Nurse Regina, Part 2

From Ivriim@aol.com Tue Dec 19 16:51:22 1995
From: Ivriim@aol.com
Date: Tue, 19 Dec 1995 16:50:10 -0500
Subject: Nurse Regina Part II

Within two weeks of entering the hospital Regina's mother died.  The
small cell tumor of her right lung had spread throughout her entire
body and any treatment was futile.  Regina tried to spend as much time
as possible with her mother, but her mother was heavily medicated and
could respond very little to her presence. Regina's father remained at
her mom's bedside to the end and desperately needed comfort.  One night
towards the end, Regina stepped out of her mother's room to find a
place to smoke.  The decision to smoke had been made long ago and the
present circumstances were not inhibiting.  She found a smoke hole near
a snack room on the third floor.  It was a sealed, dingy addition to
the area and looked more suitable for containing infectious patients.
The room was permeated with smoke scent as the ventilators above worked
valiantly to exchange the thick air. The room was occupied by two older
men smoking sleepily in the corner. There were several ashtrays
scattered about, some with cigarette remnants smoldering lightly.
Regina sat on the cold hard plastic seat and tapped the end of the
cigarette on her lighter. The entire room reminded Regina of some dim
lit crack house where addicts sat numbly smoking oblivion. Regina
placed the cigarette between her full lips as so often her mother had
done, but she could and would not linger on this. Her lips firmly
clinched around the filter, she lit the Camel Wide sucking smoke around
the filter, she pulled again just as the first drag settled deeply in
her lungs and removed the cigarette slowly, inhaling as it left her
lips.  She licked her lips, tasting the sweet residue. Then exhaled a
jet of smoke that reached out from her mouth and struck the greasy
glass of the smoke chamber. The smoke spread like a blast wave on the
surface of the glass until it slowly dissipated and was re-inhaled by
the ceiling vents.  She tapped ashes on to the ash tray and stared into
the snack room.  Occasionaly a person walked into the snack room and
would glance into the smoke room observing the smoking pariahs and
quicky turn away to avoid corruption. Often people would double take
when witnessing Regina smoking, for her appearance was striking. Her
beauty and cigarette were incongruent to some people, to others one
enhanced the other. Regina stretched and parted her lips to take the
cigarette her fingers were offering. She took a quick drag and inhaled
and another and another, the cigarette barely leaving her lips.  She
would often smoke like this when tired because it seemed to provide
more alertness than the long deep drags that were typical of her
smoking.  The cigarette was almost finished. Regina stood up and
holding the cigarette between her thumb and index finger placed it
against her lips pulling hard on the filter as she leaned over the
ashtray. She inhaled deeply and slowly as she stubbed the butt out
amongst many others. As sheturned to leave the smoke spilled from her
nostrils in bursts of grey.  Just then she saw her father in the snack
room staring back at her with a painful expression. She exhaled slowly
through her mouth the smoke dimming to a haze and watched as her father
turned and left the room quickly.

Regina talked with her father that night at the hospital. He had become
upset at watching her smoke.  He said that it was like watching her
mother smoke when they had first met. Regina's father had quit smoking
his pipe several years back, and had long stopped trying to convince
her mother to stop smoking. "She loved to smoke and would not listen to
my pleas.  Eventually, I came to realize the pleasure she experienced."
Regina nodded as her father continued. "Her eyes would light up with
pleasure and anticipation as she lit a cigarette, then she would grow
almost disappointed at it's finish." He stopped.  Regina said, "I was
going to tell you and mom about my smoking but I never got around to it
with school and everything, it has always been my little secret." Her
father smiled tightly. "We suspected you might have started in high
school, but we didn't confront you, how could we when we were smoking
also?" Regina bit at her lip. Her father put his arm around her. "When
I saw you smoking, I saw that same pleasure in your eyes." His voiced
cracked "I know I can't stop your smoking, but you now know first hand
the possible consequences." Regina nodded sadly.



The funeral was a week later and Regina cried and hugged her father
before she got back in her car to head to school.  She was grateful her
father had not pressured her to stop smoking and had not envoked a
lingering guilt trip. As Regina drove along she reflected on her
motherand their times together. At a stop light she reached for a
cigarette and lit her fourth one for the trip.  The fire grew crimson
as her cheeks formed pouches of suction. Regina opened her mouth and
the smoke flowed like milky liquid up into either nostril has her chest
expanded to take the warm bounty. She accelerated at the green light
and exhaled a stream of well absorbed smoke which swirled around the
windshield and was blown back toward her face, where once again it was
inhaled as background smoke.  Regina enjoyed feeling permeated by the
smoke, engulfed in its warm satisfying aroma and enveloped in its
comfortingwomb. As she drove, she would light a cigarette about every
30 miles and by the time she reached school her ashtray was well
laden.


For the next two years Regina was absorbed in school. Her social life
was an occasional evening with her fellow students and rarely a date.
Her smoking increased as the class work increased and she would easily
smoke two packs without hesitation. She learned many things about the
human body and was interested in the pathology of disease.  She became
quite familiar with the effects of smoking on her body. She knew that
any smoker eventually developed some degree of emphysema or bronchitis,
collectively know as COPD.  The physical manifestations might reflect
both aspects of each.  Regina studied her breathing patterns and
measured her expiratory flow rate. She realized that the symptoms she
exhibited was primarily emphysematous in nature. Her deep gulping of
cigarette smoke had destroyed portions of her lungs called alveoli and
her forced sometimes painful inhalations of smoke had stretched her
lungs to overexpansion.  These physical changes were mainly internal
but subtle hints would appear outwardly.  Of course she realized that
her shortness of breath upon exertion was one indication, however she
also noted that the space between each of her ribs along her slender
torso was increased due to many years of deliberate inhalation of
smoke.  Her chest when struck bluntly had a bell like hollowness that
reflected the empty overinflated airspaces that she had created. As she
set in class one day the instructor was discussing emphysema. Regina
knew that the empty air spaces in her lung could hold smoke hours after
a cigarette and forced her diaphragm down upon her lungs forcing the
air into her cheeks. She let the trapped air escape slowly from her
mouth and faint wispy tendrils of smoke were visible. She was
delighted. She demonstrated for the instructor and a few other female
smokers in the class were able to accomplish the same effect. The
instructor told her she was weird and should quit smoking. Regina
smiled charmingly and said. "I Know."


On the day of her graduation Regina was 22 yrs old. She had smoked now
for 7 years.  Her voice was lush and sexy, well marinated with smoke.
She was a steady two pack a day smoker.  She had begun breathing
exercises months ago that allowed her to breath more deeply and exhale
more efficiently than she had been able to in years. She read studies
of foods an vitamins that decreased the chances of smokers developing
smoke-related diseases, and she tried to eat these foods and
supplements whenever able.  She was determined to smoke until she died,
but she wanted that to be as long as possible.  She was now a
registered nurse and today was her first day on the job. Her crisp
white lab coat outlined the curves of her body. Her face glowed with
enthusiasm and her prominent cheek bones set above the dimpled
smoking-induced hollows of her cheeks.  Her full lips parted slightly
as she unleashed a slender pillar of grey from deep within her at her
image in the mirror. A rectangular box of Camels was just visible in
her lab coat pocket. A cigarette perched lightly on her fingers. She
felt wonderful! Ready to be Nurse Regina, Thoracic Surgical Nurse
Assistant.


Conclusion of part II
For more adventures with Nurse Regina please E-mail me at Ivriim@aol.com
and I will write more. Comments, suggestions and therapists are welcome.

[note - this file has been reformatted from the original email]

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