Worth Sacrificing for, Part 4

This fictional account contains adult language and themes.  If such language
and themes offend you, please do not read further.  The persons and events
described in this work are purely fictional.  Any similarity to actual persons
or events is strictly coincidental.  Copyright 2001 by SSTORYMAN.  All rights
reserved.  Permission is hereby granted to reproduce this story in any form
and for any purpose as long as this notice is reproduced and no financial
remuneration is received, directly or indirectly, by the person reproducing
it.

WORTH SACRIFICING FOR


4.	Some Things Change; Some Things Stay the Same.

   Jenny spent Saturday night alone.  She kept smoking whenever she felt like
it, which was now more than ever.  The more she smoked, the more she wanted
to, and the more she enjoyed it.  That afternoon on her way home from the mall
she bought a carton of Salem Lights 100's.  Buying them by the pack was too
frustrating, and too expensive.  Since she was smoking so much, she needed
more cigarettes on hand.  When Valerie said she would buy a carton, Jenny
decided to, too.  After all, she was a real smoker now, like Valerie.  And she
knew real smokers always buy their cigarettes by the carton!

   At bedtime, she stopped to count.  She'd again increased her cigarette
consumption.  Her old record was one pack smoked in a day.  But Saturday she
finished off a pack and a half; thirty cigarettes!  She felt incredibly good,
too; better than usual.  She liked her ever-increasing nicotine appetite.
That night she went to bed happy.

   Sunday she spent the day at home alone.  She used to get stir-crazy at
home, but that was before she turned into a smoker.  The ability to smoke
whenever she wanted made staying home a treat.  She curled up with a novel and
read, smoked, and watched some TV.

   Eric showed up at five.  Despite the Friday night call, he was in a good
mood.  They rented a movie, ordered a pizza, and spent the evening at her
place.  Jenny showed off some recent enhancements to her smoking style,
including the smoke rings she'd worked on.  He was enthralled.  They finally
had to stop the movie so they could make love on the couch.  She was elated.
On Friday Eric seemed irritated about her smoking at work, but he gave every
indication of being fine with her increased consumption.  In fact, he couldn't
take his eyes off her.  Every time she lit up, he stared.  Maybe his
irritation in "figuring out the whole messy business" was connected with
something going on in San Diego, and not anything to do with her.

   Eric left early Monday morning to stop at his place before going to the
office.  After he was gone, Jenny curled up in bed to enjoy her first
cigarette of the day.  It had become her usual practice before getting up.  It
tasted so good that morning that she chained into a second one.  She still
felt tingly after making love with Eric.  She let her second cigarette dangle,
and her fingers found their way to her sweet spot.  She pleasured herself
while smoking.  Solo or with Eric, there was something special about smoking
and sex.  It didn't take long for her to get fully aroused, and she soon
climaxed, long before her cigarette was down to the filter.

   She had two more cigarettes with breakfast, and two in the car driving to
work.  By eight thirty Monday morning she'd had six; and was already looking
forward to her morning smoke break.  This one would be with both Valerie and
Kandi!

   At ten Valerie met Jenny at her desk.  They joined Kandi and her friend
Sally.  The four girls went out to the smoking area.  Valerie was nervous, but
her stress evaporated when she lit up a Marlboro Menthol Light 100.  She'd
returned to her old brand and her old habit with a vengeance.  She said she
was back up to a pack a day again already, after only two days back.

   Everyone liked Valerie.  She was funny and vivacious.  They were delighted
she was joining the group.  That morning eight people were smoking outside,
including Mike Conrad.  Jenny couldn't help noticing he was good looking.
Mike once more flirted with her and, this time, flirted a little with Valerie,
too, calling them 'newbies.'

   "Mike really _likes_ you, Jenny," Kandi teased as the girls ascended the
stairs.  "He never gives anyone that kind of attention!  Of course, it's not
hard to figure.  You _are_ a very, very attractive girl!"  Her eyes sparkled
as she said it.

   "Gosh, thanks, Kandi," Jenny blushed.  "But I'm sure it's not serious.
He's probably just glad to see some new blood in the water, so to speak.
Nothing more."

   "Oh, I don't know," Sally chimed in.  She was a wiry brunette with short
hair in her mid-thirties.  "Kandi's got a good sense for that.  She can tell
when someone's getting the hots for someone else in the office.  I won't be
surprised if you get a call from Mike, asking you out."

   "Well, he'll be disappointed," Jenny replied, opening the door to the
second floor.  "I'm with Eric.  He's not about to leave me."  She winked at
Valerie, who knew what she referred to.  "Like I said, I'm off the market."

   Kandi grinned.  "If Mike's interested, that won't stop him from calling.
He's a big boy.  He can take being turned down.  I bet you hear from him by
the end of the week, and sooner if you keep coming out on breaks."

   "You're wrong," Jenny predicted.  "It's flattering, but I don't believe it.
He's a maintenance guy, for God's sake; I'm almost a vice president.  No way
he'll ask me out.  There's too much status difference."

   "Don't be sure," Kandi replied as she and Sally stopped at their work
stations.  "You both smoke.  You have that in common.  Don't be too full of
yourself, Jenny.  You're still just a girl, and he's still a guy.  Plus, I
agree with Sally.  I think he _really_ likes you."

   Jenny couldn't imagine going out with Mike.  She had Eric, and he was a
great catch.  In her younger days she played the field, often sleeping with
two or three guys simultaneously, usually unknown to them.  But she didn't
want to jeopardize her relationship with Eric.  Anyway, like she said, Mike
was good looking, and nice, but he was a maintenance man.  She wanted better
things in life; status, money and prestige.  Mike offered none of them.  She
dismissed any thought of dating Mike Conrad.

   Later Valerie, Kandi and Sally went with Jenny to lunch at Giovanni's.
They invited Mike to come, but he declined.  He couldn't leave the grounds
over the lunch hour.

   Jenny's friends agreed Giovanni's was a great alternative to having lunch
behind the building at the picnic tables.  The next day they returned to the
restaurant, and they ate there again on Wednesday.  The entourage of female
smokers liked eating there together, in addition to taking their morning and
afternoon breaks as a group.  Hanging out with the girls, all of whom smoked,
felt very satisfying to Jenny.

   Valerie quickly transitioned back into being a voracious smoker.  By the
end of her first week she admitted to Jenny she was smoking well over a pack a
day.  She still felt guilty.  She worried about the long-term health risks.
But the pleasure of renewing her old addiction, this time with her friend
Jenny, tipped the scale.  Jenny was confident that Valerie was back, and this
time for good.  She was glad.  She liked hanging out with her and smoking with
her friend.

   Wednesday afternoon, shortly after returning from lunch at Giovanni's,
Jenny got a call from Charisse.  She asked her to come to her office.  She
did, and got a surprising warning.

   "Jenny, you've ruined Giovanni's for me," she solemnly announced.

   "What do you mean?  All I did was take Kandi, Sally and Valerie.  It's not
ruined."

   Charisse sighed.  "You don't understand.  I went to Giovanni's to smoke at
lunch.  No one from Sargon went there.  Now it's ruined.  You and your friends
have been there every day this week."

   "Yeah, but you can eat there, too.  You can even join us.  The other girls
won't care."

   "I'm sure they wouldn't," she replied.  "But you don't understand.  I can't
let _anyone_ know I smoke.  I hope to God you haven't said anything to your
new smoking friends."

   "Oh, of course not," she fibbed.  "You asked me not to.  But I don't get
it.  Sally, Kandi and Valerie would never say anything."

   "You never know, Jenny.  I hesitated telling you I smoke, but I knew I
could trust you.  Those girls, I'm not so sure.  Now that you eat there, I
need a new place to smoke at lunch."

   "But why, Charisse?  What are you so afraid of?"

   Charisse leaned forward in her chair.  "You haven't been a smoker long
enough, Jenny.  There's an almost paranoid anti-smoking sentiment among the
top executives here.  And not just here.  Throughout the business community
smokers are discriminated against.  As a black woman, I know about
discrimination.  I can sense it in unspoken attitudes.  I can almost smell it.
No one admits it, but they look down on us.  You're considered less of a
person if you smoke."  She released a long sigh.  "I wish it wasn't true,
Jenny, but it is.  I can't risk anyone at the company finding out I smoke.
Frankly, you can't, either."

   "What do you mean?"

   "I mean, very soon the company will appoint a new assistant vice president
in the finance department.  I've been campaigning for you to get the job.  But
hanging out with the smokers, you're hurting yourself."

   "That's bullshit.  I can't believe people pay attention to where I go to
lunch or whether I smoke on breaks.  Why would they care?"

   "Not only do they pay attention, Jenny, they talk about it.  Did you know,
for example, that people in the company already call you girls the 'smoking
lunch bunch'?"

   "No!"

   "Oh, yes," Charisse went on.  "You see, the president has a certain image
he wants his executives to convey.  You're already middle management, which is
good.  But making it to the next level requires you to meet his unspoken
criteria.  Being a smoker is a strike against you."

   "C'mon, Charisse.  You're kidding, right?"

   "I wish.  He doesn't like vice presidents to be controversial.  He prefers
his execs to be married, preferably with two kids and a big, fat mortgage on a
house they can't afford.  Don't even think about being gay or bi-sexual.  And
you'd better join the right country club.  It's a total package.  Being a
woman is an advantage right now, because the president wants to look
progressive in terms of gender.  Being black is even better.  But a smoker?
Well, you can kill your career chances by publicly identifying with the
nicotine crowd."

   Jenny shook her head.  "So, are you saying I should go back in the closet,
and only smoke at home?"  She paused.  "I'm not sure I even could.  I'm
definitely sure I don't want to."

   "I'm just warning you, Jenny.  I'm not telling you what to do.  I'm still
fighting for you, too.  The battle's not over.  Being a smoker doesn't make
you less qualified.  We both know that.  But in an age where discrimination
against minorities is no longer sanctioned, the smoking minority is a notable
exception.  They don't like us, and they don't hide it, either."

   Jenny stuck out her chin.  "Well, I'm sure as hell not going to stop
smoking.  I love it, Charisse.  I really do.  God!  And I love hanging out
with the 'smoking lunch bunch,' as they call us."  She stopped and gasped.
"You don't think they'd fire me, do you?"

   Charisse laughed.  "They won't fire you.  Discrimination against smokers
isn't that blatant.  At least, not yet.  But in terms of a promotion, Jenny,
I'm warning you that you're making it really difficult for me to get it done."

   She shook her head.  "Thanks for the warning, Charisse.  I'm just not sure
there's anything I'm willing to do about it right now."

   Charisse shrugged.  "Suit yourself, kid.  Just don't ever say I didn't warn
you."

   Jenny walked back to her cubicle in a funk.  She was pissed off by
everything Charisse said; pissed, but realistic enough to know it was true.
Smoking was discouraged at Sargon.  She'd always known that.  She just never
realized how much.

   Even so, she had no intention of going back in the closet, let alone
quitting.  God forbid!  She'd made it this far, and she wasn't about to go
back, regardless of the cost.

   As she mulled over her discussion with Charisse, her phone rang.  It was
Eric.

   "Eric," she sighed happily.  "Why are you calling me here?  You never call
me at work!"

   He sounded perturbed.  "Jenny, I have to tell you something.  I don't want
you to be upset.  Please try to understand."

   More bad news, she feared.  Oh, shit!  "What is it, Eric?"

   "You remember we talked about the company party Friday night?  The one
hosted by the president?"

   Jenny knew it well.  She bought a new dress for the occasion.  "Sure.  What
about it?"

   "Well, people in the president's office are talking.  Your new persona as a
smoker has everyone's attention up there, and not in a good way."

   "So?"

   "I have to think about my career.  You being a smoker reflects badly on me,
if we come to the party together.  Even if you don't smoke there, which you
can't anyway, since it's at the president's home, they all know you smoke."
He paused.  "But I still have to bring a date.  I can't go alone.  So I asked
Sylvia Griffin instead of you."

   Jenny was stunned.  "Oh my God!  I don't believe it!  I started smoking
because you wanted me to.  Now you're dumping me because of it, for that
little shit, Sylvia Griffin?"

   "I'm not dumping you, Jenny.  I still like you, and I love to watch you
smoke.  It's just that, well, it's not smart for me to be seen with you in
social situations right now."

   Jenny's voice dripped with sarcasm.  "Oh, this is great!  You want to keep
me around as your secret smoking mistress, but we can't be seen in public?"

   Another pause.  "That's not it; not at all.  It's just that I can't take
you to this _particular_ party.  That's it.  Other than this, everything
continues just as it was."

   Jenny hated Sylvia Griffin.  The girl was a vapid, gold-digging
opportunist.  She was cute, and would be impressive as hell on Eric's arm.
But what an insult!  She sputtered out a reply.  "Look, Eric, this is really
shitty.  You know that, don't you?"

   "Yes, Jenny, it is, I know.  Please understand.  There's nothing I can do.
I have no choice, now that you're smoking all the time.  You're known as one
of the smokers.  And that's a political problem for me."

   "You hypocritical asshole!  If you think taking Sylvia to the party doesn't
change everything, you're dead wrong.  I expect loyalty, Eric.  Look, I
originally became a smoker because of you.  Okay, so I've learned to enjoy it.
So what?  That's not the point.  The point is, either we're together, or we're
not.  Which is it?"

   "Jenny, don't put it that way.  That's why I called here at the office, so
you wouldn't get so worked up.  Just think for a minute about my situation."

   She was fuming.  Despite her temper, she spoke quietly and firmly.  "No,
Eric, _you_ think about it.  Decide what you want.  If you want me, I have to
be yours everywhere, not just when it's expedient for your fuckin' corporate
image.  I can't live with that.  I won't let you take Sylvia Griffin as my
stand-in, someone you can take to company functions because you're too ashamed
of me and my smoking!"

   "Jenny, calm down.  Remember, I encouraged you to keep it under control.
But you couldn't, or wouldn't.  So this is what happens.  I still love you.
It's just that I have to think about my career," he repeated.

   "Eric, I have only one thing to say.  Fuck you!"  She slammed down the
receiver.

   Filled with rage, she picked up a paper weight from her desk-top.  She
wanted to throw it, but instead turned it over in her hands several times.
The paperweight wasn't what she wanted to have between her fingers at that
moment.  No, she wanted a cigarette!  It was dumb, but suddenly she felt she
just _had_ to smoke.

   She looked at the clock.  It was three thirty.  It'd been only half an hour
since her smoke break.  Technically, she wasn't supposed to take another one.
But screw the company rules.  She was upset, and she needed a cigarette!

   She slipped her Salem Lights 100's in her pocket and headed to the back
door with a sheaf of papers in hand.  If anyone saw, they'd think she was
heading elsewhere in the building for a meeting.

   She quickly descended the back staircase.  Fuck Eric!  She couldn't believe
his gall.  He had a lot of nerve to shove her aside.  Well, she'd show him.
If he thought he'd continue to get his 'fix' and see her smoke, well, he had
another think coming!

   Reaching the back door, she walked into the open air.  She shoved a
cigarette in her mouth as she headed to the picnic tables.  She lit up while
walking, taking a long drag and sucking smoke deep inside her troubled body.

   "What are you doing?  You were just here, weren't you?"

   She turned.  It was Mike Conrad.  "Oh, hi, Mike," she smiled weakly.  "I
just had to have another cigarette.  I just got disturbing news.  I thought a
smoke might help me calm down."

   The nicotine from her cigarette was already beginning its soothing effect.
She released a plume of smoke into the air after a particularly lengthy hold.

   "Can I help?"  His tall, muscular frame suddenly seemed very approachable.

   "No, not really," Jenny sighed.  "Just don't tell anyone you saw me out
here again."  She paused.  "Hey, wait a minute.  What are _you_ doing out
here?  You were with us at three.  How many breaks do _you_ get in the
afternoon?"

   Mike smiled.  He had a Benson & Hedges in his right hand.  "I'm head of
maintenance.  All my guys smoke.  I let them come out as often as they want,
as long as we're not behind on work."  He put his cigarette in his mouth and
took a drag.  "Don't worry, Jenny.  I won't say a word about your extra break.
We smokers have to stick together."

   "Amen," she muttered.  She hit again on her Salem.  The taste was heavenly.
It felt even better as the smoke traveled down her windpipe inside her lungs.
"People here are so down on smoking.  I never realized how bad, till I
started.  People keep telling me smoking's bad for my career.  Well, fuck
them!"

   "Jenny, if you're a smoker, like me, like Kandi, and like the rest of us,
there's nothing to be done about it.  So, take my advice.  Ignore them.  Don't
let it get you down."

   "I'm trying, believe me."  She smoked silently, taking rapid successive
drags and sucking smoke inside.  Mike looked as if he wanted to say something.
But he didn't.  He just watched.  Jenny tried not to notice, purposely looking
away and staring into space as she smoked.

   Finally, he spoke.  "Jenny, I'm glad it's just you and me out here.  I want
to ask you something.  I hope you won't think I'm hitting on you, because I'm
not really.  But I really do like you.  I wonder, would you be willing to go
out with me this Friday night if I asked?"

   She turned and smiled.  Ordinarily she wouldn't think of dating a guy like
Mike.  He'd never been to college, and was rough cut, to put it mildly.  But
he was sweet and good looking.  After being humiliated by Eric, the decision
was an easy one.  Going out with someone else would show Eric!  "Mike, I'd
love to go out with you this Friday, or any other night."  She smiled
graciously, trying to look more sincere than she felt.

   His face brightened.  My God, she thought, seeing his excited reaction.  He
was really nervous about asking me out!

   He stuttered.  "Wow, that's great.  How about if I pick you up at seven?
We'll go out to dinner and then do something else.  I don't know.  Maybe we
can catch a movie or something."

   Yeah, she'd show Eric.  She'd go out with Mike Conrad and enjoy herself.
If Eric thought he could control her, well, he was dead wrong.

   "Mike, I'm at Silver Shadow Apartments on the north side.  Do you know
where that is?"

   "Sure," he eagerly answered.  "God, this is great!  I'll really look
forward to it."

   "Me, too," Jenny smiled demurely.  Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.  "Me, too."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

   "Bowling?  My God!  I can't believe Mike Conrad took you bowling!"

   Jenny and Valerie settled in at a table in Hoolihan's smoking section.  It
was noon on Saturday.  Once again the two girls met for lunch before some
shopping.

   "Yeah, well, he did.  And you know what?  It was really fun!"

   "God, tell me all about it.  What happened?"

   "Well, he picked me up at seven," Jenny began.  "I couldn't believe it.  He
drives a pickup, for God's sake!  It's a nice one, but it's still a fuckin'
pickup.  I never thought I'd date a man who didn't drive something like a BMW
or Lexus.  Sometimes life surprises you.  I was dressed up; over-dressed, it
turned out.  Mike wore jeans and a western shirt.  We went to a little
restaurant, a bar, really, for dinner, the kind of place with peanut shells on
the floor, if you know what I mean."  She laughed as Valerie nodded.  "But it
was nice.  It was a loose place, not stuffy or pretentious.  We had a
surprisingly good dinner.  Then Mike suggested we go bowling."

   "And what did you do?"

   "I almost peed my pants," Jenny giggled.  "I hadn't bowled since high
school!  I always thought it was a really, I don't know, a really dumb,
blue-collar way to spend an evening.  But real soon I found out why Mike likes
to bowl.  It's the same reason I had a great time.  Can you guess?  It's
because we could smoke the whole time!  And oh my God, did we smoke!  Mike lit
'em up one after another, and I did, too.  It was so cool.  I had cigarettes
burning the entire time we were there."  She grinned.  "It was great!"

   Valerie had lit up a cigarette.  Jenny took a pack from her purse.  Valerie
whistled.  "Hey, wait!  That's Mike's brand, Benson & Hedges 100's, full
flavored.  You're smoking his brand?"

   Jenny nodded.  "Yep," she answered, deftly placing a long white cigarette
in her mouth and flicking her disposable lighter.  "Like I said, we smoked a
ton at dinner and then even more at the bowling alley."  She paused to exhale
a thick cloud of smoke.  "Like a dope, I only had a little over half a pack
with me.  I ran out by the time we finished our first game bowling.  Mike
says, 'No problem' and shared his.  I smoked his B&H 100's the rest of the
night.  And God, I like 'em!  They're stronger than my Salems; they have a
real robust tobacco taste."  To emphasize, she took a long, hard drag on her
B&H.  "So, this morning, I bought myself a couple packs of these."  She
released a plume of smoke into the air.  "I'm through with menthols, and with
lights, too.  From now on, I'm smoking these Benson & Hedges 100's!  They're
real good!"

   Valerie shook her head.  "That's the final step, you know, Jen."

   Jenny frowned.  "What do you mean?"

   "That's the final step to being a one hundred percent, completely addicted,
smoker.  You're smoking constantly, and you also graduated to a full flavor
brand.  Congratulations, Jenny King.  There's no turning back now.  You've
finally arrived."

   Jenny nodded.  "Yeah, I see what you mean," she agreed, pausing for another
drag.  "I do like to smoke _so_ much.  Being with Mike made me realize how
much I've changed the last couple weeks.  Last night I wanted to smoke.  I
mean, I _really_ wanted to, constantly, all night long.  That's what makes
bowling a perfect activity.  I could smoke the whole time.  But I didn't tell
you the best part.  Guess who showed up and joined us?"

   Valerie shrugged.  "I don't know.  Who?"

   "It turns out Kandi dates Mike's brother.  That's why Mike kids her all the
time.  It's also why she always tells Mike she's already taken.  His brother
is her boyfriend.  So Kandi and Roger, his brother, show up.  The four of us
drank beer, smoked and bowled for awhile.  It was really cool."  She raised
her right arm and winced.  "I have to admit, though, I'm sore.  Last night I
used muscles I forgot I had!"

   "You know what?  You've changed in lots of other ways. too.  You'd never
have gone bowling with a guy like Mike, and you wouldn't have had a good time.
What happened to the snobby, stuck-up girl I used to know, who only dated men
on their way up the corporate ladder?"

   Jenny smiled.  "I don't know.  I went out with Mike to hurt Eric.  I didn't
expect to have a good time.  But I sure as hell did!  And you know the best
part?  I was with a guy who likes to smoke just as much as I do!  There's
something so cool about being with a guy who doesn't feel he has to apologize
for smoking, or for being a smoker.  Now that I smoke, I don't think I'll ever
again date a guy who doesn't share my passion for smoking!  From now on, I
want someone who understands that love as much as I do."

   "So, are you going to see Mike again?"

   "You bet!  After we finished bowling, Mike drove me back to my place.  I
invited him to come in for a drink and, well, one thing led to another . . .
."

   Valerie gave her a look of mock distress.  "You slept with him on the first
date?"

   "I sure did," she gushed.  "Mike's great in bed, better than Eric.  Eric's
like a sprinter running a hundred yard dash.  Bang, he's done, in no time
flat!  But Mike is different.  He's like a marathon runner.  He keeps going
and going and . . . ."  She giggled.  "Mike's slow and understanding.  He
wanted me to feel good.  And God, did I ever!"

   "I admit I'm a little jealous," Valerie exclaimed.  "So for all his
prestige and power at the company, Eric isn't half the man Mike is?"

   "That's it.  And if I hadn't started smoking, I'd never have gone out with
Mike.  So smoking led me into what may be my best relationship in a long
time."  She put a second B&H in her mouth and lit up.  "I also love my new
friendship with Benson & Hedges," she sighed happily.  "They're almost as good
as Mike is!"

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