The Girls of Lakewood, Part 6

Article 7538 of alt.sex.fetish.smoking:
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From: an284773@anon.penet.fi
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Date: Sat,  2 Mar 1996 12:02:19 UTC
Subject: Story: The Girls of Lakewood 6/7
Lines: 377


Here's part 6...

**

Chapter 6: Out of the Mouths of Babes


Sara's dad bade her a tearful farewell a week later, and Sara did her best
to adjust to life without him there for her. He called her frequently, and
sent her letters and presents from his new far-away home, so she knew that
he still cared for her. Michelle, for her part, seemed to be trying to make
an effort to be a little more conciliatory and a little less judgmental
about things, but obviously the separation had affected her deeply as well.
Sara had her 14th birthday a few weeks after the separation started, and
needless to say it was not a particularly happy one despite the best efforts
of both her mom and the Petersens, who continued to treat her as almost a
second daughter. She continued to spend much of her time there, to
Michelle's growing displeasure, and continued to develop her smoking habit
at their home. This was the period when Kim had started giving in to the
habit after Linda had removed her restrictions, and so Sara began to smoke
more in response to both Kim's prompting and her general state of mind. Soon
she too began to experience the same intensified cravings that Kim had begun
to succumb to, and realized that she would no longer be able to keep her
habit a secret from the rest of the world. Part of it was based on the
messages her system was sending out, but a large part of it was from wanting
to be the same as Kim. For Sara, though, being able to smoke freely meant
getting Michelle to go along.

Sara talked with both Linda and Kim about how to get her mom to agree to let
her smoke, and they all agreed that she should simply try the direct
approach. It meant building up her courage, but one day she waited until her
mom seemed to be in a good mood and decided to try her luck. 

"Mom," she said, "I need to discuss something with you."

"What's that, Sara?".

"I want to tell you... I smoke now. And I'd like to be able to smoke here at
home from now on."

Michelle exploded. "What?!? I knew it! I knew I smelled it on you! How the
hell can you be so stupid! It's that Linda Petersen and your friend Kim,
isn't it? I saw them the other day and Kim was smoking at the mall right
alongside her mother. Talk about brazen! Well, forget it... there's no way
you're going to smoke here, young lady!"

Now it was Sara's turn to blow up. She usually kept her temper in check, but
with everything that had happened of late, her mom's unreasonable attitude
was too much for her to stand. "Well, I guess maybe I should move out of
here too! Now I can understand why daddy had to leave. How can you be so
quick to judge people? Kim and Linda Petersen are my friends, and they're
good people, mom. When you insult them, you insult me! At least they treat
me like an adult, which is more than I can say for you these days!"

Michelle realized that she had gone too far by attacking the Petersens, and
tried to backpedal. "Oh, Sara, I'm sorry. I've been under a lot of strain
lately. But, Sara, honey, why smoke? It's a terrible habit, you know that.
When I quit, I went through hell for months. If you don't stop now, you
might not ever be able to. Please, honey, I wish you'd give this some more
thought."

"Mom, I _have_ thought about it and I don't want to stop. Besides, I've been
smoking for years. I had my first cigarettes back when you still smoked,
because I thought it was so neat when you did it." Michelle's face
registered her disbelief as Sara continued. "So I've been smoking for a long
time and I intend to continue. I can do it here, or I can do it behind your
back, but I'm going to do it."

"I forbid you to smoke in this house, Sara, and that's all I intend to say
about it!," Michelle proclaimed, spinning on her heel and stomping away.
Fine, Sara thought to herself, if that's the way she wants to be, we'll see
who's stronger. Sara began to stand outside on the front step to smoke many
times a day, in full sight of all the neighbors. Several of her mom's
volunteer associates just stared unapprovingly at her when they came by,
while other neighbors simply waved or called friendly greetings. Regardless,
she knew that her mom wouldn't be able to stand the idea of her daughter
being on display like that doing something so incorrect. Sara eventually set
herself up on the stoop with a folding chair and a old sand-urn ashtray that
she found in the basement, which started to draw some comment from
passers-by who saw here there at all hours. Kim thought this was hilarious
when she came to visit, and offered to make Sara one of those "Smoking
Permitted" signs to hang on the stoop, but the whole business was starting
to drive Michelle nuts. After a couple of days of further hostilities,
Michelle began to see that Sara had no intention of giving in.

Finally, Sara was grudgingly given permission to smoke at home. As far as
she was concerned, it was just in time, for she was being increasingly
distracted by her growing need to smoke and the only way to satisfy it was
by being able to smoke all day long. She soon began to take advantage of her
situation, just as Kim had done previously, and within weeks she too was up
to better than a pack a day. She started to love the act of inhaling deeply,
enjoying the sensations when she would fill her lungs with the cool smoke,
and her eyes would sparkle with anticipation of the pleasure she was about
to provide herself every time she prepared to light up. Smoking now felt as
natural to Sara as breathing, and for her smoking wasn't so much about
needing the nicotine as it was wanting to enjoy the sensations it gave her,
although she had no doubt that she was addicted now too. Cigarettes acted as
a substitute for some of the parental support she missed since her dad had
left, and Sara soon looked on them as a dependable friend who let her escape
from some of her troubles, at least for a little while. 

Over the months, Michelle slowly adjusted to her daughter's need to smoke -
she could at least  appreciate the power it exerted, from her own history -
and, surprisingly to Sara, she began to relax her attitude towards it, even
to the point where she eventually agreed to buy an occasional carton of
cigarettes for Sara when she went shopping with her each week. Sara began to
experiment with different brands, and she was curious to try her mom's old
B&H Menthols since she still had fond memories of her first puffs of those
so many years ago. She discovered that her memory was accurate, as she liked
the full-flavor B&Hs better than the Salem Light 100s she had always smoked
with Linda and Kim, and eventually switched full-time to her mom's old
standby. The new arrangement also allowed Sara the choice of spending more
time at home, since she no longer had to flee to the Petersens whenever she
needed to smoke, and her and Michelle at least began to communicate a little
better if nothing else. Now Michelle's barbs were usually directed at Sara's
choice of clothes rather than her smoking. Sara had gotten into the slacker
look to some extent, mostly out of protest over her situation than for any
real liking of it, and her wardrobe these days consisted largely of
overalls, oversized plaid shirts and ripped blue jeans, and she had taken to
wearing a turned-around baseball cap much of the time as well. The contrast
to her former pretty little-girl dresses could not have been more extreme,
and Michelle let Sara know she didn't like it one bit. 

Over time, Sara adjusted to life without her dad, but as the six months
began to draw to a close, she was looking forward to his return. She was at
home alone one weekend morning - Michelle was off exercising again - and was
sitting at the kitchen table enjoying a B&H and a cup of coffee while she
browsed through the newspaper. She was startled to hear the front door open,
for she wasn't expecting her mom back any time soon, and turned to see Bill
standing there, dragging in a pile of luggage. "Daddy!!!," Sara cried, and
ran towards him and threw herself into his arms, hugging and kissing him.
"What are you doing here? I thought you weren't supposed to be here till
tomorrow?!? Oh, daddy, I'm so glad you're back!"

Bill separated himself a little from Sara's clutches and took a step back.
"Oh, I thought I'd surprise you," he said with a grin. "They were able to
change some connections around and by flying all night they were able to get
me in here today. Hope I didn't surprise you too much, honey. Let me look at
you," he said, suddenly noticing what she held in her hand. "When did you
start smoking?"

"Oh, this...," she said, glancing at the B&H she had forgotten about in the
excitement. "Actually, daddy, I've been smoking for a while, but I only told
mom about it a few months ago. She went nuts just like you'd expect at
first, but she lets me smoke here now. I hope you don't mind."

"Honey, I can hardly mind, now, can I?," he said with a grin, reaching for
his Marlboro Light 100s and lighting one up for himself. "No, of course I
don't mind that you smoke. I started when I was your age, and believe it or
not, so did your mother from what I recall. Maybe I'll be able to smoke
around here too now. The last going off she had me pretty much restricted to
the deck out back. C'mon, let's sit down for a while and talk, shall we? I
need to know what else has been going on here since I've been away," he
said, leading her into the family room. 

Over the next hour, Sara and Bill began to catch up on each other's news
that they had missed from the phone calls and letters they had exchanged. He
took pleasure in offering his daughter a light when she decided to have
another one of her cigarettes, and thought she looked absolutely beautiful
as a smoker. Sara had confessed her entire smoking history to him when he
had asked her about her habit, and while he was dumbfounded when she told
him she started smoking at age 9, he secretly loved the idea that his
daughter was now so devoted to her habit. As midday approached, Bill offered
to take her to lunch and she quickly agreed since she didn't expect Michelle
back until mid-afternoon. When they arrived at the restaurant and were
seated in the smoking section, Bill was stuck once more by how incredible
the change in Sara had been over the last 6 months. She had begun a growing
spurt before he left and it had continued while he was gone. He looked
closely as she sat across from him scanning the menu and smoking one of her
long white B&Hs in a graceful, experienced style. He was forced to admit to
himself that despite her grunge outfit she wore there was no denying that
she looked like a very sexy young lady now, no longer the freckle-faced
little girl he remembered. He wondered enviously how many young guys were
admiring her these days, thinking back to himself at that age and how he
would have reacted. At least, he hoped admiring was all they were doing.

After they ate, they sat and talked for a long time, drinking coffee and
smoking. The conversation moved back in time from recent events to what had
led to the growing tension between Bill and Michelle. Sara finally asked her
dad what she had been dying to know for months. "Daddy, why do you think mom
changed? I mean, I noticed it a few years ago myself, and I guess from what
you've told me here that it affected you even more. But what caused it all?"

"Honey, if I knew that...," Bill said, reaching for one of his Marlboros.
Sara decided it was time for another B&H too, and she accepted a light from
her dad before he lit up himself. "But this...," he stated, "this would be a
good example. A few years ago your mom might have enjoyed something like
this, just sitting around, having a few cigarettes, talking about whatever,
just shooting the breeze, maybe even being a little silly. Not anymore. It
seems everything has to have a purpose now, that she can't afford to waste
any time on things that I just like to do for their own sake. She seemed to
think she had to be the perfect woman or something. She started spending all
her time at that damn gym, she quit smoking, she stopped eating meat, she
chopped off her hair, she joined all those groups, she started going 100
miles an hour... it was like she had decided she had to make up for all the
years she spent at home raising you and taking care of me. Everything was
scheduled and prioritized, just like I see every day at the office. Hell,
that's the last thing I want when I get home! And the more she did that, the
less she liked the way I just liked to kick back and relax sometimes. It was
like all of a sudden I wasn't good enough for her anymore. I felt like I was
married to my boss! I tried talking to her about it, but every time I said
something she took it as criticism and that just made matters worse. I
dunno, maybe that's what they mean when they say people grow apart. All I
know is that when she decided to try and be perfect, she started being a lot
less fun, and she turned into something other than the girl I married."

Sara thought about what she had just heard. It matched up with what she had
seen, and like her dad, she didn't like it either. She decided to offer him
a little hope. "I think maybe she realizes some of that now, daddy," she
said. "I know that we talked a little the last month or so about things, and
I think she knows that maybe she changed too much. But I don't know if she
knows what she needs to do."

"Well, honey, it's not like I haven't told her. Maybe she'd listen more to
you than me. I want to stay, and I intend to tough it out here as long as I
can, because I know I want to be here for you as your father, and with your
mom as my wife, but only if she really is the woman I knew when I married
her. I wouldn't do anything to hurt you, you know that. But I have to tell
you that if it goes bad again this time and I have to leave, I won't be
coming back."

Sara remembered her dad's promise over the next few weeks as she watched her
parents try to put their marriage back together. Things were better for a
while, but only just barely. Michelle did seem to be making an effort to be
a little more easy-going and was trying to spend a little more time with
Bill and Sara, but even at that it was obvious that she was uncomfortable
with some of the things they did and they detected some resentment directed
towards them concerning the time she was missing from her usual activities.
While she would no longer unleash her sharp tongue at them in criticism the
way she did before the separation, there were still sarcastic remarks or
significant looks that flew around the house at times when she disapproved
of something they did or didn't do. Most of the time these were directed at
Bill, and Sara became fearful that he was reaching the end of his rope. 

Bill had a week-long out-of-town business trip scheduled for a few weeks
after his return, so Sara and Michelle were back together by themselves.
After dinner that first evening, they were sitting at the dining room table
and Sara decided to probe her mom to see what she felt the problem was. They
had just made coffee and Sara retrieved her B&Hs and an ashtray and set them
on the table. She lit up as she now always did after a meal, and decided to
try and draw her mother out. As she finished a long puff and began a deep
inhale, she decided that maybe talking about smoking might be one way into
the maze of beliefs that her mom's mind contained, and might give her a clue
as to why things had happened the way they had.

"Mom, when you smoked, did you like it?," Sara asked.

"What a question, Sara! Why did you think I quit? I hated it!," Michelle
responded.

"You must not always have hated it, though... I mean, why would you ever
have started? I know how much I like it now... didn't you?"

Michelle paused before answering. Finally, she replied, "Well, yes, I
suppose I did like it once. That was before I realized how terrible it was.
You will too, some day, young lady!,": she lectured, shaking her finger
towards Sara as she inhaled another long puff.

"Mom, c'mon. We agreed, didn't we, that you wouldn't criticize my smoking
any more?," Sara replied calmly, blowing out smoke. "I'm just curious,
that's all. I like it a lot, and I wonder what you liked about it, that's
all. I wonder if they're at all the same things."

Michelle considered the question for a bit, then answered. "Oh, I suppose I
liked it for the reason most people do. I just got used to the feeling it
gave me. That's why I got hooked, because I just kind of let it sneak up on
me. After that, I just had to keep smoking to keep getting that feeling. It
satisfied me, I guess, that's the best way to put it."

Sara volunteered, "That's sort of what happened to me too, I guess. I just
love that feeling now. When I inhale...," Sara paused to take another long
puff, then drew it deeply into her lungs. She began to speak while exhaling,
"oh, that just feels so cool. I can't imagine ever giving it up now. Don't
you miss it, even a little bit?"

Michelle had watched and listened to this display, and was amazed to
discover that she was feeling a little envious of her daughter. A thought
crossed her mind for a split-second that she would love to try it once more
herself, before she dismissed it. Still, she didn't feel particularly
threatened now by the conversation, so she answered honestly, "At times,
sure. I think once you've smoked you never really get it out of your system.
But I need to stay off them."

"But don't you think you could have one now and then if you really felt like
one? What's wrong with something if it makes you happy?," Sara asked. "Why
is it so important for you to stay away from them?"

"None of my friends smoke, and in fact they all despise it. I could never
smoke around them and still be their friend. And it would play hell with my
aerobics. It's just not acceptable to smoke these days," Michelle finally
responded. "That's why I quit. It became a pain. People look down on you now
because of it. People who smoke just have no respect for themselves."

"Geez, mom, I smoke. So does daddy. What does that make us? Wait," she said,
holding up her hand in anticipation of a retort from her mother. "I'm not
being critical or arguing with you," she said softly. "It's just that you
seemed to say that we couldn't be close to you because we smoke. And that
maybe you look down on us because of it. Is that the reason things have been
bad around here? Don't you respect us any more?," Sara asked, talking a puff
for effect.

This question hit Michelle right between the eyes. She had never really
considered that possibility before, at least not consciously. She waited a
long time before answering slowly, "I don't know... I... don't... think
so..." before pausing. 

"Because, if it is, then there's going to be a problem, mom. I'm not going
to give up smoking anytime soon, and neither is daddy. But if that's a
problem for you, then things are going to be bad around here for a long
time. I really wish you'd change your attitude. We're just people who like
to smoke. It doesn't make us bad people. But sometime it seems you treat us
that way. Especially daddy," Sara added, crushing out her cigarette. "Just
because you like different things now, it doesn't mean we're worth any less,
or that you're any better. You used to be like us, remember? I think all we
want is for you to respect us for what we are and all of the things we do,
not just single out the things you don't like, whether it's our smoking or
his barbeque or my clothes."

Michelle sat and stared at her daughter, her mouth hanging slightly open.
She was stunned at the words she was hearing. She had never expected Sara to
come up with something out of the blue like that, and it struck a nerve.
Could she be right? Michelle considered her daughter's words as she began to
feel her eyes start to water. It suddenly hit her. Sara was right, dead on
the money. She thought back on the lowlights of the last few years, and as
she did, she realized that it was her attitude in almost every case that
made things worse. It had started with her not respecting Bill for his
smoking after she had quit, but it had just snowballed into a whole series
of other perceived shortcomings. How had she been so blind? What was it that
caused her to almost throw away all of the good things she had? Was it just
the way she had tried to be like the other trendy women at the health club
and in the volunteer association that had led to all this? Michelle felt a
sudden hole in her midsection as she began to realize that was exactly what
had caused all the grief they had experienced. She suddenly realized that
they were something she was not, and that she had been a fool for trying to
emulate them. The watery eyes turned into full-fledged tears, and she buried
her face in the linen napkin from the dinner table. 

Sara sat quietly now and, slightly stunned, watched her mother. She was a
more than a little taken aback and hadn't expected a reaction like this. She
hadn't planned those words in advance, they had just come from the heart.
But obviously they meant something to Michelle. Finally she saw her mom
raise her head and wipe her eyes. Still sniffling, she looked at her
daughter and began to speak.

"I'm sorry, honey. You just made me realize something for the first time. I
just never expected this...," she said with an embarrassed look on her face
as she bit her lip, indicating her emotions. "I think maybe you just taught
me something. Can you ever forgive me? Sara, I never meant to cause all
this, I really didn't. I'm so sorry, honey... I'm sorry for all of the
problems we've had the last while. You're right, I have been terribly unfair
to both of you. I don't know why I became that way, I really don't. But
you've really given me something to think about tonight."

Sara smiled at her mom and reached over to embrace her. She was shocked at
the sudden outpouring of emotion she had just witnessed, and felt a little
badly for her mom. But if it meant that she had begun to realize how things
needed to change, then maybe it would be for the best. As they separated,
she felt they could both use a bit of a break. "Oh, mom, I just want us to
all be happy, that's all. Please don't take what I said the wrong way. Let's
not talk about that any more right now, OK? Would you like another cup of
coffee? I know I could sure use one!," she said with a relieved smile.
Michelle nodded, again wiping away a tear, as Sara rose from the table to
retrieve the carafe from the kitchen and refill their cups. Sitting down at
the table, she again reached for her B&Hs and lit one. She inhaled a long
puff reflexively before placing the cigarette in the ashtray to let her stir
her coffee.

**

End of Part 6

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