A Christmas Story

(by anonymous, 20 October 1998)


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A Christmas Story

Melissa got home from school a bit earlier than expected. The teacher gave
them self-tuition during the two german lessons, in the end of her day. She
had decided to walk home, which took her just about ten minutes. She sat down
in her room and started with her german homework. Her thoughts wandered from
the project to something that had bothered her mind very much lately:
Cigarettes. She had a growing curiosity about smoking during the last year.
She found it very thrilling to think about smoking when she was sexually
excited. She was very curious about how it would feel to totally need to have
a cigarette. She had decided that she wanted to try smoking, but she didn't
know how to get some cigarettes - of course she could buy some, but she
didn't want to wait. It was a perfect time to do it right now, three and a
half hours before her mother would be home at 3:30. She couldn't focus on the
german because of her excitement about smoking. 

Her mother had repeatedly told her about how important it was for her not to
begin smoking. She was almost a fanatic when it came to this subject. She
threatened Melissa with various consequences if she ever began smoking.
Maybe this had created her big curiosity, but she knew that she wanted to try
it, but she could never let her mom know.  She was allowed to drink at
parties, if she didn't get really drunk. But smoking, no way. That seemed to
be the worst thing she could ever do. But she thougt that this was actually
up to her, at the age of 16, and it was possible to do it without letting her
mom know.  But the thought of smoking made her very excited, almost a 
sexual thrill. She checked her wallet for money, and wondered if she
should go to the store, and she calculated how long it would take her. She
had three more hours, so she decided to act. She counted up the money and
left the house. It took her about five minutes to reach the shop. Melissa was a
bit nervous but it was no problem for her to get the cigarettes. She looked
older than 16, and was very beatiful. Long and dark, and a nice
body. She asked for a pack of Marlboro Lights. That was the brand her aunt,
and some of her girlfriends, smoked.

She got the pack and stuck it into her pocket at once, in fear of being
noticed by anyone who knew her. She felt strange.  In the past smoking hadn't
been this big deal for her. But after she started to think about smoking,
it had started to control her mind. These thoughts were nothing
she could help. She just followed her new instinct. She hurried
home. Her excitement increased. She locked the door and ran trough the house to
find some matches. She couldn't quite relax and was stressed. She was
nervous about the smell of smoke that might still be in the house when her
mother arrived. Melissa went into the bathroom and opened the window, fairly
secure that there wouldn't be possible to find out that she had smoked. 
She had started at the new school, and she was doing good.

After some fumbling, she got the cellophane off the Marlboro Lights pack.
With shaking fingers, she uncovered all the cigarettes in the pack, waiting
to be smoked.  After fumbling with the pack, she finally figured out how to
tap the back of the pack to make a cigarette pop out.  She slowly drew it out
of the box, and smelled the nice aroma in her nose.

The smell from an unlit cigarette was not bad, from what she had already
discovered. But she was going to find out all she wanted about smoking, right now.
There was no doubt, she would do this right away. Her body
and mind were very tensed, and she liked it. She put the cigarette to her
mouth and dragged some air through it. The feeling of having a cigarette in
her mouth was so exciting. She nearly convinced herself that she
really needed this cigarette.

She couldn't wait any longer.  She lit a match and raised it up to the tip of
her cigarette, and started to draw slowly on her cigarette. She dragged some
smoke from the cigarette into her mouth, and blew it out. The taste was not
strong, since she didn't drag hard enough. But she liked what she liked it so
far. Then the cigarette went out. She immediately lit a new match, brought it
up to her cigarette and drew harder this time. She felt the smoke in her
mouth and blew it out.  She put out the match, and dropped it into the
toilet. The cigarette was perfect lit, with a small burning tip. She wanted
to feel what it was like to fill her lungs with smoke. She breathed out
before taking her third drag. She breathed the smoke deep down into her body.
It was not that bad as she had thought, after all her mothers warnings. She
blew the smoke out and felt the taste stronger in her mouth now. She was
still nervous about her mother returning. If she had seen this she would have
killed her.

Actually, Melissa didn't find the taste bad, though it was kind of strong.
After three or four more medium drags (she couldn't concentrate on counting)
she got used to the taste and feeling of smoking. She felt a little
light-headed and dizzy, but not sick. She wondered if this was something she
would do again, and the thought scared her a bit. She smoked half the
cigarette and pretended she really needed those drags. The thought of being
hooked on this feeling made her almost crazy.  She took a final drag, the
deepest yet, before throwing the half-smoked cigarette into the toilet.  She
felt that she had had enough for now.

Her mother came back two hours later and they ate dinner together. Her mother
looked at her watch, and seemed surprised. She told Melissa she had to leave
for a couple of hours to attend a business meeting. Melissa had thinking
about smoking throughout the dinner. She understood that she had a suprise
chance to smoke again already. The thought made her both scared and excited.
After her mother left the house in a hurry,  Melissa went into her room and
found her pack with 19 Marlboro Lights and the matchbox from the kitchen.
This time she lit up faster and did a better job. She wasn't able to take
deep and many drags so she let the cigarette burn unsmoked while she thought
about smoking.  She smoked the whole cigarette in about 10 drags.  She
dropped it into the toilet, opened the window completely, and went to her
room.  The expectations and tension about this cigarette almost made
her forget the still strong and a bit uncomfortable taste in her mouth from
the cigarette.  She felt satisfied.

That evening she talked with her mother. Melissa asked her mother if she
had ever smoked.

She seemed surprised.

"No. Of course I've tried now and then, but never regurarly. Why do you ask?
I hope you're not thinking about trying smoking!", she asked, almost angry.

"Of course not, I was just wondering", Melissa answered calmly. 

The next day, Melissa got home early.  All day, smoking had been on her mind.
All day, she had thought about smoking a cigarette when she got home from
school.

The first thing she did was to quickly go to her room and get one cigarette
out of the pack, and then she rushed to the bathroom. She used her new
lighter, which she had bought on her way home from school.

This time the taste was not so strange for her.  She finished the cigarette
in 12-13 drags, which were welcomed by her young body. The taste was not so
bad as yesterday, and Melissa realised that this was going to be better and
better.

She smoked a cigarette after school both the next two days (Thursday and
Friday) as well - she had smoked 5 cigarettes together (or 4 and 1/2).  She
didn't feel bad after her cigarette on the second day, though she was a bit
dizzy, but the taste was was much nicer, she thought.

It was so exciting to drag the smoke into her lungs and blow it out, feeling
her body staying completely cool.

On Friday she went out with some girlfriends. Some of them smoked, but she
said no to cigarettes, not letting on that she had started smoking.  For some
reason, she was scared of smoking in public.  She was embarrassed about how
tense she was when she smoked, and she knew her friends would immediately
know that she was a rank beginner. 

She had Saturday all to herself. She woke up late, and after her breakfast she
decided she would have a cigarette.  She smoked a total of three cigarettes
that day, the most she had smoked in one day so far.

A thought kept nagging at her, that if she kept it up, she would be hooked.
But she wasn't able to stay away when she was alone, and she was alone very
much.

When she woke up on Sunday, the first thing she thought about was smoking.
She thought to herself: "I'm not addicted!  I just feel like smoking, that's
all". She wasn't sure.

When her mother
left the house for some hours, and she smoked two cigarettes, her finishing
her first pack.
She smoked one when she came home from school Monday and one in the afternoon when
her mother was away. She continued this way the whole the week, smoking 1-3
cigarettes a day. She had been relieved when the weekend came, because she
wanted to smoke all day at school.  On Friday she almost couldn't wait to get
home.  She couldn't concentrate at all in the last two
hours with biology.  After smoking five cigarettes on Saturday, she
again wondered if she was able to go one day without smoking. She decided
to find out on Sunday, and went to bed  with her head full of strange
thoughts.

Melissa could feel somebody taking her arm, leading her somewhere. She
couldn't tell who it was, but it was more than one person waiting for her.
She wasn't scared, even though she felt a hard grip around her arm. She was
led to a big bed and pulled down on the edge of it. A couple of persons, she
couldn't decide their gender or face, took a piece of rope and tied her arms.
Actually she felt very comfortable, just being led by these strange people.
Then her legs were tied together, not hard, but just so she couldn't spread
them, or walk away.

Then one of the persons started to search his pockets. The person took out a
new pack of Marlboro Lights and opened it in front of her. She immediately
one of those cigarettes very badly. But she kept in mind that she
shouldn't smoke until Monday, to test herself. But the person took one
cigarette out of the pack and showed it to her. The person said: "You
cannot resist, huh!?  You should just go ahead and smoke,
you'll be addicted sooner or later, understand? You are, in a way, already on
a smoker.  It is, after all, good for you".

The person put out the cigarette, the filter end towards her.

She reached forward and gripped the cigarette between her lips, even thought
she was tied, and couldn't use her hands. She dragged air through it and
begged them to light it. The person took up a lighter and tried to light it,
but the lighter won't work.

Melissa felt very stressed in this situation,
not getting a light for her cigarette that she wanted so bad. They took off
the ropes, walked away, and she sat there with the unlit cigarette.
Before going, one person turned towards her and said: "Just go ahead and
help yourself, you've nothing to loose".

Melissa woke up, breathing heavily. She was just thinking about one thing.
The cigarette. She couldn't wait, it was impossible. She felt her body
screaming for a cigarette. She did as her body told her-  closed her
door, and found a cigarette and her lighter. The thought of drawing the
smoke into her body made her rush to open her window.

She lit her cigarette, without exhaling before taking the first real drag, but
continued to puff for about three or four seconds. She inhaled deeply, and
blew out slowly. This was definately the best she had ever felt, and never
had smoking been this fantastic. But one drag wasn't at all enough for her.
She contiued to drag, and inhaled deeply, until the cigarette was almost
gone. There was just one more drag. She had never smoked her cigarette that
close to the filter before. Now she took the final deep drag until the
burning tip reached the filter. She inhaled as deep as she could, and blew
the smoke slowly out of her mouth, through the opening of the window. She
threw the butt out the window, and went back to her bed, feeling calm and
relaxed.

Her drags were longer, deeper and harder now than before.
She had just one cigarette left now. She
was thinking about when she would be able to buy more. She could hear her
mother doing some work at the kitchen. 
Melissa took a shower before eating breakfast. She didn't eat
quite as much as she usually did. Her mother told her that her aunt would
drop by, because they were going at the market and do some Christmas
shopping.

Melissa started to do some homework, and she did well for about two
hours. Then, again, she wanted a cigarette. She couldn't focus any more.
She opened her window and lit her last cigarette. Her window was in front
of the house and she could see the garage and the road. She was safe in that
direction, but she kept her door shut, nervous about her mom entering her
room.

She closed her eyes and took the necessary deep drags that her body
required. Suddenly she was shocked by her aunt's voice loudly saying hello,

Her aunt, Paula, came from the garage, and appeared from the
trees that had hidden her. She had a cigarette in her hand.  Melissa was
scared, this was the first time anybody had seen her smoking.

"I guess we have the same problem, it's hard to be a smoker, we have to go
out and hide ourselves",  her aunt said as she walked to Melissa's opened
window.

"Ehhh - yes" Melissa answered nervously, "My mom doesn't know. Are you going
to tell her about this?"

"Oh no, not if she is not supposed to knowit, I know how it is."
Her aunt was more understanding than her mother. She knew what it is was
like.  They had both got the same stern education, but with different
results.  Her mom had grew up like her parents, but her sister, Paula, had
broken with her parents conservative style, and went her own way.  She was
30, 6 years younger than her sister...

"Thank you so much!", Melissa replied happily.

"I'm going inside, be careful", Paula said, throwing her cigarette into the
snow, blowing the last drag out while laughing.

Melissa actually trusted her aunt, and she smoked the cigarette in a hurry.

"Good bye, we will be back in about three hours," her mother yelled.


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