I Thought It Was Just Me

(by anthonylee79@hotmail.com, 14 January 2003)

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I Thought It Was Just Me
by anthonylee79@hotmail.com

From as early as I can remember I had a fascination with women smoking. I
couldn't figure out why, I just found it sexy and exciting whenever I seen a
beautiful woman smoking on the television or in real life.

The more that this fascination started to grow the more I wanted to try
smoking. To see what it was like, to see why people enjoyed it, to see just
how addictive it was. However, because I seen smoking as a sexual thing I
always found it quite hard to explain to my friends that I wanted to try it.

So, instead of trying my first cigarette with friends like most people might
do, I brought a pack of Regals as soon as I looked old enough to get served
(13) and tried it in my back garden one day when my parents were out.

At first it was a strange taste and it made me choke when I inhaled but the
more I tried it the better it got. And the sexier it felt.

I carried on smoking whenever I could get the chance but I still couldn't find
the courage to tell anyone that I smoked. The longer this went on the more
difficult it became. I felt that if people found out then not only would they
be surprised that I smoked but they also wouldn't understand why I had hidden
it for so long.

My fascination with women that smoked also continued to grow. I found that
most of the T.V. programmes that I watched on the television were to see women
smoking. When I was walking down the street I couldn't help but look at girls
who were smoking. I was always looking for news articles and pictures of
celebrities smoking. I couldn't understand why. I almost thought that I was
some sort of freak!

Why was I attracted to women that were harming there bodies? Why was I
attracted to women doing something that most men say is a "turn off" (atleast
they do in public anyway!) I thought that it was just a part of puberty at
first or a phase that I would grow out of. But as the years went on I began to
realise that it wasn't.

About 2 years ago, I got my computer connected to the internet and one of the
first things that I searched for was "Britney smoking". I thought that it was
an unusual search but probably might find a news article or something..

To my surprise I found a site called smokingcelebs.com. A whole website
devoted to female celebrity smokers. I suddenly began to realise that it
wasn't just me who was attracted to women smoking!

After plenty of searching other sites and links I began to realise that this
was actually a more common attraction than I could have ever imagined and even
had a name "Smoking Fetish!" and applies to both men and women.

However, even though it is obviously a popular fetish, it is not a very public
one. I am still a closet smoker and I still don't think that I could ever
discuss this with friends or even girlfriends, even if they were smokers
themselves. I think that is why these websites are so popular, people of a
like mind coming together anonymously.

The one thing which I would like more than anything now though is to meet a
girl who shares the fetish, but I guess the only problem is that it's
difficult to bring up the conversation because you're not sure whether girls
do or don't. I have been out with girls that smoked before but they used to
always refain from smoking with me because they thought that I didn't smoke.
When really what I wanted was for them to smoke more for me.

Atleast these websites have helped me to understand the fetish a bit more and
even talk to other people on some of the chat room links.

I will probably carry on smoking "in the closet" but it doesn't feel as
strange now when I find myself attracted to women smoking. When I'm in a busy
bar I know that I'm probably not the only one enjoying the sight!

No doubt there were a lot of you who thought that you were the only ones to
until you found websites like this.

If any of you would like to e-mail me my address is anthonylee79@hotmail.com

I hope that these websites help you just as much as they helped me!

Anthony, 23, England

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