Revenge, Part 8

This fictional account contains adult language and themes.  If such language
and themes offend you, please do not read further.  Copyright 2000 by
SSTORYMAN.  All rights reserved.  Permission is granted to reproduce this
story in any form and for any purpose as long as this notice is reproduced
and no financial remuneration is received, directly or indirectly, by the
person reproducing it  Thanks to AZ-MAN and STOGIE-MAN for their help and
encouragement.

REVENGE


8.	Hitting the Mark.

   When Brianna and Adrienne left, Larilyn wanted two things.  One was
another cigarette, so she lit up again.  Not counting the More she had, it
was her twentieth of the day.  That meant ten more to go in the next five
hours.  She'd handle that without breaking a sweat.  She expelled a long
plume of smoke from her lips and smiled broadly.

   The second thing she wanted was Mitch.  Screwing Adrienne was fun.  It
released a shit-load of tension.  But it reminded her of what she'd
rediscovered in Mitch.  She loved being fucked by a man, particularly a big,
strong one, one with a huge, powerful cock, like Mitch's.  But she couldn't
tell Mitch what happened.  Men almost never understand how a woman can want
two things at once; the tender love of another woman, and the powerful love
of a man.  She enjoyed Adrienne, but it was Mitch she wanted on a permanent
basis.  She tried his phone number, but his machine replied again.  She hung
up, took a big drag off her cigarette, and proceeded to fix herself a light
supper.

   The rest of the evening was undisturbed.  She again curled up with a book
and her coffee, establishing a regular smoking pattern to reach her goal by
night's end.  There was no call back from Mitch, and no interruption of her
smoking routine.  She had her thirtieth cigarette of the day at eleven
o'clock.  Counting the More, it was really thirty-one.  Proudly she crushed
it out and headed to bed.  She felt great.  And only one more day to go!

   The next morning she awoke with a dry, scratchy throat.  At first she
feared she was getting sick.  Then she remembered.  The scratchiness was the
aftermath of smoking so damn much the day before.  A pack and half of
cigarettes!  God damn!  But all she had to do was repeat her performance in
time to drive to Susan's and pass her smoking audition.  Then she'd see
Ashley, and a week early, too!

   She lay back in bed and looked at the clock.  It was eight.  If she smoked
three or four an hour, she'd finish her last pack and a half by dinner.  That
was early enough to see Ashley tonight.  But there was no time to lose.  She
hopped out of bed, put slippers on her bare feet and sauntered downstairs in
her nightie to start the coffee and have her first smoke of the day.

   Despite her irritated throat, lighting up her first cigarette was nice.
She savored the sensation of smoke filling her lungs once more, and pumped
twice to get a big, initial nicotine hit.  Oh, yeah, she sighed.  She smiled
and released some smoke through her nose.  Thirty cigarettes by seven o'clock
that night no longer seemed daunting.  She enjoyed filling her lungs with
smoke.  The aggressiveness of her plan excited her, made her feel naughty and
nice.

   She smoked all morning while watching TV, reading and cleaning.  With a
hand-held vacuum she went to the garage to sweep the ashes from the floor of
her Lexus.  The leather wasn't damaged, but the strong smell of stale tobacco
smoke stubbornly clung to the interior.  She smiled.  It'd take awhile to
lose that odor, which seemed strangely pleasant to her.

   Around mid-morning Larilyn finished the ninth pack.  As she crumpled it
and threw it in the trash, she grinned.  Only one to go.  Twenty fuckin'
cigarettes separated her from Ashley.  Without waiting, she lit up again.
She could see the finish line now.  Nothing would stop her.  For the first
time she smoked eating lunch.  It seemed quite natural to smoke and eat at
the same time.  At one o'clock she lit her fifteenth cigarette of the day.
She'd averaged three an hour for five hours.  At that rate, she knew, she'd
hit thirty by dinner.

   After cigarette fifteen she called Susan to let her know she wanted to
audition that night, a week early.  She got her machine and left a message.

   The afternoon passed like the morning; no interruptions and no surprises.
She hoped Mitch might get back early and call.  But no such luck.  She
continued to smoke all afternoon, repeatedly filling her lungs and frankly
enjoying smoking heavily.  The nicotine coursing through her body energized
her, made her feel alive and independent.  By six o'clock she finished
cigarette number twenty-six.

   Finally Susan called.  She was astounded by the request.  Larilyn assured
her she was on the verge of completing her assignment by smoking number 200.
"You'll see by how I smoke," she assured her.  "I'm eager to show you.  Just
make sure Ashley stays up, so I can see her."

   "Don't worry," Susan answered flatly.  "I'm ready whenever you are."

   Larilyn stepped up the pace and began chain-smoking.  She fixed a light
supper and smoked during dinner.  She finished her last four cigarettes,
freshened her make-up, and headed to her daughter's.  This was it, she told
herself.  The end was at hand!

   At seven thirty she walked into Susan's house.  She had a small gift for
her beloved granddaughter.  To her surprise, Andrea and Kate were there.
Larilyn smiled.  "I see you're all interested in this."

   "Absolutely, Mom," Andrea smiled.  "I was here when you called, and I
called Kate and told her.  We didn't want to miss this.  I'm so proud of
you."

   "You should be," Larilyn answered.  "Susan, let's get this over with.
What do I do?"

   Susan seemed uncomfortable.  She hesitated and then took her pack of Kool
100's.  "Here, Mom.  Smoke one of my cigarettes with me.  You say you smoked
all 200 in your carton.  But you still have to satisfy me you've learned to
smoke properly."

   Without wavering Larilyn took one of the long, cork-tipped Kools.  "Susan,
I smoked thirty cigarettes today.  If I can't convince you I smoke, there's
something wrong."

   Susan got one for herself and handed her mother the lighter.  She held her
unlit cigarette to her lips.  "Okay, then.  Light us both up, Mom."

   She did.  Larilyn put her cigarette in her lips and expertly lit up.
Releasing a small cloud of smoke while it dangled, she held the lighter for
her elder daughter.  Hesitant and stunned, Susan caught the light while
watching Larilyn with amazement.

   The older woman took a long initial drag and sucked smoke deep into her
lungs.  "That's not so hard, is it?" she smiled.  She turned her head to
exhale a thin but powerful stream of smoke.  Without waiting she put the Kool
back to her lips for a second drag.  Again, she inhaled deeply.  "These are
stronger than my cigarettes," she observed, holding the smoke in her lungs.

   "My Kools are full flavor," Susan nodded.  "Only a real smoker can handle
'em."  She watched her mom release another plume of smoke from her lips, stop
abruptly, and finish exhaling with her next breath.  In spite of herself, she
smiled.  "Andrea said you developed a nice smoking style."

   "Damn right," Larilyn said forcefully.  You wanted me to smoke, and I held
nothing back.  I worked hard on this fuckin' exercise.  I can smoke with the
best of 'em."  She took another long pull on the cigarette.  "If I want
something, I get it.  And I want to see Ashley, even if it means humoring
you."  She paused to exhale once more.

   Larilyn matched Susan puff for puff, and inhale for inhale.  Each was as
long and deep as Susan's.  Her daughter purposely made it difficult, holding
her inhales four or five seconds each time before exhaling.  It didn't
matter.  Larilyn was up to the task.  As the women took a last drag and
crushed their cigarettes, Susan nodded her head.

   "Impressive, Mom," she admitted.  "But unfortunately, not good enough.
I'm afraid you don't pass."

   Larilyn almost choked, spewing the balance of her inhaled smoke from her
mouth over several breaths.  "What?  What do you mean?  What more could I
possibly have done?"

   Susan shrugged.  "It's not good enough.  I don't owe you any explanation.
Sorry.  You're not seeing Ashley."

   "What are you talking about?" Kate interrupted.  "Susan, she did great.
It's just what we … I mean, it's just what _you_ wanted.  What's going on?"

   There was a stern look on Susan's face.  "I don't have to explain.  She's
a poser.  I'm not letting her see Ashley."

   Andrea, too, broke in.  "You can't do this, Susan," she objected.  "Mom
did what you asked.  She smoked a carton of cigarettes.  She demonstrated she
can smoke like a confirmed nicotine addict.  It's not fair."

   Susan looked at Larilyn.  "Mom, you've mercilessly dumped on me for years
about smoking.  And now you think by smoking a few cigarettes you can make
all the hurt go away like magic?  Well, you've got another think coming.  I
won't let you off the hook that easy.  I want you to suffer.  It's not
enough."

   Larilyn was dumbstruck.  "Is that what this is about?  You didn't want me
to succeed?  You want me to fail?  God, you are so pathetic, Susan!"

   "Mom," Andrea interrupted.  "Don't get mad.  Susan, think about this.  You
told her all she had to do was learn to smoke.  Don't screw this up like
this!"

   Susan gave them a steely stare.  "I'll do what I damn well please.  I
thought seeing Mom smoke would satisfy me.  It's satisfying, but it's not
enough.  I still feel the same rage.  So I won't let her see Ashley.  I won't
let her off that easy."

   "You little bitch," Larilyn exploded.  "I ought to . . .."

   Kate stepped between mother and daughter and spoke softly.  "Go home,
Larilyn.  Let me talk to Susan.  Andrea, you and your mom go back to your
house.  Let me talk to her.  Larilyn, I'm sure I can resolve this with
Susan."

   Larilyn was fuming.  "All along I knew this was only about revenge.
Susan's been mad for years because I tried to be a good mother.  I merely
said she shouldn't smoke when she was seventeen, and she got pissed.  I'm the
chump.  I should've known she'd never let me see Ashley.  The thing with 200
cigarettes was a smoke screen," she laughed caustically.  "She's pissed
because I showed I could do it."  She looked at Susan.  "Screw you!"

   "Larilyn, this isn't helping," Kate cut in again.  "Susan is dealing with
major issues here.  Don't make it worse."

   "I _am_ dealing with issues," Susan agreed, eager to fight.  "Do you want
to know why I started smoking, Mom?  It was mostly because you were hanging
around with that shitty lesbian girlfriend of yours all the time.  I started
smoking because I felt abandoned, in part to get your attention.  But you
were too busy sneaking off to bed with that Hillary Clinton-look alike!"

   Larilyn froze.  Kate paused.  "What's she talking about, Larilyn?"

   Susan continued.  "I'll tell you what I'm talking about.  When I was
seventeen Mom got herself a female lover.  You thought no one knew, Mom.  But
I did.  I wasn't stupid.  You were fucking around with that Sandy Rogers
woman."

   Andrea and Kate gasped.  "You had an affair with the anti-smoking bitch
from the lung association?"

   Larilyn nodded.  "That's right.  I tried to keep it secret.  I was having
a tough time in my personal life.  I'd been dumped by the guy I was seeing.
Sandy felt sorry for me. One night she and I got together to talk.  One thing
led to another, and pretty soon . . .."

   "And pretty soon you and she were doing the dirty."  Susan finished the
sentence for her.  "Being with that bitch made you more anti-smoking than
ever.  It became like a religion to you, Mom.  At the time I was having
problems of my own, but you were never there.  Instead you made me baby-sit
Andrea so you could fuck Ms. anti-smoking Rogers all the time."

   Andrea shook her head.  "Is that true, Mom?  I never knew."

   "You were only twelve," Larilyn sighed.  "I didn't want you or anyone to
know.  I was lonely and I was scared.  I thought I'd never land another man.
Sandy wanted me.  For awhile, I wanted her.  I'm sorry, girls.  I didn't
think anyone knew what was going on."

   "I knew, Mom," Susan countered.  "And I didn't like what spending time
with that dyke was doing to you.  But you didn't care.  My smoking was a cry
for help.  But you wouldn't listen.  So, fuck you!  If you think you can fix
it by learning to smoke now, it's too damn late for that!"

   Kate put her index finger on her lips.  "Sshh.  Larilyn, Andrea, go.  I'll
talk to Susan.  It's good this finally came into the open.  It's always
better to deal with the truth, even if it hurts."

   "I'm sorry," Larilyn repeated.  "I didn't know she knew, Kate.  Honest I
didn't."

   "Just go," Kate admonished.  "This is enough for one night.  We'll pick up
pieces later."

   Larilyn and Andrea drove separately.  When they got home, Andrea sat her
mother down in the family room.  "Let's talk, Mom.  This explains a lot.
God, I never knew this was why Susan had all that rage bottled up inside.
How does it make you feel?"

   "I knew she was mad," Larilyn sighed, plopping onto the couch.  "But I
never guessed it was about Sandy.  God, I am sorry.  I finally ended my
secret relationship with her after a year.  I couldn't deal with her on a
personal level anymore.  Susan's right; Sandy _is_ a real bitch in many ways.
But she was what I needed at the time.  By the time it ended Susan was at
college, and the whole focus of our tumultuous relationship had become
Susan's damn smoking."  She shook her head.  "What a fuckin' mess!"

   Andrea got out her Salems.  "Do you want a cigarette, Mom?"

   Larilyn hesitated.  "No, thanks, honey.  I am _so_ satiated.  I smoked a
pack and a half today.  I'm not in the mood.  Anyway, I'm quitting, you know.
Thanks for asking, though."

   "No problem," Andrea replied.  She noted the gratuitous quitting comment,
but didn't react.  With no delay Andrea lit a cigarette for herself and
pulled the thick, rich smoke into her chest.  She smiled.  "Gee, Mom.  I am
_so_ impressed.  You're bisexual?"

   "I wouldn't call it that," Larilyn defensively shot back.  "I had a
relationship with Sandy Rogers for awhile.  It had a sexual component.
That's all."

   "Sure.  I see.  So you've never been with another woman except her?"

   Larilyn wavered, and then smiled.  "I have," she admitted.  "I've had a
few flings with women the last few years.  I get lonely, too, you know.  But
it's no big deal.  I don't frequent gay bars or anything."

   Andrea expelled a thick cloud of smoke from her lips.  "I'm not critical,
Mom.  Honest.  You always said we should up front about sex, right?  You put
me on the pill because you didn't want me sneaking around.  I'm no prude.
Hell, I don't care if you're a lesbian.  I've experimented with girls, too."

   "You have?!?"

   "Yeah, sure," Andrea shrugged, knocking some ashes into the ashtray.
"Everyone should experiment sexually, to find what they like and to know what
they want.  Being a lesbian is no big deal.  Some of my best friends are
lesbians."  She took another hit from her cigarette.  "It's like having a
preference in cigarettes.  Some people prefer menthol, some don't.  Others
like cigars, some don't.  It's not right or wrong.  It's a matter of taste,
of personal preference."

   "God, you're being awfully mature about this.  I appreciate you not
judging me."

   "I don't believe in judging, Mom," she went on.  "I don't care if you want
to be a lesbian.  But if you're going to, I just don't want you doing it with
someone like Sandy Rogers.  Blech!  She's such a distasteful person, and she
looks like . . .."

   "I know, she looks like Hillary," Larilyn smiled as Andrea took another
drag and sucked more smoke inside.  "Sandy is a mean bitch, but she's cute,
for an older woman," she admitted with a sly giggle.  "But I had a much
better time with . . .."  She paused.  There was no need to mention her fling
with Adrienne.  "Actually, most of the time I prefer men," she said.  "I'm
crazy about Mitch.  He's strong, sensitive and . . . and he's great in bed."

   Andrea nodded.  "I understand.  I prefer guys myself.  But you know what
it's like?  I like these Salems.  They're the best.  But once in awhile I get
a hankering for a regular, non-menthol smoke, just for the hell of it.  Sex
is like that.  Sometimes being with another woman is, well, it's the perfect
thing for the moment.  That's what I think, anyway."

   Larilyn gave her daughter a hug.  "You've very understanding, Andrea," she
sighed contentedly.  "How did I ever raise such a level-headed, mature
daughter?"

   "I don't know," Andrea giggled.  "But I'm glad we get along so well."

   "Me, too," Larilyn sighed back.  "I just wish there was a way to rectify
the situation with Susan.  God, she's clearly pissed.  Some of it's my fault,
I guess.  But I don't know what to do."

   "Let Kate handle it," Andrea said reassuringly.  "She's a great
negotiator.  She was as horrified as I was by Susan's reaction.  Don't worry.
Susan will work on her."

   Larilyn nodded.  "I hope you're right."  She stood up.  "God, I'm going to
bed.  It's been a long and exhausting day!"

   Andrea gave her mother another big hug.  "Hey, Mom.  Can I ask you
something?"

   "Sure, honey.  What is it?"

   The youngster looked straight into her mother's eyes.  "Are you _sure_ you
shouldn't have another cigarette before bed?  You seem so tense, and you're
not fooling me.  You've been eyeing me smoking the whole time.  I'd be happy
to give you a Salem.  They taste a lot like the Marlboro Menthol Lights
you've been smoking."

   Larilyn hesitated.  It was impossible _not_ to watch Andrea smoke.  She
did it with such style and grace.  And it was true she _did_ feel like having
another cigarette.  The thought of lighting up another one at that moment
seemed perfect.  And all she had to do was ask ….

   "Oh, honey, I don't think I should," she finally sighed.  "I'm quitting,
you see."  She squinted.  "But maybe I could have just one drag?"

   Andrea giggled.  She handed her the half-smoked cigarette.  "Sure, Mom.
Be my guest!"

   Larilyn took the Salem and raised it to her lips.  Emptying her lungs
through her nose to prepare, she took a long, hard drag from her daughter's
Salem and inhaled deep.  It felt marvelous!  Without thinking she left it
between her lips and began a second, powerful hit while smoke escaped from
her nostrils.

   "Wow!  A double pump!  Nice, Mom.  Very nice."

   "God, I'm sorry," Larilyn grinned, expelling bits of smoke from her
nostrils while still holding the bulk of it in her lungs.  "I got used to
doing that sometimes when I'm super stressed."

   Andrea manicured the cigarette in the ashtray.  "No problem.  Believe me,
I understand.  But you're sure you don't want a whole cigarette of your own?
I still think you could use one!"

   "No," Larilyn said firmly, still releasing smoke from her mouth.  "I'm
quitting.  I've decided."  She smiled.  "I feel like I should at least _try_
to quit smoking."

   "You do whatever you want, Mom," she said pleasantly.  "But if you change
your mind, remember I've got a whole carton of Salems.  They're yours for the
taking, if you want them."

   "Good night, Andrea," Larilyn shot back as she headed for the stairs.  "I
can see you'll be no help whatsoever in my attempt to quit."

   "You're right, Mom, none whatsoever," the youngster repeated happily, as
she lit a second cigarette from the butt of the one she'd been smoking.
"Good night."

   Larilyn slept fitfully.  She tossed and turned.  All she could think of
was Susan's angry reaction.  She felt guilty, she felt mad, she felt
confused.  When the alarm finally went off in the morning, she groggily got
out of bed and went downstairs for her coffee.

   For the first time in two weeks she went through her morning routine
without a cigarette.  Smelling the ambient smoke of Andrea's early morning
indulgence made it hard.  But she was resolute.  She wouldn't give in to her
burgeoning cigarette habit without a fight!

   At work she said nothing to Brianna.  Instead she turned her attention to
work.  Her assistant came in her office after half an hour asking for an
update.  Larilyn gave one, a blow by blow description of Susan's angry
reaction.  By the time she finished, she had tears in her eyes.

   Brianna was sympathetic and expressed outrage at the unfairness of the
situation.  Seeing how tense her boss was, she offered to take Larilyn
downstairs for an early smoke break.

   "Thanks, but I'm quitting," Larilyn explained.  "That was the plan from
the start.  As soon as I auditioned for Susan, I planned to quit.  I need to
at least try to do that."

   Brianna shrugged.  "Suit yourself, boss," she smiled.  "But you sure look
like you could use a cigarette."

   It was true.  Larilyn felt like shit.  As Brianna left, Mitch walked in.
She smiled at him as he closed the door of her office.  Larilyn repeated her
tale of woe for his benefit.

   Like Brianna, Mitch was irate.  He offered to give Susan a piece of his
mind.  Larilyn said no.  She assured him that if anyone could talk sense to
Susan, it was Kate.  Offhandedly, she mentioned she'd indeed decided to quit.
She waited for his response, fearful he'd react badly.

   "Well, I have some news you'll like, then," he said cheerily.  He didn't
seem upset by the announcement she was quitting.  "I have a confession to
make.  I said I was at my mother's out of town the last two weekends.  That's
not true.  I've been somewhere else."

   Mitch explained he'd attended two consecutive weekend stop-smoking
retreats at a local hospital.  Held on two consecutive weekends, he'd
attended hours of stop-smoking classes and motivational sessions.  And he'd
done it for her.

   "I knew you'd quit," Mitch assured her.  "But I didn't know what that'd
mean for our relationship.  I'd never even consider quitting for anyone else.
But if it meant I'd lose you, I didn't want to keep smoking.  So, this
weekend, I officially quit.  For you."

   She couldn't help but smile.  "God, Mitch, that is so sweet.  No one's
ever done anything like that for me."  But inside she felt almost
disappointed.  "How do you feel so far?"

   "Oh, I'm managing," he admitted with a smile.  "This is my third day
without smoking.  It's not easy.  The first weekend was preparation for the
second one, when we all quit.  We now have follow-up meetings twice a week
for several weeks.  But I'll make it, because I want you in my life, Larilyn.
That's more than enough motivation for me to quit smoking."

   "God, you're something, Mitch," she sighed.  "So, do you want to have
lunch together?"

   They did have lunch, this time at a fancier restaurant.  They sat in the
non-smoking section, talking and laughing for an entire hour.  It was
pleasant.  She was gratified he loved her enough to quit for her.  The
problem was, she still wasn't sure she wanted to quit.  But she couldn't
admit that to him.

   As the day wore on she grew less and less productive.  At three Brianna
again stuck her head in.  "Want to join me for a mid-afternoon break?"  Her
tone was deliciously malevolent.

   "No thanks," Larilyn smiled back.  "To be honest, I'd love a cigarette.
But I said I'd quit, and I will.  Plus, I don't have any, remember?  I smoked
that whole fuckin' carton."

   "Then bum a couple of my Virginia Slims Menthols," her assistant shot
back.  "I'd love to contribute to your backsliding.  C'mon, Larilyn.  You
know you want it."

   She sighed.  "It's killing me, but I'll still say no.  Mitch quit this
weekend, and he did it for me.  I can't do this to him.  If I keep smoking,
he will, too."

   Brianna laughed.  "God, Larilyn, you're such an dumb-ass!  Mitch didn't
quit 'cause he wanted to.  He quit because he thought he had to.  Come on.
Light up with me!  Have a couple cigarettes.  Mitch will be thrilled and,
frankly, fuckin' relieved."

   "Maybe," Larilyn sighed.  "But I'm gonna stick it out.  I'll pass."

   Brianna stared at her boss through her large, round glasses.  "You won't
make it, you know.  Mark my words.  Tobacco has its hooks in you too deep.  I
can tell.  You want to smoke, Larilyn.  It's driving you crazy."  She smiled
serenely.  "I'm sure you won't last.  But hell, what do I know?  Maybe you
have more will power than I think."

   "I don't know," Larilyn admitted.  "Every fiber of my being is urging me
to join you and Annie downstairs for a cigarette.  God, I'd love one.  But I
just can't do it."

   And she didn't.  But she couldn't concentrate on work, so after a few
phone calls she left for the day.  But if she thought her preoccupation would
lessen at home, she was mistaken.

   The pungent smell of fresh cigarette smoke assaulted her nostrils when she
walked in the front door.  Andrea was at the kitchen table doing her
homework.  A freshly lit cigarette burned in the ashtray.  "Hi, Mom," she
greeted happily.  "You're home early."

   "Yeah," Larilyn said flatly.  "I wasn't very productive at work.  I
decided to come home and start fresh tomorrow."

   "God, I know the feeling."  Andrea smiled, raised her cigarette to her
lips and took a long, luxurious drag.  "But recently I've found my
concentration improves just as soon as I light up a cigarette."  She held up
her pack of Salem Lights 100's and grinned.  "You want one?"

   "No," Larilyn graciously declined.  "I'm quitting.  Remember?"

   "Oh, fuck," Andrea sarcastically replied, releasing twin streams of smoke
from her nostrils.  "How stupid of me!  How could I forget?  You don't like
to smoke anymore, do you?"

   "C'mon, Andrea.  Don't play the bitch.  I said I was quitting and I am.
Don't make it any harder on me than it already is."

   "At least you admit it's hard," her daughter smiled.  "And that's because
you like to smoke.  In fact, you wish you were smoking right now.  So why the
hell don't you just give in, light one up and have a cigarette with me?"

   "It's the principle of the thing," Larilyn countered.  "I don't think I
can be a casual smoker and just smoke socially.  If I have even one, it'll be
the first in a long, unending string of cigarettes.  Shit, girl.  Look at how
you're handling it.  You're not quitting, are you?"

   "Hell, no, Mom," Andrea smiled.  She deliberately put her cigarette
between her lips and took a nice, long, hard drag.  "But I don't want to
quit.  And neither do you."  She tipped her head and laughed, slowly exhaling
rivulets of smoke from her lips and nose.

   "But I have to," her mom answered back.  "I can't stay involved on the
lung association board if I . . .."

   "Fuck the lung association," Andrea interrupted.  "Mom, that's ridiculous.
You don't like Sandy Rogers anyway.  You've lost all respect for what her
organization stands for.  They're a bunch of deceptive, deceitful,
self-righteous, narrow-minded, goody-goody shitheads.  Fuck 'em.  Don't use
the lung association as the excuse for why you have to quit, for God's sake."

   "They do have their faults," Larilyn replied, backpedaling.  "I'm going up
to my room to read.  I brought some work home.  This discussion is ended."

   "I'm meeting Brittany in a few minutes," Andrea announced.  She crushed
her cigarette in the ashtray.  "We're meeting our other girlfriends who
smoke.  It should be a great evening," she laughed deliciously.

   "Fine," Larilyn said, ascending the stairs.

   A few minutes later she heard the front door slam and Andrea's car start.
She peeked out her window and saw her drive off.  With the coast clear, she
went down to fix something to eat.

   On the kitchen table Andrea left a note.  It read:  "I left these for you,
Mom, just in case you change your mind, which I hope you will.  Enjoy!  Love,
Andrea."  Underneath the note was an open pack of her Salem Lights 100's and
a lighter.  Larilyn sighed.  She moved the pack of cigarettes across the room
and opened the refrigerator.

   Thirty minutes later Larilyn was in the family room staring at the TV.
But she wasn't watching it.  Inside her head her mind was racing.  Damn
Andrea for leaving the cigarettes!  The smell of ambient smoke lingered, and
that was bad enough.  But to have an open pack of menthol cigarettes sitting
there, just waiting for her . . ..  Well, it was pure torture!

   She thought about what Brianna said, that she wasn't capable of quitting.
Andrea thought so, too.  Why?  Because they knew she liked to smoke too much,
and they were right.  She'd never imagined smoking would be so damn
beguiling.  Hell, the truth was, she didn't just like to smoke.  She fuckin'
loved it!  It'd been twenty-four hours since her last cigarette, and the
thought of lighting one up was driving her nuts.  Nothing could describe the
angst she was feeling.

   Despite herself, she began cataloguing the pluses and minuses of just
giving in.  One negative was the impact on Mitch.  If she did it, he'd start
again in a heartbeat.  And then there were the health issues.  But on the
plus side it'd be easier living with Andrea if they were both smoking.  And
whatever happened with Susan, it'd be easier with her being a smoker, too.

   Being a smoker.  She'd really never really thought about it in those
terms.  She said the words aloud.  "A smoker."  They rolled deliciously off
her tongue.  "I'm a smoker," she repeated.  "Larilyn Dahlberg, the smoker."
She giggled.  It didn't sound bad!  With a shit-eating grin, she said it
again.  "Hi, I'm Larilyn Dahlberg.  I smoke.  I'm a nicotine addict, and I'm
damn proud of it.  Fuck you if you don't like it!"  She laughed out loud.
Saying it made her feel independent, like someone who does whatever she wants
and doesn't care what others think.

   But how to finally decide?  She'd never worried much about opinions of
others.  Adverse reactions from friends didn't bother her.  If she started
smoking in earnest, she'd take a ton of shit as a result of her prior
anti-smoking stand.  In a strange way, that realization energized her.  She
liked being different, surprising people and keeping them off balance.
Deciding to smoke would sure as hell do that, she smiled.

   The more she thought about it, she knew the health issue was a relatively
insignificant factor.  She didn't like increasing health risks, but she
wouldn't let that decide the issue of whether to smoke.  The issue was what
she wanted.  And the more she thought about it, the more she knew exactly
what she wanted.

   It was funny.  The whole mess started because she loved Ashley.  She only
smoked in order to see her granddaughter.  But it was no longer about Ashley.
No, it was about her now, and her alone.  Even if she never saw Ashley again,
she still wanted to smoke.  That insight energized her.  She wasn't a smoker
before; not really.  She was a woman who smoked to get something.  But if she
resumed smoking it'd be with a different motivation.  She'd give in to the
desire because she wanted the cigarettes themselves, not what they'd help her
get.  Realizing that, she knew she wanted to smoke.  Now she wanted to be a
smoker.  It was clear-cut.  Her decision had suddenly been made.  She'd do
it!

   Crossing the room, she stared at Andrea's pack of Salem Lights 100's.
What she was about to do would change her life, completely and forever.  But
she'd embrace that change with eager anticipation.  To light up a cigarette
would decisively confirm the path she'd chosen, and the new life she
desperately wanted, namely, to be a smoker.

   She shook a cigarette from the pack and rolled it between her fingers.  It
was long and sleek and white.  She sniffed it.  The smell was delicious!
With eager anticipation she rested it between her trembling lips.  It felt so
normal, so natural, sitting there.  She picked up the lighter and carefully
pushed the lever, making a bright flame erupt.  Slowly she guided it toward
the tip of the motionless cigarette in her mouth.  The Salem ignited, and she
sucked hard; once, twice, and then a third time, pulling the resulting smoke
deep inside her famished lungs.  Immediately she smiled.  Yes, this was what
wanted!  She was now a smoker.  There was no turning back.  This would be
only the first of many, many more cigarettes to follow in years to come.  The
enormity of that happy reality overwhelmed her.  She sat down and smoked the
entire cigarette.

   Andrea got home at ten thirty.  She noticed a haze in the air as she
walked in.  A grin crept over her youthful face as she realized what it
meant.  In the family room was her mom, relaxing on the couch, carelessly
holding a lit cigarette in her long fingers.

   "Hi, honey," she sighed contentedly.  "You win.  You were right.  I
couldn't help myself.  I didn't want to resist anymore.  I gave in.  I
started smoking again shortly after you left."

   "I can see," Andrea replied, eyeing the full ashtray beside her.  She saw
a half empty pack of Marlboro Menthol Lights 100's.  "Where did you get
those?  You finished your carton."

   "This pack is from a brand new carton," Larilyn smiled.  "After a couple
Salems, I decided I needed some more of my own.  So I went and got myself a
second carton of cigarettes.  Believe me, there'll be countless more after
this one.  I'm a smoker now, honey.  For sure and forever.  No turning back."

   She gave Larilyn a hug.  "That's great, Mom.  You seem okay with it.  Are
you?"

   "I'm absolutely ecstatic," she admitted with a relieved smile.  "I
realized it doesn't matter what happens with Susan.  She can do whatever the
hell she wants.  Oh, I still want to see Ashley, but somehow I'm sure I will
eventually.  The change, though, is that now I'm smoking because I want to
smoke, and not because I want to see Ashley.  And it feels fuckin' great!"

   "You're really smoking, too," Andrea noted, glancing again at the full
ashtray.  "How many cigarettes have you had tonight?"

   Larilyn shrugged as she took an extended drag and sucked the smoke deep
into her chest.  "I honestly don't know.  But you know what?  I don't care.
For the first time I don't have to count and keep track.  Tonight I decided
to smoke just as much and as often as I want, and not worry about it."  She,
too, glanced at the overflowing ashtray as she exhaled.  "But I suppose I've
had half a pack this evening.  I just keep lighting 'em up," she giggled
happily.

   Andrea lit one of her own.  "Mom, I'm so happy.  You're a hell of a lot
nicer as a smoker.  You're more laid back and easy-going."  Smoke exploded
from Andrea's youthful lips in rapid-fire, staccato bursts.  "I'm going to
enjoy the new you."

   "Me, too, honey," Larilyn smiled.  "Tonight I went through a
transformation.  I'm finally a real smoker.  Kate's master plan for me has at
long last been accomplished, hasn't it?"

   "You know about Kate's plan?"

   "I put two and two together," she nodded.  "I figured she encouraged Susan
to blackmail me into smoking.  That was why she interceded when Susan went
fuckin' ballistic last night.  Kate's always wanted me to smoke.  But now I
understand why.  Her little plan worked, and I'm glad.  I just hope Kate can
talk some sense into Susan.  But I didn't resume smoking to make things
easier with Susan.  I did it solely for me.  Even so, I hope it'll help.  I
even understand Susan's motivation for revenge.  I wouldn't want to quit
smoking either."  She offered a wry smile.  "Kate and I became good friends
in the last ten years, and we'll be better friends now that we share this."
She motioned to her cigarette and returned it to her lips for another puff.

   "If this were a story, Mom, this scene would represent a very happy
ending."

   "It does," Larilyn agreed.  "And it will, assuming Kate smooths things out
with Susan."

   "I'm willing to bet Susan will come around," Andrea beamed.  She watched
her mother contentedly exhale a thick stream of smoke from her smiling lips.
"She has to."

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