Jess's World, Part 3

Jess's World
by Gray Haze

Part 3 - Unashamed

Jess awoke around nine the next morning.  Her chest felt heavy and she had a
real empty feeling inside her.  Jess knew the cure for this morning craving,
and she immediately reached over to her nightstand for a cigarette.  "Wow,
this feels great," Jess thought as she exhaled her first puff of the day.
Her first day as an unashamed, committed smoker.  She enjoyed a couple more
puffs while lying in bed, and then got up and put her bathrobe on while the
cigarette dangled from her lips.  She then grabbed her pack off the
nightstand and headed down to the kitchen for breakfast.  Being a Monday in
May, her sisters had already left for school.  Her mother was there reading
the morning paper while smoking a cigarette.  Jess immediately grabbed a cup
out of the cupboard, and poured herself a cup from the coffee maker.  Jess
sat down at the table and quietly enjoyed the wonderful pleasures of nicotine
and caffeine.  

When the first cigarette was finished, she crushed it out in the ashtray.
Still feeling the need for more nicotine, Jess did something that she almost
never did.  She immediately pulled out another cigarette from her pack and
lit up again.  In the past she would feel too guilty to chain smoke like that
first thing in the morning.  But those days were gone now, and the new
unashamed smoker was going to now enjoy smoking completely.  And if that
meant chaining a couple of cigarettes first thing in the morning, so be it.

"Nothing like those first few cigarette in the morning," her mother said
finally breaking the silence.

"I know," Jess responded while exhaling a huge cloud into the air.  "I don't
usually smoke like this early in the morning, but for some reason, one just
wasn't enough today."

"Tell me about it," her mother said as she lit up again herself.  "It usually
takes me four or five in a row before I get my nicotine level up to my
accustomed level."

"Wow mom, you really do smoke a lot!"

"Three packs a day," her mother replied through a billowing exhale.

"I guess I never really thought about your smoking much," Jess replied.
"Sure, growing up seeing you with a cigarette in you hand was a natural
thing, but until now, I never really thought of you as that heavy of a
smoker."

"Well Jess, I told you that I smoke as much as I need to completely enjoy
smoking," her mother responded.  "It just turns out that the more I smoke,
the more I love it, so with me it is 60 plus full flavored mentholated
cigarettes that seem to satisfy me the most.  Anything less and I feel
deprived.  How about you, how much do you smoke now?"

"Well at first I only smoked socially, but during the first semester of last
year, I hit about a half pack a day.  The last five months was when my
smoking really took off and now I smoke about a pack or sometimes even a pack
and a half a day," Jess answered her mother.

"You will find your own comfort level eventually Jess," her mother replied.
"For some people a half a pack a day seems to do it.  For me, it takes quite
a bit more.  Whatever it may be for you, make sure that you enjoy it
completely."

"I intend to do just that," Jess said as she crushed out her second cigarette
of the day.  

Now satisfied, Jess got up and poured herself a bowl of cereal.  She spent
the next ten minutes eating while reading the paper.  After her bowl was
empty, she looked over at her cigarettes and decided to have another.  She
didn't need this one, but this time she was smoking because she wanted to.
She thought to herself as she inhaled the first puff from her third cigarette
of the day how relaxing this was.  For the next half hour, she drank another
cup of coffee and had two more cigarettes, making a total of five in the
first hour of the day.  Finally feeling quite satiated, she decided it was
time to take a shower and get on with the day.

Jess didn't have any plans that summer.  Her parents were quite well off, and
she really didn't have to work to save money for college.  She thought about
playing in the summer soccer league again, but then realized, that with her
new found love of smoking, that athletics was probably out of the question.
That bothered her a little at first. But every time she lit up a cigarette
reinforced the fact that smoking was far more enjoyable than running after a
little round ball.  She finally determined that giving up sports was one of
the prices you paid when you smoked, a small one at that.  The year at
college was pretty demanding and Jess was a little worn out.  Having three
months of R&R prior to junior year in college had a lot of appeal, so Jess
pretty much decided to relax and enjoy the summer without worrying about
anything.

The rest of the morning, Jess just hung out in her room talking on the phone
with some of her old high school friends.  Some of them saw her smoking
during Christmas break, but most of them still didn't know.  She was a little
worried that some of them wouldn't be thrilled with her smoking, especially
her old soccer teammates, but she didn't care.  True friends accept you for
who you are, and if they didn't accept her as a smoker, then she rationalized
to herself that they must not be real friends.  Jess would often deploy this
tactic in various ways to keep tabs on who her real friends were.  One of her
friends that she could always count on was Megan.  She talked to her for
about a half hour and the Megan, who just got back from college also, said
she would stop by sometime in the evening.

Jess's mom called up to her at 12:30 to tell her that lunch was ready.  Jess
had thought about putting out her cigarette that she just lit, but decided to
take it down with her, along with her opened pack.  Her mother had made some
sandwiches and the two went outside to eat on the back patio.  Jess finished
her cigarette while drinking some lemonade before she started to eat.  They
both finished lunch about the same time, and just after her mother lit an
after lunch cigarette, she held out her lighter for Jess.  Jess quickly
reached for her cigarettes, pulled one out, and eagerly accepted the light
from her mother.  Although she had only been smoking in front of her mother
for about 13 hours now, it was quickly becoming routine to be sharing smokes
together.

After lunch, Jess decided to throw on her bathing suit and lounge out by the
pool with a good book and of course, her ever present cigarettes.  For the
next hour or so Jess would read, swim and enjoy her cigarettes in what she
found to be an incredibly relaxing experience.  Jess had always enjoyed
sitting out by the pool, but much like just about everything else, she was
quickly learning that smoking enhanced the experience.

Jill and Jennifer got back from high school at about 2:30.  Both saw Jess
sitting out by the pool, and walked out to greet her.  Jess had just lit
another cigarette when she saw them coming.  "Well, I guess they're going to
find out now," Jess laughed to herself.  What didn't surprise Jess was the
reaction she quickly got from Jill.  Jill was the family jock, lettering in
three sports, constantly running and exercising, and always nagging her
parents about the evils of smoking.  So when Jill asked her in a shocked
fashion, "What are you doing Jess", Jess was ready with a response.

"Hi to you sis too, I'm just sitting out her reading a book, catching some
rays and relaxing."

"That's not what I meant Jess," Jill replied back sarcastically.

"Oh, you mean this," Jess answered as she placed her cigarette between her
lips and took a big puff off her cigarette. "Duh, I'm smoking a cigarette,"
she continued with a lung full of smoke.  Jess then proceeded to exhale a
huge plume of smoke right at Jill's face.

"You got to be kidding me Jess, what are you stupid or something.  What are
you trying to do kill yourself?  I can see you now, playing soccer this
summer, coughing and wheezing the whole time.  I just can't believe that you
started this filthy habit.  My God Jess, I always thought you were brighter
than this!" Jill lectured back at Jess.

"Well Jill, I could always count on you for love and support," Jess
responded.

"Mom must be furious with about your new habit," Jill continued.

"Yeah, she is, she only has lit three cigarettes for me today," Jess replied
sarcastically.

"Figures," Jill answered back, "All of you smoking lepers stick together.
The fraternal order of nicotine fiends, all slowly killing yourself to feed a
disgusting addiction."  With that Jill stormed away.

Jennifer, on the other hand, was the quiet, studious one in the family.  She
was quite shy, she usually kept to herself.  Not much into sports, Jennifer
usually spent her time studying.  Her and Jess weren't particularly close,
but both respected each other.  

"Don't listen to the bitch," Jennifer chimed in after Jill stormed away.
Jennifer then said, "It's good to have you back sis," while she gave Jess a
big hug.  

The two then proceeded to enjoy some small talk for the next few minutes,
which was all the two usually did.  Jennifer didn't even mention the smoking,
and didn't seem all that interested in why Jess smoked.  After Jennifer left,
Jess lit another cigarette to calm her frayed nerves caused by Jill, and got
back into reading her book.

At 3:30, Jamie arrived home from middle school.  Jamie was the friendly,
outgoing member of the family.  Always laughing, joking around and forever
looking for a good time.  She was also quickly turning into the prettiest of
the bunch.  Long blond her, high cheek bones, perfect smile and even at 13,
breast that were already larger than her sisters in both size and firmness.
Although there was a 7 year difference in age, Jamie and Jess were very
close.  As Jamie grew up, it was Jess who always took the time to play with
her.  It was Jess who always stuck up for Jamie, and it was Jess who called
Jamie three times a week while at college.

As soon as Jamie got home, she quickly dropped her books on the kitchen table
and ran out to the pool.  She then immediately ran up to Jess and gave her a
big hug.  

"Go up and get you swimsuit on and join me," Jess said to Jamie.

Jamie did just that, and when Jamie returned, the two immediately jumped into
the pool, and horsed around for the next half hour or so.  Finally, feeling
the urge for another cigarette, Jess got out of the pool and grabbed a towel
to dry off.  Jamie followed suit.  Trying to figure out the best way to tell
Jamie about her smoking, Jess decided to just go ahead and light one up like
nothing was happening.  So she laid the towel down on the lounge chair,
reached over for her pack of cigarettes, pulled one out and nonchalantly lit
one up.  

"Wow Jess, when did you start smoking?" Jamie questioned with interest.

"Oh, two years ago, but I only really started smoking over the last seven or
eights months."  Jess replied.

"Cool, do you like it?" Jamie asked.

"God yes, too much I'm afraid," Jess responded.  "I'm good and hooked on
these things now, but to be honest, I don't care.  It's hard to explain, but
I really find smoking to be really enjoyable."

For the next hour, Jess proceeded to tell Jamie all about it.  She first
proceeded to apologize to Jamie for keeping it a secret from her for so long.
The two always were open and honest with each other, but that really didn't
seem to bother Jamie too much.  She then gave all the details about not
really wanting to become a smoker, but how she slowly got reeled in by the
ever alluring power of nicotine.  Finally, at about 5:30, the two left the
pool and headed for there separate bedrooms to get changed for dinner.

About fifteen minutes later, Jess heard a knock on the door.  It was Jamie.

"Can I come in," Jamie asked.

"Sure, but I just lit a cigarette, so if it doesn't bother you, than come
right in," Jess responded.

Jamie came in and closed the door behind her.  She then proceeded to sit down
on the bed next to Jess.

"Can you keep a secret big sis?" Jamie asked.

"You know I can little sis," Jess responded lovingly.

Jamie then reached in her shorts pocket and pulled out a pack of Camel's that
she got from her dad, then proceeded to light one up right in front of her
shocked big sister.

"As you can see, I smoke too," Jamie said through a talking exhale.

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