behind me. 

Race eight put me back against Stephanie again.  I was thinking that I needed
to win this and get three in row before I start getting really light headed
and turning green again.  This time Stephanie and I each smoked our
respective Tareyton 100's.  On the command of go I took huge drags as quickly
as I could inhale and exhale them, one right after another until I finished
the entire cigarette.  I beat Stephanie and now had four wins, only one shy
and getting through this damn game of theirs.

Race nine was not my lucky one.  Michelle with her rested lungs out smoked me
and made me look silly.  My stamina was fading quickly after losing this
race.  Michelle noticed my pale appearance and I think actually started
feeling sorry for me.  Michelle pulled out an unlit Tareyton from her pack
and asked each girl for one of their cigarettes.  Lindsey handed her mom a
Marlboro Light 100 and Stephanie a Virginia Slim 100.  Michelle announced
with the help of a little rhyme that part three and a half was over. 

"You smoked real fast and did quite well, eat these three cigarettes and I'll
end this hell."  I grabbed all three and chewed them up as quickly as I
could.  I was glad to be finished with this extra race game.  I of course got
sick again, but was thankful this part was over.

I gazed at my watch and noticed it was 6:00 already.  The girls and their mom
decided they were hungry.  They asked if I wanted to join them for some
Chinese food.  The thought of it made me get sick again.  

Michelle suggested I go take a nap then while the rest went out to eat.  I
gladly lay down. 

I found out later from Michelle that she and girls went to the local place
down the road and they laughed incessantly about my torment while they ate.
It seems the girls thought this whole situation was quite amusing and were
actually plotting and suggesting other ideas about what I should have to

About an hour and half after I had lay down, I was awakened by a kiss on my
cheek from Michelle.  She sat down on the edge of the bed and stroked my hair
and asked how I was feeling.  Her inner kindness shone through while we spoke
and I told her I was feeling pretty decent at the moment.  "You know I love
you very much," she added.  "I hope this weekend is teaching you a valuable
lesson about being careful what you ask for," she said sternly.  Looking into
her eyes I nodded to acknowledge her comment.  

Her demeanor then changed and she spoke in a very matter of fact tone.  "You
have smoked three full packs in the first three rounds, a partial pack during
round three and a half and of course you ate five cigarettes each of the
first three times, totaling three quarters of a pack.  I have decided to take
it easier on you tonight since I added part three and a half that wasn't
planned," she explained.  "Part four starts in ten minutes, meet me in the
living room."  She got up and exited the bedroom.

I hurriedly got up and used the restroom and washed my face.  I decided to
brush my teeth as well to get some of the awful taste out of my mouth.

Arriving in the living room, I sat on the couch.  I noticed two open packs of
Tareyton 100's in front of me on the coffee table.  Michelle explained that
one contained the thirteen cigarettes left over from last round and the other
pack contained the remaining five from the earlier episodes.

"Part four," she emphasized, "Is going to be a little less grueling.  You
will have 80 minutes to smoke the thirteen cigarettes and then eat the five
from the other pack."

"Thank you Michelle," I said meekly.  

"Ready, set, go."  She started timing the eighty minutes.  Knowing this was
an easier task I set out to finishing quickly.  I smoked non-stop for 70
minutes, finishing unlucky number thirteen.  Then I choked down and ate the
five cigarettes from the other pack.  Of course I puked, but that was getting
to be a common occurrence this weekend.   My torture for the night ended and
we headed off to bed.

Sunday morning came and I was awakened by smoke being blown into my face at
five o'clock AM.  I must have tried to turn away from it because she soon
grabbed my chin while exhaling directly at my mouth and nose.  I did not
fight her as we sometimes played sexually smoking related games like this.
She placed the cigarette into her lips and with her free hand reached under
the sheets and felt for me.  She was not disappointed, since I had been
turned on by her smoky exhales.

She pulled the covers back and made love to me, keeping the cigarette between
her lips except when ashing.  At the conclusion she lied next to me and lit
another cigarette.  She looked over at me with a wicked smile and said, "I'll
bet you wish you were having an after sex cigarette right now."

"Yes," I said enthusiastically.

"It's too bad that you quit smoking as a New Year's Resolution."  Then she
exhaled in my face and giggled.  

She hopped up when finished with her cigarette.  Her demeanor changed back to
this weekend's stern tone.  "Be in the living room in fifteen minutes."  Ugh,
I thought.  

I stopped in the kitchen to get a cup of coffee on my way to the living room.
"Get yourself some water," she called out to me, so I brought a glass of
water with my coffee. Joining Michelle on the couch I noticed that she had
the carton I purchased sitting on the coffee table.  She did an inventory in
front of me, emptying out the contents on the table.  

"You only made it through five packs yesterday."

"It seemed like more," I chimed in.  She just glared at me, as if to say you
better hush up.

"Open a pack," she said to me.  I grabbed one of the five packs and pulled
the cellophane wrapper loose.   "Today is going to be a tough one, you did
well yesterday, but today, I'm going to test your resolve.  Remember, if you
quit before it's over the New Year's Resolution will stand.  Do you
understand me?" she demanded.


"Good, then for breakfast this morning you will eat that pack of cigarettes.
Go get a plate and the waste basket."  I returned with both.  She ordered me
to remove all of the cigarettes from the pack and place them onto the plate.
I did so.  The sight of twenty cigarettes on the plate was overwhelming and
psychologically defeating.

I did as I was told, one after another.  Wanna quit now, she asked every time
after I vomited?  I ate and I vomited and I ate and I vomited, I think you
get the picture.  

Get another pack.  I grabbed another one.  Open it and start smoking.   My
mouth tasted horrible after all of the aforementioned sickness.  But I smoked
and smoked and smoked.  I vomited, I smoked.  Wanna quit now she continued
asking?  No, I replied!  I finished yet another pack.  Judging from when I
think we started, it was about two hours and ten minutes.  

The truth is I did want to quit.  I wanted to make this torture stop.  I
can't quit, I kept telling myself, quitting is what got me into this to begin
with.  Or was it starting up again, I can't remember. 

"All you have to do is tell me you quit, you can go back to being a
non-smoker," she said.    

"No, I want to smoke."  I don't think that came out quite right in my anger
at her trying to get me to give up.  

"Fine, smoke another pack."  I started and I smoked and then I got sick and
repeated the cycle on and on.   When I slowed down, guess who was in my ear
saying "you better get going unless you're quitting".  My lungs burned, my
stomach was in knots, I was ill beyond anything I'd ever experienced in my

It was just before noon when this latest round of torment and torture ended.
Michelle announced that we should eat some lunch.  I was a little
apprehensive and Michelle must have noticed my face.  "No, real lunch," she
said.  I was hungry.  We had some soup and sandwiches.  

After lunch she suggested I go lie down for awhile.  I gladly accepted her
offer and retired to the bedroom.  I took a quick shower and then crawled
into bed.  She woke me up at 3:30 and said, "ut to the living room."

I headed out to the living room and was greeted by Stephanie and Lindsey.  I
started getting a little nervous when I saw them.  Yesterday was not exactly
a joy when they participated.  Plus I remembered Michelle said that while she
and the girls were at dinner the previous night that the topic of discussion
turned to plotting and suggesting other things I should endure.  

I sat down in the living room.

"We hear you've had a rough morning."

"Yes," I replied.

"We came over to help finish up with your weekend."

"The more the merrier," I said with a forced smile.  , 

"You look like hell," Lindsey then said to me.

"Thanks," I replied with a large dose of sarcasm.  

Michelle sat down with her cigarette case and also set the two remaining
packs of Tareyton 100's on the coffee table.  Michelle looked at me lovingly
and said, "You're almost done.  For the finale, you have 60 minutes to get
these two packs of cigarettes gone.  The only thing that can remain at the
end of 60 minutes is the forty filters.  Do you understand she asked me?"

"Yes.  They must all be gone in 60 minutes."

She looked at her watch and said go.  I opened the cellophane and extracted
four cigarettes.  I decided I would start by smoking four at once.  I set the
pack down and lit the four cigarettes.  I looked over while I was lighting
the cigarettes and saw Stephanie and Lindsey each take two from the pack.
Next thing I knew they were both lighting up.  I smiled; they meant they were
here to help me.   They and I both smoked as quickly as possible.   As I
mentioned before Stephanie smoked this brand regularly enough, but Lindsey
detested them.  For her to sit there and smoke them despite her utter disgust
for them was a real sacrifice on her part. At about eight minutes into the
session we simultaneously stubbed out eight cigarettes.  This time I grabbed
two and each of them grabbed another two.  This time smoking them took us
about ten minutes.  There were twenty-six cigarettes still remaining and
forty-two minutes left to finish them.  My lungs were on fire and I could
tell by the looks on the girls faces that they were struggling as well.  I
took another two from the pack and Stephanie and Michelle each took two more
as well.  This time all three of us slowed down to a twelve minute pace.
Thirty minutes left and twenty cigarettes left.   I knew I couldn't do
another four at once and I didn't know how long the girls could continue on
doing two at once.  I knew somewhere along the way I was probably going to
have to eat some to make up time.  I saved that for last, knowing that I
could manage that better at the end.  Each of us took two again as Michelle
announced thirty minutes remaining.  Another twelve minutes elapsed and that
left eighteen minutes and fourteen cigarettes.  I grabbed four this time and
the girls each two again.  I was struggling to keep going and the girls
looked very ill too.  Another twelve minutes went by quickly.  Michelle then
announced six minutes left.  Crap, I had to suck it up now.  I grabbed two
cigarettes and the girls each grabbed two.  The pack was empty, but there was
no way we could smoke them in six minutes.  I knew what I had to do.  I
grabbed the glass of water and ate my first cigarette.  Oh shoot, here it all
comes up.  It took me three minutes to get my breath back.  The girls were
just sitting there.  Finally Lindsey spoke.

"Come on sis, let's do it for him."

The two girls out of some serious kindness each ate two cigarettes
simultaneously and yes, they got sick too.  I choked down my final one and
threw it up as well.  

"Time is up," Michelle announced as the three of sat there hanging our heads
close to the waste basket.  "Congratulations, you made it with some help."  I
finally spoke.

"Thank you so much," I said with sincerity to the girls.  "I couldn't have
done it without you.  I owe you."

"Yes you do, you owe us big.  That was the grossest thing I ever tasted,"
Lindsey added.  

"No doubt," Stephanie said, "And I don't want to ever even think about doing
that again."

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