Virginia Slims and California Dreams, Part 2

Virginia Slims and California Dreams
Part 2 of 5
Copyright 1997 by drhumo@juno.com
Reproduced here with permission of author



	But Mike and Elena continued to correspond, and after a while,
they even talked on the phone (with a translator) a few times.  Elena's
English seemed pretty good, but she wasn't comfortable talking without
that translator listening in.  And Mike still had no idea about whether
or not she smoked.

	But he had known her long enough that it was time to send her a
gift.  He thought about it for a few weeks before he decided what he had
to do.  There was one way to find out whether she smoked--or perhaps even
get her to try if she didn't already. Mike decided to send her some
cigarettes.

	The idea seemed brash.  People might take it the wrong way.  What
Mike decided to do was to send her a number of items, including some
American cigarettes.  He wanted the cigarettes to be a significant enough
part of the gift that she would try them.  At the same time, he didn't
want them to stand out so much as to make his intentions too obvious.

	It took some investigation about how to make this delivery.  DHL
and Federal Express did not have service to Bishkek.  Surprisingly,
however, the Post Office did.  An Express Mail package would arrive in
about a week.  And express mail, like registered mail, would be
relatively immune to pilferage.

	He visited the post office to ask some questions.  The first
hurdle was, of course, convincing the clerk that "Kyrgyz Republic" was,
indeed, a real country to which postal service was available.  Having
accomplished that, he inquired as to rates and available services.  Then
he asked about customs regulations.  He was careful how he worded it: 
"I'm sending some friends there some things from the United
States--things like coffee, candy, some canned meat, some perfume, oh,
and some cigarettes."  (It seemed like this was a more diplomatic way of
wording it than, "I want this girl over there to start smoking, so I'm
going to send her cigarettes.  Is that OK?")

	Unfortunately, his hopes were dashed.  The clerk looked through
her manual.  It revealed that most of these items were dutiable, and
would most likely be confiscated prior to delivery. Mike didn't bother
asking whether the cigarettes were specifically on the contraband list.

	The next day at work, Mike talked to one of the international
marketing people at his company about other ways of shipping.  He was
given the name of a freight forwarder in San Francisco who had experience
with shipments to the former Soviet Union.

	The news there was not much better.  Yes, they would be happy to
make all customs arrangements, but for shipments of less than a full
container, the cost would simply be prohibitive.  They suggested,
however, a company which specialized in delivering small "care packages"
to Eastern Europe.  Most of that company's trade consisted of forwarding
packages from older Americans and Canadians who had immigrated from
Eastern Europe to their relatives in those economically suffering parts
of the world.

	They provided the name of an agent, which was actually a Russian
meat market, in San Francisco.  There, amidst the sausage, Mike spoke
with a Russian gentleman about the options.  He listed his intended
cargo, the cigarettes last.  The Russian explained that most of these
items were, in fact, dutiable, but if they were included in a larger
package of non-dutiable foodstuffs, they would probably pass without
objection.  The Russian was quick to point out that the delivery company
had many "contacts" in the customs department, and that virtually all of
their packages pass with no inspection.

	Armed with the details, Mike set his plan into action.  On the
way home, he decided he had to make one necessary stop.  He still hadn't
decided what kind of cigarettes to send.  Probably not the Marlboro Reds
he himself now smoked.  Those would be too strong for Elena if she wasn't
used to smoking.  Besides, they were probably fairly available there
anyway (although perhaps with lesser quality and at a prohibitive price).
 He thought Virginia Slims would be the best, for their feminine quality
and the American cachet they might have.  And again, because he
acknowledged the possibility that these might be Elena's first
cigarettes, he decided on the Light Menthols.  He thought, however, that
he should try them himself before sending any. 

	He stopped at a convenience store with a nice looking girl behind
the counter.  The store was, of course, non-smoking, but he did notice a
package of Marlboro 100's in the pocket of her smock.  He requested "a
pack of Virginia Slims Lights Menthol and a pack of Marlboro".  He felt a
little bit self-conscious about this purchase, for he knew that he was
going to smoke this pack of Virginia Slims himself.  So he was sure to
ask for the Marlboros as well, so that anyone seeing him would assume
that the Marlboros were his, and the Virginia Slims belonged to a
girlfriend or wife at home.  That scenario, he reasoned, wasn't that far
from the truth, anyway.

	He felt excitement at buying the Virginia Slims.  For even though
it was he who would smoke them now, in a sense he was really buying
cigarettes for Elena.

	After he got back into his car and back on the freeway, he opened
the Virginia Slims.  He slipped one into his hand and pushed the car's
lighter.  Before lighting the long white cigarette, he smelled the
mentholated tobacco.  He had tried menthol cigarettes before, and never
really liked them.  But he enjoyed the minty smell.  He then lit the
cigarette and inhaled the cool smoke.  While it was not as satisfying as
his usual Marlboros, Mike enjoyed the menthol cigarette, and supposed
that even if she didn't smoke already, Elena might enjoy one too.  

	He set the long white cigarette in his ashtray, and took out
Elena's picture, which he was now carrying in his wallet.  He glanced
from the road to her picture and took a drag from "her" cigarette. 
Something told him that she was going to enjoy them.  

	Satisfied that no further testing was necessary, Mike put the
rest of the Virginia Slims into the glove compartment and took the next
exit to a discount store.  There, he bought Elena her first carton of
American cigarettes.

	He then went to a department store and a supermarket to finish
his purchases.  To provide the "bulk" in which he was going to conceal
the contraband luxury items, he went about the grocery store buying the
best non-perishable items he could find.  Soon, he had about fifty pounds
of items such as canned meat, cheeses, coffee, candies, cookies, and
crackers.

	This seemed to be an adequate outer layer of packaging.  The next
layer of packaging was the non-tobacco gifts for Elena.  It wasn't that
they weren't important.  He bought things that he knew Elena would love: 
French perfume; Italian shoes; and a cashmere sweater.  But all of these
things also seemed to Mike to be a little bit like packing peanuts:

	The groceries were a ruse to transport the luxury items through
customs.  And those items were partly a ruse to give Elena the most
important gift in the box:  the Virginia Slims.

	Mike found a sturdy box that evening and carefully packed it: 
groceries on the outside, then the gifts for Elena.  And amidst those
gifts lay the most important one.

	Finally, Mike wrote a note to go with the package.  He really
didn't know what Elena would think of the cigarettes, and he certainly
didn't know what her friends and family might think.  He had gotten the
idea that Elena's interpreter was a friend of her parents, and he
preferred that the interpreter not know the contents.  So Mike wrote this
note in English, and planned on having the Russian man at the meat market
translate it:

Dear Elena,

I've loved reading your letters and talking to you so much in the last
few weeks, that I wanted to send you some little gifts.  The company
which is sending them told me that most of them aren't really legal, so
I'm sending them in this large box.  Most of the items on the outside are
groceries, and that's what we've written on the customs documents.  I
hope you and your family enjoy all of these items.

But the main gifts for you are in the red box on the inside.  I hope you
enjoy everything.  I bought all of it here in California.  You know, I
don't know whether or not you smoke, but in case you do, I'm also sending
you a carton of American cigarettes.

Again, I hope very much that you enjoy everything.

Love,

Michael.

	Mike had hesitated some on how to close the letter.  This was the
first letter that he had signed with "love".  It seemed right.  And he
figured that he had said just enough about smoking.  He was nervous, but
he would soon know.

	The next morning, he drove back to the meat market in San
Francisco.  The Russian man, Ivan, was there again, and he told him he
had the package ready.  He explained the contents, and they agreed that
only the grocery items would be listed on the invoice.  Then, he asked
Ivan, "I have one more favor--one I'm willing to pay you for."  

	They agreed on an additional $25 to translate the letter.  Ivan
typed it on an old manual typewriter and then typed "ELENA" in cyrillic
letters on a blue envelope.  Mike carefully placed the letter inside, and
the two men sealed the box.  Ivan promised delivery in about three weeks,
and Mike went home to wait.

	As he had typed the letter, Ivan had pointed out that Elena
probably didn't smoke, but that her father would probably be most
grateful to receive the American cigarettes.  After having said this, the
Russian asked Mike what brand he had sent.  Not wanting to discuss the
matter further, he told the Russian that they were Marlboros.

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