Worth Sacrificing for, Part 2

This fictional account contains adult language and themes.  If such language
and themes offend you, please do not read further.  The persons and events
described in this work are purely fictional.  Any similarity to actual persons
or events is strictly coincidental.  Copyright 2001 by SSTORYMAN.  All rights
reserved.  Permission is hereby granted to reproduce this story in any form
and for any purpose as long as this notice is reproduced and no financial
remuneration is received, directly or indirectly, by the person reproducing
it.

WORTH SACRIFICING FOR


2.	It Only Gets Easier.

   That night Jenny visited a drug store near her apartment.  She bought a
pack of Salem Lights 100's, a disposable lighter, and a small ashtray.  She
didn't get them at the gas station.  She felt too stupid from her experience
there the day before.  When she got home, she was too excited to eat.  She
wanted to try out her lighter.  It wasn't hard to work, so she proceeded to
open her pack of Salems.  She tore off the cellophane and removed the inner
silver paper.  With her fingertips, she delicately removed a cigarette, just
the way Charisse had shown her.  "Eric, you asshole, I hope you appreciate
this," she sighed, putting the unlit cigarette in her mouth.

   She lit up and let the burning cigarette hang from her lips, like with
Charisse at lunch.  Despite some initial anxiety, the whole business seemed
deliciously decadent.  She felt like a bad girl, smoking in her apartment.  If
Eric wanted her to play the 'bad girl,' she'd comply happily.  She began
wondering what other things she could do to support this new image she was
creating.  First things first, she told herself.  She'd work on this all
night!

   She periodically puffed on the dangling cigarette and released smoke from
the corners of her mouth.  As Charisse suggested, she put her bedroom make-up
mirror on the kitchen table and carefully watched herself while the Salem hung
from her red lips.  Oh, that girl in the mirror _did_ look bad!  She looked
_so_ bad!  She put on a bitchy, pouting expression.  Yep, when the need arose,
she could be evil!  "Fuck you, Eric," she whispered to the reflection in the
mirror.  She took a little puff and repeated the words.  "Fuck you, big boy,"
she muttered maliciously smiling.  Thick, rich, white smoke flowed from the
corners of her mouth as she said the words.

   After finishing her cigarette, she felt amazingly good.  She fixed supper
and turned on the TV to watch the news, leafing through reports from work as
she ate.  But her thoughts returned to smoking.  She couldn't stop thinking
about Charisse's words.  There _was_ lots of anti-smoking sentiment at Sargon.
No one in management smoked that she knew of.  But how many others like
Charisse were out there?  Were there other closet smokers in management?  She
sighed.  There was no way to know.  But it didn't matter.  Like Charisse,
she'd keep her involvement a secret.  It was safer that way.

   She turned off the TV and set her briefcase aside.  It was time to smoke
again!  With her fingertips she withdrew another Salem from her green pack.
The fact that it was _her_ pack, and no one else's, seemed delightfully
degenerate.  She sniffed the unlit cigarette.  The minty menthol had an
inviting smell.  She was looking forward to it.  Did that mean she was
becoming a smoker?  "Probably not," she decided, almost disappointedly.  She
was still learning the ropes.  But learn them she would.  Then she'd titillate
Eric with her newfound skill!

   With a lit cigarette carefully perched in her mouth, she again watched
herself in the mirror.  She liked how smoke curled from the end of the Salem
while it hung from her lips.  She pouted.  "You're such a bad girl, Jenny,"
she smiled wickedly.  She admired the way the cigarette bobbed up and down
when she spoke.  She sealed her lips around the filter and dragged.  The
cigarette raised up.  For a moment its cherry end burned bright.  She released
it, and it dropped back down, as smoke poured from her mouth around it.  She
smiled.  It no longer tasted so bad.  In fact, she sort of liked it.  That,
too, she felt, was great progress!

   Halfway through her second cigarette, the phone rang.  Jenny quickly put it
in the ashtray and picked up the receiver.  She cleared her throat.  "Hello?"

   "Hi, Jen," a male voice answered.  "What's happening?"

   "Hi, Eric."  She was glad it was him!  She audibly sighed, trying to sound
casual.  "Oh, not much.  I'm sitting here smoking right now."

   He startled.  "You're shitting me, right?"

   "No, I'm not shitting you," she playfully replied.  "Are you pleased?"

   "Pleased?  God, I'm ecstatic.  I never thought you'd actually do it.
That's great."

   "Eric, I'm disappointed.  How could you think I'd miss an opportunity to
please you?  You know, I'd do anything for you, baby."  She intentionally
tried to sound like a slut.

   There was a pause on the line.  "Can I come over?" he breathlessly asked.

   She frowned.  She wanted to practice more before showing off for him.  But
she did want to see him.  He rarely offered to come over on weeknights.
"Sure, Eric.  Give me a little time to clean up.  Maybe we can rent a movie or
something."

   "Actually, if you'll smoke for me, Jenny, we won't have time to rent a
movie."

   "Why?  What do you mean?"

   "I mean, just the thought of you smoking is making me incredibly hot.  Once
I see you do it, I'm afraid I won't be able to keep my hands off you!"

   Jenny smiled lasciviously.  This was great!  "Eric, I'll do anything that
makes you want me more."  She picked up her half-smoked cigarette from the
ashtray.  "In fact, I'm holding a cigarette in my hand right this minute."

   She heard a sigh on the phone.  "Jenny, you're driving me crazy.  You know
that, don't you?  God, I can't wait to see you!  I'm coming over right now!"

   "That's great.  And Eric?  Tonight I'll drive you crazy all night.  I hope
you'll like it."

   Hanging up, she put the cigarette back in her mouth.  She felt satiated,
but Eric was so excited!  If this made him want to come over more, it was
worth it.  She giggled.  Maybe he'd even spend the night this time.

   Before crushing out her cigarette, she wondered if Eric expected her to
smoke like Charisse did, by inhaling.  She decided to give it a try, to see if
she could do it.  Looking in the mirror, she took a drag.  Rather than blow
the smoke out, she breathed it down into her lungs as she removed the
cigarette from her lips.

   There was a peculiar tightness in the back of her throat as she breathed
in, and an odd fullness in her chest when she completed the inhale.  It didn't
feel bad, but it was weird!  For a moment, she thought she'd cough.  But she
didn't.  She relaxed her abdominal muscles.  A weird and wonderful sight
greeted her astonished eyes.  Out of the mouth of the girl in the mirror came
a torrent of exhaled smoke.  She grinned.  Yes!  This was it!  She was really
smoking!  She felt super excited!

   There was one drag left on her shrinking Salem, and she tried it again.
This time it was easier; the smoke slid down her windpipe without incident.
There was still a tightness in her chest, but the initial cough reflex was
gone.  She pursed her lips and watched in the mirror as another stream of
thick, rich smoke flowed from her mouth.  She smiled with satisfaction.  Well,
God damn!  It felt good.  She was really smoking now.  She was in!

   Suddenly, she felt dizzy.  She put the cigarette out in the ashtray, and
sat down to collect herself.  She had to take it slow.  Nicotine was absorbing
in her system.  But now she knew that she'd eventually master smoking.
Tonight she'd start showing Eric what he had to look forward to.  If it helped
reel him in, all the way in, then it'd be worth it.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

   Jenny and Valerie sat in the cafeteria.  "I can't believe you're telling me
this."

   "Val, it was totally worth it to learn to smoke," she breathlessly went on.
"When Eric saw me smoke, I thought he'd jump out of his pants!  He'd have done
anything - and I mean anything - I asked.  He was hard as a rock the minute he
saw it.  It was so great!"  She laughed deliriously.  "It was absolutely
fuckin' great!"

   Valerie shook her head.  "So, how many cigarettes did you have yesterday?"

   Jenny thought a moment.  "Hmm.  Let's see.  I had two at lunch, and two
more before Eric came over.  I smoked a couple for him, until he practically
tore my clothes off and pulled me down onto the floor to fuck."  She giggled.
"We never made it to the bedroom, Val.  It was really cool.  I've never seen
that boy so hot for me!"

   "That's six cigarettes.  Was that it?"

   "No, I had one more after we had sex.  Amazingly, as soon as I lit up Eric
got it up again.  It was the first time we've ever made love twice in a row.
Smoking drives him crazy, Val.  I completely control him when I have a
cigarette in my mouth."

   "But you didn't inhale the smoke, did you?  God, I sure hope you didn't!"

   Jenny laughed.  "Yeah, I did.  I tried inhaling the first time right before
Eric came over.  It wasn't as hard as I thought.  I tried it a few more times
when he got to my place.  He really liked it."  She frowned.  "He started
talking to me about other stuff, things like french-inhales, nostril exhales,
double-pumps and shit like that.  I guess I've got a lot to learn about
smoking."

   Val rolled her eyes.  "Jenny, this is dangerous.  Don't you see?  You'll be
hooked on those damn things if you keep on.  Promise me from now on you'll
only smoke with Eric."

   "No can do, Val," she shrugged.  "Char - I mean, my friend who's helping me
- says I need to practice as much as possible.  So I'm going to.  The power
  this gives me over Eric is just incredible.  I love it!"

   "But the power you have over Eric is directly related to the power nicotine
has over you, Jen.  Don't you see?  You'll get addicted, and then you'll need
to smoke all the time."

   "I'm not worried," Jenny said, sloughing off the counsel.  "I can control
it.  My friend says she can.  I can, too."  Her tale irritated Valerie, so she
decided to take another swipe at her.  "I'm practicing as much as I can.  I
had two more cigarettes this morning before coming to work.  Actually, I hate
to tell you, but it was highly enjoyable," she added impishly.

   Valerie looked at her watch.  "Break's almost over, Jen.  But listen.
Believe me, I know what I'm talking about.  This is a mistake.  You can still
turn back.  But soon, very soon, you won't be able to.  I'm just looking out
for you.  If Eric really loved you, he wouldn't ask you to do this."

   "What do you mean, you know?  Did you ever smoke?"

   Valerie mournfully nodded her head.  "Back when I was in college," she said
softly.  "And quitting was the hardest thing I ever did."

   Now Jenny's interest picked up.  "Really?  God, Val, I never knew.  But why
did you quit?  Didn't you like to smoke?"

   It was Valerie's turn to laugh, but ruefully this time.  "Like it?  Shit!
Are you kidding?  I _loved_ it!  In those days, it's all I ever wanted to do.
I was doing almost two packs a day.  I smoked every waking minute.  No, I
liked it.  I liked it way too much."

   Jenny smiled.  She was pleased to have this information.  "Then why quit,
Val?"

   "Because smoking's bad for you, stupid!  You seem to be ignoring that
critical factor.  I quit because I don't want to die of lung cancer or heart
disease."

   Jenny shrugged.  "I don't know.  I can't get worked up about the health
issues.  We're young, Val.  We won't die tomorrow from smoking, for God's
sake.  I prefer to believe that the so-called health issues will take care of
themselves.  When we're old enough to worry about that shit, all the problems
will be solved.  You're even younger.  I don't think there's anything to worry
about."  She sighed.  "Of course, I'll never be the kind of smoker you were.
I only smoke because it gives me power over Eric."

   Valerie shook her head.  "God, I don't know, Jenny.  I'm sure that's what
you think.  But you're not being very smart."

   "Look, Val, I adore the power smoking gives me over Eric.  I've never had a
lovemaking session like the one we had last night.  It was fuckin' fabulous!
I don't intend to give that up.  If smoking buys me that influence, then I
say, why the hell not do it?  And I daresay if you were in my position, you'd
make the same decision."

   Valerie looked at her.  "I understand the power and influence thing.  But
how about the smoking itself?  How do you feel about that?"

   "I like it," she admitted sheepishly.  "I didn't at first, but it grows on
you.  You know what I mean?"  Valerie nodded.  "Smoking's a real rush.  It
makes me feel good, to be blunt.  I definitely understand why people like it,
despite the health risks.  I don't know if I'd actually want to smoke apart
from Eric.  But on balance, it's been a pleasant surprise.  Yeah, it's okay."

   "That'll change," Valerie predicted.  "Before you know it, you'll like it a
lot more than okay.  You won't be able to live without it.  And when you're
hopelessly addicted and can't stop even though you want to, don't come crying
to me, girlfriend.  Remember, I warned you."

   Jenny laughed.  "I'll remember, Val.  But don't worry.  I'll never come to
you crying.  I can control myself.  Like Char - I mean, like my friend, I'll
only smoke when I want to, like when I'm with Eric."

   Valerie shook her head as they walked to the elevator.  She pushed the
button and turned toward her friend with the long, curly brown hair.  "For
your sake, Jen, I hope you're right."

   Later that afternoon, Jenny told Charisse of her progress, including her
new ability to inhale, and about her marathon lovemaking session with Eric.
Charisse seemed pleased.  Unlike Valerie, she seemed happy to welcome Jenny
into the ranks.  And also unlike Valerie, Charisse never said a word of
caution or warning.  It only reinforced Jenny's conclusion that she was making
the right decision.

   The truth was, she did like the power smoking gave her over Eric.  She'd
never seen him so excited, so sexually charged.  He wanted her like never
before, and she liked that.  She now had a means to manipulate him, and she
was eager to further secure that power.

   That night she logged onto the internet to find out more.  Eric asked if
she could do french-inhales, double-pumps and nostril exhales.  She didn't
know what those were, but she was determined to find out.  After searching she
found some pro-smoking web sites designed specially for women describing in
detail how to smoke elegantly.  She printed the pages and studied them
carefully to refine her smoking techniques.  Anything that would strengthen
her hold over Eric was fair game.  By the end of the night, she'd tried double
pumps, nostril inhales and multiple exhales.  They still needed work, but she
wanted to learn everything Eric desired.

   Over the next week Eric called every night to talk by phone, and came over
often.  They previously saw each other a couple nights a week.  Now he wanted
to be with Jenny constantly.  She was ecstatic.  Eric wanted her to smoke all
the time, but that wasn't hard.  It was a small price to pay for his increased
attention.  He loved to watch her practice the smoking tricks she was
learning.  He showed a particular fondness for nostril exhales and seeing a
cigarette dangle from her lips.  She was glad Charisse suggested mastering
that technique; by now it was easy.

   After the first week, Jenny had settled into a regular routine.  Before
work each day she systematically smoked three cigarettes, practicing her
techniques in front of the mirror.  After work she had a couple more
cigarettes before supper.  If Eric came over, she smoked before, during and
after they had sex.  Surprisingly, he especially wanted her to smoke while
making love.  It grew easier and easier to comply.  She loved having his
complete attention.  

   The nights Eric didn't come over, Jenny practiced without him, smoking five
or six cigarettes in the course of an average evening.  Above all, he seemed
to like seeing her inhale smoke deep inside her lungs, so she faithfully
practiced to perfect that skill, too.  She was now smoking half a pack a day,
and gradually learned to enjoy the smoking experience along with her new power
over Eric.

   Jenny soon realized that eating lunch with Valerie every day in the
company's non-smoking cafeteria made her miss a great opportunity to smoke.
So one day she left campus to drive to Giovanni's, where she smoked with
Charisse.  She went alone, and the same waitress, Gretchen, waited on her.
The restaurant wasn't busy, so for an hour she smoked and talked to the
waitress.  Before she left, Gretchen even sat down and had a cigarette with
her.  Jenny liked that.  She loved having someone to smoke with.  The
camaraderie she shared with Gretchen as they smoked and talked seemed
significant.  She wished she could do _that_ more often.

   The next morning as she left for work, she remembered the odor she smelled
in Charisse's car when they visited Giovanni's, because Charisse smoked in her
car.  Jenny smiled thoughtfully.  "There's no reason I shouldn't smoke in _my_
car," she mused.  "After all, most smokers have a cigarette to two driving to
and from work.  There's no harm in _me_ doing it."

   For the first time she had a cigarette in her car driving to work.  It
didn't seem weird.  It seemed . . . natural.  At noon she left campus to have
lunch alone at Giovanni's.  She smoked a cigarette on her way, had three more
over lunch, and enjoyed another driving back to the office.  It seemed really
nice.  It made her feel good.  That evening, driving home, she had two more.
It seemed so normal, so pleasant, to smoke more.  She liked it; she liked it a
lot.

   That night Eric was out of town.  Without thinking, she continued to smoke
more frequently.  She was enjoying herself doing it.  She had nine more before
bed, bringing her total to twenty cigarettes for the day, a full pack, her all
time high.

   Jenny's whole attitude toward smoking was slowly changing.  Smoking was no
longer something she did just to make Eric happy.  She liked it.  She
originally learned to pull the smoke deep into her lungs solely for his
benefit.  But now she did it because she liked it as much as he did, maybe
more.  She liked how smoking made her feel.  She felt relaxed, fulfilled and
satisfied each time she lit up a cigarette and sucked smoke inside.  Almost
imperceptibly, her outlook was shifting.  Making Eric happy had become an
added benefit, but not her only reason for lighting up.  She really liked
smoking, she decided.  She concluded she'd keep smoking because it made her
happy.  She was becoming partial to smoking for its own sake.

   The next day when she awoke she felt an odd craving.  She immediately knew
what it was.  She wanted a cigarette!  Till then she'd smoked in the mornings
mostly to practice.  But now, something was different.  Now she didn't care
about practicing.  Fuck that!  She just wanted to feel that delicious smoke in
her lungs.  Her sense of anticipation was overwhelming.  Still in her
nightgown, she found her pack of Salem Lights 100's and put one in her mouth.
Quickly lighting up, she pumped hard, once, twice, and then, surprisingly, a
third time.  Each drag filled her mouth, lungs and sinuses with more smoke.
It tasted heavenly!  The feeling was marvelous.  A tingle of excitement ran
through her body.  God, this was it!  She loved to smoke!  She smoked her
first cigarette furiously of the day, finishing it in record time.

   She showered and dressed for work.  The lingering aroma of tobacco smoke
wafted in her bedroom air.  It smelled nice!  She wandered down to the
kitchen, fixed cereal and coffee, and had another cigarette while eating her
corn flakes.  She was eager to smoke again, and the enjoyment she felt smoking
seemed unusually acute.  She puffed in between bites, and doing it felt
deliciously decadent.  She lit up a third cigarette and smoked it finishing
her coffee.  She felt unusually energized.  Smoking had somehow become much
more enjoyable!

   Traffic driving to work was unusually slow.  She lit up a cigarette shortly
after leaving her apartment, and felt invigorated sitting in her smoke-filled
car.  That cigarette led to another, and then a third one before she finally
arrived at the office.  After smoking six cigarettes before 8:30 in the
morning, she felt extraordinarily cheerful and upbeat.

   She was busy at work, and the morning flew by.  Originally she planned to
duck out again to Giovanni's for lunch alone.  But before she left Valerie
showed up at her desk.

   "You're avoiding me, Jen," her dark-haired friend accused.  "You haven't
been in the cafeteria for lunch the last two days.  What the hell's up?"

   "Nothing," she defensively replied.  "I went out to lunch.  That's all."

   "You'll join me for lunch today, won't you?"  Valerie seemed adamant.

   "Uh, sure," Jenny answered.  There was hesitation in her voice.  "Yeah, I
can do that."

   Valerie's eyes sparkled as if she'd made an important discovery.  "You've
been leaving the building to smoke at lunch, haven't you?  God!  I warned you,
Jen."

   "No, that's not it," she lied.  "I don't have to smoke.  I can have lunch
with you today, Val.  I'll meet you downstairs in the cafeteria right at
noon."

   "Good," Valerie triumphantly smiled.  "We have some office gossip to catch
up on."

   As Valerie left, Jenny felt disappointed.  It was almost despair.  She'd
been _so_ looking forward to lunch at Giovanni's.  No, that wasn't it, she had
to admit.  She'd been looking forward to having a few cigarettes.  But, no
problem, she decided.  After all, she didn't _have_ to smoke.  She'd have
lunch with Val.

   They met in the employee cafeteria at noon.  Valerie shared some juicy
rumors about sexual escapades rumored to be going on in the office.  But Jenny
was preoccupied.  Ordinarily she loved gossip.  But today she couldn't
concentrate.  She kept thinking about the missed opportunity to smoke over the
lunch hour.

   Back at her desk, she soon realized she'd just made a big mistake.  The
buoyancy she felt earlier in the day had disappeared, replaced by an
inescapable fixation on one thing - smoking again!  As she sat at her
computer, her mind wandered.  She couldn't concentrate.  Despite her confident
protests, Val was right.  She now _needed_ to smoke.  She no longer could go
without a cigarette for an entire day.  Or maybe she just didn't want to.
Either way, it didn't matter.  She knew she'd never make it through the rest
of the day without smoking at least one cigarette.  She had to find a way to
smoke again before five o'clock!

   The answer was obvious, but not simple.  Every afternoon during break time
a small group of smokers regularly retreated to the area behind the building.
Jenny swore she'd never do that.  She'd told herself she'd always be able to
control her smoking, like Charisse.  But suddenly, she wasn't sure.  Even so,
the thought of going out there alone on her afternoon break terrified her.
She had to do it; she knew that.  But she wanted an ally, someone to tag along
with.  Who could she ask?

   She ran through a mental list of people in her department.  Was there
anyone who smoked?  More specifically, did anyone she know go outside for
their smoke breaks in the afternoon?  She never paid much attention before to
whether people smoked.  But now it was of critical importance.  She couldn't
go out there unless she had a friend to go with.

   Jenny took her afternoon breaks at three.  Most people did.  She always
took the elevator to the employee cafeteria.  To go outside you followed a
different route, down the back stairs out to the area behind the building.
She furrowed her brow and thought.  Who in her department had she seen heading
that direction?  Suddenly it hit her.  Kandi!

   Kandi Keller was a pretty blond secretary in the accounting department.
Kandi wasn't assigned to anyone in particular; she worked in the typing pool.
She was friendly and pleasant, though, always ready to lend a hand whenever
anyone needed help.  She was in her mid twenties.  Most important, Jenny was
sure she'd seen Kandi walk the other way for her breaks, down the hall toward
the back stairwell at three o'clock.

   Trying to act casual, she slowly sauntered over to Kandi's desk in the
typing pool.  The pretty secretary's long blond hair fell over her shoulders
as she worked at her computer preparing a spreadsheet.  Jenny conspicuously
cleared her throat.

   "Oh, hi, Jenny," Kandi said with a smile, turning to greet her visitor, her
blue eyes sparkling.  "I'm working on something for Charisse.  What can I help
you with?"

   "Kandi, I need to ask a question."  Jenny looked around furtively to make
sure no one was listening.  "You may think this is a little strange.  But bear
with me."

   Kandi smiled pleasantly.  "No problem, Jenny.  What is it?"

   "I don't know exactly how to ask," she nervously fumbled.  "Oh, shit!  I'll
just say it.  Kandi, do you smoke?"

   Kandi looked perplexed.  "Actually, yes, I do," she slowly answered.  "Is
it a problem?"

   Jenny grinned with relief.  "No, actually it's no problem at all.  It's
great.  See, I, uh, I wondered if I could join you this afternoon when you
take your break out behind the building."

   Kandi's eyes sparkled.  "Jenny," she smiled impishly.  "I didn't know
you're a smoker!"

   Jenny sputtered.  "Oh, I'm not.  I mean, well, actually, yes, I am, sort
of.  I mean . . . .  Shit!  Yes, I do smoke a little."  She shook her head and
took a deep breath.  "God!  This is so hard to say.  What I mean is, Kandi, I
recently started smoking and, well, I swore I'd never smoke here at work, but
God, now I _really_ need a cigarette.  It's driving me nuts."  She stopped to
reflect on the words she'd spoken.  "So, can I join you?  I'm scared to go out
there and smoke without someone to be my friend.  You know, to sort of hang
out with?"

   Kandi laughed.  "Relax, Jenny.  That's fine.  I completely understand.
Coming out can be _so_ difficult.  I'd love for you to come along.  Sally
Bowen and I go outside to smoke at three every afternoon.  Please, come with
us.  And don't worry.  The smokers here at Sargon all understand.  We're
always glad to add someone new to our group.  No one will say anything
critical or make fun of you.  I promise."

   "God, thanks so much, Kandi.  I feel like such an idiot.  But I thought you
were a smoker, and I hoped you'd be willing to sponsor me, so to speak."

   The blond girl laughed.  "I'd love to be your sponsor, Jenny.  Stop by my
desk at three.  We'll go out together.  And don't forget to bring your
cigarettes," she teased.

   "Oh, don't worry about that," Jenny smiled appreciatively.  "And thanks,
Kandi."

   A few minutes before three Jenny showed up at Kandi's desk.  Jenny was
wearing a turtleneck, slacks and blazer.  She slipped her Salem Lights 100's
inside the blazer's breast pocket.  She nervously stood by Kandi's station
while the blond girl finished working.

   "Ready?" Kandi kidded good-naturedly.  "I mean, are you ready for a
cigarette?"

   "Oh my God, yes," Jenny eagerly exclaimed.  She let out a deep sigh.  "I am
_so_ ready!  I've been completely worthless all afternoon.  I guess I didn't
realize just how much I've begun to rely on being able to smoke to make it
through the day."

   Silently Kandi took a burgundy leather cigarette pouch from her desk
drawer.  A gray disposable lighter was stuck in the outside pocket.  "Oh yeah,
that's how it is.  At ten, twelve and three, every day of the week, I have to
have a nicotine fix."  She giggled.  "God, this is cool, Jenny.  I'm so glad
you're coming out."

   They walked down the hall toward the back stairwell.  "Well, I'm not really
sure I'm exactly 'coming out,' Kandi.  I haven't decided that.  I only know I
need a cigarette today."

   "And now you shall have one," the blond girl said with a smile as she
opened the door to the stairwell.  "So, Jenny, tell me.  How long have you
been smoking?  That is, if you don't mind me asking," she added with a wink
while they descended the interior staircase.

   "About a week and a half," Jenny smiled.  "In the beginning I never planned
on smoking as much as I have been.  But the last few days it seems like I
can't get enough of it.  Yesterday and today I left the building over noon
hour to smoke during lunch.  But I couldn't do that today, and now I'm paying
for it, I'm afraid, big time."  She grimaced.  "Does that make sense?"

   "Oh, yeah," Kandi laughed.  "Sure does.  It makes perfect sense to anyone
who's a smoker."  She opened the door and stepped out onto the lawn.  Near the
back door were two picnic tables and several large sand ashtrays.  Half a
dozen people out there were smoking.  "Welcome to our world, Jenny!"

   Without a word Kandi removed a cigarette from her pouch and slipped it
between her lips.  She clicked her lighter and instantly lit up.  Her cheeks
hollowed and she took a long, strong, first drag.  She paused to gaze at
Jenny, with the long, white cigarette still protruding from her smiling lips.
"Well?  I thought you wanted to smoke.  Are you going to join me?"

   Jenny gulped and nodded.  "Uh, yeah, sure."  She took her pack from her
blazer pocket and shook out a cigarette.  Putting it in her mouth, she was
about to get her lighter from the same pocket, when Kandi held out hers.

   "Here, let me do the honors," the blond girl graciously offered.

   "Thanks," Jenny smiled.  She leaned in for the light, shielding the flame
from the wind with her hands.  When it caught, she dragged on the cigarette
and her cheeks hollowed.  She pumped once, twice and a third time, and with
each consecutive drag she pulled more smoke into her body.  The feeling inside
her lungs was wonderful!  God, she was _so_ ready for this!

   "God, you _were_ desperate, weren't you?"  Kandi laughed jovially.  "Hey,
everyone, this is Jenny King, from accounting.  She's joining us today.
Jenny, this is Sally Bowen, Amy Dockman, Roger Henry, Brigitte Collins, Bobbie
Brandt, and Mike Conrad."

   Jenny nodded at the group.  "Hi," she mumbled, exhaling smoke from her
prodigious initial drags.  They all nodded back, and returned to their
conversations.

   Kandi turned to her new friend.  "So you just started.  How much do you
smoke, Jenny?"  She returned her own cigarette to her lips for another drag.

   "God, I don't know," Jenny fumbled nervously.  "Yesterday I smoked a whole
pack."

   "Wow," whistled Kandi.  "My God!  Impressive!  In a week and a half, you're
already up to a pack a day?"  She shook her head in mock disbelief.  "It's
none of my business, Jenny, but I have to ask.  What made you decide to start
smoking?"

   "Well, it's kind of personal," she replied, taking another drag on her
Salem.  She didn't want to tell Kandi about Eric and his interest in watching
her smoke.  "I was just curious.  Let's leave it at that."

   Kandi shrugged and happily exhaled another long stream of smoke into the
breeze.  "That's fine with me.  What you do is your business.  It's none of my
affair."

   The other smokers were talking amongst themselves.  Kandi and Jenny smoked
silently for a moment, both enjoying the long-awaited relief delivered by the
nicotine in their ravenously hungry bodies.  Finally Jenny broke the silence.
She felt she should say something.  "So, Kandi, have you been a smoker for a
long time?"

   "Me?  Oh, God!  Yeah, a long time.  I started in high school, ten years
ago.  I thought it was gross, but a friend wanted me to try it with her.  So I
did, and poof!  Before I knew it, I was smoking all the time, just like her.
I tried to quit a few years back, but I couldn't do it.  I know smoking's not
good for me, but I do love it.  You know?"

   Jenny sighed and nodded.  "God, yeah, I know.  Me, too.  I'm surprised just
how much I do like it.  It's incredibly beguiling, isn't it?"

   "What?"

   "I mean, it's so enthralling.  There's something about smoking cigarettes
that's so goddamn satisfying.  I just can't get over it.  It's pretty cool."

   "You're right about that," Kandi heartily agreed.  "There's nothing in the
world quite like it."  With a final puff she put hers out in the sand ashtray.
"I always smoke two," she explained as she opened her cigarette pouch and took
out another one.  "Most of us do."

   "God, that sounds good," Jenny laughed.  Following Kandi's lead, she
crushed out her cigarette and got another Salem from her pack.  She lit up and
took another long, initial drag.  "Wow!  Thanks so much for bringing me out.
I feel better already."

   "Yeah, I can tell," Kandi nodded vigorously.  "You look better, too.  You
were kind of pale and stressed out.  But now your color's better.  By the time
you finish that second cigarette, I'm sure you'll be good to go for the rest
of the afternoon!"

   The guy identified as Mike Conrad walked over.  "Hi, Jenny, I'm Mike," he
smiled, formally introducing himself.  "I've never seen you out here before."

   "Well, I'm sort of new at this," she said shyly.  "Not at Sarcom.  I mean,
I'm new to smoking.  I just recently started."  She took a drag.  "Kandi was
nice enough to bring me out."

   Mike was tall and good-looking.  He looked to be in his late twenties.
"Well, I'm head of building maintenance here.  It's very nice to meet you,
Jenny."

   "Yeah, nice to meet you, too," she smiled.  Mike was flirting, and she
liked the attention.  She saw his pack of cigarettes in his shirt pocket.  It
was gold with red trim, with the letters "B&H" stamped on top.  She'd begun
noticing the different brands people smoked.  Obviously he smoked Benson &
Hedges.

   Mike went on with a laugh.  "We pariahs are always glad when we're joined
out here by someone new.  After all, the more smokers we have at the company,
the harder it is for 'em to shut down this smoking area.  It's especially
great to see someone from management out here."

   "How did you know I'm in management?" Jenny asked, taking another hit on
her Salem.

   "I've seen you in the accounting department," Mike winked.  "You're one of
Charisse's people, right?  In fact, the rumor is that you're on track to be
named assistant vice president of accounting."  Seeing her surprise, he smiled
again.  "I keep my ears open.  I'm glad you've thrown your lot in with the
smokers, Jenny.  I'm out here every morning at ten and every afternoon at
three, with Kandi, Sally and the others.  You're always welcome."

   "Thanks, Mike," she replied, coyly smiling back.  God, he was cute!  "But
I'm not sure I'll be coming out here regularly or anything.  I usually take my
breaks in the cafeteria."

   "Yeah, I know, with Valerie Restelli, right?"

   Again Jenny was surprised.  "Yes, but how did you know?"

   "I keep my eyes on all the pretty girls at Sarcom.  Of course, none are as
cute as Kandi."

   "Oh, stop it," Kandi objected with a smile.  "I'm taken, Mike, and you know
it."

   "A guy can dream, can't he?"  he grinned at both girls.  "Anyway, Jenny,
from the way you're smoking right now, I won't be surprised to see you out
here much more often.  I know a real smoker when I see one.  And you, Jenny
King, sure look like a real smoker!"

   Jenny nodded.  "I _do_ like to smoke," she admitted, tipping her head to
exhale a stream of blue-gray smoke into the afternoon air.  "God, I never
thought I'd say this.  But you know what?  Maybe you're right.  Maybe I _will_
start coming out with Kandi sometimes."

   "I hope you will.  Well, I've got to get back to work."  He took a last
drag, stuck his B&H in the sand ashtray and headed indoors.  "See you guys
tomorrow morning."

   "See you, Mike," the girls said in unison.

   Jenny and Kandi ascended the back stairs, and the blond girl turned to her
new friend.  "I think Mike likes you, Jenny," she teased.  "He's a hell of a
nice guy.  Maybe he'll ask you out."

   "I have a boyfriend," she smiled timidly.  "Like you, apparently, Kandi,
I'm not in the market."

   "Well, it never hurts to have options," Kandi smiled.  "If you want to join
me for a smoke tomorrow morning, just let me know.  Like I said, I'm out here
every day at ten and at three."

   "Thanks," Jenny nodded.  "Thanks a lot.  I'll think about it."  She
laughed.  "God, I do feel better!  That was definitely nice.  Real nice!"

   "Amen, sister," Kandi smiled.  "Amen!"

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