Jamie, Part 3

Subject:	 Jamie - Part Three (Revised)
Date:	 11/21
Time:	 01:48 AM

Jamie's Revenge

Talia and I found a couple of lounge chairs and applied some SPF15 to 
each other.  In this tropical sun, we'd still get a tan through that 
but shouldn't burn too badly.  This morning we settled for virgin 
pina colotas.  We'd hadn't ordered them that way but that's how they 
came.  I might have to find that phone number if this persists. 

She replayed for me how she'd convinced her mom of my wayward ways.  
There's a real payoff to seldom 'calling wolf'.  She'd overcome a 
barrage of 'But, are you sure?' and sold her the package.  I must say 
I was impressed.  Act I was now a wrap and I was in the wings.  I 
just hoped that my performance could be equally persuasive.  She 
rehearsed me for more than an hour during which time I noticed that 
the last three cigarettes left in the half pack she'd given me the 
night before were now history.  Without protest I accepted yet 
another partial pack from her as we concluded the dress rehearsal.

I was frankly surprised how quickly I was getting comfortable smoking.
  First I'd been sitting up to smoke but before long I discovered ... 
okay, by mimicking Talia ... that I could also smoke while sunning my 
back.  With the ashtray, my replenished cigarette supply, and lighter 
beneath my chaise lounge and all visible through the crosshatched 
chair fabric, I could light up, inhale, and exhale face down through 
the webbing with a damp towel still cooling and protecting the back 
of my neck and head.  Why my mom had fought so hard to guard this 
guilty pleasure, was no longer such a mystery to me.  

Since by smoking I was only doing what I was expected to do, I wasn't 
risking serious trouble, but I maintained some caution none-the-less. 
 I wasn't about to give mom the satisfaction of knowing until I'd 
extracted my due.  And with mom and Jaz lunching together, it would 
only be a matter of time until all hell broke loose.  I'd been 
keeping a constant vigil so when I spotted them coming it was easy to 
extinguish my half smoked B&H and ditch the ashtray.  The "Jamison 
LeeAnn, come to the cabin with me right now" told the whole story.  
Now it was my turn to play Sara Bernhardt.

"She said what?  You've gotta be kidding.  You can't possibly believe 
her, can you?  What a bitch.  I really thought Talia was my friend.  
Do you honestly believe that little ass.  You know how much I hate 
cigarettes.  Why would you believe that I'd use other drugs.  She's 
setting me up.  You gotta believe me mom.  You gotta.  Who's more 
likely to be smoking dope?  Me that hates smoking or Talia who's a 
smoker?  Think about it.  I wouldn't even know how to inhale."  And 
camouflaging a little piece of onion in my Kleenex, I broke out in 
tears as I walked toward the door.

"And just where do you think you're going, young lady" she fired back.
  "I want you to look me in the eye and swear that none of this is 
true." 

And so I turned around with a completely transformed demeanor and 
looked her boldly in the eye and said confidently "Mother, none of 
Talia's story is true."

"So what you mean is that the drugs were Tally's, not yours.  Is that 
what you mean?" she questioned as she puffed out a little uninhaled 
smoke before double pumping viciously on her freshly lit cigarette.  


"No mother" I responded now matter-of-factly, "there simply were no 
drugs.  Not my drugs.  Not Talia's drugs.  No drugs.  Period." 

Obviously confused and frustrated, in loud tones she retorted.  
"You'd damn well better explain yourself.  Why would Tally make up 
such a tale?  Tell me that, will you?"

Smiling and maintaining my ultra-cool ... though suddenly feeling the 
urge for a cigarette what with mom's no longer unpleasant smelling 
smoke brandished in my face ... I continued, "Talia didn't make up 
that story."  Then staring her down through another one of her 
tempting and tantalizing puffs, I finished "I did."  

And she just looked at me dumbfounded before finally shaking her head 
and saying "I don't get it.  I don't get it at all.  Why the devil 
would you want your mother to believe that you're an addict?  Do you 
know ..." 

Interrupting, I responded succinctly "Because I thought that's what 
you wanted, mother dearest.  I'd heard that you wanted me to be an 
addict or don't cigarettes count?  Want to tell me you aren't 
addicted to those smelly Marlboro's of yours?" I finished, struggling 
with maintaining my self-righteousness about the evils of smoking.  
"Think about that for a while, would you mom?" I commented in quiet 
indignation then left the room in search of Talia, a cigarette, and a 
good laugh.  Act II was short, sweet, and successful.

Sylvie Rebounds 

Jaz was still in her room, the adult room, whatever, when I arrived.  
Jamie had swung by to get Talia moments before but they were already 
long out of sight.  "I've never been so humiliated in all my life" I 
said "and by my twelve year old daughter yet.  Can you believe that 
those monsters set me up like they did?"

"I'm as amazed as you are" Jaz responded.  "Talia came clean with me 
when we returned to the room.  You don't have to like what they did 
but you do have to admit that it was clever.  You aren't the only one 
to be embarrassed though.  Between letting slip your plan and buying 
into Talia's tale, I get at least a second class buffoon button." 

"I've got to tell you Jaz, the kid did hit home.  I'm oblivious to my 
own habit or addiction or whatever it is, yet I was ready to hang her 
at just the thought of illegal drugs.  I guess I'm going to have to 
reexamine my smoking ... but not during this vacation.  None-the-less,
 I think I'll make that commitment to her tonight."

"Good idea" Jaz said monotonically, turning away unexplainably with 
what might have been a slight smile.  "Why don't you do that?" she 
responded.  "I'm sure she'll be pleased, but for now just enjoy 
yourself.  That's what we came here for.  Remember?"  And we headed 
to the bar to do just that.  

Again not knowing what adventures the evening might bring, I returned 
to the room for a late afternoon nap.  Around six thirty Jaz woke me 
up and suggested that I get dressed.  She said the girls had gone to 
do so quite a while ago and that we were to meet them at dining room 
two at seven thirty.

I made the timing but just barely.  I'd intended to wear my most 
revealing olive green cocktail dress this evening but apparently I 
hadn't moved it from the other cabin.  With no time to dash down to 
the other room, I made do with the black one, still buttoning it as I 
struggled down the hall after Jaz.  

The girls were already there.  And there too was my olive green 
cocktail dress as well as matching pumps, diamond earrings, and my 
grandmother's pearl necklace, promised but not yet given to Jamie.  
And at the core of the outfit was Jamie, barely recognizable as the 
little girl I'd brought on board yesterday.  Her raven hair bunned, 
lips glowing a complementary pinot noir, and green eyes set off like 
emeralds.  I stared stunned, approvingly, and perhaps just a little 
'green eyed' myself.  Never again would I experience that blossoming 
radiance.  But parental pride won out quickly over personal envy.  

The two girls sat alone at the table appearing for all the world to 
be emergent debutantes.  They looked the part; they acted the part; 
they only came up short in years.  "You two both look fabulous" I 
said as Jaz echoed agreement.  As she addressed Tally I sat down next 
to Jamie and literally couldn't take my eyes off of her.  "Honey" I 
said "I'm so sorry about the past two days.  I didn't mean to hurt 
you.

I've been so lonely since the divorce and I didn't want to lose you 
too.  Maybe it's stupid but especially after seeing the adult kind of 
relationship that Jaz and Tal have, I wanted the same for us.  As 
long as you harangued about my smoking, it was just getting worse.  I 
figured that just like them, smoking might bring us together rather 
than drive us apart.  I guess that was a pretty dumb idea, wasn't it?
"

Jamie's Choreography 

"You're forgiven mom"  I said.  "I understand.  I really do.  
Sometimes we've maybe fought more than we should have but you've 
always been there for me.  Tally and I've been talking the past 
couple of days and I think it's time that I do something for you."  
And turning to Talia on my other side, I picked up her Benson & 
Hedges and tapped two out.  Smiling, we brought the long white 
filters to our painted lips in unison as Tally's lighter flamed hot.  


Perpetuating the suspense, she first lit her cigarette, swallowed a 
monstrous white cloud, then released a stream that pranced in the 
chandelier.  Now leaning forward, I met the extended dancing flame 
with the tip of my cigarette, hypnotized by the igniting glow and 
then too proceeded to inhale.  The draw and the mouth open swallow 
were no less refined than Tally's as I then turned directly toward 
mom and showered her as she had me so many times.  "Maybe not that 
dumb an idea" came my long delayed response.  "At least not while 
we're out at sea."   

Greeting me was a face of total bewilderment.  Prolonging the pause, 
I enjoyed another monstrous inhale with smoke then streaming from my 
mouth as if on a mission with just a hint escaping my nose.  
Enveloped by my emission, a little smile formed in the corner of her 
mouth.  "We'll I'll be damned" was about all she could get out.

Still not playing my hole card, I commented "After talking with Tally 
last night I decided that in all fairness to you I'd try and smoke on 
the cruise.  Just for these few days.  Of course, I'd still like you 
to try to not smoke when we get back.  I know how hard it is for you 
to think about quitting when you really don't want to so I'm not 
going to hold you to any promise or anything.  Let's just have a 
whole lot of fun these next few days and worry about next week when 
it comes."  I’d placed the rope around her neck.  That’s all I needed 
for now.  

As the denouement to Act III, I removed the Bic that Jaz had given me 
earlier and a fresh pack of B&H's from my purse.  The lighter resting 
on the table, I proceeded to pack the cigarettes against my wrist in 
faux nonchalance then placed them prominently next to my wine glass.  
Oh such wicked fun.  Only mom failed to see the Oscar quality of 
these actions and my last couple of insincere comments.  Tally and 
Jaz both knew I was already close to hooked and were simply enjoying 
our continuing game.  Finally mom replied.  "I'm flabbergasted.  I 
can't believe that anybody can learn to smoke like that.  Not that 
quickly."

"Tally's quite a good teacher, isn't she?" I complimented straight 
faced, to the barely containable amusement of my accomplices.

"Unbelievable" was all she could utter and then she continued "I'm 
tired of all these little secrets and confidences.  Let me say right 
here and now that if next week when we get home you still want me to 
quit, then I'll give it my best effort.  I decided that this 
afternoon." 

Ironically, mom chattered on and on about all kinds of things, 
including quitting smoking, as she watched my first public 
performance.  She knew that she was rambling but it allowed her to 
observe my every move.  I didn't disappoint her.  My inhales were 
considerable with opened mouth verification.  My exhales were equally 
proficient spanning multiple breaths and alternately exiting my mouth 
then my nose.  I held my cigarette upright, rounded the ash off 
smoothly, and looked the role of a lady.  She didn't disengage for a 
second until my nicely ruby stained butt was stubbed cold in the 
ashtray with this final exhale emphatically released through my nose.


Her meandering soliloquy was nearing completion but we never really 
got there.  Just as I was about to goad mom with an "I'm sure I'll 
still want you to quit", the two guys from last night that Tal and I 
suspected that our moms got to know quite well, joined the table.  We 
let them slip in next to our moms and just as we moved across the 
table, two hunks who had been watching us on deck all day came 
sliding into the remaining two chairs.  We did no more than raise our 
eyebrows for public consumption but shared a wink in private.  We'd 
have some fun too.  Yes, this too was a good thing.

Dinner was long, wet, and smoky.  The waiters kept filling our 
glasses with pink daiquiris all night and emptying our ashtrays with 
almost every blemish.  The boys didn't smoke ... at least not in 
public ... but couldn't take their eyes off us when we did.  Brian 
was the slighter of the two and therefore my pick.  That seemed all 
right by him too.  He loved to light my cigarette and I got pretty 
good at softly cradling his hand as he did so, each time letting my 
fingers linger a little longer.  

By dessert he was holding my hand under the table which, by the way, 
paled in comparison to what the adults were appearing to do under the 
table.  We walked the deck that night as we did almost every night 
beyond.  There was this neat little place behind the lifeboats where 
the four of us would go and neck.  As for me, that's all I did but as 
for Talia, I wasn't so sure.  The last Friday night she and Robbie 
went down to our stateroom not long after dinner and we didn't see 
them again until maybe eleven.  I figured if she wanted to tell me 
she would and she didn't.  Not then anyway.  Not until after we got 
back.

Sylvie's Reprieve

So let me finished this story off.  We live a good two hour drive 
from the docks and in not quite the same direction as Tally and Jaz 
so we each had our own car.  We stood out in the parking lot for 
almost an hour hugging and planning and smoking and laughing but 
finally we had to get going.  Our final act was to exchange small 
gifts to be opened later.  Crushing out with her red pumps what she 
obviously feared could be her last legitimate Marlboro, mom got 
reluctantly into the car.  

We chatted pretty amiably as we drove down the freeway.  Halfway home 
we stopped for gas which she suggested I pump 'cause she had to go to 
the restroom.  "Sure" I said "and so do I.  I'll join you in just a 
moment".  My little smug glance told her she wasn't fooling anybody 
and my words verified that I'd be checking up on her.  The only thing 
not too funny was that after an hour, I already wanted a cigarette 
too.  I could hardly imagine what her cravings must be like. 

Our gas tank full but nicotine gauges now well below the quarter mark,
 the second half of the journey began somewhat more tensely.  Having 
followed her into the ladies room, she hadn't cheated but her mood 
was turning darker than the threatening skies.  "Honey" she began, 
which is always a clue to a mother-daughter role reversal, "we need 
to talk about something."

Before she had a chance for another word I said "Sure but can it wait 
a minute?  I meant to open my gift the minute we were on the road and 
I forgot" which was to be my final fib, well almost final one.

And one of the world's truly painful "Okay's" ensued.  "How about if 
we open our gifts first?" I repeated reaching into the backseat for 
them while trying to camouflage my glee.  These were gifts, but to me 
not surprises.  Mom placed her package between her legs and 
successfully unwrapped it revealing a lovely gift box from the 
shipboard Cartier's.  The box alone was enough to get a reaction.  
"Oh my God, I wish Jaz wouldn't spend money so ridiculously" she said.
  "We certainly didn't shop at Cartier's for them."

Re-focusing, she snapped open the fancy box and pulled out something 
wrapped in tissue.  Unfolding the wrapping, a dark leather cigarette 
case dropped into her lap.  I caught her glimpsing in my direction 
trying to gauge my reaction.  I said nothing but let her continue to 
examine it as best she could at 65 MPH.  Etched in gold were her 
initials.  She snapped it open and looked inside.  What she found was 
a full, freshly opened pack of Marlboro 100's and along side a 
lighter.  She pulled out the lighter and it sure wasn't a Bic.  

I'd been with Jaz and Talia when they bought it and had seen the 
price tag.  It was a three digit figure.  With a special engraving on 
it that could end this charade, she fortunately couldn't examine it 
closely while driving.  Mom had absolutely no idea how to act.  
Whether to be elated over the beautiful gift or pissed off because 
she'd soon have no use for it.  She looked at me quizzically inviting 
any clue I might offer.  And offer I did, with my last little bit of 
acting.  "How cruel of them" I said.  "Knowing that you're about to 
quit, how could they have done something like that to you?  I'm 
surprised at their thoughtlessness" and grabbed it out of her hands 
dropping it into my lap.

"Honey" she crooned again, but again I cut her off.  "Let's hope they 
did better by me" I said as I began to knowingly unwrap my gift.  
When a tan leather cigarette case much like Talia's emerged from my 
box I emitted a little sneer and said "What the hell are they trying 
to do?" while silently delighted by the embossed monogram JLJ on it." 
 Continuing "They both know that we pledged to quit the minute we got 
into the car or at least they should.  How could they?"  

Next I snapped open the case to find my not unexpected pack of Benson 
and Hedges 100's, trying not to salivate too obviously at the 
alluring sight.  The charade almost over, I reached for the Bic I'd 
seen them buy me only to find it not a Bic at all, but rather a 
silver Calibri identical to mom's gold one.  And inscribed on it was 
"Love Mom" just like she would later discover that hers said "Love 
Jamie".  Wow!  How did they do that behind my back?

Mom had more attention on me than the road as this drama unfolded.  
Clearly she expected the worse.  She was barely breathing, perhaps 
anticipating me throwing them out the window in a rage.  Finally I 
looked up at her and said "Can you believe this?"  Shaking my head as 
if I were about to harangue on, I turned inquisitively toward mom and 
said in a no longer so indignant tone "So honestly now, how do you 
feel about quitting smoking?  Do you think you're up to it?  Do you 
still feel committed?"

She made an involuntary gesture toward her throat consistent with the 
snugness of the noose I was tightening.  Her mouth opened up to 
respond but again only a disconsolate "Honey" emerged before I cut 
her off for a final time.  My inquisitive tonality now replaced by a 
playful countenance, I continued.  "I really hope that  your answer 
is 'no', 'no', and 'no'.  I'd feel terrible having to smoke by myself.
" 

To mom's quiet disbelief, I dislodged first a Marlboro and then a B&H 
and placed both between my lips.  Firing up the fantastic new lighter,
 I puffed a little uninhaled Marlboro smoke out the left side of my 
mouth and B&H out the right then jerked them both erect with an 
extremely hard parallel pull, menthol and regular smoke rushing 
united into my inexorably hungry lungs.  An amazing rush, I noted for 
future reference.  Seconds shy of mom running off the road, I again 
drew deeply on the B&H while removing the Marlboro from my lips and 
carefully placing it between hers.

"Who knows.  Maybe I can even learn to like this" I offered taking 
another nourishing drag.  "Maybe if you remind me to join you on 
occasion, like maybe after dinner, I might even become a fairly 
regular smoker" I deadpanned further.  "That would still be all right 
with you wouldn't it" I concluded.  I was on a roll.  I somehow just 
couldn't put the brakes on when I was so far ahead.  My teasing 
banter seemed beyond my control.  No matter though.  She was clearly 
still pretty much zoned.    

As her lips anxiously clasped the offered Marlboro, it took no film 
to capture that look forever.  She inhaled fervently without removing 
her hands from the wheel.  I'd never seen so many inhales without any 
corresponding exhales.  Finally she first vented her window then 
withdrew the cigarette, tapping the now long ash out the window.  
Looking at me she said nothing.  Words would have done a disservice 
to the smile she extended.  I heard "I love you Jamie" none-the-less. 


At first she was much too serious and relieved to appreciate, 
recognize, or perhaps even hear my on-going silliness.  But I was 
having fun.  Even the most casual observer could tell that I was 
already beyond the point where smoking was any longer a choice and 
that my denials were mock.  Frankly, the past ninety minutes had 
probably been nearly as uncomfortable for me as they had for her.  
All she could seem to grasp at the moment however was that she'd been 
freed.  I was off her case.  That's all that mattered.  She probably 
wasn't listening to a single thing I said.  

A second cigarette followed for mom as she regained her normal 
composure.  Two cigarettes and the anti-smoking guillotine removed, 
she bounced back to life.  Her third wasn't far behind and I chose to 
join her.  I held my lighter up over the steering wheel and she 
easily reached it.  As she inhaled I began lighting my Benson & 
Hedges only to feel her grab for my arm.  "What are you doing" I 
shouted.

"Didn't you just tell me that you might get to like smoking on 
occasion like maybe having one with me in the evening?  What's this 
about a second cigarette so quickly.  I don't think it's a very good 
idea for you to start out smoking so much, especially when you don't 
even know whether you like it" she lectured sternly.

All I could do was stare at her.  Absolutely speechless.  Maybe those 
final comments I'd made had been ill advised.  Here I'd thought that 
she was going to be cool like Jaz and already we're headed for a 
showdown.  I'll be damned if she's going to manage my smoking for me. 
 She got me here.  She'd better be prepared to live with consequences.
  Isn't this exactly what she wanted in the first place.  I was 
dumbfounded.  Finally words crept from my throat and I managed a 
squeaky "You've got to be kidding me!  You can’t be serious!"  
Countless protests clamoring to cascade out, I prepared to emote 
volcanically but this time she interrupted me.

Unabashedly grinning from ear to ear, she didn't hang me out to dry 
quite the way that I had her.  "Gotcha! Gotcha! Gotcha!" she chortled,
 and she sure as hell did.  "How about we declare this game a draw 
and call a truce" she now offered from both the literal and 
figurative driver’s seat.

"Sounds right to me" I responded, relieved to be moving on.  "But 
treaties do call for smoking a peace cigarette, don’t they?" I 
postured rhetorically, re-igniting my lighter this time unobstructed. 
 And then we lived happily ever after.

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