Reflections, Part 2

REFLECTIONS-
PART TWO

Janice kept a hold on the shopping cart, feeling that it was her duty to 
keep their groceries safe, then she looked at the person coming out of the 
sliding glass doors of the supermarket, and recognized the short checkout 
girl with the ton of eye makeup on. Apparently she had finally gotten her 
break, and she marched outside into the cool air, reaching into the pocket 
of her smock and took out a pack of cigarettes in a cute-looking green box. 
She opened up the pack, and put one into her lips while fishing in her 
pocket for a little plastic lighter, then she drew her hand around the end 
of the cigarette, and began making sparks. She worked the poor little 
plastic lighter to death, shaking it and repeatedly trying, in vain, to 
light herself. She gazed around for help, and noticed Andrea just the second 
as the older woman was raising her cigarette to her lips and tossing that 
beautiful hair back from her face. She hurried over, taking the cigarette 
out of her mouth, and trotting rapidly on the sidewalk.

"Excuse me, but can I trouble you for a light? Mine's out," she looked 
sheepishly at Andrea, and held the cigarette clutched in her fingertips in 
front of her face.

Her Mom, having completed the puff on the half smoked cigarette and just at 
the pinnacle of her inhale, smiled at the girl and tapped the cigarette off 
gently to her side, away from Patti. Then she extended her arm towards her, 
turning her cigarette upward and holding it out in a gesture of friendship. 
The girl plucked it out of her fingers with the hand that was also holding 
the used lighter then put the unlit cigarette again to her lips and touched 
the burning tip of Andrea's to hers, and they were united for an instant. 
Janice saw the young girl's expression go from an intense, needing desire to 
that comforting glow as she brought the cigarette to life within her lips. 
Then the girl handed the cigarette back to her mother as she deeply inhaled, 
drawing the cigarette from her lips and exhaling the rich smoke into the 
light, fall breeze. She smiled, too, and Janice noted that her eyes had 
sparkle to them, which she didn't remember seeing inside the store. Then 
again, she never saw that smile before. Patti looked carefully at the 
newcomer.

"You're Pam's girl, aren't you?" Patty said, "Elly Parker? I thought that I 
recognized you!"

"Yes, I am. My Mom goes to your shop and Sylvia has been doing her hair for 
like, ages," the short girl said, smiling still as she brought the cigarette 
to her lips once again.

"And all grown-up now, too. I know that you have a boyfriend who's in 
college, and a cat named Fluffy who curls up to you at night and a doll 
house with two floors. Oh yes, we know all about Elly!" Patti giggled at the 
short girl. She seemed to know who everyone was that lived around here and 
could tell you everything about the person. Just from hair-talk. It's a job 
that sort of makes you very close to people, Janice observed.

Elly blushed as she drew on the cigarette gracefully, then she brought the 
smoke into her chest while she removed the burning object from her lips and 
held it down as if in an act of trying to subconsciously hide it. She 
couldn't hide her exhale, however, no more than she could hide her smile. 
Both of them were executed with a practiced pattern, and Janice thought she 
looked really nice out here, smoking in the breeze with the two women. She 
looked back up at her mom, who was just placing her cigarette into her lips 
for another long drag. She imagined herself in this role, and fantasized 
about the joys of her Mom giving her a light from the burning cigarette in 
her fingers.

"Hey! Would you be interested in earning some extra money tonight?" Patti 
asked, developing a look of revelation.

Andrea stopped and quickly inhaled the smoke which had accumulated in her 
mouth suddenly, turning to Patti and giving her a confused glance, tossing 
her hair back to obtain a clear view, then rapidly bringing the cigarette 
down in front of Janice. There were now two cigarettes down there, and she 
could have reached for either one, but of course, she chose not to. Janice 
just nervously stood there with her hands in the hand-warmer, and she 
obtained enjoyable comfort from fingering the fat snickers bars inside.

"You do baby sitting, right? Meet Andrea, who happens to need a baby sitter 
tonight, and I bet it pays even better than this job at the market, doesn't 
it, Andrea?" Patti asked, winking and then smiling at Andrea for approval as 
she laid a comforting hand with fully painted nails on her mom's shoulder.

Andrea caught on to her line of thought, and blew out the smoke as she 
looked at Janice for her reaction. In an instant, Janice had to decide, but 
she figured that Elly would be much better than Mrs. Edmonton, so she smiled 
weakly at her mother, and then the deal was complete. Well, almost complete. 
They just needed Elly's cooperation.

A man went into the store, and Patti's eyes caught his, so she was 
temporarily distracted as she quickly puckered her lips into an almost 
unseen kiss and blinked at him. The man smiled back, then smoothly moved 
into the supermarket.

"I haven't sat for anyone for like over a year, but I'm not doing anything 
tonight, so it might be kinda different.. Sure, I'll do it.  Um... can I 
have my friend Tina over? Actually, we were going to get together tonight," 
the girl asked, holding her cigarette up away from Janice and looking down 
to smile at her. She actually looked prettier when she smiled, because she 
had a way of wrinkling her tiny nose up. Janice decided that her eye makeup 
wasn't that severe, because it showed off her pretty eyes and it contrasted 
nicely with her short, dark brown hair. Elly had good nail polish on too, 
although her nails were nowhere the length of her Mother's or Patti's.

"Sure, as long as you take of my little baby," Andrea replied, holding her 
cigarette poised perfectly for another puff, which she executed while laying 
her hand on the top of Janice's head. Janice disliked being referred to as 
"a baby," and said so. Andrea exhaled and dropped the cigarette to the 
pavement, where the wind began to blow it.

"You'll always be my little baby no matter how old you are. Show me what a 
big girl you are, and step on that for me?" Janice scurried off and made a 
big deal out of crushing the burning cigarette into the sidewalk, emaciating 
the remains with some degree of drama, then returned and saw her Mom 
removing another one from her purse.

"I better run in and get some things for dinner! See you at eight?" Patty 
squeezed Andrea's hand and began to make her departure. She whispered 
something in Andrea's ear that caused Andrea to develop this unfocused look 
in her eyes as she gazed into space and slowly puckered her lips to receive 
the new cigarette. Then she raised the lighter up and cupped her hand to 
protect the flame from the wind as she brought it to life. She continued to 
drag on it, for many seconds while Patti continued her whispering, then 
gulped down the smoke in a big ball, filling up her chest with it and 
threatening to burst free of that halter-top. She smiled wickedly at 
something Patti had said, and nodded. Patti's face caught the full force of 
her exhale, but Patti didn't seem to notice in the midst of her parting, 
very quiet comments.

"How late will you be out?" Elly asked of Andrea as she sucked on her 
cigarette again. Janice decided that Elly looked good with a cigarette, 
though of course not as good as her Mom did. She glanced at Andrea as the 
older woman's haunting eyes came back into focus and she answered the 
question while holding her cigarette in waiting mode, inches from her glossy 
lips. She started to move it in, then thought of something else to say which 
she added while the lazy smoke from the cigarette drifted into her hair. She 
then finalized the maneuver with a big puff, closing her eyes and pulling 
the tobacco smoke as efficiently and neatly as possible from the cigarette 
and making the tip burn noticeably shorter on its path to eventual 
self-destruction. Janice had often seen her Mom in this moment of 
satisfaction, and it was obviously a triumphant feeling. She raised her head 
into the air and breathed out a lung full of smoke up into the sky, then 
trimmed the ash from the cigarette with feminine grace.

"OK, we'll just sack out on the floor, and you can wake us up when you get 
back. It doesn't really matter, because I don't have to be to work until 2 
o'clock tomorrow," Elly obviously didn't like her job at the market punching 
that machine all day, and it showed in her eyes, which took on the same 
bored look that Janice had seen inside. Only her cigarette restored that 
sparkle in her eyes and Janice could see it appear once again as she drew 
some of the smoke into her chest. Elly looked down at Janice and smiled at 
her, then breathed out the smoke, placing her lips upward into the breeze in 
a subconscious imitation of the more experienced woman.

"Would you like to play some games while we listen to music? Or draw 
pictures? We can have a pajama party and since it's Friday night maybe you 
can camp out on the floor with us," Elly looked at Andrea for authorization, 
and the woman nodded while she emptied her lungs of more smoke. It curled 
behind her head richly and she was clearly in favor of the idea because she 
gave Janice a naughty little wink. Elly also cuddled her puffy little cheeks 
with her cute and short, brown nails.

"OK, I'll need to leave at about seven thirty, but you can come over anytime 
before then. It was nice meeting you," Andrea put the cigarette into her 
lips, and lifted Janice up into the the grocery cart.

***

She flicked the short cigarette off to its demise, and calmly changed lanes 
while zipping the window shut again. She was speeding, of course, because 
everyone speeds at least a few miles an hour above the limit. She ought to 
get her head onto business matters, and think about this Johnson person, and 
stop thinking about her past life.

Perhaps she would need to let Johnson relax, serve him his coffee, and sit 
down and chat a little bit about his life. She wondered if he had a family, 
and if she should ask about them. Some guys liked that, and some not. 
Perhaps he just wanted to get down to business, so she could do that, too. 
She searched in the seat next to her for her picture of him that she had 
obtained off of the internet, found it, then rapidly looked back and forth 
between the face and the traffic. She paid much attention to his eyes, and 
tried very hard to imagine what type of person he was. While she was 
thinking, she subconsciously lit up another cigarette, and began the act of 
coaxing the smoke from the tobacco as she tried very hard to coax the 
personality from the picture.

Men were so difficult, but there was something in those eyes that revealed 
more than the bio did. She pulled on the cigarette, in apparent need of some 
inspiration. Perhaps he liked to have fun, though he always hid that fact 
from work colleagues, so she made a mental note to bring up the idea of 
having fun, when it was the appropriate time, just to change the subject off 
of business, and take him slightly off-guard.

Perhaps there were some revealing pictures in his office? Whipping a big 
puff of smoke into her lungs, she started to envision them. Some pictures of 
him with a daughter or a son, and playing... basketball? Or perhaps his 
stash of trophies would be revealed, basketball or football or baseball or 
hockey or whatever form of man's torture he chose. She imagined all of 
these, and developed shivers in her backbone as she blew a big, smoky cloud 
into the car. She laughed at the kinds of things that she liked, because she 
had never met anyone who enjoyed the same things as she, and her mind 
drifted again as the Coors song came on the radio:

Go on go on
Leave me breathless
Come on..

Hey... yeah...

The daylight's fading slowly
The time with you is standing still
I'm waiting for you only
The slightest touch and I feel weak
I cannot lie, from you I cannot hide
And I'm losing the will to try
Can't hide it (can't hide it), can't fight it (can't fight it)

So go on, go on, come on, leave me breathless
Tempt me, tease me, until I can't deny
This loving feeling (loving feeling)
Make me long for your kiss
Go on (go on), go on (go on)
Yeah...
Come on
Yeah...

***

"Whee!!!" Her mom shouted in a temporary return to her own childhood as she 
raced her daughter through the parking lot with her big chest bouncing up 
and down. Janice always thought that it was wonderful when her Mom was 
really happy, because she focused on the real meaning of life, which was 
play, of course. The other things just revolved around it, but were somehow 
necessary.

They put the bags in the back of the old car, and then closed it up, not 
without fetching the pack of Whoppers out of one of the bags, of course. 
Janice tried to help as best she could with the packages, and her Mom smiled 
at her and gave her a quick peck on the cheek as she drew on the cigarette 
with a powerful puff. She smelled like smoke as she hugged Janice tightly 
with the cigarette behind Janice's back. Her Mom was very happy, and tossed 
her flowing, sandy blonde hair back away from her face as she prepared to 
take another drag.

Janice took the Whoppers and smiled back at her Mom. All was well with the 
world as the pair put away the shopping cart, then went back up to the row 
of stores, Janice now having opened her package of Whoppers, and popping 
some into her mouth. Elly had sat down on the little bench outside and was 
preparing to smoke another cigarette during her break time. Janice saw the 
tiny girl with a fresh cigarette in her lips just as she brought the burning 
one to it to, carefully touching the tips together while staring at them 
with apparently intense concentration. Smoking was a pretty big deal, and 
you had to do it properly along with all the other details of a woman's 
life. Janice thought that Elly did a pretty good job with her smoking, as 
she turned to watch that wonderful little sparkle in her eyes. She made a 
popping sound as she sucked on a Whopper between her lips and then it broke 
free and entered her mouth. She giggled and stuck another one in there and 
popped it into her mouth too.

They walked along the row of shops, on their way to the liquor store, and 
Janice viewed the pretty snow babies inside the window of the card store 
while chewing the Whoppers inside her overstuffed mouth. Her Mom stopped and 
looked, too, wiping the gorgeous hair out of her face with her long and 
brilliant red nails. She saw Andrea's face reflected in the glass, smiling 
at her, and then turning to her cigarette and closing her eyes as she 
extracted what she needed from the glow. Janice thought she looked as pretty 
as a snow baby as she loaded up her face with more malted milk balls.

They paused outside the liquor store for a few minutes, enjoying the cool 
breeze, while her Mom finished up her cigarette. She could hear her Mom's 
deep breaths as she repeatedly drew the smoke into her chest, and she felt 
the soft fall breeze as it carried the smoke away from Andrea's lips, 
casting a smoke halo around her like a beautiful snow baby. Janice munched 
on the malted milk delights, popping another one into her mouth whenever it 
was empty. A woman's mouth should never be empty, but ought to be filled 
with some kind of reward, she thought, so she stood there in the fall breeze 
with her Mom, each rewarding themselves in their own way.

Janice popped the last malted milk ball into her mouth while they went into 
that magical place, with that funny, but nice smell. Her Mom waved and 
winked at the guy who recognized her as she adjusted her top, opening up her 
jean jacket, neatly smoothing her hair and coughing and then clearing her 
throat. She always looked very nice when they went to the liquor store, with 
her chest displayed proudly. After all, good girls get their reward, and bad 
girls get none. Her Mom was smiling, because she was getting her reward now. 
Janice liked the liquor store because the nice man always gave her a 
lollipop. There were beautiful bottles arrayed on the shelves, and it was 
very quiet. They always went right to the back where they displayed the 
bottles of vodka. There was Smirnoff's and Polska, and others, always with 
bright red labels to make them look very pretty and command your attention. 
Janice liked the way that the big red letters had a presence to them, and it 
seemed very foreign and mysterious. Her Mom was very happy that day, as she 
chose two of the giant, brightly colored bottles from the lower shelf.

Her mother paid for the bottles of vodka and thanked the man behind the 
counter, and smiled and winked at him. Her Mom looked especially pretty, 
while they chatted about the big storm expected the next day. Janice could 
see the way she stood with her hand on her hip, and jutted out her chest for 
the guy to look at, and displayed her carefully manicured red nails. So she 
jutted her chest out, too, because it was the thing to do. Men were always 
much nicer than girls, Janice thought. They were much easier to impress. He 
told them to have a good day, and patted Janice on the head and gave her 
that lollipop. Good girls always get rewarded. She tore the wrapper off of 
the lollipop as soon as they were outside, and gave herself another reward.

When they arrived back at the house, her Mom let Janice carry some of the 
bags inside. Well, most of the bags, actually, because her Mom always 
started putting them away before they were unloaded from the car and always 
left a few behind. She remembered that once Mommy got really mad because she 
had left groceries in the car and left the door of it open. It stayed that 
way until late at night, and the ice cream had all melted into a big mess. 
Then she had to have a guy come by and start the car for her the next day, 
and they had gone into the bedroom after he got it running. Janice knew that 
her Mom's bedroom was off-limits whenever she was in there with a guy, which 
wasn't very often, but she could eat whatever was in the kitchen while they 
were in the bedroom, and her Mom never yelled at her for that. She was 
thankful, too, and had treats stashed in her room because of those events.

The little girl really didn't mind fetching the groceries, however, because 
it gave her the much-needed time to slip off to her room and to stash her 
supply of Snickers bars. She also didn't especially enjoy the tirade that 
her Mom would get into if the ice cream was left behind or the door of the 
car were left open, though, of course, it was her Mom's fault, and her Mom 
knew it. Andrea just couldn't resist getting her little reward after every 
trip to the liquor store. Janice returned with the leftover bag from the car 
to find her Mom opening up the bottle of vodka. A burning cigarette rested 
in the ashtray.

"Now, go and pick up your room, honey, so you can have a good time with Elly 
and Tina tonight. I'll put the rest of this away, and then I have to start 
getting ready," her Mom said while pouring some of the clear liquid into a 
glass and picking up the cigarette.

"Do you like the man at the liquor store? He seems really nice," Janice 
inquired as her mother put the cigarette up to her face. She looked at the 
little girl and seemed to blush. Then she held the cigarette close to her 
lips in anticipation of the next puff as she spoke.

"I like everyone," she grinned, then put the cigarette into her lips and 
pulled on it while picking up the glass and resting her hip against the 
countertop. She breathed the smoke into her generous chest deeply and took a 
big swallow as Janice added:

"But Elly wasn't really very nice when she was in the store. Only when she 
was outside smoking a cigarette."

Her Mom tilted her head upward and exhaled a big cloud of smoke up at the 
ceiling while quietly laughing. The laugh turned into a cough, which Andrea 
soon cleared from her throat. Janice could see the smoke dancing around the 
overhead light, because it split apart when it got there, swirling around 
the tubes of the fluorescent fixture. The little kitchen was starting to 
develop that familiar smoky haze.

"Well, she has a tough job, and she needs the time off during her breaks. 
It's a reward for working," Andrea said, tossing her hair back and taking a 
sip from the glass. It glistened in her fingers, and Janice saw the 
wonderfully curved, red nails that seemed to clutch it inward, ever closer 
and inside those lips.

"She needs a little reward," Janice completed the thought very 
intelligently.

"Mm, hmm," the woman took another long drag from the cigarette as she made 
the sound. Janice watched the tip of it brighten and change colors from gray 
to bright orange, and then it suddenly stopped as her Mom brought another 
breath of the smoke into herself. She expanded her chest, as if it wasn't 
big enough already, tapped the cigarette into the ashtray, then transferred 
the bottle, the glass and the ashtray to the kitchen table.

"I think that you deserve rewards, too, for being such a good Mommy," Janice 
declared, feeling bad that her Mom had to work tonight, and hoping that she 
had some break time, too.

"Thank you very much, honey; you're such a good little girl. Now go and 
clean up your room, so you can have a good time with Elly and Tina," she 
smiled as she talked the smoke out of her lips, and then sat down at the 
kitchen table, raising the glass again to her lips.

Janice went happily to her room and closed the door. She looked into the big 
mirror that formed a back to her dresser and smiled at herself. Then, as she 
pulled the elastic off of her pony tail, and shook her head to loosen her 
hair, she thought about the Snickers bars that she had hidden in the top 
drawer. She suddenly felt bad about that.

"I'm a good little girl; Mommy said so," her image giggled at her.

"No you're not, either! You stole those candy bars from the store," Janice 
told herself, scowling at the other face, which smiled back wickedly.

"Good little girls get their reward," the girl behind the mirror said while 
pulling open the drawer to retrieve a Snickers bar.

"No, bad girls get none, now put that back! That's for later," Janice 
replied, hoping to repress that tiny little gnawing feeling in her tummy. 
Her mouth had been empty too long.

The reflection ignored her, opening up the big, thick, juicy candy bar and 
stuffing a huge bite of the sweet concoction into her mouth. She grinned as 
she munched on the enormous mouthful.

"Good little girls get their reward!" She declared again through happy, 
chocolate bliss.

"You better stop doing that, because you are getting fat," Janice scolded 
her alter ego, yet loving the giant piece of chocolate sliding down her 
throat.

Her reflection munched in hedonistic delight on the candy bar, and picked up 
the shell of the white plastic pen and held it to her lips, sucking deeply 
on it while nodding her head up and down and making the sound:

"Mm, hmm."

Both girls then giggled simultaneously, and Janice was again very happy, 
just like her Mom in the kitchen, with her own rewards displayed around her. 
Janice fell backward onto the bed, laughing as she tucked another giant 
piece of the snickers bar into her mouth, and sucked on the pen with intense 
self-gratification.

***

"Stop it, stop it, stop it!" She shouted, thrusting the spent cigarette out 
of the window, closing it with a zip of motorized electronics, and breathing 
it into her lungs deeply in a violent display of an attempt at self-control.

"If I don't work this Johnson guy out in detail, I might lose the contract, 
and I am not about to let $10,000 slip through my fingers," she thought, the 
smoke pouring from her lips in an intense moment of concentration. After 
all, although this first encounter was only a portion of that, she had a 
feeling that he might be good material for future business.

No, she knew what type of person this Johnson was. He wanted it all 
business, certainly, judging from his bio. So she'd make sure that it was 
that way, and perhaps soften him up a little bit with the coffee and a 
little curtsy or something at just the right time. She took another 
contemplative sip of her coffee, letting the smoke continue to boil from her 
nose and into the paper cup as she drove.

Then it was on to more serious matters, because she needed to get into the 
real meat of the presentation. That he would fail to accept it at this 
point, she couldn't really imagine, because it had happened so infrequently 
that a client failed to respond to her, nevertheless she'd need to have 
something prepared for that eventuality. Let's consider the worst case 
scenario, if he thinks my figures are complete shit, and he says so. Best to 
get off the subject of the figures, and the coffee, and get on to more 
substantial matters.

"There's more, Mr. Johnson," she'd start. No, that was not powerful enough. 
She took another cigarette from the pack on the seat and placed it into her 
lips, dangling it as she thought.

"There's a lot more to be revealed," that was better, but not quite it. She 
took the lighter and flicked up a flame within the interior of the smoky 
car, and blazed it to brilliance, sucking deeply on the power within her 
lips.

"Let me show you what else there is to be revealed, Mr. Johnson." Yes, that 
was closer to what she wanted, because it suggested that there was more to 
tell, and it set up the mystery of the rest of what she would reveal to him 
as the time went on. She inhaled with vigor, and held the smoke in her chest 
for a while, and imagined her body language as she delivered the line. Then 
she smiled as she thought about all the many lines she had given to 
customers throughout the many years she had been working at this high-paying 
job, and in a satisfied way, she exhaled into the interior of the car, 
pouring smoke over the dashboard. She hummed the tune of "Breathless" 
absently, the music still in her ears:

And if there's no tomorrow
And all we have is here and now
I'm happy just to have you
You're all the love I need somehow
It's like a dream
Although I'm not asleep
And I never want to wake up
Don't lose it (don't lose it), don't leave it (don't leave it)

So go on, go on, come on, leave me breathless
Tempt me, tease me, until I can't deny
This loving feeling (loving feeling)
Make me long for your kiss
Go on (go on), go on (go on)
Yeah...
Come on..

END OF PART TWO

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