Quit Smoking Diary, Part 3

Author's note:  The following story is satire, and is not intended to, in
any sense, imply that people should not quit smoking, or that people should
intentionally sabotage the attempts of others to quit.  As the surgeon
general so wisely advises, "Quitting smoking now greatly reduces serious
risks to your health."

The author does not necessarily condone the use of tobacco, nor hypnosis
under false pretenses, nor participation in lesbian sex, , nor masturbation,
nor any other morally questionable practice depicted in the story.  

Later parts of the story contain graphic sexual language, and are not
suitable for underage readers.  

Any resemblance to smoking fetish fiction is purely accidental.  

"My Quit Smoking Diary"
Part 3


Entry 5:

My smoking log:

Cig #: Time: Mood: Comments:

1 6:12 happy. Dr. Monroe just left.
2 6:45 content. just finished dinner
3 7:01 relaxed. watching "Jeopardy"
4 7:34 amused. "Wheel of Fortune"
5 7:52 anxious. on the phone with mom
6 7:58 anxious. still on the phone with mom
7 8:25 relaxed. doing reading for school
8 9:00 happy. watching more TV
9 9:24 happy. still watching TV
10 10:06 tired. back to doing homework
11 10:22 tired. smoke break
12 11:03 sleepy. Getting ready for bed
13 6:00 sluggish. morning cigarette
14 6:03 alert. morning cigarette #2
15 6:34 happy. out of shower
16 7:15 anxious. out the door to school
17 7:35 stressed. sitting in traffic
18 7:58 relaxed. very quick smoke before class
19 9:31 anxious. smoke after class
20 10:02 bored. killing time between classes
21 10:24 bored. smoke before class
22 11:57 anxious. smoke after class. (I really needed that one!)
23 12:40 content. just finished lunch
24 12:50 bored. smoke before afternoon class
25 2:35 anxious/happy. Finally out of school for the day!
26 2:53 bored. still driving home
27 3:10 happy. home from school
28 3:56 tired. doing homework. Smoke break
29 4:20 happy. another smoke break
30 5:05 happy. finished dinner
31 5:35 content. talking on the phone with friend
32 5:50 anxious. quickly typing up "smoking log" before appointment

My name is Jennifer Morgan, and I am a nicotine addict. However, I want to
take a positive step in my life, and quit cigarettes forever. Right now, I'm
questioning my own determination to succeed.

Looking at this log is very thought provoking, and making it was a good
exercise. It really made me conscious of just how often I light up. 

I've been smoking more lately, despite my best efforts to cut down. Maybe
that's because I'm getting nervous about quitting. To be honest, part of me
wants to smoke as much as possible while I still can.

My appointment is in just a few minutes, so I had better close this entry.


Entry 6:

Again, I had a very good appointment with Dr. Monroe. Besides her helping me
to understand my feelings, I like spending time with her. I feel like every
meeting I have with her, I trust her more and more completely to help me make
good decisions in my life.

After I read my smoking log to her, she asked me how reading it made me feel,
and I told her, honestly, that it made me feel like having a cigarette. She
told me to go ahead, since my smoking during our meetings was an important
part of consciously "letting go" of my nicotine habit.

She had a little bit of feedback about the log, which she gave me while I
enjoyed my cigarette. Firstly, she said that such a smoking pattern was
fairly typical. I seemed, like many smokers, to smoke heavily in the morning;
this morning I had 6 cigs before I had been up for two hours. My smoking
pattern was also predictable considering my class schedule. Right before
class, and immediately after class. This suggested that I was strongly
addicted, but that isn't any new information. She said that, during the
times when I am used to smoking, I should substitute something healthy, like
carrot sticks. 

When she said that, I felt like saying something sarcastic, but instead took
a drag on my cigarette and held my tongue.

We had another hypnosis session, during which Dr. Monroe and I discussed the
specific things that trigger my cravings. She says that it was easily the
most productive hypnosis session that we've had, and that she learned a lot
about how to best help me. 

She said that she sensed a lot of fear and anxiety in me about quitting
smoking, and so my homework is to reflect on and write about what I most fear
about quitting smoking. Doing so, she says, will help me to face and overcome
these obstacles to success.

Entry 7:

My name is Jennifer Morgan, and I am a nicotine addict. However, I want to
take a positive step in my life, and quit cigarettes forever. Right now, I'm
really worried about taking that step. The very thought of quitting smoking
stresses me out. It's horrible, but I really need a cigarette to calm down
while I write this.

Ok. That's much better. I don't know where to begin. I feel like I've
painted myself into a corner, so to speak, and that there's no way out. This
all looks vague and confused as I write, so perhaps I should just calm down
and explain.

Last night, Maureen called me up with some "wonderful" news. She told me
she had just landed a really big modeling job, and that she was now earning
$70,000 a year. That was really good news indeed, but what she told me next
is what made me really anxious.

She told me that she has always felt really bad about getting me hooked on
cigarettes, and that, even though she still smokes, she wants to help me in
any way that she can. She went ahead, without asking me first, and booked me
on a cruise that leaves in two days. Not just any cruise, but the ten-day
"Carnival Funship Smoke Free Paradise" Caribbean cruise. She says that she
wants me to be able to relax and enjoy myself in an environment where smoking
won't even be an option.

I tried to explain to her that my quit date was three days later, but she
said that if I was serious about quitting, I should just do it as soon as
possible instead of dragging it out. When I told her that I had school, she
had an answer too: it was early in the semester, and I didn't have any major
tests or assignments. Besides, she told me, the cruise left Friday morning,
when I didn't have any classes, and was due back the on a Sunday evening. So
I would only miss four classes. I would have told her that I get really
claustrophobic too, except that she said that she won't take no for an
answer, and that she was a good enough friend to me to make sure that I
didn't make any excuses.

I should say that I really, really appreciate what Maureen wants to do for
me. She is a true and loyal friend. And I am very excited about the cruise,
except, of course, for the fact that I'll be trapped on a boat without any
hope of getting my hourly nic fix.

Talking about the cruise brings back a relevant memory. When I first called
Dr. Monroe near the end of last year, and she told me that she didn't have
any openings in her schedule until late January, I was secretly glad, since I
had been planning on quitting smoking on New Year's day, and this gave me an
extension on my nicotine habit. Now, it seems like the big Quit Day is on me
all of a sudden, and I have no other alternative.

Before I started my sessions with Dr. Monroe, I had some anxiety about
quitting, but it didn't really seem like anything I couldn't handle. Since
I started seeing her, it's like I get panicked at the very thought of going
without my cigarettes. I totally don't blame her though. I trust her
completely to help me as I struggle against my bad habit. I think the reason
for my anxiety is that seeing a therapist to help me quit has made my last
cigarette something that is a very real possibility, and not something
distant.

A big part of my fear is the fear of failure, which is why I haven't told
any of my family, friends, or co-workers about my plans, with the exception
of Maureen. I am afraid that after all of this effort and anxiety, that I
won't be able to do it, or, if I do manage to quit for a time, that I'll
fall in a moment of weakness, and that the whole thing will have been in
vain.

I guess I should remember what Dr. Monroe told me, that getting stressed out
about quitting won't help me, and that, if I do have a lapse and give in to
the temptation to smoke, that it is part of the quitting process.

This "homework" assignment couldn't have been timed better, since my
anxieties about quitting have been all I can think about all day. For the
time being, I'm going to give in and have another cigarette, and try to
remember that I'm in very capable hands with Dr. Monroe. She will know
exactly what I should do.


Entry 8:

When Dr. Monroe arrived tonight, I was in the middle of smoking a cigarette,
and I continued to smoke through most of our session. I've been really
smoking a lot lately (yesterday I know I went through more than two packs),
and even though I know I should be decreasing rather than increasing my
consumption, I was really glad that Dr. Monroe is so tolerant and patient.
Most former smokers I've met are zealous in their disdain for tobacco, as if
they secretly want to smoke but can't admit it to themselves.

Instead of reading my two journal entries, I just handed them to Dr. Monroe
and let her read them. I was too worked up and anxious. After reading them,
she suggested that this session we should do the hypnosis first, so that I
could regain my composure.

When I became alert again after the hypnosis, I asked Dr. Monroe if she
minded terribly if I had another cigarette, and she said no. She told me that
under hypnosis I had revealed that what I was really afraid of wasn't that I
would fail in my attempt to free myself from the power of cigarettes, but
rather that I was afraid of success. That gave me a lot of food for thought.

During the rest of the session, we discussed the idea of the cruise. I hoped
that Dr. Monroe would give me some excuse not to go, but she thought it was a
splendid idea. She said that changing one's surroundings would help to also
change a person's habits. I wasn't sure that I agreed, since a new
environment also means discomfort and stress, but I'm sure Dr. Monroe knows
what's best.

Also, she told me that it was ok that I didn't tell my friends, family, and
co-workers about my plan, because it would make a wonderful surprise for them
when I told them I had been smoke free for a whole ten days. Although it was
true that they could provide support, they would also be a source of stress,
which was exactly what I didn't need in the quitting process. She said that
she would keep her cell phone on 24 hours a day, and I could call her if
things got rough on the ship.

Finally, she said, she had some goodies for me. She opened her black
briefcase, and took out some nicotine gum and patches, which would help
reduce my cravings for cigarettes if I really wanted one while I was on the
cruise. I was really touched, and offered to pay her for the quit smoking
aids, but she wouldn't hear of it, and said that they were included already
in her bill.

Although the instructions on the package said not to use the product until
you had already quit smoking, Dr. Monroe advised that I should start right
away with both the gum and the patches, since it would take my body some time
to get used to the medicine before I boarded the ship. Also, sometimes the
gum and patches caused some nausea, so I would want to try it first before
going on a ship where I would potentially get sea sick.

I suddenly had a lot of packing to do, since I was leaving in the morning, so
we cut the session a bit short. Dr. Monroe surprised me by offering to come
for one last session very early in the morning before I left, and then even
to drive me to the airport, where I would board my flight to Miami. Not only
is she an excellent therapist, but a wonderful friend. I'm glad I found such
a trustworthy ally in my attempt to quit smoking for good!

Because I had so much to do, she didn't give me any more homework, except
that I should try to stay calm, continue my journal entries for a while even
after I quit smoking, and that I should have a lot of fun on my cruise. The
first two I could manage, but I wasn't sure how much fun my cruise would be
if I was having nicotine withdrawals the whole time.

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