Quit Smoking Diary, Part 1

(by Phil420, 26 December 2005)


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Author's note:  The following story is satire, and is not intended to, in
any sense, imply that people should not quit smoking, or that people should
intentionally sabotage the attempts of others to quit.  As the surgeon
general so wisely advises, "Quitting smoking now greatly reduces serious
risks to your health."

The author does not necessarily condone the use of tobacco, nor hypnosis
under false pretenses, nor participation in lesbian sex, , nor masturbation,
nor any other morally questionable practice depicted in the story.  

Later parts of the story contain graphic sexual language, and are not
suitable for underage readers.  

Any resemblance to smoking fetish fiction is purely accidental.  

"My Quit Smoking Diary"
Part 1 

Prologue: "A little bit of fun"

"I just remembered. I have something interesting to tell you. My best friend
from high school, Jen, called me today. She said she's planning on quitting
smoking for her New Year's resolution. It's funny that she called to tell
me, since I'm the one who got her started smoking in the first place."

Cynthia was practicing her smoking tricks again, her latest pastime. Although
cigarettes never got boring for her (especially the particular variety of
cigs she enjoyed), discovering new and creative ways to get nicotine into her
lungs, bloodstream, and brain amused her. She had just done a big snap
inhale, shot out a smoke ring, and then sucked it immediately down with a
secondary inhale. She frowned as she shot her secondary exhale out through
her nose.

"January 1st is still a couple of weeks away. Besides, how many people every
year plan on quitting every New Year's Eve, and then light up first thing on
New Year's Day?"

Maureen wasn't into the smoking tricks yet. Allures were still too new for
her, and she habitually just filled her lungs to capacity with the smoke they
gave. She spoke after taking a triple pump on her cig. "She sounds serious
though. She's even looking for a hypnotherapist to help her."

"How interesting. What's she like?"

"She's a really cool person. I think you'd like her if the two of you ever
met. Really friendly."

"So she `has a great personality?'"

"Well, I didn't mean it like that. She's good looking too. Tall, kind of
golden red hair, some freckles, pretty face, slender. Really elegant
looking."

Cynthia offered one of her wicked little grin as she popped in a drag she had
let linger in her open mouth. "You want to have a little bit of fun with
her?"

Maureen laughed gleefully, breathing out her smoke without consciously
exhaling. "What do you have in mind?"

"Do you have her phone number handy?"

"By heart." Maureen indulged in another cheek hollowing triple pump and
loudly breathed it way in.

"Call her up, and I'll tell you exactly what to say."


Entry 1:

My name is Jennifer Morgan, and I am a nicotine addict. However, I want to
take a positive step in my life, and quit cigarettes forever. I am determined
to succeed. 

It's funny though. I'm smoking as I'm sitting here typing this. However,
the first step is to admit that you have a problem. I admit that have a
problem. I am truly an addict.

My therapist, Dr. Monroe, suggested that I keep a quit smoking diary as part
of the quitting process, and so I am sitting here at my laptop computer,
beginning my journal as I begin a new phase of my life. Before I see her for
the first time tomorrow, she advised me to begin by writing down, or in my
case typing, the story of how I got started smoking. My instructions are to
write down every single detail that I can remember, and any other thoughts
that come to mind. Later on, she is going to give me other prompts for my
journal, and she wants me to continue my diary for a while after I quit.

Oddly enough, the person who got me started is the same person who referred
me to Dr. Monroe. I called Maureen a few days ago, and during the course of
our conversation I mentioned my intention to quit. At first she was
skeptical, since she still smokes herself, but then she called me back and
told me about Dr. Monroe's quit smoking program. I wondered just how good it
could be since Maureen was still smoking, but she said that she actually did
succeed for a couple months, and that the decision to start up again was
entirely conscious on her part. 

She raved about Dr. Monroe, and went on and on about how great a therapist
she is, and insisted that I at least give her a call. I figure that anybody
who could help Mo to quit for a couple of months must be very good at her
job. Also, she's convenient. She makes house calls, instead of having you
come into an office. I have no idea why Maureen didn't tell me about her
right away. Besides, if Mo's referral of her therapist helps me to quit for
good, things will kind of go around full circle, since, as I said, she was
the one who got me hooked on cigarettes.

Anyway, I digress. Back to the story of how I started smoking. Thinking about
it, I'm surprised at how vivid my memory is. 

Maureen and I shared everything. We liked the same music. We had the same
taste in clothing. We even looked alike, and were often mistaken for sisters.
All four of our parents smoked, and soon, the two of us would be also be
sharing a cigarette habit.

It happened like this. During spring break one year, her parents and my
parents were working, and we spent all our time together. Maureen called
early one morning, waking me, and told me she wanted to tell me something,
but that it had to be in person. I told her to come over and then got
dressed, wondering what was so important that she couldn't tell me over the
phone.

Mo rode her bike over, and was there in a matter of minutes. She lived really
close by. She came in, but at first wouldn't tell me her news. She seemed a
bit nervous.

Finally, she said, "I wasn't sure whether to tell you but I have to tell
somebody, and we don't keep secrets anyway. I hope you don't think worse of
me but- I've started smoking!"

I didn't know what to say. It was the last thing I had expected her to tell
me. I asked her, "How long have you been smoking?"

She said, "Just for a couple of weeks. I think I want to keep doing it. So,
what do you think?"

I still didn't know what to say, but I knew that it wasn't something I
wanted to make a big deal out of. Still, it was a big deal. I said, "Well,
if you like it, that's cool. I'm your best friend, no matter what."

She looked relieved, and gave me a hug. "I'm glad I told you then. I was
worried that you wouldn't approve."

It was then that I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I said,
"Actually, I've been a little bit curious to try it myself. What's it
like?"

"Let's go outside," she said.

My heart started racing, and I felt really nervous, but also a little bit
excited at the bad deed I suspected I was about to do. 

We went outside, and Maureen took a pack of cigarettes out of her purse,
along with some matches. She didn't even formally ask me if I wanted one;
she just took out two cigarettes, and handed one over to me. It was the first
time I'd ever even held a cigarette, and I remember being surprised at how
light it was.

She put her cigarette in her mouth, and spoke while it was hanging there. I
remember thinking how different she looked. "Just suck in and blow. Don't
inhale yet. You aren't ready."

I didn't yet know exactly what she meant by the word "inhale," so I just
nodded my head. Before I knew it, she had a match lit, and was holding it out
toward me.

I followed her instructions, still bewildered at what I was doing. I put my
cigarette into the flame that she offered, but it didn't catch fire until I
began sucking. I was surprised at the filter's resistance. It wasn't like
sucking on a straw. Soon smoke was in my mouth, bitter yet a little bit
sweet, and I blew it out immediately. Strange to say now, but I felt proud of
myself. However, I didn't see what the big deal was. It didn't seem all
that pleasurable or addictive.

Mo lit her cig up like she'd done it many times before, took a very brief
drag, and did an exaggerated inhale. I suspect that she was showing off a
bit, since it was the first time she'd smoked in front of anybody else. It
was plain to see that she enjoyed it. "What do you think?" she asked again,
after she'd exhaled a thin stream of smoke.

"It's ok. Tastes funny."

"You don't smoke for the taste, silly. You smoke for the rush from
inhaling. Let me show you how! You might not like it at first. You might
cough. But it's something you catch on to really quick. Take a puff and
then, instead of blowing it out, breathe it in. Like this." Maureen
demonstrated, smiling as she did so, before immediately exhaling.

Nervously, I brought my cigarette to my lips, and took a second puff. A very
small, tentative one. Then, I inhaled for my first time.

I resisted coughing, though I felt like it. The sensation in my lungs wasn't
pleasurable at all. Not yet. That came with practice. Yet, I felt immediately
light headed and dizzy, which I did like. I smiled proudly as I parted my
lips and exhaled a very small amount of the smoke.

"Yay!" Maureen cheered. "Very good!. Didn't cough or anything. Do you
like it?"

"It's too soon to tell," I said. "Ask me again later."

I went to take another puff, but Maureen warned me, "Wait for a little bit.
If you smoke too much when you're first learning, you'll puke."

So I waited, while Mo kept taking little puffs and inhaling them. I still
couldn't get over how different she looked while smoking. I think it was
seeing her smoking that made me want to keep trying it.

When I took my second inhale, it was a little bit easier, since I knew what
to expect, and the light-headed dizziness intensified. 

I took a third puff and inhaled that one too, before Maureen said, "My
advice is to put out your cig and finish it later. Like I said you can get
sick your first time." We'd forgotten to bring out ashtrays, so I just put
it out by wiping the cherry on the cement, and then saved the rest of it for
later. Mo finished her cigarette, then we went inside, where she gave me all
the details of how she had started on her own.

An hour later, we were outside again, and this time I took four inhales,
while Maureen had an entire cigarette. Throughout the day, we went outside to
smoke, and each time I was emboldened to take a little bit more. By the time
my parents were about to come home, I genuinely liked it.

I've smoked every day since that day. The number of cigarettes I smoked on a
daily basis grew little by little during the rest of that school year, and
then jumped up over the next summer. I quickly went from liking cigarettes to
needing them. Getting cigs was never a problem. Five a day from each of my
parents, and they were none the wiser. In the following years, my habit grew
even more. Mo and I both smoked like fiends.

Now, I smoke Newports, a high tar and nicotine brand. However, I try not to
smoke more than a pack a day. Lately I've been smoking more though, a lot
more, which is part of why I want to quit.

I've written three pages, quite a bit, but it's probably good that I devote
time to my journals if that's going to help me overcome my addiction. While
writing, I've smoked three cigs, one per page. That's not good. I hope when
I meet my therapist tomorrow, she can lead me in the right direction.

Well, it's time for me to have a cigarette before I go to bed. Only one more
week from tomorrow, then I'll be done with that nighttime ritual forever!


Entry 2:

My name is Jennifer Morgan, and I am a nicotine addict. However, I want to
take a positive step in my life, and quit cigarettes forever. I am determined
to succeed. 

Dr. Monroe just left my apartment a little while ago. She's really great,
and I know she'll help me through this whole quit smoking thing. She's
young, somewhere in her early thirties I would guess, and really pretty too.
I trust her to do what's best.

She suggested that I write down everything that I remember about our first
session, and then later on write down all of the positive negative things
about smoking, so that I can see on paper exactly why I'm quitting. 

I was really nervous when our session began, and I was surprised when Dr.
Monroe suggested I have a cigarette to help me relax. However, she told me
that it was important that I not feel guilty about my smoking, since guilt
caused stress, which led to more smoking. Rather, I should just enjoy it
until it is time to quit. That makes a lot of sense, so without any
reservations I lit up a cig, and felt much better. Although Dr. Monroe said
that she quit smoking when she was about my age, she was really
conscientious, and didn't seem to mind.

She asked me to read my previous journal entry, to refresh my memory, and
also as a means of helping her to help me. That's how we're going to start
each session. So, between drags on my cigarette, I read her the story that I
printed out of how I started smoking. Dr. Monroe listened very carefully, not
once interrupting, and I thought it was nice how she really concentrated on
what I was saying. After I finished, she said that I was a really good
writer, and asked me if she could keep the printout for her records.

Next, Dr. Monroe told me a few important things that she asked me to write
down. Firstly, I can only quit if I really want to. No gimmick or outside
pressures can make me quit, it has to be something I choose for myself.
Secondly, once I do quit, I should know that if I stumble, it's ok. A lot of
people who quit have relapses, but that's part of the quitting process. If I
worry about it too much, it will create stress, which in turn make me want to
smoke more. Finally, she told me that I should be aware that quitting smoking
is difficult, very difficult, and that I should have no illusions about that
fact.

After she offered those bits of advice, we began the hypnosis session. I had
expected her to swing around a shiny watch on a chain and have me look at it,
but instead, she just had me focus on a single point across the room, while I
listened to her soothing voice. It worked pretty quickly, and later Dr.
Monroe told me that intelligent people can be hypnotized much more easily
because they have better concentration.

Of course, I don't remember anything about after I was hypnotized, but later
on, Dr. Monroe told me that we had talked about my reasons for wanting to
quit. She also said that, contrary to what a lot of people think, hypnosis
isn't about putting ideas in a person's head, but rather about bringing out
what's already there, deep down in the subconscious.

The whole appointment lasted 45 minutes. When Dr. Monroe left, she gave me a
warm hug goodbye, and told me how much she had enjoyed meeting me, and that
she was looking forward to our next session. All in all, our meeting was very
positive, and I was glad I took Maureen's advice and asked Dr. Monroe for
her help. I trust her to do what's best.

Right away she left, I lit up another cigarette, and, remembering what she
said about not feeling guilty, I allowed myself to just relax while I smoked.
Besides, I might as well enjoy my cigarettes before I'm through with them
forever.

That's all for this entry. Tomorrow morning, I'll do the rest of my
"homework," and write down all the pros and cons of cigarettes.


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