Memoirs of a Smoking Fetishist, Part 1

(by asfs@juno.com, 19 April 1997)


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Memoirs of a Smoking Fetishist
(or, How I Learned to Love Women Who Smoke)

(C) 1997 by TK  (asfs@juno.com)

NOTICE:  This document contains graphic descriptions of what makes one
smoking fetishist tick.  Those who aren't attracted to women who smoke
should stop reading now!  This document also contains descriptions of
sexual situations, and is not intended for younger readers!

This is also a long history of my life, so please sit back, relax, and
enjoy!

=================================================================

Chapter One - The Beginnings of the Fetish

My name is TK, and I have a fetish for women who smoke.  As early as 4th
grade, I can remember having a fascination for women (and girls) who
smoked cigarettes.  This is my recollection of how my fetish (as well as
my own smoking) developed over the years.

My mother was and is a smoker, so I was always exposed to cigarette smoke
since I was born in the mid '60s.  I'm not sure if she smoked during
pregnancy or while nursing, but I do know that I was never really
interested in watching my mom smoke.  [However, I remember daydreaming
about being in the car with her, and she would ask me to get a cigarette
out and light it for her.]  My mother's usual brand was Salem Lights
100s, but I remember she also occasionally smoked Virginia Slims menthol,
VS Menthol Lights, and even a pack of More menthol.  When I was in 6th or
7th grade, I carefully made off with one of her packs of Salem Lights out
of her carton in the kitchen drawer.  I believe a Salem Light 100 was the
first cigarette I ever smoked (or attempted to smoke!).  It took me a
while to get used to the taste, but I was determined to succeed.

I tried smoking for the same reason everyone else did-- because it was
"cool".  However, this was not the same "cool" everyone else was going
for.  I didn't smoke to fit in.  I was attracted to the act of smoking. 
How the smoke looked as it exited the lips.  How the cigarette was held. 
I smoked to experience the same things that women smokers experienced.

I used to smoke after my paper route, in a wooded area that was my
shortcut home.  The paper route also made it possible for me to be up
early on Sundays-- early enough to ride my bike up to the corner store to
buy cigarettes without being seen by anyone I knew.  I recall buying my
own pack of More menthol, and telling the clerk they were for my mom. 
After all, what 12- to 14-year-old would be smoking Mores?  It was during
this time that I remember being interested in cigarette advertising,
especially Virginia Slims and More ads.  I had torn a More ad out of one
of my mom's magazines, and stashed it with my Mores in the woods.  The ad
said something like, "How does your cigarette measure up?" and had an
actual-size picture of a More at the top of the page.  The rest of the ad
was text describing Mores and what made them so great.

I picked Mores because I loved the way they looked-- very distinctive.  I
had tried a few other brands, but I found I liked the look of a cigarette
that was all one color, either all-white or all-brown!  I also seemed to
prefer long, slim cigarettes.  I was always very masculine, except when
it came to selecting a cigarette.  [FYI:  I am not a cross-dresser.]  I
never could understand why long, slim cigarettes were targeted
specifically towards women.  It would seem to me that cigarette companies
could only increase their sales by marketing all their brands to both
sexes.

I also have a preference for menthol cigarettes.  I'm always seeing
anti-menthol posts on the Internet, and people wondering what the deal is
with menthols.  I've tried non-menthols before, and I think the taste is
too harsh.  I'm also not a coffee drinker, as I think it's too bitter for
my taste.  Menthols are much cooler to me, and I can't see why more
people don't enjoy the taste.  Maybe I just associate non-menthol
cigarettes with Marlboros and Camels, and I hate to see attractive,
feminine women smoking these brands!  My own tastes in cigarettes
coincide with what I like to see women smoking.  If a woman is a menthol
smoker, in my mind she is much less likely to bum a Marlboro from
someone.  [Before I first smoked, I had dreams about living on my own and
buying my own cigarettes.  In my dreams, I bought Max and Max Menthol,
then smoked one of each at the same time to decide which I liked better.]

Anyway, back to my story...  I recall one incident when my brother found
out that our younger sister was smoking with a friend who lived up the
street.  I thought it odd when he acted disappointed in her, because I
had once seen two or three VS Menthols in a baggie in his glove
compartment.  Those cigarettes belonged to his wife, who it turns out was
a closet smoker.  I would later learn to identify some of the same
fetishist tendencies that I was experiencing, in my brother, of all
people!

In high school, I worked part-time at a convenience store.  This was one
of my favorite jobs, as it provided me with the opportunity to see all
the different brands of cigarettes that were available, as well as sell
them to any women who wanted them!  It was at this time that I remember
an association between smoking and sexuality.  I pictured myself going
home with the women who came in to buy cigarettes, and smoking with them
once we got there.

The time at that job was also the time of experimentation with different
brands.  I was still a closet smoker, so I would never buy cigarettes at
that store, or any store near my home.  It was always easiest to stop at
a gas station and pick up a pack or two to try.  During my high school
years, I tended to stick with VS Menthol Lights and More menthols the
most.  I would keep the packs hidden away in the car, and smoke on my way
to work, or on the way home.  I also tried More Lights, Salem Slim
Lights, Max, Saratoga, and others, as long as they were long, slim, and
menthol.

During my senior year, I started hanging around a group of guys that were
associated with a certain group of girls, most of whom smoked. 
Fortunately, most of them smoked VS Menthol Lights, with only 3 or 4
smoking VS Lights (non-menthol) or some other non-menthol brand (Merit,
Winston Lights).  [I long for the good old days when girls were girls,
and they loved their Virginia Slims.]  I'm surprised no one caught me
staring at them while they were smoking.  None of the guys smoked (at
least not regularly), but I do remember one of my friends exclaiming how
good the VS Menthol Lights were, after he had smoked one with the girls. 
Little did they know that I was also enjoying that same brand.

During college, I went back to my non-smoker mode.  It was always easy to
switch between closet smoker and nonsmoker, because I never really did
smoke that much.  Also, all my friends and roommates were nonsmokers, so
I had to fit in.  I had an occasional puff off a cigarette,  usually from
a girl I had just met at a party.  I also picked up a pack of Mores when
my roommate was out of town for the weekend.  I hid in the dorm room and
smoked a few, pretending not to be home when the neighbor knocked on the
door.

During my 4th year in college, I became good friends with a woman who
lived in the apartment downstairs the year before.  She now lived in the
building across the street, downstairs from some of my old neighbors from
the dorms.  She was a heavy smoker, and her brand was VS Lights
(non-menthol).  I guess I accepted her brand choice because we were
friends, and I was not attracted to her otherwise.  She worked at the
same restaurant I did, and we often shared a ride.  I would also go to
her place to use her typewriter, when I typed other people's papers in
exchange for pizza.  I spent many nights at her place, coming home
smelling like smoke.

It was one night in November when I decided to talk to her about smoking.
 She was driving us home from work, and didn't have any cigarettes.  She
picked around her ashtray for a butt that was smokeable [not a pretty
sight], and came across a VS Menthol Light from a friend.  She exclaimed
"yuk!", and I asked her why.  She explained that she didn't like the
taste of menthols.  I told her I thought most women smoked menthols, and
she listed a few of our female friends that didn't.  One of the women she
named had smoked More regulars for a while-- she was petite and very
attractive, and quite a sight to watch!  I think it was at this time that
I mentioned that I had smoked before, and that I used to steal an
occasional cigarette from my mom.

Back at her place, I offered to run to the gas station to get her some
cigarettes.  Ironically, this was the same day as the Great Smoke-Out, so
I decided that I would pick up a pack for myself as well.  At the time,
she was smoking VS 120s, so I decided to buy myself a pack of the VS 120s
in menthol.  When I got back from the gas station, I showed her my
purchase.  She was surprised to see that I had bought Virginia Slims, but
I explained that my mom used to smoke them, and that I didn't know what
else to buy.  This was the first time anyone had ever known me to smoke,
and she enjoyed watching me light up and smoke my first VS 120.  I had
several that night.  When I went home I left my pack there, to be smoked
again another night.

I continued to go to her place almost every night, smoking while I was
there.  She had told one or two people of my smoking, but I didn't seem
to mind.  When my first pack of VS 120s ran out, I went back to the gas
station, and this time picked up a pack of my trusty More menthols.  When
I returned to her place, she saw the Mores and was even more surprised! 
I told her I liked the cigarettes that were long and slim, and again she
mentioned the friend who used to smoke More regulars.

I remember keeping a pack of VS Menthol 120s in my closet back at my
apartment, and I would occasionally go out for late-night walks to smoke.
 I once became so bold as to lock myself in the basement bathroom,
exhaust fan on, and smoke a VS 120 while on the toilet.  I believe this
is the first time I masturbated while smoking.  I had masturbated before
(in college), but only while watching XXX films or after a night of heavy
making-out with a girl down the hall.  I knew I was going to have a lot
of fun smoking and stroking!

During my long college career, I needed a break, as my grades kept
falling (too much beer!).  My employers offered me a full-time assistant
manager job at another restaurant in a large city a few hours away.  I
gladly accepted the offer, then went out to buy my first car and look for
an apartment.  Living by myself for the first time in my life, I decided
to return to my smoking.  I purchased a small ashtray, a Bic lighter, and
several packs of cigarettes-- VS Menthol 120s and More menthol.  I also
decided to smoke in my car, but without using the ashtray, so no one
would catch on.

Back at my new apartment, I perfected my smoking technique, emulating the
women I had watched over the years.  Holding the cigarette at the tips of
my index and middle fingers, I would bring the 120 to my lips, take a
drag, and exhale in a thin stream while tilting my head back.  I would
sometimes watch myself in the bathroom mirror while smoking.  Once, I
even brought home a camcorder, hooked it to the TV, pointed the camera,
and watched myself smoke on TV!  I popped a tape in and taped a few
minutes, then watched it later before erasing it.  Of course, my smoking
was almost always accompanied by masturbation.  I acquired a collection
of Penthouse magazines, and would smoke 'n' stroke while reading the
letters in Forum.

It was in the pages of Penthouse that I realized I was not alone with my
fetish.  A letter entitled "Where There's Smoke..."  caught my attention
[in more ways than one!].  The writer described a sexual situation with
his wife, and added that she topped things off by reaching into the night
table next to the bed, and retrieving a pack of cigarettes and a lighter!
 Needless to say, this turned out to be my favorite letter!  Perhaps the
original author is out there reading this right now!

I stuck mostly with Mores and VS 120s, but I did pick up a pack of Max
once.  At my new job, I remained a closet smoker, only smoking at home
and in the car.

One day, my smoking partner from college called and said she was going to
move to the east coast.  I volunteered to help her move, so we dropped my
car off at the airport and headed east in her car.  I didn't bring any
cigarettes with me, and after riding in the car for a few hours, I
thought I'd better pick some up at the next stop.  When we stopped for
gas, I picked up a pack of the VS menthol 120s I enjoyed so much, and we
continued on our trip, smoking all night long.  I think I finished the
whole pack in under 24 hours!  When I ran out, I again switched to Mores
for the duration of the trip.



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