Metamorphosis, Part 4

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Article: 4855 of alt.sex.fetish.smoking
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Newsgroups: alt.sex.fetish.smoking
From: an443252@anon.penet.fi (totsecret)
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Organization: Anonymous forwarding service
Reply-To: an443252@anon.penet.fi
Date: Fri,  8 Dec 1995 14:27:04 UTC
Subject: Story: Metamorphosis (4/4)
Lines: 390



    Metamorphosis
    Part IV - Coming Out


    "I'm thinking of telling my parents about my smoking", Cathy said as she
exhaled a long stream of smoke, "My mom asked me about it again last night, I
hated to lie to her. I think they'll take it better since I've been getting
better grades lately."

    "Hah! Awesome grades lately. But lying is definitely the best policy",
Beth replied, "At least while you're living with your parents." She smiled as
she brought a Marlboro to her lips and flicked on her lighter. She'd looked
forward to this lunch time cigarette all morning.

    "Yeah, right. You're a smoker Beth, and I can't imagine you ever quitting.
Your parents are going to find out sooner or later, so why not tell them
first? You'll get leniency for honesty." Laura punctuated her words by
flicking ash from her cigarette into her ash tray.

    "When my deal was over, I told my mom I wasn't smoking any more but she
could, but I kept on smoking anyway behind her back. When I told my mom the
truth she was really understanding."

    "How can you say that, Julie? Your mom got you smoking in the first place!
And Laura, you caught your mom smoking right after she caught you!" Beth
paused for a quick puff on her cigarette, which seemed to energize her to
continue. "My parents already smoke a pack and a half each, and have tried to
quit a hundred times. They have lectured me about smoking since I was little,
and they'd freak if they found out!"

    "I still stand by what I said. They'll handle it better if you go to them
first and tell the truth. I know that it is easier said than done. But at
least you don't have the problem my mom does. She is becoming a real smoker,
but will not admit it to herself, much less me." Laura had expected her mother
to smoke when they she was outside the house or at least in her car, but
hadn't seen her yet. Still it was tables in the non-smoking sections at
restaurants, and no smoking for the long hours at work.

    "So how close to finishing her five packs is she?" asked Julie.

    "Mom said she had one more pack to go this morning. She'll finish it
tomorrow and then I don't know what she'll do. At the beginning, she talked
about how it would be five packs and then she would stop and I would have to
quit. Didn't hear much about that for a while, until lately she has brought it
up again, trying to convince herself. She won't want to smoke at home in front
of me, or smoke in front of people she knows, so she'll start sneaking around.
She'll say she's quit or she will really quit, and it will have the same
result. She really enjoys smoking, and I don't want her to stop just because
of her hang ups."

    "That may be part of the reason you don't want her to quit, but most of it
is because if your mom quits, you will have to quit to honor your deal." Beth
shot back.

    "Ok, you're right. But it still comes down to the fact that I want my mom
to think of herself as a smoker, but she can't. It would be too embarassing
after all her anti-smoking talk to come clean to everyone, even to me who she
has been smoking with all along".

    "What she needs is new smoking friends," Julie said with a smile.



    That night Laura was doing homework at Julie's house. Instead of walking
home from Julie's, Laura was going to be picked up by her mother . Julie and
Laura made sure they were far enough away from the front door so Pam answered
it when Anne came.

    "Hello, I'm Laura's mother Anne. Is she here?"

    "Oh, somewhere. Please come in. Laura! Your mother's here." Pam took a
drag from the cigarette she had between her fingers and ushered Anne into the
kitchen where she was preparing dinner. They chatted about there jobs and
their daughters, and still Laura hadn't appeared. Anne wanted to go home as
soon as possible so she could have a cigarette, and the craving grew as Pam
smoked in front of her.

    Finally, Laura and Julie appeared. Anne's eyes were drawn to the cigarette
Julie was smoking. She knew that Julie smoked, but had no idea that she smoked
in her own home with her mother's approval. Her craving intensified.

    "Sorry, mom", Laura said in response to her mother's look, "We were
studying for this test tomorrow, and need to study some more. I should have
phoned you about it, but I forgot."

    "How about you two stay over for dinner?" Pam asked Anne. "It'll give them
more time to study, and we can chat." Anne agreed realizing she needed a break
from work, and the students left to study.

    Pam had finished her cigarette, but before lighting one for herself, she
offerred one to her guest.

    "Uh, no thank you."

    "I saw how you looked at my daughter smoking. People usually either don't
react, or are scandalized that I let my daughter smoke at home. You just wish
you were smoking too." Pam stopped to light her Virginia Slim 120. "Go ahead."
she said and slid the pack over to her.

    This woman smokes and lets her daughter smoke, Anne thought to herself,
she isn't going to think less of me for smoking. She reached forward and took
a long cigarette from the pack and then leaned forward to have it lit by Pam.
The cigarette seemed unusually narrow and long to Anne, but she enjoyed the
feeling of smoke in her lungs after so long without, and blew a long stream of
smoke across the room. A minute later the cravings had been satisfied for the
moment, and a thought came to her. She excused herself and went off to find
Laura.

    Laura couldn't hide her smile as her mother came to Julie's room with a
lit cigarette. At her mother's request, she went into the hallway to have a
quiet talk.

    "You probably noticed that I'm smoking", Anne said, "And I felt bad if I
smoked and you didn't. So I just wanted to tell you that it was okay for you
to smoke here." Laura couldn't help smiling even more. "Don't get carried
away, I'm not about to make a habit out of this", said Anne, meaning smoking
in public. Laura laughed out loud at her choice of words, and Anne just smiled
and left.

    Laura and Julie smiled at each other as Laura returned to the room and
thankfully lit her first cigarette for hours. After exhaling a long stream of
smoke across the room, she said: "Definitely worth an afternoon without
smoking."

    When Laura and Julie were called down to dinner, they found their mothers
chatting away with a mostly full ashtray between them. This is a good sign,
Laura thought, as they sat down to a very enjoyable dinner.

    "This is a great story that you'll appreciate, Anne. I think it would be
hypocritical not to, so I let Julie's friends smoke here. One Saturday an old
friend of Laura's was over here hanging out, and when she went home her mother
smelled smoke on her clothes. Her mother knew that her daughter had only been
here, and confronted her. She was scandalized that I let my daughter and her
friends smoke in my home. This she didn't keep to herself, but she actually
called me up and said that her daughter wasn't allowed here any more because I
let teenagers smoke in the house. She continued that this was terrible, and
her daughter has never smoked and would never be encouraged to smoke at my
home. I bit my tongue and said: 'Thank you, I understand', and hung up. I
didn't want to tell her that her daughter already smokes. What happened to
Justine, Julie?"

    "She didn't hang out with us any more because her mom said she'd be
grounded if her mom ever smelled smoke on her at all."

    "For smoking parents", Pam said as she put down her fork and reached for
an after dinner cigarette, "It's stupid to try to keep their children from
smoking and non-smoking parents aren't going to easily stop their kids from
smoking either. I've been smoking since I was fifteen, I'm not planning to
stop, and I'm glad my daughter smokes with me. It must be the same for you,
right, Anne?" Laura looked expectantly at her mother, hoping she seemed
nonchalant but she really wanted to see how her mother reacted.

    Anne's first insinct was to tell a lie by omission, but she didn't want to
ruin her budding friendship with Pam. Plus, she didn't want to lie in front of
her daughter. She thought if she had a cigarette this would be easier to deal
with, and that was what made up her mind. She put off answering by lighting up
one of Pam's cigarettes. Julie and Laura followed their mothers' example.

    "I'm glad I can smoke with my daughter but we have a different situation
than you do", Anne replied. Less different than you think, thought Laura. "I
started smoking after she did."

    "That's amazing! But you are still a closet smoker, aren't you?" asked
Pam.

    "Yes, I guess I am. Tonight is the first time I've smoked outside my home.
How did you know?" Laura and Julie enjoyed their cigarettes and watched the
conversation like it was a tennis match.

    "Just how you looked at Julie when you first saw her tonight, and I just
realized that Julie had told me about her smoking friend with an anti-smoking
mother, and I just made the connection. It must be hard to think about smoking
around people who still think you are totally against smoking." Pam smiled,
and Anne didn't want to hide anything.

    "Not only that, but hardly anyone at work smokes!" Anne replied after
exhaling.

    "You'd be surprised how many people are closet or social smokers because
of what people might think. When you want to smoke more and more when you're
not at home, you have to think whether it is worth it to try to keep your
smoking secret from everyone. Within reason, of course. Julie doesn't smoke in
front of my parents."

    "I'll have to think about that", Anne replied as she knocked ash into the
ashtray, but she started to realize there wasn't much to think about.

    After ice cream for desert and helping to clean up, Anne finally decided
they had to leave. With a promise of having lunch together sometime, Anne said
good bye to Pat.



    Anne had met her deadline, so the next day she took her secretary Rachel
out to lunch to thank her for all the work she had done to help. Anne knew
Rachel took smoke breaks a few times during the day, but they had always eaten
at a non-smoking table. This time Rachel was surprised when Anne asked for a
table in the smoking section.

    "This is a lunch for you, so I thought you should be able to smoke", Anne
replied to Rachel's question.

    Anne wanted people to see her as less anti-smoking, and this was her first
step. Maybe someday she would actually "come out" to people, but she didn't
think she was ready yet.

    These lunches were always nice for Rachel, but they usually had the
downside of not being able to smoke. Rachel didn't need any encouragement, and
took out her pack of Marlboro Reds right after they sat down. Soon she was
exhaling a plume of smoke across the room.

    Anne looked at her secretary across the table. Rachel was in her twenties,
almost half Anne's age. She rode her motorcycle to work and changed into work
clothes in the bathroom, but in her work clothes you never would have known.
In the past Anne had pangs of jealousy when men were only business with her,
but always flirted with Rachel.

    Rachel looked amazingly beautiful as she smoked her Marlboro, Anne now
realized with her smoking prejudices out of the way. She put her menu on the
table and just looked at Rachel holding her menu with a cigarette between her
fingers. Rachel looked up to inhale on her cigarette and saw her boss across
the table staring at her.

    Anne could almost taste the cigarette as Rachel inhaled. Rachel looked
expectantly back at her after shooting a huge stream of smoke across the aisle
between the tables. The smell drove Anne crazy, and her plan of slow steps to
public smoking went out the window.

    "Could I bum one of those off you?" Anne asked quickly, before she lost
her nerve. Rachel's only reaction was raised eye brows as she jerked her pack
slightly so a few cigarettes stuck out and offered it to Anne. Anne forgot
about the possibility of being seen by people she knew in the restaurant as
she took the proffered cigarette and put it to her lips. Rachel lit the
cigarette and finally responded to Anne's surprising request.

    "You haven't commented about my smoking recently, I didn't realize it was
because you had started smoking yourself", Rachel said with a smile.

    "How much do you smoke, Rachel?"

    "I've smoked a pack and a half a day since I was fifteen. Neither of my
parents smoked so of course I loved pissing them off by coming home smelling
of smoke and leaving my cigarettes on my bureau where they would see them."

    "I only have been smoking about ten a day, but that is because I've only
smoked at home. I didn't plan to smoke with you today, but..." Anne wondered
how much she wanted to tell Rachel.

    "It must be hard for you to smoke in front of me after all the things
you've said to me", Rachel responded and knocked ash off her cigarette into
the ash tray, "I'm impressed that you are, though."

    "I have to either decide I'm a smoker or quit. Today I will finish the
fifth pack, and can't put it off any more." Anne paused to inhale, and a
beautiful white stream shot from her mouth. In response to a questioning look
from Rachel she explained quickly whathad led up to this moment.

    "I never thought the cravings would be so strong", Anne said, "But the
stronger they are the more enjoyable it is when I finally get a cigarette.
Even when I don't have the craving, I really enjoy the whole process."

    "I think smokers get addicted to the nicotine and the whole process of
smoking, from the feel of the pack to the sound and the feel of the lighter.
Not to mention how you look when you smoke." Rachel gave a exaggerated sexy
puff on her cigarette and smiled as she exhaled.

    "Last night was the first time I smoked outside the house, and that was
with Pam, the mother of Laura's friend Julie. Pam smokes and lets Julie smoke,
and it was in their house, so it wasn't a big deal. This is my first time
smoking in public." Anne was nervous about who would see her smoking, and took
a drag on her cigarette to calm down. She looked around the restaurant but
didn't see anyone she knew. Rachel noticed Anne looking around the restaurant.

    "I don't think anyone you know is here, but there are lots of men checking
you out. Couldn't be because you are partaking of that nasty habit, could it?"
They both smiled as the waiter appeared to take their orders.



    Walking back to work from the restaurant, she didn't smoke along with
Rachel, but noticed all the people outside smoking during their lunch break.
She didn't feel like smoking, and resisted the temptation to take a smoke
break the rest of the afternoon.

    She left work and thought of one thing. There were eight cigarettes left
in her fifth pack, and it was at home. She drove out of the parking garage,
and noticed a few people lighting their first after work cigarette as they got
in their cars. On her way to the highway on-ramp, her eyes caught the people
walking the sidewalk smoking a cigarette. Once she got on the highway, she
realized she was speeding, and brought her speed down to 65. She noticed
drivers smoking on their way home from work. It seemed like her exit would
never come, and when it came, she was impatient with the light at the end of
the ramp.

    Eight left.

    She kept herself close to the legal speed limit as she drove home, and
with great restraint slowly drove into the driveway and walked normally up to
the door. She quickly found her pack in the kitchen where she left it in that
morning. Her first taste of smoke was wonderful, and the smoke in her lungs
felt better than ever before. She hungrily brought the cigarette to her lips
before she had fully exhaled, and was amazed by the feeling when she inhaled.
She continued smoking that way as she chained into another cigarette.

    Seven left.

    With the cigarette half finished, the surroundings seemed to come into
focus. She realized that she had planned to go to the supermarket on her way
home but had forgotten. Her overwhelming hunger for nicotine lessened, she
only single inhaled. A quick check of the refrigerator and the cupboards
showed that there wasn't much to eat but leftovers and the makings of quick
but boring food such as peanut butter and jelly and pasta. Anne chained into
another cigarette and went to find find her daughter.

    Six left.

    Laura was in her room doing her homework with a cigarette burning in the
ash tray next to her. Anne had been buying packs of Camels for her daughter
ever since Laura's five packs from the first carton had run out, and she saw
that she had forgotten cigarettes for her daughter as well as food.

    "Let's go out to dinner, ok?" Anne reflexively brought her cigarette up to
her mouth. She didn't even think about it now, smoking was second nature to
her.

    "Right now?" Laura asked, thinking about not smoking for a few hours until
they got back.

    "I have to talk to you about some things first," she said as she sat down.

    "Ok, what?" Laura de-ashed her cigarette and brought it to her lips.

    "I thought I should tell you that I broke our deal today. I smoked with a
friend at lunch. I have six cigarettes left in my last pack, counting this
one." She held up the one she was smoking, and knocked the ash off into
Laura's ashtray. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but after six more
cigarettes, I'm not stopping. You don't have to quit. I've finally realized
that I'm a smoker and don't want to quit. So to celebrate, we're going to get
a table in the smoking section tonight."

    "That's great mom!" Julie exlaimed as she hugged her mother. Mother and
daughter held each other, each one's cigarette held between finger tips
resting on the other's back.

    They disengaged and went out to the car. For the first time of many to
come, they left the house together, smoking. When Anne finished her cigarette
and only had five left, she realized that it was silly to wait until she
finished those before buying more. That would mean being without cigarettes,
and she was comforted by the feeling that she didn't want that to ever happen.
At the first store they came to, Anne went in alone to buy a carton of Camels.
On the way to the restaurant, Laura told her mother about another deal that
had gotten Julie to start smoking, and Anne laughed smoke out of her mouth.

    Four left.

    At the restaurant Anne asked for a smoking table, and they took out their
cigarettes as they sat down.

    "Does your father know you smoke?" Laura's parents had gotten a divorce a
few years before after Anne found out her husband was cheating on her. He had
been transferred to the other side of the country soon after, and Laura only
saw him on certain holidays.

    Surprised by the question, Laura took a moment to reply.

    "No, he doesn't, but probably suspects. I think he didn't want my visit to
get ugly if he confronted me." Laura joyfully blew a stream of smoke out of
her mouth. She was out in public smoking with her mother, and they were both
enjoying it immensely.

    "I'm so glad you are a smoker, mom." They smiled across the table at each
other. Laura had so much to tell her: about Andy, about what drove her to
start smoking, and about a million other things, but there was no rush. They
were smoking buddies now.

    Three left.

    Two left.

    One left.

    None left in the fifth pack, but a lifetime's worth to smoke.

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