The Bulimic Chain Smoker

(by smokesingdance, 19 July 2009)

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The Bulimic Chain Smoker

Hiya, my name's Vicky.  I reached puberty at an unusually young age.  I had
my first period when I was just 11 and still in elementary school.  When I
started high school I was moderately overweight and I quickly became unhappy
about my fat body.  Other girls in my class were competing with each other
about wearing size 2 or 4 pants and I very much wanted to be able to compete
with them.  I explained to my parents that I desperately wanted to be thin
and was experiencing a crisis of confidence.  So with their help and support
I started dieting to lose weight.

But this wasn't enough, I wasn't losing weight fast enough and so I decided
to seek help on the Internet.  Almost by accident I found what I was looking
for in the on line pro-ana movement.  According to them so-called eating
disorders are not disorders at all but simply a lifestyle choice.  I found
plenty of helpful advice on skipping meals, using laxatives and making myself
vomit to hasten my weight loss.  What surprised me most was that many of them
had found smoking to be a successful weight control strategy and this was to
permanently change my attitude towards smoking.

Up to now I'd only ever paid attention to all the anti-smoking propaganda
about how bad smoking is.   I had always been an outspoken anti-smoker,
knowing all too well that smoking was likely to cause my skin to wrinkle
prematurely, impair my breathing capacity and ruin my health, not to mention
make me smell like an ashtray.  Neither of my parents smoked and they were
glad to know that I wasn't going to take up the habit myself.  

But I wanted to be thin so much that I decided I would rather risk dying of
lung cancer or heart disease than be fat.  I explained the situation to my
parents and told them that I wanted to start smoking.  They were shocked at
first because until now I'd always sworn that I would never touch cigarettes.
But they eventually understood that I wanted to take up smoking in order to
help me lose weight so they promptly went to the shop and bought me a carton
along with a lighter and ash tray which I was told to take to my bedroom, the
only part of our house where I was allowed to smoke.

I'd heard that a lot of people are sick when they smoke for the first time,
but that just made me all the more determined to start.  I'd had a lot to eat
that day and was going to vomit it all out again anyway, so I lit my first
cigarette and took a deep drag.  Naturally I hated it at first and when I
first started smoking I coughed a lot and spat out phlegm but continued to
inhale deeply.  I began to feel dizzy and light headed and also felt sick.
Given my need to purge what I'd recently eaten I continued to puff hard in
order to make myself puke.

I found that smoking cigarettes made me less hungry and in particular it
reduced my impulse to binge eat with its consequential weight gain.  So I
smoked to lose weight and was soon happily chain smoking during my school
lunch break instead of eating.  In less than a week I found that smoking was
not only effective in curbing weight gain but it actually promoted my desired
weight loss.  I therefore decided to smoke as much as I could in order to
stay thin.  On the few occasions when I couldn't resist food I always made
myself sick, binging and purging myself to control my weight.

I was the first girl in my school year to take up smoking and I quickly got
to fraternise with the older smoking girls.  They couldn't help but be
impressed with my smoking style.  I always took long, deep inhales, held the
smoke in my tiny little lungs for as long as I could and then slowly exhaled
while letting the smoke linger in my mouth because I savoured the taste.

Part of me felt that I'd fallen from the grace of childhood innocence now
that I'd become a smoker and apparently had an eating disorder.  But the fact
is that I took up smoking to help lose weight and also found it effective in
relieving stress and had not been influenced by other smokers.  So I
concluded that I didn't want to give up smoking because it would be likely to
result in weight gain.

I only managed two packs on school days but at weekends and during school
holidays I frequently smoked my way through more than five packs in one day.
I have lost 7 kg since puberty and I naturally associate this with smoking
and vomiting to control my weight.  I'm always told that I look emaciated but
I'm extremely happy with my body the way it is and I want to stay this way so
I use cigarettes as a substitute for food.

I am now an 18 year old petite blond who looks and acts several years younger
except that I'm constantly chain smoking five to six packs of high tar
cigarettes a day.  I desperately want a boyfriend but I've been told that I
smell and taste of vomit and stale tobacco smoke.  I'm constantly coughing my
guts up, spitting out phlegm and frequently puking up in the process.  Plus I
refuse point blank to go anywhere smoking's not allowed.  So although I'm
extremely attractive I am apparently undateable.  

I therefore went on line again in the hope of finding a boyfriend who would
be happy to date a hard core chain smoking girl who was into making herself
sick and was pleasantly surprised to discover what were called the smoke
fetish and the puke fetish, meaning that there were men out there who are
actually turned on by chain smoking girls throwing up.  I decided to post my
profile and see what responses I got.
Much to my surprise I was inundated with responses from men of all ages and
was spoilt for choice.  I therefore decided to print the profiles and emails
I'd received from my many prospective boyfriends in order to scrutinise them
all and decide who I liked the most.  And it wasn't long before I realised
that you stand out from pretty much all the other smoke fetishists I've found
on all the different sites out there.  So get in touch now - I can't wait to
meet you and fuck you. 

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