Lisa's Quest, Part 3 | |
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3. Saturday - the Process Continues. When Lisa awoke in the morning, she didn't feel so good. Her mouth and throat were dry from smoking last night, and her lungs felt sore, as if someone had punched her. She also had a splitting headache. Stumbling out of bed, she looked at her clock. It was 8:30. God, Lisa thought as she staggered into the bathroom, I need some aspirin. She got a bottle from the medicine cabinet and took two. Then she wandered into the kitchen. God, she decided, I feel stressed, too! Rubbing her head, Lisa instinctively reached for her purse on the kitchen table. She knew she had some Tic-Tacs, and sucking on them always made her feel better. She opened her purse, and Lisa saw the unopened pack of Marlboro Menthol Light 100's Patti gave her at the end of the evening. "You'll need these tomorrow," Patti promised her. But God, Lisa thought, the last thing I want now is a cigarette. She continued to search for her Tic-Tacs, but next she found the list Patti prepared. Unfolding it, Lisa put it down on the table to read, popping several Tic-Tacs into her mouth. Sucking on them, she began to read. YOU'LL KNOW YOU'RE A REAL SMOKER WHEN: 1. you know how to light your own cigarettes. 2. you can exhale smoke through your nose as well as your mouth. 3. you need to have a cigarette with your coffee to start the morning. 4. you're smoking an entire pack of cigarettes each day. 5. you're taking smoke breaks at work each day. 6. you can't go for more than an hour or two without wanting a cigarette. 7. you find yourself saying, "I'm sure there's time to smoke just one more cigarette!" 8. the first thing you want after eating a meal is a cigarette. 9. you find yourself smoking in your car. 10. you start buying them by the carton. 11. you find yourself thinking, "God, what I really need right now is a cigarette!" 12. you realize you've just lit a cigarette without even thinking about it. 13. you learn how to french-inhale. 14. you want to smoke two cigarettes in a row without stopping. 15 you want to smoke after having sex. 16. the first thing you do in the morning, and the last thing you do at night, is smoke a cigarette. CONGRATULATIONS, LISA WHEN YOU'VE COMPLETED THIS LIST, YOU'LL BE A REAL SMOKER! Lisa smiled as she read the list. Damn them, she thought, they're making it tough. But, she reasoned, this does give me some goals to work toward. She particularly grinned at number 15. Yeah, right, she moaned, where am I going to have sex before Tuesday morning? Then Lisa focused on item number 16. Oh well, she sighed, if I'm going to be a real smoker, I'd better have one now. She looked at item number 3. Coffee, Lisa thought! That sounds good, whether or not I have a cigarette! Lisa put on a pot of coffee and returned to the kitchen table. Taking the pack of Marlboro Menthol Light 100's, Lisa carefully unwrapped the cellophane and opened the box. Pulling the foil off, she put the pack under her nose and smelled. Mmm, she realized, it actually smells pretty good. Pulling out a cigarette, Lisa reached into her purse for the lighter she used the night before, the one Brian gave her. Lisa placed the cigarette between her lips and clicked the lighter. The flame came to life instantly. Very deliberately, she moved the flame towards the tip of the cigarette and lit up. Almost instantly, the same sensation of pleasure Lisa experienced the previous night engulfed her while smoke filled her mouth. Right away she forgot about the dryness in her throat, the soreness in her chest and the aching in her head. All she could think about was inhaling! Quickly Lisa drew all the smoke she could inhale deep into her lungs. Right away, a wave of relaxation and pleasure washed over Lisa. It intensified while the smoke remained in her lungs. God, she said to herself, Patti was right! I love the way the smoke feels down there! Slowly, almost reluctantly, Lisa began to exhale, first through her mouth, then through her nose. She found herself breathing the smoke back in before she'd exhaled it all and was delighted to see it reappear in twin tendrils streaming from her nose. This was great! Lisa smiled. I want another puff now, she decided, and she returned the cigarette to her lips for an even longer drag, this time leaving the cigarette in her mouth. To her great surprise, this drag tasted and felt just as good, maybe better, than the first one she'd inhaled. Her sense of well-being and pleasure continued to increase as the smoke soaked into her lungs. Shit, Lisa mused, smoking is almost as good as sex! As she let the smoke drift out of her nostrils, almost without thinking Lisa's hand began to move toward her panties. Slowly she began to play with herself, ever so gently. Yeah, she moaned, puffing again, the burning cigarette still dangling from her lips as she pleased herself with her fingers, this is all right! Suddenly Lisa noticed the ash at the end of her cigarette. It was dangerously close to falling! She pulled her hand from her panties and carefully removed the cigarette from her mouth. She stood up and walked the to kitchen sink, tapping the long ash into it. Damn, Lisa thought, I need an ashtray! She took another drag on her cigarette while looking through the cupboard. Finding a glass bowl, she decided it would do fine. Tapping the cigarette once again, Lisa turned to finish making coffee. She finally sat down with her cup of coffee and her Marlboro Menthol, by now almost down to the filter. She took a sip of the coffee and then a final drag on the cigarette. There, Lisa thought, I can cross number 3 off my list! Lisa had to be at work at 11:00 a.m. It was almost 9:00. She thought about calling Heather, but it was too early. Lisa was eager to tell someone her news, but she realized only a few would view it as positively as she did. Patti was already at work, since she had to work today. Damn, thought Lisa. Instead, she decided to get ready for work herself. After she showered and blew her hair dry, Lisa stopped to stare at herself in the mirror. "Hey, you!" Lisa said out loud. "Yeah, you! The girl there in the mirror wrapped in a towel! You're going to be a smoker!" She laughed and smiled as she admired her herself for a moment. Turning sideways, Lisa looked with approval at her profile, the long blond hair falling attractively over her shoulders and the shape of her breasts and her hips showing through the towel. Patti's got nothing on me, she decided. I can turn the head of any guy as well as Patti can! But, she thought, Patti is much sexier than I am when she smokes. I'll have to work on that, Lisa decided. Suddenly she felt the urge to light up another cigarette right away! Laughing at this desire, she put on her bathrobe, ran downstairs, grabbed her pack of Marlboro Menthols, the lighter and her makeshift ashtray, and slowly walked back upstairs. Standing in the bathroom, watching her reflection again in the mirror, Lisa decided to watch herself smoke a cigarette. "Let me see if I can smoke as sexy as Patti does," she announced. First, she thought, I'll put on my bra and panties. She did, and then picking up her cigarettes she carefully placed one in her mouth. Lisa turned toward the mirror. "Need a light?" she said to herself. "Yes, please," she answered. Clicking her lighter, she watched herself light a cigarette the way Patti's did, leaving the lit cigarette in her mouth while she set her lighter down. The smoke felt good when Lisa inhaled. She watched in the mirror as the cigarette dangled from her lips and smoke surrounded her. "Thanks for the light," she said to her reflection, watching the cigarette move up and down as she spoke. "You're welcome, you fox!" she replied. Lisa puffed and inhaled again, this time exhaling through her nose with the cigarette remaining in her mouth. "God," she told the image before her, "you look absolutely great when you smoke, Lisa!" Turning sideways, she took another drag, inhaled, and then exhaled toward the ceiling, carefully watching her profile in the mirror. "Thank you, Lisa," she replied with a smile, "you look good, too!" Lisa continued to experiment with techniques for puffing, inhaling and exhaling. Lisa settled on a style similar to Patti's, wherein Lisa opened her mouth to inhale (so you could see the smoke ball up and then disappear), sucked the smoke deep into her lungs, and then exhaled only part of it through her mouth before inhaling it again and then exhaling the balance of the same puff, alternating between nose exhales and mouth exhales. A whole new image was being born, she decided, one of Lisa Robinson, the smoker! Lisa finished the cigarette and got dressed. She knew she was doing well. She felt no adverse effects from smoking, and the light-headedness of last night did not seem to be a problem this morning. After seeing herself smoke in the mirror, Lisa decided she had no reason to be embarrassed about her style. She did not look like a novice! After dressing, Lisa called Heather but got her answering machine. So Lisa left a message. "Heather, I've started smoking," she announced proudly, "and I'd love to get together with you! So far," she went on, "I really like it! Maybe we can get together. Hey, we could smoke together and you could give me some pointers. Give me a call." Lisa smoked two more cigarettes before leaving for work. With each additional cigarette, she found smoking increasingly enjoyable, she realized. She considered trying to smoke in her car on the way to work. She cleaned all the gum wrappers and paper out of the ashtray and experimented with the car's cigarette lighter. But finally Lisa deciding to wait until a time when she wasn't rushed. "I've got plenty of time this weekend to work on that," Lisa told herself. Arriving at work a bit early, Lisa put her Marlboro's and her lighter in the apron pocket of her waitress uniform. "I've got to try smoking at work today," she admonished herself. Walking into the back room, Lisa saw Matt, the shift supervisor. She had an idea. "Hey, Matt," Lisa asked, "can I work the smoking section today?" "Sure, Lise," Matt answered, a bit perplexed, "but I thought you preferred the other side. What's up?" Lisa smiled. "Dunno," she shrugged, "I'd just like to work the smoking side." The restaurant was busy and Lisa quickly fell into the routine of taking orders, delivering food, and distributing checks. The smoking section was full, and Lisa noticed the variety of people seated there, men and women alike. Some were older, in their fifties and sixties, others were middle aged, but a large number were Generation X'ers. Lisa noticed the variety of smoking styles and the differing number of cigarettes which people smoked over lunch. Some smoked only one cigarette, either before or after lunch, but most smoked a couple before the meal and a couple after. Lisa decided to ask her people about their smoking habits, things like, when did they start smoking, did they still enjoy it, and had they ever thought about quitting? She prefaced her questions by telling them she herself was a smoker, to put them at ease. In almost each case, Lisa discovered her customers started at a younger age than Lisa, still enjoyed it and (except when giving in to family or friends) neither planned on quitting nor (more importantly) wanted to. At about 2:00 Matt told Lisa she could take a short break. Usually Lisa avoided the "breakroom," which was really nothing more than a "smokeroom" where the waitresses, busboys and other help were permitted to smoke. Today, however, Lisa decided she too was going to smoke a cigarette in there. It had been several hours since her last one. Lisa wished she would start to feel the "cravings" which Patti described. She wasn't exactly sure what a "craving" felt like. Anyway, she decided, it would still be nice to have a cigarette. After all, smoking at work was a mark of a real smoker. And, she smiled, I've got to work from the list. The smokeroom was empty. Lisa walked in, sat down next to an ashtray, pulled out her cigarettes and bravely lit one up. She took a long, leisurely, first puff, pleased to be enjoying the increasingly familiar and welcome feeling of smoke soaking into her lungs. God, Lisa sighed, exhaling and taking a second hit, this does feel good! After a few moments, her thoughts were interrupted when Gina, one of the other waitresses, came into the smokeroom. Gina was a smoker, a tall, thin, dark-complexioned girl of Italian descent with long black hair pulled behind her head. "Oh my God," Gina exclaimed, seeing Lisa with the cigarette in her hand and smoke slowly escaping from her mouth and nose, "what are you doing in here, Lisa?" Lisa smiled in response, trying to act nonchalant. "What does it look like, Gina?" Lisa asked. "I'm smoking." Gina rolled her eyes and pulled a gold pack of Marlboro 100's and a lighter from her apron. Hmm, Lisa noticed, Gina smokes those strong cigarettes. Lisa'd forgotten she had an unopened pack of those in her purse. Before saying anything else to Lisa, Gina took a monster drag, pulling the smoke way down into her lungs. "I can see you're smoking," Gina answered her with a grin, holding the smoke inside, "but when did this happen?" As soon as these words were out of her mouth, Gina forcefully exhaled a big cloud of smoke toward the ceiling. God, Lisa thought, this girl smokes with style! Passionate style! She grinned back at Gina. Lisa purposefully took a heavy drag herself and inhaled the smoke deeply, as if to show Gina that she was a legitimate smoker. "I started yesterday," Lisa finally answered, "and I love it." Just as Gina had done, Lisa now exhaled a long plume of blue-gray smoke into the air. But Lisa stopped in mid-exhale, breathed in again, just as she'd practiced in front of the mirror, and then let the balance escape from her nostrils like Patti did. Gina watched her the whole way. "You don't smoke like a beginner, Lisa," Gina observed, taking a second drag and still watching her. Gina sat down across the table from Lisa and tapped some ashes into the ashtray. "Thank you," Lisa smiled, "I'll take that as a compliment!" Lisa continued to watch Gina smoke; her style was different from Patti's. Gina's puffs, inhales and exhales were more abrupt and less leisurely. She smoked quickly, almost ferociously, in a way that communicated energy and passion. Must be the European upbringing, Lisa mused. Lisa asked Gina the same questions she'd asked her customers. "Why did I start smoking?" Gina repeated. "Well, I'll tell you. I was sixteen, in high school, and I started going out with this real cute guy who smoked. I decided to start smoking to impress him. I guess he wasn't very impressed," Gina went on, taking another puff, "because he dumped me after a month. He left me," Gina sighed, "but the habit didn't. I was hooked." Gina shrugged her shoulders and tapped some more ashes. Neither of them spoke as they simultaneously hit their smokes. "That was awhile ago," Lisa queried. "You're still smoking. Are you sorry you started? Did you ever try to quit?" Gina thought for a moment. "No," she answered as she exhaled, "to tell you the truth, I love smoking. I love the feeling of being desperate for a smoke and then finally being able to satisfy myself by lighting up. I know people say smoking is bad for you, but honestly I think it's a lot of bullshit!" Gina took another drag. "I'm not planning on quitting. Does that answer your question?" :Lisa watched Gina exhale forcefully once again. "Yeah, it does," Lisa replied as she hit again on her own cigarette. After a few minutes Lisa and Gina both crushed their cigarettes out in the ashtray. Gina lit up after I did, Lisa realized, but we finished at the same time. She must be puffing harder than I am; I guess I've got to work on that, too, she decided. As they walked out, Gina gave Lisa a little hug. "Good luck, Lisa," Gina smiled, "it's nice to have more smokers around!" The rest of the afternoon was uneventful. Lisa took another break before the dinner crowd arrived. This time she actually felt something that resembled a craving for a cigarette. Lisa noticed she felt a certain nervousness and irritability. She tried sucking on Tic-Tacs, but it didn't seem to help. But instead of being concerned, Lisa was excited. This is progress, she decided. Entering the smokeroom, Nancy the manager was having a cigarette. Lisa noticed the pack on the table was Virginia Slims 120's. The cigarette in Nancy's hand was definitely longer and slimmer. Lisa sat down and pulled out her Marlboro Menthols. Nancy watched carefully but said nothing as Lisa placed a cigarette in her mouth and clicked her lighter. "Oh God," Nancy said irritably, "not you too?" Lisa didn't respond, but instead took a big drag and inhaled the smoke deeply. It felt good, Lisa thought, and almost immediately she felt the mixed sensation of pleasure and relaxation she'd come to expect from smoking. "Yeah," Lisa replied, "me too." She exhaled forcefully through her nose, consciously enjoying the tingly feeling of smoke escaping in twin streams from her nostrils. "What about it? Obviously you smoke, Nancy!" Nancy frowned. "Yeah," she sighed, taking a hit on her long, slim cigarette. "I'm just surprised, that's all. I thought you were an anti-smoker." Lisa noticed Nancy held her smoke inside her lungs for a long time, exhaling almost reluctantly. "Well, do you think I shouldn't smoke, Nancy?" Lisa asked. "I just started, but I really like it." Nancy finally smiled. "I understand that," she replied, "believe me." Nancy puffed again. "No, it's just that I found out last night that my daughter's been smoking behind my back." Nancy let some smoke escape as she talked. "Megan's only fourteen," she went on, "and she wouldn't be smoking if I didn't smoke so damn much." "How old were you when you started, Nancy?" Lisa asked. Nancy said nothing for a moment. "About fourteen," she replied. "And are you sorry you started?" Lisa asked. Nancy frowned again. "No," she answered," that's the problem, I'm not sorry. Oh, I wish smoking wasn't bad for you, and I wish people would quit giving me shit about it. But the truth is, no, I don't want to stop." Nancy tapped some ashes into the ashtray, and took another drag. "So," Lisa went on, "what did you tell Megan when you found out she'd been smoking?" Nancy smiled a wry smile. "I told her we'd talk about it tonight. I didn't know what to say." Lisa took a hit on her cigarette and thought for a moment. "Put yourself in Megan's shoes, Nancy," Lisa finally suggested. "What would you want to hear if you were her age?" Nancy thought for a minute while she puffed again, and then answered. "What I wish I'd heard from my mother at fourteen? Go for it, kid! Smoke to your heart's content! I'll treat you like an adult." Nancy paused again. "I had to sneak around behind my mother's back. It was terrible. I'd like to tell Megan I understand, that I did exactly what you're doing when I was your age. I'd like to tell Megan she can smoke if she wants to." Nancy smiled bitterly as she said it. "Well, then," Lisa suggested after a long puff of her own, "why don't you just tell her that? I would if I were you. At least it's honest." Nancy looked at Lisa. "God, maybe I will," Nancy replied. "Whether or not people disapprove of you, as a person or as a mother, I guess you've got to be true to yourself, huh?" Lisa took a final hit on her cigarette and crushed it out in the ashtray. "To thine own self be true," Lisa quoted, "and you'll never go very far wrong." Exhaling, Lisa stood up to return to her station. Nancy quickly took a big. final drag on her cigarette but she didn't stand. As she crushed hers out, she called out to Lisa. "Hey, Lisa, you want to stay and smoke one more with me? We're not that busy yet. I'd like the company." Lisa stopped in her tracks. Two cigarettes in a row? she thought to herself. Well, what the hell, she smiled, why not? Especially if the boss says it's okay. "Sure," Lisa replied, "I'd love to have another one, Nancy." She sat back down and smoked a second cigarette with Nancy. It seemed like the most natural thing in the world to smoke two cigarettes in a row, Lisa decided, and she found she enjoyed the second one as much as the first. Business was heavy during the dinner hour, and Lisa was tired when she finished her shift. Leaving the restaurant and walking to her car, she decided to smoke a cigarette on the way home. "Another mark of a smoker," she said aloud as she opened the car door. Buckling her seatbelt and starting the engine, Lisa removed her cigarettes from her apron pocket. She pushed in the car's cigarette lighter and opened the ashtray. She cracked the window on the driver's side an inch or so, as she'd seen Patti do hundreds of times. When the lighter clicked to say it was ready, the cigarette was waiting in Lisa's mouth. She held the bright red element close to the cigarette and got an even light. Lisa returned the lighter carefully to the dashboard. She took a puff, and then a second one, before putting the car in gear. God, Lisa thought, this tastes good. She smiled to herself. I really am starting to like this! Lisa pulled on the cigarette a third time before removing it from her mouth and beginning an exhale. She saw Gina walking to her car. Lisa waved with the cigarette in her hand. Gina smiled and gave her a thumbs up. As Lisa pulled into traffic, she took another drag and tapped some ashes into the car's ashtray. "I think you're going to get some use," she said to her ashtray. "I think I'm going to smoke in the car a lot from now on!" Lisa stopped at the store and made several purchases. Several were routine items, but others related to Lisa's new and growing habit. First, she bought a carton of Marlboro Menthol Light 100's. Second, she purchased four different ashtrays of varying sizes and styles. Third, Lisa bought several disposable lighters in different colors. "I need to be able to color coordinate with my outfits," Lisa decided. Arriving home, Lisa noticed the light blinking on her answering machine. She clicked the machine as she put down her shopping bag. The first message was Kristen's, and Lisa wrote it down. The rest were for Lisa. "Lisa, this is Heather Summer. I was delighted to get your message. You won't regret this decision. Judy Johnson will be happy to hear about this. You should get the job for sure. Hey, I'd love to get together, but Steve and I will be out of town tomorrow. But you know, we'd love to have you over on Monday for a Memorial Day cookout. A few other secretaries from the office are coming over around 11:30. All smokers, of course. Just leave a message on the machine if you can come. And feel free to bring a friend if you want. Male or female, whatever. Hope to see ya, bye." "Hey, Lisa, it's Patti. Sounds like you're doing great! We had a ball last night. Keep up the good work. If you have problems or need encouragement, give me a call or stop over. But whatever you do, keep smoking! I'll be in and out all weekend, but I'll be thinking about you. Take care. Love ya. Bye." "Lisa, this is Brian, Rich's roommate. I got your number from Patti. Hey, I really enjoyed our time together last night. If you're not doing anything this weekend, I'd love to get together. You know, to work on smoking and whatever. You're a real nice person, and.... I mean, if you'd like to, I'd love to get together to talk. Give me a call if you want. I'd love to hear from you." Almost without thinking, Lisa opened her purse, got out her cigarettes and lit up while listening to the messages. God, she realized when she thought about it for a moment, I'm smoking. Taking a second drag, she sighed. This tastes really good. Taking a third drag, even harder and more powerful than her first two, Lisa inhaled the smoke deeply into her lungs. God almighty, she thought as smoke escaped from her lungs slowly and reluctantly, I guess I really needed this one. Lisa smiled and puffed again, this time more delicately. I really do like what nicotine does for me, she sighed. Patti's right; it's magic! Lisa was particularly interested in Brian's message. He seemed nice. Maybe he doesn't have a girlfriend. God knows, Lisa thought, taking another hit on her cigarette and getting one of the ashtrays she'd purchased out of the shopping bag, I haven't had time for romance too long, between the demands of school and work. But now, if I get the job at Johnson & Myers, things might change. Lisa pulled her cigarette back to her lips and took a long drag. Slowly she pulled smoke into her lungs again. A smile emerged on her face; she held the smoke inside for a long time. Brian's cute, she giggled to herself as she finally allowed the smoke to escape from her expanded lungs. And, maybe best of all, he smokes! Just like I'm doing! Lisa was about to crush her cigarette in the ashtray when Patti's list caught her eye on the kitchen table. She noticed item 14, which said, "you'll know you're a real smoker when you want to smoke two cigarettes in a row without stopping." Lisa stopped crushing her cigarette in mid-motion. Instead, she carefully set the almost finished cigarette in the ashtray. Taking another fresh one from the pack, Lisa placed it between her lips. "I want this," Lisa announced to herself. Picking up the lit butt from the ashtray, Lisa placed its red tip against the unlit end of the cigarette in her mouth. As the first cigarette ignited the second, Lisa took a big drag and inhaled. The second cigarette remained in her mouth as she took another drag without having exhaled the first. With it still dangling between her lips, Lisa took a third drag and crushed the spent cigarette in the ashtray, finally exhaling smoke from the three consecutive drags slowly from her nose. Lisa knew what she was doing; she was chain-smoking! And it felt good! With a big smile, Lisa said aloud, "this cigarette's for Nancy," and she exhaled. "For Nancy, who loves to smoke and who this evening is telling her fourteen year old daughter, Megan, that she should go for it, that she will be allowed to smoke as much as she wants!" Lisa took another hit on her cigarette. She'd never met Megan, but she imagined Megan's delight in being told by her mother that she could enjoy the pleasures of lighting up, inhaling and exhaling as much and as often as she wanted. Lisa imagined the two of them, Nancy and little Megan, lighting up and smoking those long, slim, white cigarettes together, bonding as mother and daughter while sharing an experience which gave them both such pleasure. She knew it would be special. "Lisa, that was good advice you gave Nancy," she said to herself. She finished her second consecutive cigarette and then cleaned up the townhouse. In the process Lisa strategically placed her four new ashtrays throughout the apartment; one in her bedroom, one in the living room, one on the kitchen table, and the last one in her bathroom. Mindful of the need to maintain as high a level of consumption as possible, Lisa smoked four more cigarettes before getting ready for bed. Counting the cigarettes left in her pack, Lisa realized she'd smoked fifteen cigarettes today. Pretty good, she thought. And she felt no adverse effects from smoking. If anything, she mused, I feel better than usual after a long day at work. As she got into bed, Lisa suddenly remembered item number 16 on Patti's list. "The last thing I have to do before going to sleep," Lisa told herself, "is smoke another cigarette." Getting her pack, she took one last cigarette out and lit it up. Then Lisa turned out the lights, laid down on her bed and smoked in the dark, using the ashtray she'd placed on her nightstand. The only light in the room was moonlight through the window. As smoke ascended from her lit cigarette, it caught in the moonlight and looked almost surreal. Lisa smiled and took a last big drag. This has been a great day, she decided. Lisa crushed out the cigarette and exhaled the last of the smoke toward the window where it once again caught in the moonlight. As smoke hung in the air, Lisa put her head on the pillow. "A really great day," she repeated. And she went to sleep. |
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