Taste the Consequences, Part 5

This fictional account contains adult language and sexual themes.  If such
language and themes offend you, please do not read further.  The persons and
events described in this work are purely fictional.  Any similarity to actual
persons or events is strictly coincidental.  Copyright 2004 by SSTORYMAN.
All rights reserved.  Permission is hereby granted to reproduce this story in
any form and for any purpose as long as this notice is reproduced and no
financial remuneration is received, directly or indirectly, by the person
reproducing or using it.

TASTING THE CONSEQUENCES

5.	Unexpected Visit; Unexpected Results.

   After dinner that evening Jodi went to visit Kate and do homework.  Amanda
felt too depressed to work on her manuscript outline.  So she decided to
treat herself.  She settled down by the TV to watch 'Friends' and other
Thursday night shows.  She realized, though, that to be truly comfortable she
needed both an ashtray and what'd quickly become her ever-present gold pack
of Benson & Hedges 100's.  But she didn't worry about it.  She refused to.
She was fiercely determined not to fret about her budding nicotine addiction.
She'd just smoke till Sunday night when she and Jodi would finally map out a
plan to quit together.

   So she turned on the TV.  As she reached for a cigarette she realized she
was nearly done with the pack she opened that morning.  "Fuck," she muttered.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck," she continued to grumble, nonetheless slipping a B&H
between her lips.  "I'm smoking way too goddamned much.  But I can't seem to
help it."  A subtle smile crept over her face.  "The worst thing is, I don't
want to help it.  I don't want to stop doing this."  Smiling involuntarily
she clicked her lighter and lit up the cigarette.  She took a prolonged drag
for openers.  "Ah, that's so nice," she groaned, happily sucking the smoke
down into her chest.  "I sure as hell understand why people never want to
quit smoking!"

   Suddenly the doorbell rang.  She startled and swore under her breath.  She
was all alone and had a freshly lit cigarette between her fingers.  How in
hell could she explain that?  Truth was, she couldn't and she knew it.  So
she hit hard on her B&H and sucked more smoke in her lungs before setting the
cigarette in the ashtray.  "I'll answer the door and tell whoever it is to
get lost," she resolved, although smoke seeped from her mouth and nostrils
without her realizing it.  "I don't have to let anyone in.  I'll tell 'em I'm
busy.  And I guess I am," she grinned guiltily.  "Busy smoking."

   Exhaled smoke sill oozed from her lips as she opened the door.  It was her
ex-husband!

   "Joe!  Oh my God!  What the hell are _you_ doing here?" she gasped.  She
wasn't aware that wisps of smoke were still dripping from her open mouth.

   "I was afraid if I called and asked you'd say I couldn't come over," he
explained with an awkward grin.  "So I decided to stop by and take my
chances.  Can I come in, Amanda?"

   "Uh, I don't think so," she stuttered.

   Joe grinned more broadly.  "Ah!  And is the reason because you're
smoking?"

   "No, I'm not smoking," she protested vigorously.

   "Oh yes you are.  Smoke's still coming out of your mouth, hon.  You
must've taken one hell of a big drag before answering the door."  He
continued to grin.  "Don't worry, though.  I don't mind.  I'm sure Jodi told
you that I smoke now."

   Amanda tried to cover her mouth, though the smoke was all but gone.  "Joe,
I'm not sure this is a good idea.  I'm not ready for this.  And I'm _not_
smoking," she continued to assert.

   He laughed.  "Honey, don't give me that crap.  The smell of smoke's
sticking to you like bees on honey.  Come on, let me in.  I won't bite.  I
just thought maybe we can talk a little.  And I don't mind you smoking.  It
won't bother me in the slightest.  In fact, if you don't mind I'll join you."

   She could see resistance was futile.  "I'm only doing it for Jodi," she
protested, backing away from the door to let him in.  "It's the 'tasting the
consequences' principle, you know."

   "Yeah, I know," Joe grinned.  "Remember, I helped you write that book."
He looked around.  "Hey, the house looks good.  You've improved it since I
left, haven't you?"

   Decorating had long been one of Amanda's great loves.  "Yeah, Jodi and I
changed the color scheme in the front hall and in the other rooms on the
first floor.  We kind of like it."

   "Me, too," Joe nodded, gazing around as he ambled toward the TV room at
the back of the house.  "Ah," he suddenly declared.  "So that's the cigarette
you're not smoking!"  He noticed the gold pack on the table by her chair.
"Oh my God, Benson & Hedges 100's!  Wow, that's a full flavor brand, Amanda.
You're not holding anything back, are you?"

   Awkwardly she picked up her cigarette from the ashtray.  "I only smoke
them because they're full flavor.  It scares Jodi more if I smoke these," she
explained earnestly.  "That's the only reason."

   "Yeah, me, too," Joe laughed, good-naturedly reaching in his coat pocket
to remove a pack of Marlboro 100's.  "The fact that they taste good has
nothing to do with it.  Right?"

   Amanda felt irritated.  Her goddamned ex-husband was teasing her for
smoking.  Her nerves were shot.  She felt on edge, and it desperately made
her want nicotine.  Unable to stop herself, she lifted her cigarette and
prepared to take a drag.  "God, Joe, you're not scoring any points by making
fun of me," she warned before she hit on it.  "Be careful!"

   Joe watched in awe as his ex-wife tightly wrapped her lips around her
cigarette's white filter and applied serious suction.  Both the length and
power of her hit were impressive.  So was the way she pulled the smoke deep
into her lungs and held it there interminably.  He shook his head and
grinned.  "Jodi said you were smoking to make her 'taste the consequences.'
But I must say, Amanda, I never expected to see you do it so passionately,
like you truly treasure the smoking experience, which you obviously do."

   Amanda groaned.  "That's not true.  I don't like it," she lied, but she
could see he clearly wasn't buying her line.  "Okay, Joe, I admit it's
starting to get to me a little.  But I'm glad, because it's beginning to
freak Jodi out.  'Tasting the consequences' works.  You know that.  Jodi
doesn't want to see me get hooked on these damn things.  That's why she's
gonna quit.  She already decided.  We're gonna both quit smoking Sunday
night."

   Without asking Joe sat on the couch.  So she sat down across from him.
"Sure, of course," he nodded sagely.  "But it's significant that you talk in
terms of quitting.  A non-smoker doesn't quit, Amanda.  A non-smoker just
stops doing it.  I guess it means smoking really _has_ already gotten to you,
hasn't it?  More than just a little?"

   Amanda fidgeted.  "Maybe more than a little," she reluctantly confessed.
"Okay, a lot.  Yeah, it's gotten to me a lot, Joe.  I admit it.  Hell, I
never thought it'd happen, not this fast.  But yeah, you're right.  I'm
starting to get too attached to these stupid cigarettes."  She manicured an
ash in the ashtray with a bit too much determination.  "It doesn't matter,
though, because Jodi and I _are_ gonna quit together," she added with a
forced smile.

   Joe shook out a cork-tipped Marlboro 100.  He lit up and smiled at his ex.
"Isn't this weird, Amanda?  God, just think.  It's the first time you and
I've seen each other in a year and here we are both doing something we'd
never have dreamed of the last time we were together."  He exhaled upwards.
"And it's something that we both deeply enjoy.  Right?"

   Amanda grimaced.  "I already said, I don't know what you're talking
about."  But she returned her cigarette to her lips for another long hit.
"I'm only doing it for Jodi, damn it.  That's the only reason."

   "No, it's not," Joe smiled warmly.  "You're lying, Amanda.  Maybe you're
lying to yourself.  Don't give me that bullshit.  I know you too well.  After
all, we were married 18 years.  No, you love it.  You absolutely do.  I can
tell."  He laughed quietly.  "But that's okay with me, see.  I don't mind
because I love to smoke, too.  I can't imagine being without my cigarettes,
and that's a simple fact."  As if to demonstrate he lifted his Marlboro 100
to his mouth for a long sumptuous drag.  "So I don't mind if you love to
smoke, Amanda.  You can admit it to me.  I won't tell anyone."

   The blond let out a frustrated sigh.  "God, Joe, this is goddamn
embarrassing," she groaned helplessly.  Eager for more nicotine she raised
her cigarette and hit on it.  "I guess Jodi told you how fast I fell prey to
the allure of these things.  But it doesn't matter.  Soon I'm gonna quit.  So
is Jodi."  She pursed her lips to exhale.  "You should, too, you know."

   "Right," he nodded with obvious insincerity.  "Of course I should quit.
So what else is new?  But you know what?  I don't give a damn."  He changed
the subject.  "So, how's the second book coming along?  Jodi says it's not
going too well."

   Damn her daughter.  Why did she tell him that?  "Oh, Jodi overstates the
truth," she protested vainly.  "It's not going that bad.  No, it just takes
time, that's all.  I'm working on a new outline for the publisher right now.
It'll be done soon and then I start writing again."

   Amanda's nervousness made her smoke ardently.  That wasn't lost on Joe.
He was amused to see her leaning on her cigarette for support in a time of
obvious stress.  Although Jodi said nothing to him about her plan to keep
Amanda smoking, he nonetheless doubted if his ex-wife actually could quit at
this point.

   "Look, honey, I really ?."

   "Hey, Joe.  Stop calling me 'honey,' okay?  I'm not your 'honey' anymore,
God damn it.  I'm your ex-wife, the woman you left behind when you had your
goddamn mid-life crisis a year ago.  You left me.  So stop pretending we're
still friends.  Okay?"

   Her hand shook as she lifted her B&H to her lips for a long-drawn-out
drag.  She sucked the smoke deep inside and stared angrily.

   "Point well taken."  He wistfully looked at the ground.  "I'm sorry.
You're right, Amanda.  You're not my 'honey.'  I did screw you last year.
But believe me, not a day goes by that I don't regret what I did.  I can
never make it up to you or fix that."  He looked up and smiled warmly.  "But
I'd like to do something to show you how sincere I am about it.  I'll be
honest.  I came to offer my help on the new manuscript."

   Amanda literally exploded.  "Why in the hell do you think I need your
help?"  She spat out the words.  With her hand shaking violently she put her
cigarette to her lips.  She dragged hard.  "Joe, you're incredibly
presumptuous.  Why should I ever ask you for help?"

   He smiled as he saw smoke dribble from her mouth and nostrils.  He liked
the sight of Amanda, who he always thought was lovely, smoking like a
confirmed nicotine addict.  He cleared his throat.

   "The only reason I thought you might want my help is that I remember what
happened when we wrote 'Tasting the Consequences' together.  For you, the
outline was the hard part.  Once the outline was done you were a whiz at
writing the material.  Organizing it was a different matter, though."  He
shrugged.  "Maybe I'm too presumptuous.  But I thought if the publisher was
putting pressure on you for a new manuscript outline I could help."  He
flashed a big smile.  "We worked well as a team on the first book.
Remember?"

   She thought about her frustration that afternoon trying to focus her ideas
and turn them into a decent outline.  She remembered her publisher's harsh
words criticizing her first try.  She sighed.  "I'm sorry, Joe.  Yeah, you're
right.  I _have_ had a hell of a time organizing ideas for a sequel.  Jodi's
right.  The new book's a goddamn disaster so far."  She took a last long hit
on her cigarette and crushed it in the ashtray.  "But we simply can't ever be
a team again, I'm afraid."

   "I didn't say we'd be a team, but I'm more than willing to give you a
hand.  It's your book, of course.  You're the famous author now, not me.  I
just thought it's something I can do to try and make up for the shitty way I
treated you by dumping you for that stupid bitch Jaime.  A lot of the ideas
for the first book we developed together.  I figure the sequel won't break
totally new ground."  He smiled again.  "So, what do you say?  Can I help?"

   "No strings attached?"

   "No strings attached, I promise.  Consider it my good faith effort to try
and even the score a little.  Not that I can ever even the score," he went
on.  "I realize that."

   For the first time she smiled.  "No argument about that," she beamed.
"Actually, then, I would like some help."  She jumped up.  "Let me show what
I've got so far.  I'd love to have some fresh ideas about to organize this
shit."

   She came back in seconds with pages in hand.  He grinned at her.  "You
know what, Amanda?  In addition to smoking like a fiend you're salting your
language with a lot of new adjectives and adverbs.  What's up with that?  Not
that it bothers me, mind you."

   She flashed him a guilty grin.  "I don't know, Joe.  The same time I
started to smoke Jodi and I began arguing about how much she swears.  Hearing
her do it sort of made me start."  She shrugged.  "I don't know why.  Maybe
smoking turned me into a bad girl or something."  She laughed a bit too
self-consciously.  As she did she instinctively reached for another
cigarette.

   Joe clicked his lighter and lit her up.  Before she could thank him he
went on.  "To be honest, Amanda, I don't mind you smoking or swearing.  I
frankly think they both suit you."

   Secretly pleased, she released a thick smoky exhale.  "And exactly why is
that?"

   "I'm not sure.  It does, though, both of 'em.  Maybe because smoking and
swearing make you seem less uptight than you used to."  She began to protest
but he shushed her up.  "Let's not fight about it.  It's only an observation.
Take it or leave it.  Now let me see that outline.  First, though, I'm gonna
join you and have another cigarette myself.  I find I think better if I
smoke."

   She laughed and gave her ex a devilishly wicked smile.  "God, it's so
funny you say that, Joe.  I thought the same thing earlier today!  For some
bizarre reason I found smoking seemed to help me think more clearly."

   He patted the couch next to him.  She sat beside him.  "Okay, for now
let's just smoke while we work together.  You can quit Sunday if you want.
In the meantime I'm gonna enjoy spending time smoking with you, Amanda.  What
do you say?"

   She hit on her B&H and snickered.  "Joe, can I admit something?  I'll tell
you this but you can't repeat it to a soul.  Promise?  I've never admitted it
to anyone but Jodi."  At last she tipped her head and exhaled.  Despite the
delay the smoke came out of her mouth thick.  "I fuckin' _love_ to smoke,"
she said with an impious giggle.  "I really do.  There.  I said it and I
don't care what you think.  God, I love this shit so goddamn much," she
tittered naughtily.  "It just tastes so incredibly good.  Does that make me a
terrible person?"

   "No, honey, it just makes you a smoker.  That's all."  He grimaced.  "Oh,
I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to say 'honey.'  I'm gonna try hard from now on not
to call you 'honey.'  My bad!"

   Conspicuously Amanda rested her head on his shoulder.  "Don't worry.  No
problem.  You can call me 'honey,' honey," she laughed, returning her
cigarette to her lips for an extra long drag.  "But oh my God, you're so
right," she mused, sucking the smoke in.  "Yeah, I never thought about it
till this minute.  But I guess it does make me a smoker, doesn't it?"

   Joe was elated.  He liked feeling his ex-wife's head rest there.  With his
free fingers he began to gently stroke her blond hair.  "Honey, that's what
we call all the bad girls like you, the ones who never seem to get enough
nicotine," he whispered softly.  "We call them smokers!"

   She nuzzled up against him even closer.  Shamelessly she hit on her
cigarette.  "Yeah, I suppose you're right.  Just like Jodi and just like you,
Joe, I guess it means I really _am_ a smoker now, aren't I?"  This time
breathing out forcefully through her nose, she watched the smoke escape from
her nostrils.  "A smoker," she sighed dreamily.  "A goddamned smoker."

   "I don't mind," Joe whispered.  He turned his face toward her just as she
hit again on her B&H.  "Honest, Amanda, I really don't mind it at all if
you're a smoker."

   Their lips were only inches apart.  "God, suddenly I don't mind so much
either," she sighed blissfully, exhaling once more.  And then they kissed.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

   "So your dad's getting into smoking?" Jodi eagerly grinned.  "You think
he's down for the count by now?"

   "Well, I'm not sure.  I don't know if he's close to being hooked; not yet,
anyway," Kate reluctantly admitted, pausing long enough to light up another
of her mom's delicious Benson & Hedges 100's.  "But Dad's making progress.
Don't you think, Mom?"

   Claudia Coleman nodded passionately.  "Oh yeah, he's making progress, all
right.  Sure as hell.  Yesterday Fred smoked half a pack."  She beamed
proudly at the teenagers.  "He'd smoke more but for all the damn meetings he
goes to in the evenings.  Your mom's progress is faster because she works at
home, Jodi.  She's tempted to smoke all day.  You're lucky.  Fred's not doing
nearly as well."  She sighed and grinned.  "God, poor, poor Amanda.  Another
two days should seal the deal.  Then she'll be a smoker forever.  The poor
thing will never know what happened.  If she keeps smoking like this, pretty
soon she won't be able to quit even if she wants to, which hopefully she
won't."

   "God, I sure hope she won't," Jodi sighed optimistically  "Mom already
admits she likes to smoke.  When she's totally honest she says she fuckin'
loves it," the teen giggled.  "I just hope Mom continues to like it more and
more, so eventually she'll stop thinking about quitting."  She looked at her
friend.  "Hey, can I try one of those?"

   "God, yeah, Jodi, you should.  Benson & Hedges are yummy," Kate giggled.
"Is it okay with you, Mom?"

   "Sure, why the hell not?" Claudia smiled wickedly.  She gave Jodi her
Benson & Hedges.  "Your mom smokes these so you may as well.  I have a
feeling before it's over Amanda won't give a shit.  After all, she won't be
able to smoke anything weaker than these lovely B&H's, and she'll probably be
willing to let you join her."

   The brunette accepted a B&H and her friend Kate lit her up.  "Mm, these
_are_ good," she raved.  Jodi hit on it a second time.  "God, yeah.  No
wonder Mom likes 'em so much!"

   "They have more nicotine, honey," Claudia grinned.  "That's what makes 'em
so good.  It's as simple as that."

   Jodi exhaled a cone of smoke.  "But isn't smoking these supposed to be
worse for you than smoking lights?"

   Claudia was busy lighting up one for herself.  "Truthfully, it's not
certain."  She smiled and exhaled around her dangling B&H.  "Some people say
that since lights have less nicotine, people actually smoke them more
aggressively.  They get more bad stuff smoking lights than from smoking a
full flavored brand."  She pursed her lips and let loose a seemingly endless
smoky stream.  "But all I know is, girls, the taste is so rich, it's so
great.  God, I'll never go back to smoking lights myself!"

   Jodi hit on hers and grinned broadly.  "Uh-huh, I can see why.  Maybe I
should start smoking these all the time."

   Claudia tipped her head.  "Honey, wait till your mom realizes she can't
quit.  Just a suggestion.  If you start smoking full flavor Benson & Hedges
100's before she realizes she wants to be a smoker herself she might freak
out."

   Jodi thought.  "Yeah, good idea, Mrs. Coleman.  I guess I can wait."  She
took a sumptuous drag.  "But eventually I think I want to start smoking your
brand."

   "No, what you mean is, Jodi, you want to smoke your mom's brand," Claudia
corrected her with a sarcastic little laugh.  "Hopefully by Sunday night
Amanda won't mind if you tell her."  She manicured an ash in the ashtray.  "I
just hope Fred feels the same soon."

   "He will, Mom," Kate said encouragingly.  "I'm sure Daddy will find
himself hopelessly hooked before too long."

   "I'm sure he will," Claudia nodded.  "And it'll be great when that finally
happens."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

   Naked and perspiring, a contented Amanda lazily rolled over in bed.  "Oh
my God," she groaned happily.  "That was great!"

   Joe was lighting up a cigarette.  He offered it to Amanda without asking.
Nonchalantly the satisfied blond took it between her fingers and raised it to
her lips.

   "Oh my God," she repeated after sucking smoke in her lungs.  "What is
this, Joe?"

   "This?  This is one of my Marlboro 100's.  Like it?"

   Amanda giggled.  "That's not what I meant.  I meant, what is this we just
did?  But to answer your question, yeah, I do like it.  It tastes really
good.  You know, all my life I've heard people talk about how great it is to
smoke after sex.  I never understood the big deal."  She took a long hit on
the cigarette and inhaled the smoke deeply.  "But now finally, I think I get
it!"

   He lit up another for himself and laid back with a smile on his pillow.
"Yeah, smoking after sex is the best," he sighed contentedly.  "Glad you
agree!"

   The naked blond looked over.  "But what I meant was, what is this we just
did?  For God's sake, what did we just do, Joe?"

   He shrugged.  "We had sex.  At least that's what I thought just happened."

   Amanda giggled.  "I know that, dumb-ass.  I mean, what did it mean?"

   Joe shrugged again.  "I dunno.  I don't know if it exactly meant anything.
Being with you tonight turned me on, Amanda, and I guess you reacted the
same.  So we made love.  It was great," he groaned, pausing to kiss her on
the cheek.  "Really great, by the way."

   Amanda shook her head.  "But my God, we're divorced, Joe.  So what in the
hell are we doing fucking each other?"

   "Ah, so now it's not making love?  Instead it's fucking?"  He laughed
deviously.  "God, you really _have_ turned into a bad girl, Amanda.  The
woman I married never called it 'fucking.'"  He stopped to drag on his
Marlboro 100.  "I don't really need to know what it meant, honey.  I only
know I enjoyed the hell out of making love to beautiful Amanda Eagle
tonight."  He watched his ex-wife exhale a long thin stream of smoke through
pursed lips.  As she finished, he gently kissed them.  "I especially love how
you eagerly accepted one of my cigarettes as soon as we were finished.  I
really like the new Amanda, Amanda the smoker."

   Shaking her blond head, she dragged long and hard on her cork-tipped
cigarette.  "Yeah, well, Amanda the smoker is soon gonna be Amanda the
ex-smoker," she teased.  "I already told you that Jodi is gonna quit Sunday
night, and I'll be right there beside her."

   Joe frowned.  "Amanda, lying here watching you smoke like this makes me
wonder.  Is that what you really want?"

   "What do you mean?"

   "I mean, you don't look like a woman who wants to quit smoking.  Do you?"

   She furrowed her brow.  "Do I want to?  Well, I guess I ?."  She laughed.
"God!  You know, I never thought about that."

   "You should, Amanda.  You don't have to quit, you know.  The choice is
yours.  It's up to you."

   As she savored the blissful feeling of holding smoke in her chest, she
thought about her ex-husband's statement before answering.  "You mean I could
just say 'the hell with it' and keep right on smoking?  Shit, Joe!  What
would Jodi say if I did that?"

   Joe grinned.  "I don't think Jodi would be all that unhappy.  In fact, I
suspect it's exactly the result she's secretly hoping for."

   "You think?"

   "Yeah, I do.  Jodi loves to smoke, Amanda.  It's so obvious.  Just open
your eyes and look.  Jodi's not interested in quitting.  Not at all.  She's
already hopelessly addicted to nicotine."

   "I know she's been smoking lots longer than she first admitted.  Yeah, she
might be addicted, now that I think about it."  She laughed.  Hell, it took
no time for her to get addicted.  Already she wanted to smoke constantly.  So
why should Jodi be different?  "Yeah, but then why has she seemed so upset
about me smoking all the time?"

   Joe laughed.  "Is Jodi really upset, Amanda?  Or are you simply assuming
she is?"

   Again she hesitated.  "God, I don't know.  Jodi does seem to like smoking
with me.  You know, maybe I _am_ the one who just assumes she's upset by the
sight of her mom sucking on these goddamn things all the fuckin' time."

   "Bingo.  I don't think Jodi cares one bit if you keep smoking; that is, as
long as you let her keep smoking, too."

   "But Joe.  Jodi's only 16.  It's not legal for her to smoke."

   "Yeah, and it's not legal for her to have a glass of wine at dinner,
either.  But we started letting her do that when she was 13."

   Amanda frowned.  "But what about my professional reputation?  And the
book?  People will think I'm a shitty mom and a no-good counselor if they
learn my daughter's a smoker."

   Joe grinned.  "Aha.  Now _that's_ the issue.  You're worried about your
professional reputation.  But what will the same people think of you if they
find out that _you_ smoke?"

   She hit on her cigarette one last time before putting it out in the
ashtray beside them on the bed.  "God, I don't know," she confessed.  "I've
never thought about any of this!"

   He smiled.  At least she was finally thinking about it.  Quitting was no
longer a given.  And that pleased Joe, for selfish reasons.  "Amanda, you
need to decide what you want.  Not what you think you _should_ want, and not
what other people _think_ you should want, but what you yourself really want.
If you want to keep smoking, I think you should.  It doesn't matter what
anyone else thinks of you, or of Jodi."

   A devious grin crept at the corners of her mouth.  "And what about you and
me, Joe?  Is all this part of a plan that we'll start seeing each other
again?  Because I'm not sure that'll happen.  Yeah, we fucked tonight and it
was great.  But I'm a long way from letting you move back in here, you know."

   "I understand," he protested.  "I'll be totally honest, honey.  I made a
mistake running off with Jaime.  I know that.  I screwed up my life.  I
didn't realize how good I had it.  But if there's any hope at all for you and
me to ultimately get back together, it'll be a lot easier if you're a smoker.
Because I'm not quitting, whatever you and Jodi decide.  I'm just not."  He
grinned.  "Given the way you seem tonight, I doubt you'd do very well being
around other smokers if you weren't smoking yourself anymore."

   Amanda shuddered.  "God, it's the truth!  Just smelling a cigarette makes
me start to salivate.  If I quit I wouldn't be able to stand being around
smokers."

   "If," Joe repeated.  "The key word is 'if.'  You'll decide whether or not
that little word 'if" is going to happen.  Personally, Amanda, for selfish
reasons I hope the answer is no.  I hope you decide not to quit, because you
don't have to.  I'd love the chance to spend time smoking with you again."

   "But God, Joe, all that health shit they always talk about ?."

   "Yeah, but that's all it is, Amanda.  It's horse shit.  Smoking's not as
bad as they try and make it sound.  I'm not saying it's good.  But for
instance, I don't worry about Jodi.  Hell, by the time she's old enough to
have problems from smoking they'll cure cancer ten times over."  He frowned
and hit on his cigarette.  "The reputation issue is tougher.  Once people
know you smoke they treat you differently.  Me?  As a general rule I simply
don't let anyone know.  What they don't know they can't use to hurt me.  It's
hard during the work day but I can handle that.  The hassle's worth it, to
get to keep smoking the rest of the time."  He smiled warmly at his ex.  "I
suspect you could handle it, too, Amanda, if you really wanted to."

   Brooding deep in thought, she slowly nodded.  In an absent-minded motion
she reached for another cigarette.  Joe happily provided one from his pack.
He gave it to the beautiful naked woman lying on the bed beside him.  Amanda
smiled guiltily as she held it by her face.  "God, Joe, see what's happened
to me?  I can't stop smoking and it literally took no time at all for it to
hook me."  She let him light up the Marlboro 100 that she held in ready
position.  The flame caught and for a long time she drew forcefully on the
burning cylinder.  Eventually she pulled a generous smoky deposit deep inside
her unmistakably eager body.  "Do you want to know the truth?  What I'd
really like?  I'd love to keep smoking.  God, I really and truly would!"  She
tilted her head to exhale a smoky stream away from him.  "But till you just
mentioned it, it never occurred to me that I could."  She quickly hit on it
again.  "So if you put it in terms of what I want, God, that's scary.  It's
clear what I'd like to have happen."  She exhaled straight upwards this time.
"Shit, I'd like to do this constantly from now on until forever."

   Joining her, Joe also lit up another Marlboro 100.  Unlike Amanda he
talked through his exhale, purposely pushing his smoke towards her as he
spoke.

   "Honey, then just do it.  Go ahead.  Here's the deal.  We all do the
things we do because they represent what we think we want.  I left you for
Jaime.  I thought I was doing what I wanted.  Turns out I was wrong, dead
wrong.  Finally I realized it.  That's why I'm back.  You may think you want
to quit smoking, or that you should quit, or whatever.  But before you do
make absolutely sure it's what you really want.  If it's not you'll regret
it, like I regret leaving you."  He smiled wistfully.  "Thankfully, as far as
smoking goes, you can change your mind real easy.  You can start smoking all
over and not miss a beat once you realize quitting was a fuckin' mistake.
It's not that simple when your decision hurts someone you should've taken
good care of.  That's my problem, not yours.  The key for you is, you need to
make a choice, Amanda.  Hey, suddenly you discovered that you love to smoke.
You didn't count on it happening and so now you're considering quitting.  But
only do what you want deep down inside.  Do what'll give you the most
happiness.  From where I sit, honey, the thing that'll make you happiest is
to keep smoking and not worry about it.  That's my take."

   She tapped an ash in the ashtray.  "God, Joe, it kills me to hear you talk
like that.  Shit, I don't want to quit smoking," she whimpered, brushing a
tiny tear from the corner of her eye.  "God, I really, really don't.  I'd
like to keep smoking forever.  I never want to stop; ever!"  Putting her
cigarette to her mouth she drew on it a long time.  "And I hear what you're
saying about the health shit.  That won't deter me, honestly.  I like smoking
way too much to care about that."  Smoke began to mix with her words but she
paid no attention.  "I'm gonna have to think about all this."  She smiled at
him.  "Thanks for listening and thanks for caring."

   "Honey, I do care.  I truly do."  He gently kissed her cheek.  "But I
don't expect you to take me back, now or ever.  Any time we spend together is
a bonus for me."  He hit on his cigarette and sat up abruptly.  "But hey, we
should work on the manuscript outline," he announced.  "What time will Jodi
be home from Kate's?"

   Amanda startled.  "Oh my God, Jodi!  I forgot.  She'll be home soon.
Shit, she can't see us like this!"  Putting her cigarette in the ashtray she
grabbed her clothes in a rush.

   Joe laughed.  "And why not?  Are you ashamed you fucked your ex-husband?"

   "No," she retorted, pulling on her panties.  "But I don't want her to
think it means something about us if it doesn't."

   "And what does it mean, Amanda?  Any clue?"

   She smiled sweetly as she put on her bra and reached for her blouse and
slacks.  "You said some very nice things, Joe.  But I still don't know
precisely how I feel.  I need time, time to process.  Hell, you're a
counselor.  You know how emotional processing works."  Impetuously she
reached for her cigarette.  She took a quick drag before buttoning her shirt
with the cigarette still between her fingers.  "I did love fucking you
tonight, though, baby," she teased wickedly.  She giggled and exhaled while
shaking her head in mock disgust.  "God, not only am I smoking and swearing.
Hell, I'm even fucking a guy who's not even my husband anymore!"

   "Yeah, you're a real bad girl, Amanda," he laughed as he began to dress
himself.  He quickly kissed her before she finished her exhale.  "But I like
you that way.  So I intend to be as much of a corrupting influence on you as
I possibly can."

   "Like brazenly encouraging me not to quit smoking?"

   He pinched her ass.  She squealed.  "Yeah, that and a hell of a lot more,
baby.  A hell of a lot more!"

   Amanda sighed.  It was the first time she called him 'baby' since the
divorce.  And he returned the favor.  Maybe there was a chance.  Maybe they
could restore their relationship.  She hit hard on her cigarette and smiled
to herself while holding the inhale inside.  God, if they did then continuing
to smoke would be almost a necessity.  She mused deviously.  Of course maybe,
just maybe, it was gonna be a necessity with or without Joe.  She tipped her
head and reluctantly let out a smoky exhale.  She had to seriously think
about that!

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