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Critical Times an4@anon.lelnet.com Clarissa was taking her six am walk when she saw the woman sitting on the park bench. The bench looked out on the sound, and in the summer time it was rarely empty- except at this time of the morning. She was beautiful, this slender, wild-haired woman. Although Clarissa could see only part of her profile she could see that the woman was full-breasted. Her face had an odd effervescent quality, but she looked sad, sitting there with her arm over the back of the bench, lit cigarette in hand. Incongruously, she was wearing a well-wore pair of Nike Air Windrunners which looked to have several hundred miles on them. Clarissa found herself drawn to this woman, who was dressed in a black mock- turtleneck and khakis. With her free hand, she was scrawling something onto a Newton, looking as though the external world was a nothing more than a disjointed, distant memory. She began walking across the dew-stained grass, oblivious to the wetness of the morning. The grass, freshly cut yesterday, left green stains on her own running shoes. As she approached she tried to smile, but as it would have been forced, she gave it up as a bad job. "Hello," Angel said, turning around just before the girl was going to speak. She was about sixteen- a few days short- and quite attractive. Angel put the Newton down and smiled at her disarmingly. It was nice to have a distraction so early in the day, especially one who was interested in what she was holding so casually in her right hand. Bringing the cigarette to her lips, she inhaled deeply, enjoying the hit. It had been an hard run today- no mere maintenance romp but a real out and out five mile sprint which made her realise it was time to get new sneaks. Her exhale carried in the heavy morning air, coating it with the sweet smell of second-hand smoke. Clarissa was an attractive girl. A few days short of a birthday, she carried herself with the air of someone who lived with a nagging curiosity about something. Of course, it was not just about something- it was about something very specific, exactly the thing which Angel was most likely to be able to help her with. "Hi. I hope I'm not interrupting you-" "Of course not. I was just reviewing my schedule for the day. Have a seat- you look like you could use an ear- or a shoulder, Clarissa." The girl didn't notice the use of her name. She did sit down next to Angel, who slid just far enough away from the girl to ensure that there was some distance between them. It was nice that the girl seemed to have no fear of strangers, but these days it was always best not to give anyone anything to talk about. Sad, but propriety was en vogue again. "You don't really know why it is that you came over here, do you ?" It would have been perfectly naturally for the teenager to lie- they weren't in general a breed willing to admit to being caught out. But Clarissa just smiled wanly and said "No, I don't. I just saw you over here and thought- well, you looked lonely." This time Angel indulged in a display inhale and a well-sculpted nose exhale. Although the cigarette was half gone, she was able to hold it with some degree of style. The look in the girl's eyes would have told Angel what she needed to know even if such cues weren't actually necessary. "Do you believe in coincidence, Clarissa ?" The girl thought about this for a moment and then nodded. Angel appreciated this philosophical naivete. She couldn't really remember back to when she'd last felt that way, although she was sure that there had been some innocent point in her life when the fact that Santa Claus looked just like Uncle James was something that could be written off in any one of a dozen easy to grasp ways. Sometimes the world seems so unreal, I can touch it but it has no feel. Angel hated these incongruous thoughts, which were at times beyond ignoring. "I don't. You came here for a reason- just as I sat here for a reason." This wasn't really the conversation that Clarissa was expecting this time of morning. Normally though, she would have stuck to her own beliefs, but looking into this other woman's eyes she saw the very things she often wanted. She knew she was smart, but there were times when all the intelligence in the world just didn't make up for not being an adult. Those moments of realisation generally struck without warning. She would be listening to mom talk to the stock broker or daddy explain to a friend why he'd suddenly switched jobs six months ago and realise that there were things she'd simply have to experience to understand. It was the difference between laughing at a sexual entendre because it was dirty and laughing at it because it spoke to some experience in your own life. And there were times that Clarissa didn't even think full-blown adults appreciated the knowledge they seemed to collect. "So tell me then, why am I here ?" Angel allowed her exhale to drift over the girl, who didn't move to avoid it in the least. "You're interested in something that I'm doing. Smoking." Clarissa thought about that. Thought hard. Mom smoked. Dad smoked a pipe, although Clarissa still wasn't sure that was really smoking. Her older sisters Noreen and Vania smoked. It ran in the family. But why would have seeing this woman smoking arose her curiosity ? She saw people smoking all the time, had friends who smoke outside school between periods and when they hang out- She had been thinking about what it would be like recently, but not in a serious way. Or was that really true ? No, it was entirely casual. Wasn't it ? "Maybe." Angel drew on the cigarette, shrinking it further. Her exhale carried straight into Clarissa this time, ensuring that she would smell even more smoky than she already did. "No maybes. You try and be honest with me and I can provide you with what you're looking for this morning." Clarissa knew she should have been wigged out. This woman was playing some sort of `I know what you're thinking' game. But right now Clarissa was not interested in playing Scully to this other woman's Mulder and tell her that she was way off base. That ascribing nothing to coincidence lay just one step short of going mad. Because she wasn't. Whatever this woman was, mad wasn't part of it. Clarissa wasn't sure that she understood how she knew that. Maybe it was just the utterly sane look in her eyes. Perhaps it was the smile on her face which never quite left the corner of lips- a smile which was oddly, preternaturally sad. "I'm curious about your smoking, I guess." Angel drew on the cigarette. She pulled the portable ashtray from her purse because she'd soon have to give up one this one and light another. "Curious ? How so ?" Clarissa signed and stretched her neck. She did not want this be long or drawn out, did not want this woman to give her an hard time or make this embarrassing. The urge to have walked over here might be inexplicable, but now she was here, and she intended to make the most of the effort she'd already made, regardless if this woman's bemused foreknowing. "I- my parents smoke. I have two older sisters who smoke. I think all of us have assumed at one point or another I'll start smoking. I mean, 35 percent of all high school kids smoke, and given my family history, it only makes sense- but right now I feel like-" "You're not quite ready ?" "Something like that, yes." "Maybe you're also thinking that it was time you changed that idea about yourself, no ?" Clarissa smiled. That was exactly what she had been thinking. Wasn't it ? "Tell me what smoking is like- and tell me your name." Angel stubbed her cigarette out in the little round ashtray and then extended her hand. "My name is Angel." As soon as Clarissa was done shaking her hand, Angel lit another cigarette, taking her time, allowing the white length of it to dangle between her lips for a few seconds before snatching it away with the requisite flair. "Smoking is like- well, smoking is like discovery. There this thing that other people do- some well, some poorly- that is a complete mystery until you have the opportunity to try it for yourself. And the one thing you need to do before you give it a go is wipe away all the images you have of other people doing it because otherwise-" "I might never start. I know exactly what you mean. My older sister Vania has a friend- her ex-boyfriend, David. He smokes Newports. Short, stubby cigarettes with that cork filter. He doesn't so much smoke as he attacks his cigarettes. He lets the ash get long, holds the cigarette by the middle- he flicks the ash away with his third finger. I hate watching him smoke because it just makes me think that I would never want to look like that, you know ?" "Exactly. Some people just shouldn't smoke. I watch people and all I can think of is that they can't possibly enjoy it. They always look angry and kind of disgusting when they smoke." "Well, that doesn't encourage me. What if I turned out to be that sort of a smoker ?" Angel supposed it was a fair question, but one look at Clarissa told you all you needed to know about her- and that was that you needn't worry she would turn out that way. No, this was a young woman who would very much know what to do once she got a cigarette in her hand- just like her mother and sisters. Which was where Angel went. "I think if you look at the way your mom and your sisters smoke you can make a little bit of a guess as to what sort of smoker you're going to make as well, and I don't think it's an ugly one, do you ?" The moment of corruption was now at hand. The girl was vacillating, but not for long. She was close to coming over, which was precisely the moment Angel was always primed for. A little nudge, a bit of support, and she would take the first tentative steps down the necessary path. Angel felt no excitement. Just a rigid need to promulgate fruition. Still, it was enjoyable, wasn't it ? The girl smiled. "Would you mind- I hate to impose on you, being a stranger and all, but-" "Would you like a cigarette ?" Angel asked, her tone neutral. "Yes, actually, I would. You know," she added, watching Angel draw deeply on her own cigarette once again, "it's funny. I work down at the Barnes and Noble- better money than baby sitting- plus all the books you can read. But all the women I work with are smokers. They take their little smoke breaks three or four times a day and sometimes I'd just like to be able to join them-" "You can," Angel said, smiling. "Any time you want." "How about I try it here first ?" "I think that's a great idea. But I don't want to put any pressure on you-" "I think I'd rather you did put pressure on me. That's what's always been missing. Mom never pressures me about smoking- I think she's afraid to talk about smoking, and my sisters- well, they just scorn my lack of curiosity without providing any encouragement, you know." "Well then, I absolutely insist that you sit here and smoke with me. I won't take no for an answer." "That's better." Angel handed her cigarettes and lighter to Clarissa, who took them from her with shaking hands. She pulled three cigarettes from the pack in a clumsy manner, replacing two, managing not to bend or crease them, for which Angel was thankful. She hated drawing an imperfect cigarette from the pack- she wouldn't be caught dead smoking a mangled cigarette under any normal circumstance. There was no wind. It was a perfectly calm day, the sort of morning for which summer had been implicitly invented. The lighter flared briefly. Clarissa did a fine job of lighting her cigarette, catching the tobacco without searing the end of the cigarette, creating a perfect round burning cylinder at the end. Angel disliked that blocky beginning. Her first inhale was always deep enough to ensure that she would be able to immediately trim the ash to create a cone at the end of the cigarette. Clarissa did precisely this. Years of being surrounded by smokers, of breathing in their smoke, made her able to draw smoke directly into her lungs. She handed the lighter back as she pulled the cigarette from her mouth. She held the tip between the first two fingers of her hand, down very close to the end, leaving exactly the amount she would need to place the cigarette between her lips again. She held the cigarette away from her body with bent wrist and it was instantly clear that the girl would indeed make an attractive smoker. She exhaled gracefully, the smoke escaping from between pursed lips in a gentle way. She was a feminine smoker as well, all the better. They needed more of her type, girls who took smoking seriously and endeavoured to do it with a certain degree of style. "That was easy enough," Angel said, drawing on her own cigarette again, enjoying the way the smoke enlivened her entire body. Inhaling again, Clarissa's face took on a cherubic glow. She rested her head against Angel's shoulder and the older woman found herself arroused by the innocence and enjoyment mingled on Clarissa's face. "Thank you," Clarissa said, speaking and exhaling as one. Angel ignored the stirring inside and tousled the girl's long, luxurious hair, thinking safe, neutral thoughts. "Any time." It was a sad scene that Angel walked in on. It had little effect on her. The police had already been here, taking their pictures, marking this and that with tape measured dimensions. They'd then gone their way, leaving behind only yellow `Police Line- Do Not Cross' tape. The room still stank of death. There was blood on the cracked mirror across from the bed and the water service and complimentary stationary had been strewn on the floor. The body had come to rest, if such a grisly final disposition could be so blandly described, on the floor to the left of the dresser. It was gone now. Blood stained the faded wallpaper. He had probably been dead when he hit the floor. That was how it was with head shots, after all. Death didn't wait for men whose brains had been exposed to light of day. Angel allowed herself to become a part of the place. It had happened quickly. The agent had broken in the door without announcing herself, gun in hand. He'd been straightening his tie- Angel had once told him that his ties would be the death of him, not so much out of cruelty as because she'd seen something once while they were playing poker. He'd reached into the pot to draw it to him, sure that his three nines constituted a winning hand. He was something of a card counter- a perfect compliment to his mathematical skills, but Angel had been careful enough to chose an ace from her sleeve which had not yet been played because she had palmed it while shuffling. She'd brushed his hand and seen his future with an acuity that was annoying. What she really wanted to see was the next hand, because he had half a week of her pay by his elbow, but these sorts of gifts, if you were so inclined to view them as such, never worked that way. Instead she saw him lying in a blood puddle in a mid-range hotel room, one hand still on his fucking tie, a three hundred dollar silk tie from Nordstrom's festooned with early twentieth century cigar box etchings and bits of his skull. Being that he had checked in to the hotel under an assumed named, cash up front, she was the only reason they hadn't had to go to the dental records to identify him. His humidor was next to the bed. That had been a gift from an old girlfriend, a blonde with pert breasts and a taste for the same Italian cigars he often indulged in. Angel walked across the room and pulled one out- there were only three left, and the police had surely noted this fact, but right now she didn't care. She needed to get inside his mind and do the hardest thing- look backwards instead of forwards, see things as they'd been, not as they should be, without the benifit of any person's memories to make the job unavoidably easy. As she bit the end off the cigar she found herself wondering about the concept of fate again. Had she been able to talk him out of ever wearing that tie, would this have ended differently ? Did seeing a possible future require such an adherence to detail ? If he'd been wearing a string tie, would he have been out the door before the woman whose face she couldn't see yet came to kill him ? The answer was to light the cigar, which Angel did. She rarely indulged herself this way- the cigar would take the better part of an hour to smoke and leave her spent- a nice sort of spent, but spent none the less. She had to remind herself not to inhale, but rather just enjoy the thick smoke. This was usually a Sunday morning thing, two or three times a year, usually in the dead of winter with a pot of strong tea- into which plenty of brandy would be added- and the New York Times. One could kill a lot of time with a good cigar and a real newspaper. Pulling on it, she drank the smoke and then held it, closing her eyes and lying back on the bed. Mark Hamron was a singular man. She began to feel him, because something of him besides his blood was still here. He'd been very horny last night- he hadn't been home in weeks and hadn't got laid in months. The stench of unrequited sexuality was everywhere. He'd done the pay per view porno last night, intending to masturbate not out of enjoyment but to relieve the pressure only a unsated forty year old man could know. But he hadn't. The porno hadn't been good enough to enjoy, and hadn't been bad enough to, as he termed it, `jack off.' So he'd sat and watched it because he'd paid for it, drinking three dollar beers from the honor bar in the fridge and wondering why in the hell he'd been told to come here. That was the one thing Angel knew. They were to have met this morning. She had called at six am and been told that he'd been shot- probably a few moments before he went to grab a quick breakfast at McDonald's. It was frustrating. Angel had needed him to do something for her. Now, not only would that thing either go undone or need to be done by her- a distasteful notion- but she had his death to unravel. The shooter had called in the murder. That much she was sure of. They'd made a tape of the call available and Angel could here it in her voice. The anonymous 911. "A man's been shot." What Angel heard instead was the truth. "I've shot a man." She'd used a land line, a pay phone across the street. No one remembered seeing her- no one would. Except Mark. She drew on the cigar again, cheating a little. You couldn't really inhale, not unless you were hoping to make yourself sick, but you could allow a small portion of the smoke to trickle into your waiting lungs. It was a more devastating feeling than a cigarette, but the smoke was not as sweet. Still, it was enjoyable. As she did this, she saw her face. The woman was sloppy. She'd let Mark turn around- perhaps even on purpose. Her eyes were the sort which reminded Angel of that Amy person, another FBI agent whose role in this shortening time was so very important to all of them. No, she had to look the man in the eyes before she emptied them of life. A short brunette who worked out. A little Tae Kwon Do- she'd kicked the door open with a strength which belied her slightish frame. Her long hair dangled down onto mid-sized breasts she privately thought too small. She'd performed the hit with a professional ease, but she was not, by and large, a killer. Not as Mark was, and she'd spent hours studying his record so that she could find the nerve to to do what needed doing. Yes, Mark, although meant just to be a bag man today, had killed more than his share of the unbelievers and the obstacles. Angel didn't let herself get too far into this sort of thinking. She knew what the woman looked like and she knew as well where to find her. That was all she required from this place. She drew on the cigar again and walked out, ducking under the police tape and slipping back to her car unnoticed, although the sun was high in the sky now and there were people milling about. They turned their backs to her without understanding what compulsion had forced them to move their feet. She took a set of ankle cuffs on a long chain from the trunk of her car and then drove her rental slowly away, wishing for simpler times. Yes, it would have been nice to just shoot the bitch who'd killed Mark, but that would solve nothing except to relieve the nagging itch in Angel's furiously calculating brain. The car was parked across the street from Lattimer Hall. Inside, a certain professor was anxiously awaiting the arrival of Mark Hamron, waiting in vain for a man when it would be a woman who secured his retirement plans. He could wait an hour longer. Angel had other business to attend to. Of course, the woman wasn't a smoker. If she was, she would have an enjoyment to wile away the time with. Her loss. Angel was parked a block further down. She began to concentrate, to wrap herself inside herself. No one would see her, not that any of the students were down here in the academic quarter at this time of day in the middle of summer. No, they were out on the quad, drinking beer and getting stoned and listening to Ben Folds Five blaring out the window of a frat house. In Angel's day, it had been Talking Heads- `Burning Down the House.' Every goddamned day until she hated the song, which was five or six years out of date at the time, a legacy CD from the heady eighties. She walked up to the four door sedan unseen. A few seconds later there was an audible ka-chunk as the electric lock was disengaged by the woman, whose name was- Janice Lester. Yes, Janice, although her friends and co-workers- one and the same- called her Janey. Angel slipped into the car and that was when Janey first saw her, the look of shock on her face both comical and alarmist. A how in the hell did that happen look. Drawing on her cigarette, Angel pushed the barrel of the automatic deep into the fake leather back of the seat, although Janey wouldn't be able to feel it. "Judging from the location of your neck, I can safely say that if I fire my gun now, I'll nick your spine and the exit wound will blow a hole in stomach. I'm sure that you don't want the long slow lingering death of a stomach wound while you can't feel your feet or legs. So very slowly start the car and drive until I tell you to stop." "Who the fuck are you ?" Angel didn't allow herself any emotion. Not now. Time and necessity both forbade it. "Mark Hamron's old poker buddy. Drive." The woman considered her options. Annoyed, Angel shifted the gun over a few inches and discharged it. The silencer avoided the gunshot drawing attention. The bullet tore through the seat and blew a nice hole in the plastic vent above the radio before disappearing into the innards of the ventilation system. "Drive, please." They reached the bottom lot of the cemetery. The caretaker was in the upper section, drunk off his ass, chipping hundred year old stones with the deadly blade of a Toro riding mower. Angel had been in town two or three times before and checked the cemetery out on the hutch that it would be perfect for this type of work. "Place your hands behind your head. I'm going to make this easy. Do as I say, and I won't simonise the inside of your brain pan." "You'll have to shoot me," Janey said. Angel knew what she was thinking. I put my hands behind my head, she cuffs me and goes gangland on my skull. It was what Angel would have done, in any other reality but this one. In this one, she needed to replace Mark, and this woman, with a few modifications, would do the trick. Not today, certain. No, she would personally have to walk a mile or two in his thirty centimetre shoes. "Put your hands behind your head and you live. Don't, and I walk back to Professor Advent's cramped corner office. I don't mind the exercise. You choose." "You're going to kill me anyway." "No, they were going to kill you anyway. As soon as you'd eliminated the threat to Advent's research being completed properly, they would have had to. What you would have eventually discovered would have tainted you. Look, let's save the philosophical meanderings for when next we meet." Janey did as she was told. Angel had already slipped the chain through the rear door handle, a nice closed loop. The chain was the perfect length. She cuffed the woman and saw that she would be unable to draw her hands over her head. Just as well if she didn't try. Were she to somehow succeed she would only choke herself to death. Angel slid up over the long seat, opened the ashtray, and put out her cigarette. She then drew another one from the pack and lit it casually. She put it in her left hand and slipped her arm around Janey, sliding close, glad for the automatic sedan's make out seat. "What are you doing ?" Janey asked, real panic in her voice. Of course there was. She was in a special unit of the bureau after all, one where the drug testing the agents underwent had a special target. "You smoked for five years, right, Janey ?" "How do you know that, or me ?" Rather than lie, Angel allowed a bit of unfettered truth to seep into their conversation. "I read your mind. Your sister Wilma started you when you were a junior in high school, and you smoked your first two years of college. Then one summer day while you were doing a criminal psychology seminar, you were approached. Someone from the bureau. They told you that they were very interested, but that you'd have to quit that nasty smoking habit, which after a few false starts, you did. Am I right so far ?" Janey had some courage at least, Angel realised. She looked her straight in the eyes. Her green orbs were still full of fear, but no longer of death. "Do you miss it ? Getting up in the morning, having a cigarette with your Hazelnut Cinnamon coffee ? Do lie in bed at night and masturbate patiently thinking about yourself smoking just one cigarette ? Do you keep an unopened pack in the house, hoping that someday the bastards you work for will transfer you ?" The answer to all those questions was yes. Janey's eyes traveled to the cigarette. "I can't. One cigarette and I test positive. They'll have my badge." "You don't need to work for them- for her. You've met her, haven't you ? Did you know there's another side to the bureau. I have a- connection. I can make a call. A deputy director named Arose. A transfer. A different life. No more waking up in a cold sweat at one twenty one in the morning, dying for something you haven't had in five years. She'd kill you inside a week, but not if he shows interest. He has some political power, even over her." "I can't. You know that." Angel undid the button fly of Janey's jeans. "Of course you can." She began slowly working on Janey while reaching the cigarette out the open window and trimming the ash. Although neither of them had any of- those sexual tendencies- Angel knew that a little persuasion was in order. She reached her neck across Janey and drew on the cigarette and then kissed her while her hand contorted with near magic precision. The FBI agent writhed under Angel but inhaled the smoke and the woman's tongue, kissing her back hard and exhaling the smoke through her nose. When Angel broke the kiss, Janey turned her head and accepted the cigarette gratefully. She drew deeply and they kissed again as Janey twisted under Angel's gentle ministrations. She became wet quickly and her orgasm came just before Angel had to switch hands to stub the cigarette out. She lit another and they kissed again, one smoky kiss after another, and Angel continued to pleasure the other woman. Before her second orgasm, Angel undid the cuffs and she soon found herself naked from the waist down under Janey, who was quite talented with her own hands. They kissed and smoked until Janey was spent, or so she thought. Angel twisted underneath her, the smoking forgotten for the moment as she found the right position for both of them to be able to reach the other. Angel exercised her tongue in a way that was rare for her, probing deeply, while Janey used a combination of tongue and finger which was maddeningly pleasurable. It was the sort of combined effort that few men could understand, much less mimic. Finally her own orgasm carried her away. When she was finished with Janey, the woman lit them two cigarettes, looking positively cute as they dangled between her fulsome lips. She handed one to Angel, who started the car and began driving them back to the university as they dressed. Smoke poured from her mouth the entire way, as though she might make up for years of wasted repression. As she passed through the gates she heard the grating sound of dull metal on old granite and smiled at the utter dependability of the human species. Angel called Arose from from her car and the transfer was in place before the day was over. He sounded as though he'd yet to recover from their meeting, and while there was more than a little anger in his voice, but he promised to help Janey. Angel imagined Carter knew better than to disobey her wishes. As Angel cut the call, she wondered if he really understood what he was doing. She devoutly hoped not. Clarissa was standing outside the bookstore, smoking a Virginia Slims 120 from her first pack of cigarettes. Angel had just walked out. She'd decided to go back and read Thackeray's Vanity Fair again- two days work at least, and she had some beach time coming. "Have you told your mother yet ?" Angel asked disarmingly from behind, startling the girl. "Christ, you scared me, Angel. I was thinking that I'd just be waiting for her when she comes to pick me up, smoking. She'll get the message." "That long cigarette looks good." "I saw them in a magazine ad. Details, I think. I thought that I wanted something long and white. Distinguished. And these take longer to smoke- so longer breaks, you know ?" She drew on the cigarette and Angel admitted to the girl that the look was perfect. "You should think about modeling those when you turn eighteen, you know ?" "I hear they don't let the models actually smoke the cigarettes." "They do these days. And all models smoke. It's a rule." "I want to thank you, Angel." Thanks was not a thing Angel liked, but in this case, she was willing to make an exception. "You can repay the favour." She handed the girl one of Professor Advent's cards. "What's this ?" "I bet that your grades are pretty good." Clarissa drew on the cigarette again and smiled as Angel lit one of her own. "What makes you-" "A girl who works in a bookstore because she can read the books free ?" "True. What does Professor Advent do ?" Angel inhaled, paused, nose exhaled. "He's just picked up a major grant to research the link between teenage smoking and improved cognitive functions. He's looking for girls like you, and he pays well." There was a lot more to why Angel wanted the professor to get together with Clarissa, but neither of them needed to know that now. "I'll call him." "Promise ?" Angel said through her exhale. "Promise." Clarissa said, drawing on the cigarette again. "Then my work here is done." For now, Angel added silently, and left. Knowing full well she would be back, sooner than anyone thought. |
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