How Could She Say No?, Part 7

    7. And More and More Alike.

    Patti was very pleased with herself. Working at home in the evening while
Mark and Megan were out shopping, she sat back at the desk in her makeshift
home office and stretched. She turned off the computer. Finally finished with
that project! She stopped to light a cigarette. God, life was good!

    Much had happened in two and a half weeks. First, at Trish's suggestion
Patti interviewed for the administrative assistant job at Shaw Communications,
where Trish worked. They hired her the next day. From the beginning Patti
loved the job. Although it was largely secretarial, the work did include
editing and some original writing. For the first time in her life, Patti was
working with adults instead of middle school kids. The change was
intoxicating. It seemed like an office where people were given as much
responsibility as they could handle. Already Patti was being given work that
was more challenging than when she first started.

    Second, Patti was smoking. Regularly. And smoking more every day. She
decided Salem Light 100's were her favorites and bought herself a whole carton
the day after Mark came home. The regularity of her new habit was established
almost immediately. 

    She and Trish started riding to and from work together every day. Without
realizing it, Patti found herself lighting up whenever Trish did during their
daily commute. Plus, the two of them ate lunch together and took breaks
together each day. Except for Trish, of course, Patti didn't know anyone at
Shaw Communications when she started. So all her coworkers immediately
accepted Patti as a smoker. There was no awkwardness; they simply assumed
she'd always smoked. And right away she was accept by the other smokers in the
office. By the end of her first week, Patti had a whole new group of friends.
All of them smoked.

    Third, since Patti was now smoking, Mark began smoking at home in the
evenings, too. She and Mark quickly fell into a routine of smoking together
each night after dinner, while watching TV, and even in their bedroom. Mark's
romantic ardor was not adversely affected by Patti's growing habit. If
anything, her smoking seemed to excite him. Once again they made love with the
passion and intensity they experienced when they first started living
together. Patti was enjoying her sex life more, and so was Mark.

    Fourth, Patti and Miriam were becoming closer. The two sisters talked
frequently on the telephone and got together several times a week for coffee.
Or, more accurately, for coffee and cigarettes. Patti quickly found that
Miriam was a much heavier smoker than she'd ever realized. In the past Miriam
had hidden the extent of her habit. Miriam never smoked in Patti's presence
unless absolutely necessary. But, since Patti started smoking, Miriam no
longer showed any restraint. Now when they were together Miriam now smoked
constantly. Patti guessed Miriam smoked two packs of Salems a day. Instead of
concerning Patti, however, this only made her wonder how much stronger her own
newfound love of cigarettes would ultimately grow.

    Fifth, and finally, there was Kitty. Very quickly Kitty McWilliams became
a great friend. She and Kitty discovered they'd attended the same high school.
Graduated a year apart. Patti admired Kitty's strong European facial features,
her beautiful dark skin, and her long black hair. But as much as Patti was
fascinated by Kitty's appearance, she really loved to watch Kitty's unusual
smoking style. It seemed to Patti that most smokers simply smoked while
primarily doing something else. Like talking. Or drinking coffee. That was
true of Trish, for example. It was true of Miriam. They smoked unconsciously.


    But Kitty was different. She always seemed to be smoking first and
foremost. It was her first priority, almost as if she were making love to the
cigarette. Whatever else Kitty did, like taking part in conversation, almost
seemed secondary to her smoking. It was almost irritating. Sometimes Kitty
didn't seem to be listening. You would swear she paid more attention to the
cigarette between her lips than to any conversation that was going on. But
Patti quickly realized this wasn't accurate. Kitty was listening. She just
smoked with passion. And she smoked a lot.

    Bob's work required him to travel. They had no children and Kitty was
often bored in the evenings. "I won't ever have children, either," Kitty said
defiantly. "Because my mother says she'll force me to stop smoking if I get
pregnant. And nothing will make me stop smoking!" she'd add with a gleam in
her eye.

    So Kitty began visiting Patti in the evening. Several times a week. Trish
often joined them. Sometimes Miriam did, too. The women drank coffee together,
talked together, and smoked together. Sometimes they'd rent a movie together.
And drink coffee while they smoked cigarettes. Or they'd go to the shopping
center and window shop together. And then linger at Robinson's over cigarettes
and coffee.

    Because she was spending so much time with her smoking friends, Patti was
smoking more than she ever imagined she'd want to. At the beginning she
thought she'd smoke only occasionally with her friends and with Mark. Just as
something to do, to join in. But the more time she spent with Trish, Kitty and
Miriam, all of whom smoked constantly, Patti smoked more, too. And slowly she
found she needed to smoke more. Slowly she realized she was becoming addicted
to cigarettes. But she didn't mind. She liked smoking. She liked the nagging
feeling of wanting a cigarette and the pleasure which followed each time she
lit up.

    After the first few days, Patti regularly experienced strong cravings to
smoke. By the second week, the cravings became more frequent and more
insistent. Patti decided not to fight them. She knew what to do. She simply
lit another cigarette whenever she noticed that urgent, restless feeling.
Puffing on a cigarette immediately brought relief! And just as Trish promised,
Patti also noticed she was concentrating more on inhaling than on exhaling
whenever she smoked. When the cravings were particularly strong, when she'd
gone too long without a cigarette, Patti was determined to pull as much smoke
as she could into her lungs as quickly as possible. She was learning to inhale
deeply. Oh, she still enjoyed playing with the smoke when she exhaled, but now
the inhale had become the thing. During her second week as a smoker, Patti had
noticed this change in her focus had taken place. She remembered Trish's
promise that first night. When you need to smoke and you need to inhale,
you've become a smoker. Yeah, Patti smiled, I'm a real smoker now! But she
didn't care. She was happy.

    Her thoughts were interrupted by the doorbell. Without even thinking about
it, she wandered to the front door with cigarette in hand. It was Trish.

    "Hey, kid," Trish greeted her. She smiled when she saw the familiar sight
of Patti with a cigarette. It seemed that whenever she saw Patti these days,
she had a cigarette in her hand. "Can I come in?"

    "Sure," Patti smiled. She was always glad to see Trish.

    Trish and Patti walked to the family room and sat down. Trish looked
around and smiled. What a transformation in only two and a half weeks!
Ashtrays on every table, an elegant table lighter on the coffee table in front
of the sofa, and the strong scent of cigarette smoke in the air. Trish
retrieved her own cigarettes from her pocket. She lit up and leaned forward.

    "Patti, I need to ask you a favor," she began. 

    "Sure, Trish, anything. What's up?"

    "Heather was supposed to go to her mother's this weekend. But Steve and I
have reservations to go to New York on Friday night. We've been planning a
trip to shop and see some Broadway plays over the weekend." Trish giggled.
"Sort of a second honeymoon."

    "That's great," said Patti. "So what's the problem?"

    Trish took a drag on her cigarette. Inhaling deeply, she smiled. "The
problem is," Trish began to say, before stopping to exhale. "The problem is
Heather's mother called tonight. She can't take Heather. She's going out of
town, too. So we need a place for Heather to stay for the weekend."

    Patti smiled. "No problem, Trish," she interjected. "Heather can stay with
us. Megan will be delighted. So far this summer the two of them have spent
most of their time together anyway."

    Trish looked unsettled. "Thanks," she said, taking another long drag on
her cigarette.

    Patti could tell something was wrong. "Trish, what's going on? We'd be
glad to have Heather stay with us for the weekend. Don't worry about a thing.
She'll be no trouble."

    Trish shifted nervously in her chair. She tapped some ashes into the
ashtray in front of her. "No, you don't understand. Heather can't stay with
just anyone. There's a little problem, Patti," she admitted. "At leest, you
might think it's a problem. Because you see...." Trish paused. Finally she
blurted it out. "Because, damn it, Heather smokes. I mean, we let her smoke at
home. I don't think she can last a whole weekend without her cigarettes."

    Patti almost dropped her cigarette in shock. "But Trish, Heather's not
even fourteen yet," she stuttered. "Shame on you! Letting a child smoke like
that!"

    Trish stared at the floor. "I know what you're thinking," she replied,
obviously embarrassed. "But here's what happened. Last winter Heather told
Steve she'd started smoking. She'd been stealing cigarettes from us for
several months. You know, smoking in secret. She told Steve we could choose.
Either she'd keep on smoking behind our backs - and there was nothing we could
do about it - or we could let her smoke at home. Heather said she wouldn't
quit." Trish smiled a wry smile. "She probably couldn't have quit anyway. She
was already smoking about half a pack a day by the time she finally told
Steve. So we decided to give in to the inevitable. We let her smoke now. She's
pretty discrete about it, but there's no way she could lay off for an entire
weekend." Trish shrugged her shoulders. "Heather probably smokes between half
a pack and a pack a day." Trish smiled a weak smile. "I'm sure you understand
the problem."

    Patti shook her head. She couldn't believe it. God, Heather was just a
child. "Well, what does Heather's mother think of that?" Patti wanted to
know.

    Another smile crossed Trish's lips. "Dianne? Well, there wasn't much she
could say. After all, Dianne smokes, too. Actually, we think Dianne knew about
it before we did. According to Steve, Dianne started smoking when she was
Heather's age. We suspect Dianne may have been supplying Heather with
cigarettes. She certainly didn't discourage it."

    Patti was dumbstruck. "Do you think Megan knows about this?" she asked.
"About Heather smoking, I mean?"

    "I suspect she does," Trish smiled, crushing out her cigarette in the
ashtray. "I don't think Heather tries to hide it from her close friends. And
Megan's become a very good friend of Heather's since school let out."

    Patti felt her head spin. She'd spent her entire professional life
preaching to middle school kids about the dangers of smoking. Now Trish was
asking her to help keep Heather's new-found addiction alive by providing
Heather with a weekend refuge where she could smoke cigarettes. Illegally. The
contradiction tormented Patti's brain.

    "Look, Patti," Trish said, interrupting Patti's thoughts. "I know you've
always been opposed to kids smoking. But now that you're a smoker yourself,
can't you understand what's going on? And can't you have a little sympathy?
Whether you like it or not, Heather's already a smoker. All kids are naturally
curious. They want to be grownup. Smoking is a grownup activity. Lots of them
are going to try it. It's only natural. And, as you've found, once you try
smoking, you generally like it. A lot!"

    "But the statistics say that seven out of ten teenagers who smoke wish
they'd never started," Patti objected. "How could encourage Heather to
start?"

    Trish raised her eyebrows. "I didn't encourage her," she retorted. "And
damn your statistics," she went on. "The kids say that because they're
supposed to say that. Don't you believe it. Do you wish you'd never started?"

    Patti thought for a moment. "No," she admitted. "I guess not." For the
first time since this discussion started Patti smiled. "No, I really do enjoy
smoking," she conceded. "But I'm an adult. I can make that decision."

    Now it was Trish's turn to grin. "Patti, teenagers like Heather and Megan
are not imbeciles. They make grownup decisions every day. Give them some
credit. They know what they like. Heather enjoys smoking just as much as you
do. Just as much as Steve and I do. She's not going to stop just because
someone like you disapproves." Trish stood up. "Anyway, you're pretty much my
last hope. I need a place for Heather to stay this weekend. It's got to be a
place where she can smoke when she needs to. If you say no, I'll tell Steve to
cancel our reservations."

    Patti was stuck. She definitely didn't want to be the bad guy. "Okay," she
agreed, somewhat reluctantly. "I'll let Heather smoke when she's here. I
guess." She paused. "But tell Heather she can only smoke when I tell her it's
okay. I don't want her lighting up unless I say so."

    Trish gave Patti a hug. "Thanks, Patti. You're the best. I know this is
difficult for you, and I really appreciate it." She smiled. "Try to be a
little more open-minded. Now that you're a smoker, you may want to rethink
your opposition to letting kids experiment with smoking. After all," she
grinned. "I know you're glad you started."

    Patti watched Trish walk down the street. She grimaced. Of course, Trish
was right. She was glad she started. Patti reached for another cigarette as
she silently stared out the window. Lighting it, she felt the pleasant and
familiar rush of nicotine calming her nerves as she inhaled a big chest-full
of smoke. Holding it inside even longer than normal, Patti felt herself
relaxing. Trish was right. Maybe things were different now that she was a
smoker.

    As soon as Mark and Megan arrived home, Patti told them she wanted to talk
with Megan. Alone. She didn't want Mark to be a part of this discussion until
she knew where it was going.

    Entering Megan's bedroom, Patti closed the door and sat down. "Megan, tell
me something. The truth. Did you know that Heather Jordan smokes?"

    Megan looked stunned. "Uhh.... yeah. I guess so. But how did you find out,
Patti?"

    "Trish told me. She says Heather smokes almost a pack a day. Apparently
she's been smoking for quite some time."

    "Yeah," Megan admitted. "I knew that. Heather told me a few weeks ago.
Pretty much right after I met her. After the party at the Stevens' on Memorial
Day."

    Patti took a deep breath. "And have you tried it, too, Megan? Smoking, I
mean?"

    Megan looked unsure how to answer. "Yeah," she said slowly. "A little."

    Patti frowned. "How much is a little?"

    Megan squirmed on the bed. She didn't answer. 

    "C'mon, Megan," Patti urged. "You can tell me. I'm a smoker now, too,
remember?" 

    Patti suddenly felt an overpowering urge for a cigarette. This was
happening to Patti more and more often, especially when she was nervous.
Perhaps Megan was experiencing the same feelings, she mused, of wanting a
cigarette right now. Because Megan definitely looked nervous.

    Megan took a deep breath. "I smoke some every day, Patti," she said
quietly.

    Her worst fears confirmed! That little brat Heather had introduced Megan
to the habit! Patti was sure of it.

    "So, Heather taught you to smoke, did she?"

    "No," Megan answered. "She didn't. I mean, she offered me a cigarette
once, but I told her I didn't want to smoke. That is, until ...." She paused.
"Until you started, Patti."

    This was not the answer Patti expected. "What do you mean?" Patti asked.

    Megan smiled. "I mean, when you started smoking, it seemed like you really
liked it. Right away. I could tell. You seemed so happy when you were smoking.
Watching you smoke, it didn't seem gross to me. Not at all. And I remembered
how happy my Mom was back in the old days, when she was smoking, too. God,
she's become really bitchy since she quit! So anyway, one day last week, while
you guys were both at work, I decided to sneak a couple cigarettes from your
pack and try smoking myself. I figured I'd never get caught, what with both
you and Dad smoking all the time."

    "And what happened?" Patti inquired. But she knew the answer before Megan
spoke again.

    "Well, it tasted horrid to me when I took my first puff. I hated it. But I
reminded myself that you have to learn to like it. And I knew you learned to
like smoking cigarettes pretty darn quickly, Patti. So I forced myself to stay
with it. I smoked the first cigarette all the way to the end in the morning,
and I smoked the second cigarette during the afternoon. By the time I finished
that second one, I'd pretty much gotten used to it." She looked at the ground,
but she was smiling. "I liked it."

    "Okay," Patti nodded. "So, tell me, do you inhale when you smoke, Megan?"

    "Well, I didn't that first day. But now I do. See, the next day I went
over to Heather's and told her all about it. Man, she was really excited! She
wanted me to show her. So Heather and I smoked together a bunch of times that
day. And she showed me how. How to inhale, I mean. The more we smoked
together, the more I liked it. I liked the way it made me feel." Megan smiled.
"So now I'm smoking four or five cigarettes a day. Some over at Heather's, and
the rest here at home, while you guys are at work."

    "Where are you getting that many cigarettes?" Patti asked. She was sure
she'd have noticed that many cigarettes disappearing from her supply. 

    "Mostly from Heather," Megan admitted. "She and I always smoke together
now. She gives me some of her Marlboro Lights so I won't get caught stealing
your Salems. But I have to admit," she grinned. "I like your Salems better."

    Smart girl, Patti thought, in spite of herself. Already she likes menthols
better. Patti smiled. She knew where they were headed with this discussion.

    "Well, what do you think we should do about this, Megan?" she asked.

    Megan frowned. "Well, I'd like to be able to smoke here, I guess. Like
Heather does. You know, out in the open. With you guys saying it's okay, I
mean. Do you think I could, Patti? I'd be careful. I don't think I want to
stop smoking." She paused and looked into Patti's eyes. "I'm sure I don't. I
like it," she repeated with simple sincerity.

    Patti thought for a moment. God, she couldn't believe it. Despite her past
prejudice, she knew she was about to grant Megan's request. "Okay," she
sighed. "I'll have to talk to your father, of course. We'll see what he says.
But I think he'll agree if I present it right. You've already made the
decision. You want to smoke. And I guess there's no point in fighting the
inevitable." She looked at Megan and smiled. "I understand how quickly
nicotine takes hold of you." 

    Megan said nothing but continued to look at the floor. Suddenly, an
inspiration hit Patti. She hesitated before asking the next question. "By the
way, Megan, how long has it been since your last cigarette?"

    "Four o'clock this afternoon," was the reply.

    "Would you like to have one with me? Now?" Patti asked mischievously.

    A big smile broke across Megan's face. "Could I?" she gasped hopefully.
"Oh, I'd love to be able to smoke a cigarette right now. God, would it be
okay?"

    Patti looked at her step-daughter. In Megan's eyes she saw that same
hunger, that same longing for a cigarette, which Patti herself felt. Patti was
becoming accustomed to the feeling. Yeah, she always wanted just one more
cigarette. And she knew how good Megan would feel if she could satisfy her
cravings now, too. If she could just take a long drag off a freshly lit
cigarette and inhale that smoke deep into her lungs. The thought alone made
Patti shiver with anticipation.

    God, Patti thought to herself, I know what she's feeling. How can I say
no? She shook her head. She couldn't deny Megan. In fact, Patti knew she
wanted to see Megan satisfy the desire for a cigarette. Somewhat surprisingly,
she really wanted to watch Megan feel the blessed relief which nicotine
provides to everyone who loves to smoke. 

    "Wait here," Patti finally answered. "Don't leave." She left the room.
Patti was gone for almost twenty minutes, but it seemed like an eternity to
Megan. But obediently, Megan didn't budge. She stayed in her room and waited.
She guessed that Patti was talking to Mark. 

    Megan was right. When Patti finally returned, she had with her a fresh
pack of cigarettes, her lighter and an ashtray. "It's okay with your Dad,
Megan," Patti announced with a tone of voice which could only be described as
victorious. "Actually, he wasn't even surprised. He guessed you and Heather
were probably smoking together anyway. It seems Steve told him Heather smoked.
So it's okay with him if you smoke, as long as it's only here in the house and
not out in public. And as long as it's not too much or too often." Patti
grinned. "And you're not supposed to tell your mother. At least not yet."

    Megan looked relieved. "God, I really don't want to smoke anywhere else,"
she sighed. "Except with Heather. At least not right away. I'm scared of
getting caught. And you're right. Mom would croak if she knew!" She gave Patti
a big hug. "But thanks, Patti, for being so understanding."

    "No problem," Patti replied. A tear appeared in her eye. She wiped it
away. "Okay, let's do it. I want to see you smoke, Megan," she said. "So show
me."

    Without another word Patti offered a Salem to Megan, who eagerly took it.
Patti shook one for herself out from the pack, too. She felt her heart racing.
Was it only because she wanted another cigarette? Or was it because she was
about to do something she'd never imagined was possible?

    Patti flicked the lighter and held it for Megan. Leaning into the flame
Megan let the tip of her cigarette ignite. As she then lit her own cigarette,
Patti watched as Megan took a big first drag and inhaled the smoke into her
lungs. With a big grin Megan exhaled toward the ceiling. "Thanks, Patti," she
said. "This is really cool! You're the best!"

    Wisps of smoke escaped from Megan's nostrils while she talked. She
certainly seems to be comfortable smoking, Patti decided as she took a big
drag of her own. It felt as good to Patti as it apparently did to Megan. They
smoked together while sitting on Megan's bed for several minutes, sharing the
ashtray between them.

    Patti watched Megan eagerly and quickly smoke her cigarette down to the
filter. Patti knew she was responsible for the transformation taking place in
front of her very eyes. It was the transformation of Megan, the teenage
non-smoker, into Megan the young woman who was becoming an enthusiastic smoker
apparently well on her way to becoming a true nicotine addict. Patti smiled.
Just like she, Patti, was herself.

    Interestingly, Patti didn't feel upset or concerned about her
responsibility for Megan's transformation. Quite to the contrary, in a strange
way she actually felt proud of herself. Patti took another drag on her
cigarette as Megan crushed hers in the ashtray. Mmmm, she sighed. She knew
why. It was because she, Patti, loved to smoke. And she was honestly glad that
Megan had been introduced to the same pleasures she now enjoyed so much.
Whatever the long term consequences, Patti reasoned, they'd both have a good
time along the way.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Dinner was over. Friday night. Heather and Megan sat at the table. Mark
was working late again. He'd be home later. While Megan cleared the dishes, as
was her custom, Patti retrieved her cigarettes and her ashtray. "You don't
mind if I smoke a cigarette, do you, Heather?" Patti asked politely.

    "Oh no, Mrs. Rogers," Heather answered with a smile. "Go right ahead." 

    Heather was concerned. Trish said Patti would let her smoke.. But Heather
was waiting for Patti to give her the green light. By now Heather was feeling
a bit frantic. She hadn't had a cigarette for several hours. But she was
afraid to ask. After all, Patti was an adult. Heather wasn't about to push her
luck. Megan and I can always sneak cigarettes after Patti and Mark go to bed,
Heather reassured herself. Still, the sight of Patti putting a cigarette in
her mouth made Heather's mouth water.

    Patti lit up and took a big drag. It felt so good! "Oh, Heather, please
call me Patti. Not Mrs. Rogers. There's no need to be so formal. "Patti double
pumped and inhaled the smoke inside. The first cigarette after a meal was
always a treat!

    "Hey, Heather," Patti asked with the cigarette still in her mouth. "Trish
tells me you've started smoking, too. Is that true?" Patti knew it was, but
she wanted to hear Heather talk about it.

    Heather smiled politely. "Yes, Patti, it is true." She screwed up her
courage. "I'd really like a cigarette right now. Could I please have one?"

    "Absolutely," Patti replied. "Do you want one of mine, or did you bring
your own?"

    "Mine are upstairs in my overnight bag," Heather responded with a grin on
her face. She jumped up from the table. "I'll be right back."

    Heather ran upstairs and grabbed her pack of Marlboro Light 100's and her
lighter. She ran down the steps two at a time. As she reentered the kitchen,
she was surprised to see Megan sitting beside Patti smoking a cigarette of her
own.

    "Megan," Heather sputtered. "You didn' t tell me you were ...."

    Megan laughed. "I wanted to surprise you." She took a drag on her Salem.
"Patti and Dad are letting me smoke," she beamed, after pausing to exhale a
cloud of smoke. "Just like you. After Trish told Patti that you were smoking,
they agreed I can smoke at our house, too."

    Heather turned her attention to lighting her cigarette. Rapidly
double-pumping, she inhaled a needed dose of nicotine into her lungs before
saying anything more. 

    "God," she finally gasped. "That is so cool." After a second pause for
another drag, Heather continued. "But Mrs. Rogers, I mean Patti, I thought you
were a big crusader against teenage smoking." Heather looked at Megan. "Megan
was sure you'd never let her smoke, at least not until she turned eighteen.
What happened? I mean, I think it's great, but I don't understand."

    Patti smiled. The bond which she shared with them at this moment, sitting
and smoking together with Heather and Megan in her kitchen, was as tangible as
the smoky haze from their cigarettes which was quickly filling the air. 

    "Well," Patti began, "let me see. I guess learning to smoke just gave me a
different perspective on the whole subject. I understand now. I understand why
you kids want to smoke." Patti paused to de-ash her cigarette. "I think what
first opened my eyes was the kindness your step-mom showed me. You see, I'd
always been taught smokers were boorish, stupid people. But from the beginning
Trish struck me as kind and considerate, and smart. She was a true friend. Not
because we agreed, but in spite of our disagreements. She was more open-minded
and showed more respect for me as a person than a lot of my so-called friends
who were non-smokers. That opened my eyes. Despite being a smoker, Trish was
doing something right. Something I appreciated, but something which I couldn't
put my finger on. Something which was the hallmark of maturity. I liked that
about her. I still do." 

    Patti smiled at the two teenagers as she continued. "And, based on my own
experience as a smoker, I've found that most smokers have a `live and let
live' attitude which is far healthier and more conducive to genuine human
interaction than the zealous self-righteousness of most anti-smokers. The
desire to impose your own views on others, based on your conviction of having
determined what is best, is a dangerous temptation, and one which ultimately
leads to the break-down of meaningful human interaction."

    Heather made a face. "I'm not sure I follow all that, Patti. I thought you
were just going to say you liked smoking."

    Patti laughed. "Well, that is true, Heather," she agreed. "And maybe,
after all is said and done, that's the only thing that's really important at
this point." 

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