Carousel, Part 3

CAROUSEL
***by Somers

***Special Thanks to: Berry and the Lurker
***Song by: The Hollies



PART THREE: STILL WE'RE GOING ROUND





When Becky arrived at work, she saw Joan staring through the window and out
at the gas pumps, lost in her own thoughts. Becky donned the blue jacket with
her red embroidered name and took up a place behind the counter. She was
pleased to see that the racks of cigarettes were already loaded up for the
day's business. She had no idea where Joan got all her energy, but the woman
always seemed to have everything under control.

She looked at her older and wiser friend, wondering why she was so quiet and
pensive. As she watched, Joan put her cigarette to her lips and dragged
strongly on it. The end glowed fiercely and for many seconds while the woman
pulled hungrily from it. The tip then dimmed slightly and Joan opened her
lips to inhale. She still kept the cigarette close to her face as she stared
off into the distance, elbows propped on the windowsill, lost in thought.
Becky saw her eyes close and a little smile form on her lips, emphasizing
some of the wrinkles at the edges of her mouth and at the corners of her
eyes. Then her eyes opened again, and a long, slow stream of smoke came out.
Her cheeks seemed unusually red with life this morning, and there was this
playful twinkle in her eyes.

Then Becky knew.

"Did you and Charlie have a good time last night ?"

"Oh, honey !" Joan beamed, turning to look at Becky, "He's a little crazy,
but, damn! Can that man can satisfy...."

Becky grinned, enjoying the sensation of feeling good about Joan's pleasure.
The older one took another unusually long drag on her cigarette and followed
it with a deep inhale, and then a healthy sip from her morning coffee as she
turned from the window.

"Ahh..." she smacked her lips after the taste of the hot beverage, then
looked up at the ceiling, puckered her lips and filled the air with a milky
cloud of smoke.

As the morning rush of customers began to build up, so too did Joan. She
became very bubbly and loving, and her energy level was higher than Becky had
ever seen. Every customer was "darling" or "lover", and she passed packs of
cigarettes or gourmet coffee at them with frequent winks and seemed to enjoy
bumping the cash drawer closed with the sides of her hips.

"You know, Ms. Mores got really lucky last night, too," Joan winked at Becky
after the business had slowed a bit.

"Ms. Mores ?" Becky questioned.

"You know, that woman who always sits at the bar and dangles her shoe at the
guys. Always comes in alone, wears makeup to kill, and the low-cut tops?
Charlie and the other guys are  convinced she's a whore. Well, last night,
she struck paydirt bigtime. Some guy in a business suit came in for a beer,
no one had ever seen him before, but in less than a half hour, they were
walking out together."

"Really ?" Becky's eyes widened.

"Mmm, hmm," Joan nodded while taking another serious pull from her now-short
Marlboro 100.

"Well, I'm about to try that myself, if Bob doesn't call soon," Becky joked.

"Awww.. , have you been sitting around waiting for that guy to come back ?
You've really got to get out and have some fun, Beck," Joan counseled, then
paused to tilt her head up and exhale a cone of thick smoke at the tile
ceiling.

"You need to do yourself up nice, " Joan winked.

"Maybe I can get Charlie to take us out to the dance club on Friday," Joan
finished her thought, then put the finishing touches on her cigarette with a
fierce, final drag.

"You mean that singles place ?" Becky's eyes widened.

Joan said nothing as she inhaled the last of her Marlboro smoke, put out the
cigarette, then she went up to Becky and began to hold her hair in different
positions. She kept the smoke in her lungs and quietly inspected the look of
Becky's beautiful blonde strands while she shaped the hair into different
patterns.

"Yes," she croaked, suddenly realizing she had been breathholding for many
seconds.

"I can make your hair into a work of art," Joan declared, turning her head to
the side and releasing her breath.

"A little of that special eyeshadow I've got, some more color here under your
cheekbones. MMMmmmm... And, with your figure, you will be irresistable to
every guy in the place. Have you got a nice party dress ?" Joan asked.

"I've got the one I wore last New Year's, but it's a little tight," Becky
replied.

"Wonderful! I'll bet it will make you look good in all the right places,"
Joan exclaimed with a look of delight in her eyes. She stepped back as Becky
held her hair in the shape that Joan had fashioned and looked at the young
girl while holding her fingers in front of her to form a frame.

"Wait," continued Joan, retrieving her purse from under the counter and
digging inside of it for bobby pins. She found them and proceeded to split
Becky's hair into three parts. One she made small and pinned it behind her
left ear. The second group she swept over her right ear and pinned it up
above it, forming a tight loop. The third, largest clutch she let swirl just
above Becky's eyes, then she stepped back and formed her frame with her
fingers again and viewed her work.

Becky looked back at her with wide and innocent eyes, waiting for Joan to
determine if the style was right.

"You just need one more thing," Joan said, then turned to the cigarette rack
and pulled down a pack of Benson & Hedges Ultralight 100's. She peeled the
wrapper off and removed one, then put it in her lips and lit it.

"Here, hold this between your fingers with your arm up like this, " Joan
quickly demonstrated by bringing one arm across her stomach to support the
elbow of the smoking arm. and holding the cigarette to the side of her face.
Then she passed the ultralight to Becky, who looked at her quizzically.

"But I don't smoke," she said factually.

"Oh, just hold it there for the look, " Joan encouraged, "Besides, those
things can't hurt you. There's nothing in them," Joan chuckled while
repeating her framing of Becky's pose.

Becky laughed and stood as Joan had shown her, then assumed a serious and
seductive expression on her face to humor the older woman. She narrowed her
eyes and let her lips turn very slightly upward in a sly manner while holding
the long, burning cigarette in her fingers next to her face.

"Honey, that's absolutely perfect!" Joan's face broadened into an enormous
smile, so pleased with her work she was.

Becky then looked at the cigarette, put it to her lips, took a tiny puff and
quickly blew it out. Then she giggled at her own playacting.

"That's really good! Here, keep these and you can use them at the club if you
want. My treat," Joan handed Becky the opened pack of cigarettes and saw the
girl blushing.

"You don't have to really smoke them if you don't want to, but it just looks
nice. Charlie always remarks about how sexy some girls look with a cigarette,
and it seems like everyone smokes there," Joan stated, then began to laugh
and her smoker's cough caught hold. This made her laugh even harder, and she
began blushing herself.

Becky took another playful puff of the cigarette, then joined in Joan's
laughter while she extinguished the cigarette in the ashtray below the
counter.

"Do you want to come over to my place after work on Friday ?" Joan asked
after their laughter had subsided and Becky had taken her hair down.

"I could do you up nice, and I've got a great pair of diamond earrings that
you can borrow," Joan smiled at her.

"Sure!" said Becky, "That would be great." She leaned over and kissed Joan on
the cheek, then the bells sounded at the door. Noticing an elderly man enter
and stare at them, they turned away from each other and tried to stifle their
giggles.

***

The phone sat on the table in its continued silence. There was a movie
playing on the TV, and Becky realized that she had been watching it for
almost an hour, yet had no idea what was going on. Her thoughts were on Bob
and her sadness, the infinite sadness and pain that she felt, the pain that
grew bigger and bigger every moment that the phone did not ring.

"Stop it!" She screamed and yanked on her hair in an attempt to shut out the
thoughts. She stood up and pulled her hair with both hands and clenched her
teeth.

"Think of something else!" She commanded herself and closed her eyes.

The image of Joan fixing her hair and joking with her and consoling her
entered her mind. 'Yes, that's right, we're going out,' she thought. She went
into the bedroom and sat at the dressing table and looked at her hair.

"What a mess!" She said, then proceded to brush it. After it was smooth once
again, she took parts of it and pinned them up in the way that she had felt
Joan doing it. She adjusted the sweeping band of hair above her eyes, and
puffed it out and teased it, then played with the loops over her ears. She
pinned the back up into a bun, and then looked over her work. She knew that
Joan could do a much better job, and recalled that the older woman had some
experience as a hairdresser. She was delighted that Joan had agreed to help
her.

"I should try on that dress," she mumbled to herself, then went to the closet
and removed it. It had a silky top and tiny sleeves that joined a black,
cotton skirt. The zipper stopped on the hip and the top buttoned up along a
diagonal across the back. It was an unusual dress, and that was why she liked
it. She removed her jeans and T-shirt, stepped into the dress and zipped it
up. It was snug, but it fit. She buttoned the back while returning to the
mirror to see what it looked like.

The first thing she'd have to remember was to wear her black underwear for
Friday. The white bra she had on showed right through the thin material. She
pulled the top down at her waist to remove the wrinkles and saw it cling to
her breasts. "Yes, I guess it looks OK', she thought, although she didn't
like the way it made her hips appear big.

Becky imagined herself at the club. She put her hand on her hip and danced
around on the bedroom floor, watching how the dress moved and swayed with her
hips and visualizing dancing with some guy that looked like Tom Cruise.
Suppose Bob was there ?

"Hmmmph!" she snorted, seeing herself ignoring Bob and putting her arms
around Tom Cruise for a slow and sensual dance. That would make Bob mad,
wouldn't it ? Just ignore him and pretend he doesn't exist. Hope that he
feels the pain of seeing his girl with someone else. The same pain he had
inflicted upon her.

Yes, it was to be a new Becky, a different Becky, in a life of her own now.
And there will be no sign that the loss of Bob bothers her at all. She will
enjoy herself, experience new things and new people and begin to have some
fun with her life again. If Bob sees that, so what ? She's off on her own,
and better to be rid of him. She grinned at her image in the mirror and
winked. She then stopped and went to her purse on the floor and removed the
pack of cigarettes that Joan had given her. She took one out and held it in
her fingers and stood in the pose that the two women had played with earlier
that day. She smiled and pretended to take a puff. Then she walked out to the
kitchen carrying the cigarette in her fingers.

Her heart started beating a little faster, and she felt a slightly thrilling
sensation about the naughty thing she was about to do. She picked the book of
matches from the kitchen drawer, removed a saucer from the cabinet, and
carried everything back into the bedroom. After placing the saucer on the
dressing table, she put the cigarette in her lips and proceeded to light a
match. She looked at the flame, gazing past the long, white cigarette
sticking out of her mouth and the entire act seemed surreal to her. She put
the flame up toward the tip and then noticed that it had gone out. She
sighed.

"I don't even know what I'm doing!" she declared after removing the cigarette
from her lips. Then she saw her reflection in the mirror holding the
matchbook and the cigarette in front of the black dress. It was a new Becky
that she saw. Someone possibly sexy-looking and perhaps seeking some naughty
pleasure. She tossed the spent match in the saucer, put the cigarette back in
her lips and struck a new flame. This time, she was careful not to breathe
out, and the tip of the cigarette began to burn. She drew in slightly, then
quickly took the lit cigarette out of her mouth while expelling the smoke and
blowing out the match. She smelled the sulfur odor from the match head and
quickly tossed it into the saucer.

Becky inspected the burning tip of the Benson & Hedges Ultralight, and
noticed that it was only burning partly, threatening to burn out. She stared
at it as she put the cigarette back in her lips once more and pulled more
strongly to get the end burning better. Then she puffed the smoke back out
without inhaling and saw a big, thick cloud appear in front of her face. In
the mirror she saw a girl holding a cigarette behind a screen of smoke. Since
she couldn't see her face very clearly, she had no trouble imagining it was
someone else standing there smoking a cigarette. It looked natural.

She sat at the table again and placed the cigarette in the saucer and let it
burn while she looked into her eyes. She took the shadow and made her lids a
little darker, then added more mascara. The tube of "Pretty Posy" lipstick
lay on the table, so she picked it up and made her lips red and full. She
darkened and traced the edges with a matching lipliner, smelling the smoke
from the cigarette as she worked. She was pretending that Joan was there,
smoking her cigarettes as she always does and helping her to prepare herself
for the night out.

She smiled to see how her face looked in the mirror, then picked up the
cigarette again and propped her arm up on the table the way she had seen Joan
do many times before. It was certainly a different look for her, thought
Becky. But everyone in the bars and clubs smoked, and she thought it might
help her fit into the crowd better.

She put the filter to her lips and took a tiny drag. Then she opened her
mouth and inhaled. Her throat felt funny and she started to cough, struggling
to be sure she didn't drop the cigarette. Then she cleared her throat and
took a big breath of air.

"Goodness! I'd better not do that," she said to herself.

The second time, she was prepared for the sensation, and managed to inhale a
miniature puff without coughing. She immediately blew it back out toward the
mirror, and saw a very pale jet of smoke come from her lips. 'I'm smoking'
she thought, simultaneously impressed with herself and feeling a twinge of
shame.

An image of Bob came into her mind. Bob seeing Becky smoking. Bob hated
smokers. She stared at her reflection in the mirror and took another minute
drag, then inhaled it and exhaled it as before. Bob would be really pissed,
she thought and giggled to herself while tapping the cigarette in the little
dish. Tap, tap, tap and another puff. She was beginning to really look
forward to Friday night.

***

"She's got you smoking now ?" Charlie's face took on a look of astonishment
while Becky put a cigarette in her lips and flicked a lighter.

"Watch this woman," he nodded in Joan's direction, "she's evil!"

"I am not!" Joan declared, giving Charlie another of many rib-pokes.

The music was loud, and they had to nearly shout at times above the melody.
But Becky was enjoying the rythm and tapping her foot underneath the table
while she demonstrated her new behavior. It had taken a few days to get the
technique down, and she was a little nervous about showing it off so soon,
but she managed to keep her hands from shaking.

"I was as surprised as you are the day she lit one up," Joan continued,
winking at Becky.

Becky did remember that she had surprised Joan by pulling out the pack of
ultralights and her matches the other day. The previous session with Joan
playing with her hair was apparently to remain their secret, however. Becky
was glad that Joan had given her the lighter, because she found the matches
to be too fussy. She took a small drag, then opened her mouth and inhaled
while placing her arm on the table. She grinned at Charlie, then tilted her
head up and blew a thin stream of smoke up into the light.

"She does look beautiful, though, doesn't she ?" smiled Charlie.

"You certainly don't have to worry about smoking with me. I love a good
smoke, ya know. Did you do her hair like that, Joanie ?" Charlie shouted
above the music.

Joan nodded while taking a strong drag of her own, then spoke with full lungs
while tapping the ash in the ashtray.

"You like it ? It's a round look, whirls over the head," Joan said, then
exhaled her smoke across the end of the table and Becky saw a thick cloud
pour underneath the light, rolling out into large, white, fluffy billows. She
smelled Joan's exhaled smoke as she had done so many times at the store, and
it brought her a certain comfort. She looked at her own cigarette, tapped it
to trim the ash, then took another small puff and inhaled, feeling so much
like she belonged here with her friends.

The club had colored lights that moved around on the dance floor, and it was
rather crowded in the huge room. The smell of alcohol and cigarette smoke was
everywhere, and people were dancing, or just drinking and talking. Becky saw
that nearly everyone's face bore a look of happiness. Lots of giddy laughter
was coming from the next table where two girls in halter tops sat across from
two guys that looked like weightlifters. She watched them smile and laugh and
take numerous drags from their cigarettes and blow the smoke up into the air
while laughing again. Both guys were smiling at them and focusing all their
attention on the girls.

"That's a nice dress, Beck, you look really great!" Charlie complimented her,
and Becky observed that his eyes had taken on a look of sincerity as opposed
to the more typical pattern of constant mirth and joking. She thanked him and
flashed him her sexiest smile.

"So what do I look like ?" Joan shouted, "An old hag, I guess ?"

Charlie leaned over and whispered something in Joan's ear. Becky saw the
woman's face begin to redden and her lips turn up in a grin. Becky smiled at
the two of them as they embraced each other and kissed with some degree of
passion. She took another small drag on her cigarette and inhaled more deeply
than usual, then looked over the club again as she exhaled slowly.

Across the room, a guy was talking to a whole group of people while dangling
a cigarette from the edge of his mouth, holding his beerglass and gesturing
with his free hand. It must have been a good story, because all their eyes
were upon him, especially those of a brunette girl in a spectacular red dress
who sat spellbound, resting her chin on her hands with her cigarette burning
inches away from her lips. While Becky watched, the girl moved her fingers to
place the cigarette in her lips and took a long pull, then the fingers
retracted and smoke came flowing from her nose several seconds later. The
entire time, her eyes were wide open and staring at the guy telling his
story.

Becky took a little sip of her vodka, and another small puff of her own
cigarette while viewing their red-headed waitress at the bar, waiting for the
bartender to fill her tray with drink orders. While Becky exhaled her tiny
cloud of smoke, she saw the 40ish, skinny, attractive woman reach behind the
bar and retrieve a cigarette, then saw her put in in her lips and spread her
fingers wide apart while sucking on it hungrily. Smoke inhaled, the woman
picked up the tray and began walking through the tables as smoke slowly
drifted from her face. To Becky's surprise, the waitress arrived at their
table, and placed another drink in front of Becky.

"But I didn't..." Becky began, then saw the waitress smiling and pointing
across the tables to the bar, where Mr. beard-and-glasses, the customer from
the store, sat smiling at her. Although he was not wearing his glasses this
night, both women immediately recognized him.

Joan got all excited. She stood up and waved her arm at the guy, beckoning
him to come over. Becky felt flushed, but managed to mouth 'Thank You' at him
while he sauntered over with his drink in one hand and a happy smile on his
face.

"You recognized us without our straightjackets on!" Joan said humorously,
"Come on, sit down, hun!"

Becky slid over on the bench seat and moved her drinks and cigarettes to
clear a space. As if on cue, a softer song began to play, and the noise of
talking, laughing and glasses clinking seemed to rise slightly above the
music for a few moments. Becky thanked him aloud for the drink this time, and
then, in embarrassment, offered to pay him for it. He refused, of course.

"Becky, what the hell's the matter with you ? A handsome guy buys you a drink
and you're gonna pay for it ?" Charlie was astounded.

"Honey, the way you look, you can get yourself free drinks all night long, "
Joan smiled at her wickedly and then crinkled her nose at the newcomer. He
began to laugh at the older woman's comment, then turned to the blushing
Becky and she noticed his wonderful blue eyes. Penetrating eyes. Loving eyes.
She quickly turned away to look at her cigarette and noticed it was growing
short, so she rapidly extinguished it.

His name was Geoff, and he was a student at the college. He lived up the hill
from the Carousel convenience store, and passed by every day on his way to
classes. Becky recalled him stopping for cigarettes a few times this past
week and pausing to make smalltalk with the two women. Though it was a new
sensation not to see him on the other side of the counter at the store, she
was comfortable sitting with him and chatting because his face and voice were
so familiar.

"It must be great for you two to get out of that store for a while," Geoff
remarked after a discussion about everyone's weekend plans to unwind.

"I'm telling you, " Joan started while reaching for her cigarettes and then
pausing to light one, "That place is nice to visit, but you wouldn't want to
live there!"

Geoff chuckled, "It seems like a nice store, well-kept. Why is it called the
Carousel, anyway ?" he asked, then took a sip of his drink and removed his
Marlboros from his pocket.

"Oh, I got the answer to that one," said Charlie.

"That old man Fred that lives across the hill owns that place. It used to be
a carnival, and the noise kept him up at night, so he bought it out, burned
it all to the ground and paved the whole thing over. Put up a store to help
pay for the land. There were little kids crying in the streets when they saw
all the rides and the big merry-go-round go up in flames like that. They say
he comes around monthly and makes a little campfire and toasts mashmallows to
celebrate the occasion."

"That's not true!" Joan shouted, kicking Charlie firmly in the side of the
leg. "That's a terrible story, you old fart!" Charlie's laughter began the
outburst that then erupted from the entire table. Joan developed a coughing
fit, but was the first to control herself, pausing to take a pensive drag on
her cigarette, then blowing the smoke confidently in the air.

"They call it the Carousel because Becky and I are like horses, running
around and around the store all day cleaning and stocking shelves and things.
People like to come and watch us run," she grinned at her own joke and winked
at Geoff, who was having trouble controlling his laughter.

"Yeah, that's right, Geoff, " said Charlie with all seriousness, while
placing his arm around Joan and hugging her to his side.

"The one I've got goes up and down, too, and I really enjoy the ride!"

It was now Joan's turn to blush as their laughter began again.

"Ouch! That hurt! You're wicked, woman!" Charlie suddenly backed away from
Joan. Becky couldn't tell what had gone on under the table, but anything she
could think of she found extremely funny. Poor Geoff was nearly crying from
the continued mirth, and she shared happily in the fun that Joan and Charlie
always brought with them wherever they went. Things eventually calmed down
and the conversation turned to more mundane things. Becky became more
conscious of Geoff's body there next to her as everyone talked. It was a good
feeling, sitting next to a guy again, and removed some of the lonliness that
had trapped her spirit so completely in the recent past.

"Here it is, honey!" Joan exclaimed as the strains to the old song "Sail
Away" began to play. She pumped her cigarette twice and then inhaled deeply
while she snuffed it out in the ashtray, and the two lovebirds rose to go out
on the dancefloor.

"They are so cute, " Becky said.

"That's a song from the 70's. The Styx did it. I guess it must mean a lot to
them," replied Geoff. Then they began discussing music. Becky learned that
Geoff was a fan of Springsteen songs, many of which she enjoyed, too. She
continued to be captivated by his beautiful eyes while they talked. Geoff
took out a cigarette, which reminded Becky of her pack of ultralights, so she
did likewise. A flame suddenly appeared in front of her face, and she leaned
into it to light her cigarette, then inhaled and thanked him, finally turning
to blow a thin cloud out into the air.

The music continued its soft strains and they could see Joan and Charlie
holding each other closely and gently swaying. Suddenly, the song changed
time completely and became a strong rock melody, and Becky watched in awe as
the couple separated and Joan began to whirl around in a circle, her flowing
grey hair spreading out into a umbrella that surrounded her head while she
held her hands high in the air, clapping. As she watched the amazing woman
dance like a 20-yr old, Becky took a long drag on her cigarette and inhaled
all of it. Then she blew out a thicker cloud than usual and watched it sail
out into the air underneath the lights.

Unknown to Becky, who remained transfixed on Joan's dancing, Geoff's eyes
were watching her smoke with a look of intense desire and passion.



CONTINUED

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